With the loss of Luhan, EXO is whittled down to 10.

The rooms shift after both Kris and Luhan leave. It takes some time, but the two groups are essentially assimilated. Not clearly split into EXO-K and EXO-M any more, they live together, promote together, for the most part anyways.

It isn’t really a surprise to any of them that Jongdae ends up rooming with Yixing. It would have been shocking to have any other arrangement, really.

Yixing practices more these days. When he’s not busy with his own promotions, his endless discussions with management, he traps himself in the practice rooms, singing and dancing until his body can no longer move.

When asked why, he tells the others that it’s because he needs to step up now that both Kris and Luhan are gone. He can’t do too much about the rap – Tao has been working overtime for that too – but with one of M’s main singers gone, Yixing has to take on a greater role, has to work harder to fill the gaps.

Jongdae knows better.

He’s been there, in the practice rooms, when Yixing is practicing late at night. It’s not like Yixing doesn’t already have all the parts memorized – he’d always been smart like that, had always helped monitor their pronunciation during practices – but to sing them well, sing them with the emotion or feeling that the song deserved, that was another matter entirely. At least, that’s what Yixing tells them.

But when Jongdae heads down one night, bearing a familiar thermos filled with familiar honey green tea, he finds Yixing singing a song that they’d already agreed to pull from future performances, to abandon and never sing again.

It’s not the instrumental track that’s playing. The vocals are still there, and above Yixing’s pained voice, Jongdae can hear Luhan’s distinctive sound.

The practice rooms aren’t all that soundproof, after all, even though it’s meant to be a place for them to practice undisturbed.

Jongdae had come down only to offer Yixing a drink to take care of his throat, and a gentle reminder that he didn’t have to overwork himself, but instead he found himself stopping outside the room, the thermos placed silently on the ground, one hand on the door, the other against his heart.

Yixing only sings Luhan’s parts, knows exactly which lines are his, which harmonies he sings, follows the melody perfectly. Jongdae listens to Yixing and thinks that this is the first time he has heard the song sung with this amount of emotion.

Luhan had never truly understood the loss in the song, after all, while Yixing understands it all too well.

The song fades with Yixing’s last words, and Jongdae pushes the door open.

Yixing is kneeling on the ground, slumped, looking broken. Just as he had so many months ago, just as he has done every so often in the past few months, Jongdae carefully wraps his arms around Yixing from behind, a silent reminder that he’s not alone, that he doesn’t have to go through this alone.

For the first time, Yixing doesn’t apologize. He remains silent, unmoving in Jongdae’s arms, and stays that way for a long time.

“I… I feel closest to him when I’m singing his songs.”

Jongdae bites his lip hard, doesn’t say anything, lets Yixing speak.

“I wonder, did he feel anything when he sang this? Did he understand what he was singing? Or did he only pretend, the way he did with me?”

Jongdae has to remind himself that he’s actually hugging Yixing, not to squeeze too tightly, not to hurt him, but Yixing feels his arms stiffen regardless and lets out a tiny choked laugh.

“Do you know, I’ve been pretending all this time too? Pretending I didn’t see, didn’t hear, didn’t know. Pretending I was with Luhan when I was with you.”

Jongdae had known. He’d known that when he hugged Yixing like this, he was only a replacement, but it still hurts to have it out in the open.

“It’s why I always apologized to you, you know.”

He did know. Jongdae shuts his eyes and doesn’t let go.

Yixing places one hand on Jongdae’s, squeezing lightly. “But you know…? I didn’t do that today.”

Jongdae freezes, his eyes snapping open, but Yixing continues on. “I didn’t. I knew it was you. I wanted it to be you.” Yixing twists in Jongdae’s arms, turns to look up at him. There’s a soft smile on his lips, bittersweet, but somehow… lighter than before.

“I wanted to see you, Jongdae.”

There are no more lies, no more secrets left between them. Everything is out in the open now.

Their eyes are open, and there’s nothing left to hide.

This time, it is Jongdae that cries, tears of relief, of catharsis. Yixing is the one that holds him tight, hugs him close, lets him know that he isn’t alone.

Not anymore.

***

A/N: This is officially the longest story I have written and posted in its entirety. This is also, arguably, one of my best works to date. I'm rather proud of it.
However, there's still things I can improve on, things that I can do better, write better. Things that I could have changed. 

I want to thank you for accompanying me on this journey. I hope that you were able to enjoy this story, that you felt your time wasn't wasted while reading it. Thank you for all your support, and I hope we meet again ^^
 

HOWEVER
Technically, this story is not yet fully complete.
There's a lot of things that I planned to put into the story, scenes maybe that didn't fit in the story proper but I want to write regardless, so there are extra chapters that will go up eventually. If there's anything you particularly want to see, please tell me! A lot of these will probably be written at some point or another, but they're not prewritten the way the rest of this fic was, so updates will be VERY slow. 

Examples of scenes I'm considering writing:
A chapter from Kris' point of view, what he's thinking when he sees Luhan, when he sees Yixing, when he looks at himself in the mirror. Probably also covers how he and Luhan got together.
A chapter a few years later, when Luhan and Yixing inevitably meet again.
A chapter a few years later, when Kris visits Exo - or really, just one person in Exo.
A small scene about Yixing's ring, about Luhan's ring, about letting go and moving on. Tungsten carbide is one of the strongest metals - durable, can't be scratched easily - but oddly, is also one of the most brittle.
A scene paralleling the first chapter, except it's Jongdae and Yixing's anniversary, and Yixing can't help but wonder if he's fooling himself all over again.

If there's anything you want to see more of, certain characters that didn't get much exposure in this fic (cough Tao) feel free to let me know as well!