“I’m heading out first.”

“Sorry guys, go back without me.”

“No, I can’t go with you, I have something I need to do.”

It becomes blatantly obvious that Minseok is avoiding the other members.

Or perhaps, only a few members, but since they’re almost always together, it becomes all of them that he avoids.

It starts with early mornings, Minseok leaving the dorm before anyone else wakes up, or rushing out without meeting anyone’s eyes. It carries over to practices, Minseok nearly flinching every time Yixing attempts to help correct his movements, avoiding Luhan and carefully asking Tao for help when he hits a stumbling block.

It turns into Minseok regularly skipping their usual evening language lessons, sequestering himself in his own room and refusing to speak with anyone. It becomes Minseok quietly sticking to Jongdae and Tao only, and then only Tao, and then nobody at all.

It becomes so serious that the manager notices. “Xiumin, have you been practicing your Chinese recently?”

The use of his stage name is a heavy reminder that he’s supposed to be part of the Chinese group, that he can’t let his skill in the language degrade. Minseok winces, bowing his head. “I’ve… I’ve been trying, but it’s hard…”

“Why? Chen’s doing fine. Aren’t you guys all studying together?”

Minseok says nothing, bowing his head further, and the manager frowns, glancing at the other members. Nobody meets his eyes. “What, did you fight?”

Nobody answers. They know all too well what’s happening in their group – they’re just not willing to confront it. Annoyed, the manager shakes his head, making a sound of frustration.

“Whatever. I don’t care. Whatever the problem is, you guys have to fix it. Xiumin, you better improve your Chinese soon. Especially with the comeback, promotions – you have to practice hard.”

“I… I understand.” Minseok nearly whispers in Mandarin, and the manager scowls, snapping the words back at him to correct his pronunciation before leaving.

Silence descends on the group, full conversations lingering in the air between them, conversations that would never be heard. Luhan looks around at all of them, guilt in his eyes. “…is it because I’m not around?”

“No, no, it’s not your fault, we’re still practicing on our own,” Yixing assures him instantly, reaching a hand out to grasp Luhan’s hand. At the same time, he turns to look at Minseok, beseeching, guilty, helpless. “I… is there something wrong? If there’s something wrong, you can always talk to us, you know that, right?”

And Minseok looks at Yixing, at the way he reaches for Luhan, gently assuaging his fears, and thinks of all the nights Luhan and Kris have spent together in his room, wondering whether he should speak or not, whether Yixing should know or not.

One promise, made to Luhan and Kris, friends who lie to him over, and over, and over again. Another promise, made to Jongdae, who has been nothing but truthful with Minseok, but asks something that goes entirely against Minseok’s sense of morality.

Don’t tell him.

And then there is Yixing, who is in the midst of it all, loving and not loved in return, lying to himself, deluding himself into happiness, and Minseok doesn’t know if saying would be better or not.

Yixing is happy like this. A fake happiness, but he’s happy not knowing. Not seeing. He’s happy living by Luhan’s side, an innocent fool, an idiot that’s chosen ignorance as his path, and Minseok’s words will irrevocably shatter his illusion.

But at the same time, Minseok can’t just stand by and watch Luhan do this, watch Kris do this, watch them break Yixing’s heart bit by bit until his fake smiles no longer hold water.

How is Minseok supposed to face them, any of them, knowing that Luhan and Kris are cheating, knowing that Yixing wants to be kept ignorant, knowing that Jongdae and Tao are enabling this entire stupid triangle to continue?

Knowing that he is playing a role in Yixing’s heartbreak?

Minseok watches as Luhan gently brushes Yixing’s hand away. “I… I’m going out to think for a bit. I’ll be back in an hour or so for the languages.”

Yixing makes to stand, to go after him, but bites his lip and quietly sits back down. “Be safe,” he whispers in the end, unable to say anything more.

Luhan gives Yixing a small smile, remorseful, but leaves regardless.

Without a word, Kris follows. Tao stares at him in confusion, but Kris refuses to look at any of them as he closes the front door behind him.

And so Minseok is left with Jongdae, Tao, and Yixing.

“Minseok-hyung, can I talk to you?” Yixing says softly, and Minseok starts. His initial instinct is to flee. He can’t face Yixing yet. Not like this.

But then he glances at the front door, the door that both Luhan and Kris had left through, and he bites his lip hard.

Quietly, Jongdae takes Tao aside, whispering something urgently in his ear, leaving Minseok alone with Yixing. Jongdae gives one last pleading look to Minseok as he disappears into the dining room adjacent to the kitchen.

Don’t tell him.

Minseok has a secret. A secret that would break Yixing, but might also save him.

If he’d had even the slightest indication that Luhan still loved Yixing, would maybe turn his back on Kris in the future, then maybe Minseok would have acquiesced. He might have stayed silent, as per Luhan and Kris’ request, as per Jongdae’s silent reminder.

But Minseok thinks again to how Luhan had brushed Yixing’s concern aside without a second thought, how he and Kris had left together once again, and he makes his decision.

“Yeah. I needed to talk to you too.” Yixing gives him a gentle, relieved smile, but Minseok can’t do the same.

There’s something you need to know.

***

Jongdae practically drags Tao out of the room, despite his confused protests.

“What’s going on? What’s with Minseok-hyung these days anyways? And what’s with you too – you’re acting weird – wait where are you dragging me?”

“Doesn’t matter where we – please, Tao, just work with me for once, this is important, ok?” The fact that Tao hasn’t shaken him off yet probably means that he understands the desperation in Jongdae’s actions.

Somewhere along the line, they had all implicitly agreed to keep Tao out of things. He, out of all of them, was still the most innocent, and they wanted to keep it that way. There were enough lies, enough secrets, and if they could keep Tao innocent through the entire fiasco, it would be one good thing to come out of this mess.

Jongdae doesn’t have an excuse for shoving Tao into the kitchen, but he makes something up. “Help me prepare dinner for everyone. We haven’t eaten all together for a while, it might help with what’s going on.”

“You dragged me here just for that? You couldn’t have just told me? And why me? Yixing-ge and Minseok-hyung’s cooking is better anyways-” Tao doesn’t stop complaining, but he starts helping with the pots and pans regardless, talking the entire time.

For once, Jongdae is content to let someone else fill the silence.

And then –

“Hyung, please.”

Yixing’s voice is high, thin, desperate, loud enough to reach the kitchen two closed doors and a room away, broken enough that Jongdae thinks he might be crying. Yixing never cries.

Tao jerks in surprise, banging his head against a shelf, and curses briefly before murmuring, “Is that Yixing-ge?”

Jongdae has abandoned the charade of cooking, eyes wide, staring between Tao and the closed door. A part of him wants desperately to go out, to talk with Minseok and Yixing, but he knows that if he does Tao will know, and he doesn’t think he can deal with Tao knowing the full situation.

Quietly, Tao puts a hand on his shoulder. “Go,” he says. “I’ll stay here and… clean up.”

Jongdae doesn’t need to be told twice to bolt.

***

Tao is often stupid, self-centered, oblivious to his surroundings.

Fortunately – or maybe unfortunately – s are obvious enough that even he knows when something is wrong.

It’s kind of hard not to know something’s wrong when Yixing and Luhan are no longer together all the time.

Luhan is almost blatantly avoiding Yixing, and Yixing looks like he doesn’t know how to smile any more. Kris won’t meet Tao’s eyes, and Jongdae seems like he can’t decide if he wants to attach himself permanently to Yixing or never look at him again. And Minseok – Minseok is avoiding everyone, shutting himself away when possible. But even the most oblivious person can hear someone crying at night when only a single wall separates them, and the dorm never had been the most soundproofed place.

Tao might not know exactly what’s going on, he might not understand why everyone is acting so strangely, but he understands their attempts to keep him out of it.

And he’ll respect that, even if it leads to him sitting alone in a cluttered kitchen, left to wonder why Yixing is pleading, why Minseok is screaming back, why Jongdae is so desperate to leave, why Luhan and Kris aren’t here.

***

“Minseok-hyung, what’s wrong? How come you’re avoiding us these days? Did we do something wrong?”

The concern in Yixing’s voice makes Minseok’s heart ache. He’s honestly so kind. Too kind. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.

“It… it’s not your fault. I’ve been an idiot. I had something that I wasn’t sure if I should say or not, and in the end I just… I ended up avoiding you all instead.”

“Hyung, you know that you can always talk to us if you have to right? If there’s anything troubling you…”

Minseok looks at Yixing, looks into his eyes, and takes a deep breath. “What if I said… what if I said you’re troubling me?”

Yixing freezes, shock, confusion flitting across his face. “Hyung…?”

“More accurately – what if I said Luhan is what’s troubling me?”

Minseok has never seen Yixing turn pale so fast.

“…Hyung.” There’s something in his voice that’s changed. “Hyung, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No. No, you deserve to know. You need to know.” Minseok presses on. “They – they told me not to tell, but Yixing, I can’t watch this, I can’t just stand by and watch them do this any longer-”

“No, Minseok-hyung, if you – if you promised them – it’s fine – just don’t tell me it’s fine-” Yixing is stumbling over his words, speaking just a little too fast, a little too much, but Minseok shakes his head.

“I have to, Yixing, it’s killing me, it’s killing you, I can’t just-”

“Hyung, please,” Yixing cries out, a plea wrenched from the deepest part of his heart, and Minseok blinks, and Yixing is kneeling in front of him, head bowed, hands reaching up to clench at Minseok’s wrists, so tight that Minseok winces in pain but he knows it can’t compare to what Yixing must feel.

“Yixing – I – You know that you need to hear this. You know that I have to tell you-”

“Please,” Yixing repeats, his voice broken, raw. “Please don’t.”

And Minseok’s resolve crumbles in front of Yixing, Yixing who is kneeling and begging and looking so defeated and even though Minseok knows what the right thing to do is, he can’t convince himself it’s the right thing for Yixing.

“Yixing, why?” Minseok can barely breathe, can only stare down at Yixing, unable to see his face, unable to read his expression.

“Because I love him.”

And it answers nothing but everything all at once and Minseok shuts his eyes and drops to his knees and gently wraps his arms around Yixing and he doesn’t struggle just lets himself be held.

There are no tears.

Minseok thinks Yixing has probably cried them all out long ago.

***

Jongdae stops outside the living room door, one palm flat against the wood, the other curled into a fist against his heart.

He comes only in time to hear Yixing’s last words. There is nothing after that, just quiet sniffling, but Jongdae knows it’s not Yixing crying.

Yixing hasn’t cried in a very, very long time, not since Luhan first left him alone in his bed.

But Minseok hasn’t said anything, Jongdae has kept his promise to Yixing, and Yixing’s delusion will continue.

Tell me… is what I’m doing right?

There’s no answer, not from the people on the other side of the door, not from above, not from his own heart.