When promotions finally begin, everything falls to the wayside.

Yixing – no, Lay, now that they’re back on stage – throws himself into practice, into preparation, trying to forget, trying to pretend.

During their interviews and appearances on television and radios, they seem like the same group as always. Teasing, inclusive, always talking, never silent, always able to poke fun at each other, as though the tense days in the dorm never happened.

Luhan continues to pick Lay for most things, clinging to him, talking about how they’ve been together for so long that they can no longer be apart. Their banter on air is the same as always, playful, teasing, loving, just enough to be considered strong fanservice without going overboard.

Lay laughs, is delighted with Luhan’s constant attention, sometimes plays hard to get, but always ends up at Luhan’s side.

Yixing can only wonder how much of what Luhan says is true, how much of it relates to their current situation.

We’ve been together for so long, we might as well continue, right?

Yixing hopes that’s not the only reason Luhan is staying with him.

He hopes it’s not the only reason that he’s staying with Luhan.

***

Jongdae no longer checks his room before sleeping on the couch.

Yixing still checks his room before inviting Jongdae in.

This is the difference between them – the hope that Yixing still clings to, the hope that refuses to fade.

When Yixing’s hope is fulfilled, he still takes the time to shake Jongdae awake, tell him to go back to his own room to sleep. Jongdae never does. Even if Luhan isn’t there, Jongdae finds he can’t sleep in that room in good conscience. He would rather spend a night on the couch, many nights on the couch, than sleep in the same room that Kris and Luhan have occupied.

When Yixing’s hope isn’t fulfilled, he still takes the time to shake Jongdae awake, tell him to come over and sleep. Jongdae always does. Even though Jongdae finds he can’t sleep next to Yixing in good conscience, he still follows Yixing obediently in. He would rather wake in the middle of the night to Yixing pressed against his back, whispering “Jongdae, you’re dreaming,” than let Yixing suffer through this alone.

But regardless of who Yixing sleeps with in the night, regardless of how early he gets up in the morning, he always wakes up alone, the bed beside him barely warm, only the faintest hint that someone was there at all.

Yixing wonders if he’ll ever wake up next to someone again, if he’ll ever wake up next to Luhan again. When he wakes up alone, he lets his eyes shut again, lets himself wish, lets himself dream.

***

Yixing gets his wish, he supposes.

He wakes up to furious shouting, loud enough to rouse even the deepest sleeper, and he blinks blearily, the situation not yet clear to him. There’s someone pressed against him, stiff, uncomfortable, and Yixing’s brow furrows.

“Luhan? Is that you?” He rubs at his eyes, glances up at Luhan, then down at Jongdae.

Wait.

Suddenly, Yixing is wide awake, as though he’s been doused with cold water, freezing his heart. It finally registers what Luhan is yelling at him for.

Jongdae is lying against him, back facing Yixing, the way he always sleeps when they’re together, and Yixing can’t read his face from this angle. He doesn’t have to. Jongdae is stiff and still against him, as silent as Luhan is loud, and Yixing can guess what he must be feeling.

Luhan’s face, as expressive as always, shows so much anger, and despite himself, Yixing feels an answering rage rising in his heart. How can Luhan stand here and have the nerve to blame him for this, when he’s the one that has left Yixing alone, when he’s the one that has essentially forced Jongdae out of his own bed and into Yixing’s?

Luhan rages on, his voice becoming louder with each word, and Yixing says nothing, does nothing, stares blankly ahead as Luhan yells at him screams at him cries at him until he runs out of breath and can only glare at him with red eyes.

“Don’t just stare at me like that, say something!” Luhan yells at last, and Yixing swallows in the silence that follows.

“I didn’t do anything. We didn’t do anything. We were only sleeping. Nothing more.”

The Chinese language is very clear on the distinction between sleeping beside someone and sleeping with someone*. But Luhan isn’t satisfied.

“I come back here to you two cuddling together – you had him in your arms! You were hugging him to sleep! What am I supposed to think when I see this, Yixing?”

If you had stayed with me, you wouldn’t be seeing this at all, would you?

Yixing has to physically bite back the words, has to clamp his teeth on the inside of his lip in order to stop himself from speaking, but Luhan barges on without pause.

“I can’t believe you would do this – you of all people – I trusted you, I love you – how could you do this to me?”

The door to their room is still open. Yixing can hear the other members at the doorway to their room, though he doesn’t turn to look. He should have expected it, really. Luhan is hardly being quiet, and the dorm had never been the most soundproofed place after all.

He’s not sure if it’s better or worse that everyone is here.

“I’m – I’m so disappointed in you, Yixing.” Yixing bites harder, watches as Luhan spins on his heel, brushing past Minseok and Kris on his way out.

“I – I’m leaving for a bit.” Luhan says, and his eyes are still so red and so angry and Yixing flinches back a little, feeling guilty, but at the same time he feels so defiant. What right does Luhan have to be angry at him? He started this, Yixing thinks childishly, and I haven’t done anything wrong.

And yet, it is Luhan storming out of the dorm, after catching Yixing in bed with another man. Is Yixing the bad guy now? Is Yixing the one cheating?

In the corner of his eye, Yixing spots Kris sliding quietly out the door, following Luhan, and suddenly everything is too much. The irony of the whole situation breaks on him, and he suddenly turns to one side, bringing up one hand to his mouth as he begins to laugh.

The metallic taste on his tongue doesn’t escape his notice, but he says nothing, does nothing, and wonders if this isn’t the escape that he’d wanted all along.

***

Kris follows Luhan out of the dorm, just like he has so many times in the past, and yet it’s nothing like before.

He catches up to Luhan a couple of blocks away, grabbing onto his wrist and refusing to let go. It’s getting harder and harder to leave the dorm nowadays, and the fans are already starting to take notice, and Kris quickly shoves them into a nearby café that they’re frequent customers of.

“Can we borrow a back room?” Kris asks rapidly, and the owners nod, a little confused but willing to comply with some of their most famous customers. “And don’t tell anyone we’re here.”

Still gripping Luhan’s wrist, he tugs him into the room and shuts the door, pursing his lips at the look on Luhan’s face.

“What the was that?” he says at last, and Luhan shakes his head.

“Didn’t you see already? Yixing is sleeping with Jongdae. Doesn’t that say enough? He’s cheating on me, Kris.”

The irony isn’t lost on Kris. His lips tighten further, and he stares pointedly at Luhan.

Luhan doesn’t say a thing, still upset, crossing his arms and looking away like a sulking child, and Kris grits his teeth. “Luhan. You know better than this. You know Yixing wouldn’t cheat on you, and you know why Jongdae isn’t sleeping in his room.”

“Yes, well, Yixing knows I wouldn’t cheat on him, but he’s wrong about that too, isn’t he?” Luhan bursts out, and Kris freezes.

They say that it takes one to know one. Only liars suspect others of lying. Only cheaters suspect others of cheating.

Kris wonders if that’s why Luhan is taking things so seriously.

Luhan is still breathing hard. Kris just looks at him, really looks at him, and says quietly, “I’m going to leave you alone. You know what you should do, right?”

Luhan doesn’t respond, but then, the words hadn’t really been meant for him in the end.

I know what I should do.

Kris leaves in silence, slipping out the back door of the café to avoid suspicion. He stares up at the grey, cloudy sky, thinks about himself, thinks about Luhan, thinks about Yixing, and wonders what it would feel like to just fly.

***

Kris doesn’t get back to the dorm for hours. When he does, the place is dark and deserted. His brow furrows.

He pulls out his phone, thumb hovering over Luhan’s number, then over Yixing’s, before finally pressing Minseok’s speed dial and holding the phone up to his ear.

Minseok answers on the first ring.

“Kris, where the are you?” There is surprising vitriol in Minseok’s voice and Kris flinches a little, startled. He tugs the phone away from his ear, as though expecting it to be a different number, but no, it’s Minseok’s number, Minseok’s voice, and Kris tentatively brings the phone back to his ear.

“I’m… back at the dorm?” He doesn’t quite mean for it to come out as a question, but it does. Kris is the leader of Exo-M, but it’s no real secret that Minseok still holds plenty of power as the oldest hyung, and even Kris will bow his head. “Where is everyone?”

“You are a ing god damn idiot and the worst ing leader and do you have any idea what you’ve done what Luhan has done what the two of you together have done to Yixing-”

There’s a sinking feeling in Kris’ stomach and he swallows hard, cutting Minseok off quickly. “What happened to Yixing?”

There’s a long pause, and then Minseok is scoffing, as though he can’t believe Kris has the gall to ask. “He bit his lip this morning during the confrontation. It’s bad enough that he needs stitches.”

Kris winces at first. He can understand why Minseok is so mad now. That’s pretty bad, especially with the comeback, but at least it’s not life threatening-

Yixing has haemophilia.

Kris’ heart stops for a long moment before lurching back into action, thumping frantically in his chest, and he’s running out of the dorm, running for the hospital, he’s hanging up on Minseok without a word and he’s dialing Luhan and he’s running and running and running but he can’t escape from the weight of his sins pressing down upon him all at once.

I’m sorry.

He runs.

*** 

*A/N: From my understanding, while there's several ways to phrase it, there are certain ways of saying "sleep" that are clear that it's literal sleep. "一起睡觉” literally means falling asleep together and is very difficult to take ually, while "一起睡" would mean sleeping with each other, and can be taken ually. This is coming from someone who's not a native Mandarin speaker though; however, as far as I know, usually if someone is talking about , there are other ways to say it, and it's easier to distinguish from just sleep.