Yixing brightens noticeably as the comeback draws ever closer. It’s not a secret why.

“We’re heading back to China soon,” he reminds Jongdae and Minseok regularly during their evening study sessions. “You guys should work harder on your Mandarin!”

“Yeah, but we’re in Korea now, shouldn’t you be practicing your Korean?” Jongdae groans, letting his head thunk against the table.

“Nope, your Mandarin is more important. Besides, our Korean is better than your Mandarin, so ha.” Yixing shoves another workbook in front of Jongdae, a tiny smile on his lips. “Come on, head up.”

If only to make Yixing happy, Jongdae does, though he makes sure to complain about it as much as possible to make his displeasure known.

Minseok follows suit, puffing his cheeks out and trying to plead for a reprieve in Mandarin. “我求你，放过我们把!*” This backfires when both Tao and Yixing burst out laughing, barely able to breathe.

“Minseok-hyung, you just said ‘I’ll marry you’*,” Tao finally wheezes out, and Minseok groans, his turn to drop his forehead against the table.

“Not again…”

Even after they calm down, Yixing’s smile doesn’t fade, and Jongdae finds his lips curving in return.

It’s good to see Yixing happy again.

***

It’s not just the fact that they’re returning to Yixing’s home country that makes him happy.

It’s also because he goes back to officially rooming with Luhan in China.

Yixing has convinced himself that most of the nights they spend apart is because Luhan is assigned a different room. After all, it wouldn’t be good to be discovered in the wrong room by the manager. (Or the fans. It wouldn’t be the first time one had snuck in, and it would spell disaster if one caught them sleeping in the wrong rooms.)

But now that the rooming arrangement shouldn’t be a problem, Yixing knows things will be ok again. They’ll be ok again. They’ll be together again, just like before.

(Yixing knows better, but he shuts his eyes, thinking of them, thinking of the times when they stayed together, of the nights they spent together, and he convinces himself – things will be ok. They will be ok. He loves Luhan, after all, and Luhan loves him.)

***

The day they leave for China, Yixing wears a necklace, made of a simple leather thong threaded through an equally simple ring.

It’s not as simple as it seems. The day Luhan had presented it to him, a few years ago, Luhan had told him “I know it’s not a precious metal or anything – but I promise you, it means so much more than just plain silver or gold.”

“What is it then?” Yixing asks, and Luhan beams.

“Divine silver.”

Yixing gives him a flat look. “No, really.”

“Really.”

After Yixing snorts and smacks at Luhan a few times in mock annoyance, Luhan gives in with a laugh. “It’s tungsten carbide.”

“…you might as well call it divine silver for all that means to me.”

“Yixing!” It’s Luhan’s turn to smack him, and Yixing snickers.

Eventually, around more smacks and touches and teasing and laughter, Luhan manages to explain that tungsten carbide is one of the hardest and most durable metals, with a distinctive colour, not necessarily flashy, but special in and of itself. “Just like you,” Luhan says with a gentle smile.

“What, dull and unbending?”

“No!” Luhan smacks him again, but lets his hand linger on Yixing’s cheek, his eyes soft. “…it means that you’re special, even if others don’t see it. You’re strong, stronger than other people can see, stronger than you can see, stronger than you know. It means that even if others don’t know it, you are one of the most amazing people that I have ever had the fortune to meet, and I am so, so blessed to love you, to be loved by you.”

Yixing finds that he can’t speak any more and just reaches silently for Luhan’s other hand. Gently, Luhan brings their conjoined hands to the ring. “And… there’s something else.”

Luhan guides Yixing’s fingers, turning the ring and angling it just right. There, on the inside of the band, a purple gem sparkles. “Is that…?”

“An amethyst.” Luhan completes the sentence for him. “For pain relief, for healing.”

“And here I thought I was the one taking the unicorn thing too far,” Yixing murmurs, teasing.

Luhan smacks him again, lifting his hand only centimeters off Yixing’s cheek before bringing it back gently, more a gentle caress than a smack. “Idiot… not for that. Though it could be. It’s for your injuries, silly.”

Luhan’s hand is warm against his cheek, and Yixing leans into his touch, still smiling down at his ring. “…I get it. Thank you, Lulu. But… why is the gem on the inside?”

“Because it’s meant for you, and you alone. Others don’t need to see the value in the ring, or in you. All that’s really important is that you need to know that you are strong, that you are precious, that you are special."

Luhan’s smile turns cheeky. “Besides, the healing power of the ring is hidden, just like your unicorn powers.”

“Oh shut it.” Yixing groans. “Just because I introduced myself as a healing unicorn once and had to keep doing it for every single interview ever…”

“Not my fault you chose a stupid introduction.”

“Says the one that’s a deer!”

Their banter goes on like this. These are the moments that Yixing loves most, just the two of them, talking about everything and nothing at once, just revelling in each other’s company.

Luhan eventually brings out his own ring, a counterpart to Yixing’s – same metal, same gem placement, but this time citrine instead of amethyst. “Yellow and purple are complementary colours, you know.”

“And what does citrine do?”

“It promotes success. Clear thinking. I figured I could use that.”

“Yeah, you could.”

“Hey! Only I’m allowed to insult me!” Luhan pouts, but they’re both laughing again before long.

Neither of them wear the rings formally, but both of them agree to make it a necklace, with the unspoken promise that one day, when it’s safe, when they know their careers won’t be negatively affected – one day, the rings will be worn on their fingers instead.

Until then, Yixing wears it around his neck, the soothing weight of the ring a constant reminder of Luhan’s love for him.

***

Yixing has worn the necklace daily since then. He takes it off for performances, for travelling, for showers, but when he can, he still wears it. He figures, as long as he doesn’t wear the same necklace in the open too often, the fans won’t think anything weird of it. A lot of people wear necklaces with rings, after all.

(He doesn’t admit it to himself, but he hopes that the necklace will remind Luhan of what they once had.)

(He chooses to ignore the fact that it’s been several months since he last saw Luhan’s ring. Luhan is just being cautious, that’s all. Really. It wouldn’t be good to be caught wearing couple rings, now would it? Yixing should be more careful too.)

(That’s all.)

***

That night, Luhan climbs into Yixing’s bed, heart leaping when he sees the joy in Yixing’s eyes.

They lie there for a while, just staring at each other, chatting inanely about everything and nothing at once.

Luhan had missed this. He presses his forehead to Yixing’s, interrupting him in the middle of talking about the language lessons (Luhan feels that familiar rush of guilt at the reminder of how he’s abandoned them).

“Lulu? What’s up?” Yixing breaks off, glancing at Luhan worriedly. Luhan shakes his head, letting his eyes flutter shut.

“It’s nothing.” Really. He has nothing to hide, nothing to say. Nothing to fear. He just missed this. Missed being able to talk with Yixing like this, sleep beside him without fear.

There’s something cold and hard pressing against his chest, and Luhan glances down distractedly, noticing the necklace that Yixing is still wearing. “Your necklace…” he murmurs, blinking. “I noticed it earlier.”

“Oh – you did?” Yixing sounds startled, hopeful, and Luhan can’t understand why. He furrows his brow.

“Uh… yeah. It kind of clashed with your outfit. Why did you wear it? It doesn’t look flashy or anything…” Luhan purses his lips, looking at it. “It doesn’t look like silver or gold either. If you’re going to wear something like this, at least pick something that looks classy.”

“…oh.”

There’s a long pause, and Yixing’s face is unreadable. Luhan thinks back to before, when it was so easy for him to read his lover. People said Yixing had a blank face, but Luhan had always known better, had always been able to read him like a book. It’s never been this hard to know what he’s thinking before. “Did… did I say something wrong?” Yixing had never minded before when Luhan gave fashion tips, but his expression is odd, and Luhan doesn’t know what to do.

“…It’s nothing. I’m tired from the flight, let’s sleep?”

“Sure. Goodnight, Yixing.”

“Goodnight, Lulu.”

***

That night, the leather cord around Yixing’s neck feels like it’s strangling him, wrapping around his throat and his heart and tearing him to pieces with the strength of the passion that Luhan had once felt for him.

Carefully hugging Luhan’s sleeping form against him, Yixing grips the ring in his other hand, feeling the hard edges digging into his palm, feeling the string tighten uncomfortably as he tugs imperceptibly at it.

Tugging harder, he can feel the cord tightening further, digging into his neck, and he wonders for a brief moment if he wants it to tear him to pieces, destroy him right here and now with Luhan in his arms and while he can still convince himself that there’s love between them.

He wonders, if he dies here, if he lets himself go, would Luhan grieve? Would he miss Yixing? Or would he feel relief instead? Free of everything that’s holding him back?

Yixing doesn’t dare answer himself truthfully, instead closing his eyes, his grip tightening once more around a ring that now only means something to him.

*** 

A/N: "我求你，放过我们把!" means "I beg you, have mercy!" essentially. The first part is pronounced as "wo qiu ni" - the phrase "I'll marry you" is "wo qu ni". They don't actually sound as similar as it looks, but it's quite possible that someone who's not a native speaker could have difficulty with the pronunciation.