Jongdae breezes back around noon bearing food for six people, but finds only Yixing in the dorm, slumped at the computer working on his music.

Following Minseok’s example, Jongdae had left soon after breakfast, escaping as quickly as possible from the stifling atmosphere of the dorm. But in the end, he couldn’t leave Yixing here on his own, and had decided to come back and keep him company.

He hadn’t quite expected to come back to just Yixing though, and Jongdae glances down at the food, pursing his lips. He wonders if this is how Yixing feels when he’s stood up.

Yixing is wearing headphones, and doesn’t notice Jongdae’s presence until Jongdae taps gently on his shoulder. Jerking in surprise, Yixing nearly topples off the chair before turning to see Jongdae behind him.

“Oh- you scared me. When did you get back?” Sliding the headphones off, Yixing blinks a little, as though trying to bring himself back from the composing headspace he had been in.

“Just now. Thought I’d bring back lunch. Where did everyone go?” Sighing a little, Jongdae heads to the fridge to put away a couple of the containers. With only the two of them here, they wouldn’t be able to finish everything.

“Well, Minseok hasn’t been back yet, but Kris and Tao left after you did, for shopping apparently. Luhan’s still resting in our room.”

Jongdae freezes at the mention of Luhan, biting down on his lip rather hard. “I- I see. Does he need lunch? Or should I just let him sleep?”

“Just let him sleep, I brought him food earlier but he said he didn’t feel hungry. I think he might be getting sick.” The concern in Yixing’s voice is evident, and Jongdae can only sigh.

The worst part about this whole situation is that he’s friends with both sides. He loves Yixing, he loves Luhan, he loves Kris too. He’s caught in the middle, torn between a relationship where he can’t betray either side, and yet by remaining neutral, he’s betraying both.

Yixing picks up on Jongdae’s mood quickly enough. “You seem down. Did something happen this morning?”

You happened. Jongdae bites back the words, knowing they won’t help and he sighs helplessly, staring down at his hands. “It’s… it’s nothing. Just… stressed.”

“You too? Seems like everyone’s stressed these days. Anything I can heal?”

Jongdae groans. “Ge, that’s overused. You’re a healing unicorn, but you can’t heal pains of the heart.”

Quietly, Yixing murmurs, “I know… I only wish otherwise.”

They fall into an awkward silence. Jongdae fights the urge to kick himself, and Yixing pretends he didn’t say anything, turning to help Jongdae put away the excess food.

“You bought so much, I don’t think even six of us could finish it. We are still on a diet, you know,” Yixing teases lightly, changing the subject subtly as he leans into the fridge.

Pouting, Jongdae leans back, staring at Yixing’s back. “I just wanted to spoil you guys, nobody appreciates my looooooooooooooooooove,” he complains, making a forlorn expression.

“I appreciate it,” Yixing says seriously, and Jongdae raises an eyebrow, rather sceptically. Yixing’s lips curve into a smirk as he adds, “Thank you for always taking care of me.” Yixing slips into formal language, adding a saucy bow in Jongdae’s direction.

“Oh shut it you,” Jongdae groans, slumping in his seat. “You’re just making fun of me now, ge.”

“Only because you’re fun to tease.” Yixing holds out a box to Jongdae, grinning. “Lunch?”

“Hey! I bought that, it’s not yours to offer!” Jongdae snatches the box from Yixing, his pout intensifying, and Yixing laughs.

It feels like it’s been a while since Yixing has truly laughed, and Jongdae finds himself grinning triumphantly, even if it’s at his expense. He’d missed this sound, missed being able to make Yixing smile like this.

“All right, all right, just take your food and eat. We have practice soon after all.” With a box of his own, Yixing leans against the counter, nibbling on his food. “I hope the others have eaten. Maybe we should bring some food for them later.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Jongdae murmurs, glancing down at his food. Somehow, he doesn’t feel as hungry any more.

The unknowing elephant in the room, Luhan sleeps peacefully on, while the two original occupants of the room sit outside, poking morosely at food that no longer seems as appetizing as it once was.

***

Yixing tells Luhan to take it easy during practice, tells him that he should take better care of himself. “You must be tired, if you managed to sleep for so long.”

Luhan says nothing, just nods silently in reply.

Somehow, Yixing isn’t surprised when Luhan leaves rapidly after practice, saying he has somewhere to go. Yixing barely manages to yell “Don’t tire yourself out,” before Luhan is gone, fleeing with all the speed of the deer he’s often compared to, no sign of exhaustion in his steps.

Somehow, he’s even less surprised when Kris similarly excuses himself, telling the others he’ll be back late and not to wait for him.

What does surprise him is Minseok’s reaction. He watches Luhan and Kris leave with an unreadable expression on his usually very emotive face, before announcing that he’s staying behind to practice on his own.

He carefully avoids Yixing’s eyes while saying this, and Yixing pretends he doesn’t notice, instead nodding a little and telling Minseok, too, not to overwork himself.

Minseok’s fists clench as he leaves, opting to find a private practice room to occupy, and Yixing watches him leave, his eyes blank, expressionless, somehow broken.

Yixing, Jongdae, and Tao are the only ones that head back to the dorm. Even though practice is over, their work is not yet done. As members of a group renowned for their multilingualism, they take time every evening to practice languages, and tonight is no different.

Before, Luhan was one of the ones that helped the most in teaching both Korean and Mandarin. Being a former language student, he was the one that had the strongest grasp of both languages, able to translate more fluently between both. Kris was a close second, used to translating by now thanks to the expectations of him as a leader, also teaching English when possible.

Of course, now the two of them are mostly preoccupied with other things, and the four other members are left to fend for themselves.

These days, Yixing takes the lead in teaching Chinese. Tao’s Korean, while the most improved, is still not quite as good as Yixing’s – after all, Yixing had been training in Korea for much longer than Tao had. Usually, Minseok and Jongdae take turns teaching Korean, both of them working together to explain things when the translation falls through.

Today though, Jongdae is left to fend for himself against Yixing’s ruthless precision and Tao’s relentless teasing. Often, the lesson degenerates into laughter, mispronounced words and inflections leading to hilarious results. Sometimes, Jongdae thinks he remembers more how not to say things than how to say them properly – the mistakes he makes are always eagerly pointed out.

It’s nice to see Yixing relaxed, smiling, focused on studying but able to enjoy the banter. While Yixing never seems to display true anger or sadness, it’s been a long time since he’s looked really happy. It’s still not as open, not as true as it used to be, but Yixing is smiling, laughing along at the others (and sometimes at himself), and Jongdae can’t help but smile along.

Yixing is in the middle of carefully repeating a term (Jongdae had mispronounced it to Tao’s delight) when the front door opens, revealing Luhan.

Instantly, the half-smile Yixing had slips off his face, and he quickly pushes himself up, going over to Luhan. “Lulu… is everything ok? You rushed out after practice.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry for making you worry.” Luhan murmurs, a smile on his lips. It doesn’t reach his eyes, which are cautious, searching, checking Yixing’s face for any sign that he knows.

Yixing only smiles in return, relief evident in his eyes. “As long as you’re ok. You don’t seem like you’re sick anymore, so that’s good… Sounds like your voice is ok today too. You should really take better care of yourself Lulu…”

“Ah, but I have you to take care of me, right?” Luhan tilts his head cutely, pouting a little, his smile gentle, obviously teasing.

“Mmm… Nope. You’re older, ge, you should be taking care of me!” Yixing shoots back, even as he lovingly takes Luhan’s hand in his. Jongdae turns aside, suddenly sick of the whole charade.

If he didn’t know better, he could have told himself that the two were the perfect couple, loving, caring, never taking each other for granted, always looking out for each other, able to tease each other while knowing the other’s true heart.

He wonders if that’s how Yixing tricks himself into believing that everything’s ok.

Clenching his eyes shut, Jongdae pretends he doesn’t hear Yixing leading Luhan into their room, the door shutting gently behind them.

***

Jongdae ends up leaving the dorm, pulling an all-nighter at the practice studios, working on his dance, working out the frustration. His limbs don’t cooperate though, don’t express what he wants, and in the end he resorts to his voice, screaming, crying, hating his group, hating himself, for what they’ve done.

***

Yixing notices Jongdae’s absence that night, notices his hoarse voice, but doesn’t question what he did. Jongdae’s thankful for it, because he doesn’t know what he might say, what he might do, what he can do.

When Yixing passes him a thermos of warm honey green tea before practice, Jongdae stares at the canister and has to fight the urge to cry.