Forget pins, it was so quiet that you could hear a feather drop. Sehun was reluctant to come downstairs where my brother and cousin already resided. I had no experience introducing people even though Sehun, Myungsoo, and Woohyun have all technically met and were aware of each other’s presences. 

Breakfast was good. And what I mean by good was the food was good. The actual event however was not good. The four of us just sat in the deafening quiet of the house to the point where it was probably driving all of us mad. What was a group like this even supposed to talk about? Little chitchat about how the weather was finally getting nice was not going to cut it.

Sitting in silence had been the result of our awkward tension; in turn also result in my decision not to eat much at the table. Although I got quite a few obvious nudges from Sehun, along with his head nodding for me to eat, it was too difficult. And to be honest, I would have had this many issues eating breakfast with Woohyun and Myungsoo if Sehun wasn’t here.

He nudged me again, whispering to me that his phone was still upstairs. Woohyun’s eyes locked onto Sehun. “Whispering in front of us is useless, kid.”

I bit down on my cheek after Woohyun’s remark to refer to Sehun as a kid, subtly implying what he thinks about my age as well. I hated it, Woohyun still viewed me as a baby.

Thank God for Myungsoo as he took the first initiative to clear everyone’s dishes. It created enough noise to release the tension in the room until there was a forceful knock on our front door.

I looked at Sehun and looked behind me to our staircase, signaling him to escape back to my room. He went first and I was going to follow after if I didn’t first hear who was at the door, familiar voice catching my ear. The other pack members are particularly lazy when it comes to the mornings and almost never come to our house at this kind of time, especially the leader. Yet there he was, distraught and unhappy.

Sehun waited for me at the bottom of the stairs and came back to drag me with him. There were only a few times that he had seen Sunggyu and he probably didn’t know anything about the alpha male. That being said, the alpha male, who came to our house unhappy, picked up on the human scent and became ten times more upset. His eyes glared first at the new scent, and then at me.

They all knew who Sehun was yet I didn’t think the most disapproving would come from Sunggyu. I thought Woohyun would have taken that role; instead the latter pushed the leader to talk out on the porch. It was still a little awkward when Sehun and I reached my room. He picked up his phone and I snuck to the window and peered over to see if I could hear anything going on downstairs.

I heard a thump from Sehun who decided to make himself comfortable on my bed, while I crouched down below my window and pressed my ear against the wall. Though the voices were muffled, my ears were able to pick up the faintest sentences being formed by the leader. “We have another lead on—“

“What the hell are you doing?” Sehun’s voice, much clearer and right next to my open ear, pulled me away from the dealings with my brother and the pack leader. I turned and widened my eyes, stomach in knots at the proximity of Sehun’s face to mine. I nibbled on the inside of my cheek while he raised that eyebrow and curled his lips into such a devilish smirk.

“Eavesdropping…” I mumbled.

He leaned in closer and planted his lips softly on my cheek, pulling me up off the ground and dragging me back to my bed. An arm was securely wrapped around me, forcing me to crane my head to try and here voices other than Sehun. That conversation ended before I knew it and I was back to focusing on how incredibly warm the man next to me was.

“You changed your room.” Sehun’s head turned to every corner of my room, observing the many differences in the last time he had been here. It had completely slipped my mind that Sehun had been in my room before, most likely because back then I was a lot more distraught about him being angry with me.

Sehun constantly complained that the weather was killing him out of boredom, as well as constantly asking if we could go out and do something. Like on cue, the rain lightened and sun peaked through the clouds. The weather really played to my emotions within the past week, worsening when I felt awful and lightening when I felt better.

“Are you going to stay here all day?” I asked him, curious if he was planning on staying another night. I did not mind at all and honestly it would have been entertaining to see my brother and cousin interacting with Sehun again.

“I’ll go out if you come out with me.” Somehow I felt like there was more behind asking me to come with him but I let it go and gave in. He seemed to have some kind of plan anyways. “Can we go to my place first? I smell like rain…”

I shrugged and let him drag me out of my room. I got side eyes from Myungsoo and Woohyun as we left through the front door. We walked to Sehun’s apartment perfectly enjoying each others company as if we had gotten along the entire duration of us knowing each other. For once, I had this amazing feeling of being able to get along without having our past as an obstacle.

I waited in the living room of his apartment for him to come out dressed, looking around to see that he too had changed little bits of his apartment. There were pillows on his couch, a coffee table book on photography purposefully angled, and a few modern looking pictures hanging up on the walls. It looked like someone actually lived here.

Sehun emerged from his bedroom with an entirely different look on him, not as casual as he usually goes. My eyes went up and down him, noticing that his plaid pant, long grey sleeve shirt duo was a little dressier for just wanting to hang out. And it made me feel like there was definitely more going on in his mind.

“Ready?” He gestured for me to get up and follow him to his planned out destination. I got up and followed him out the door, closing it behind me. All I knew about what was going on was wherever decided to go, it was in town.

“So…what are we doing right now?” The anticipation might as well have killed me, and he already knew that I wasn’t very good with surprises.

“Well, we can’t really go out to dinner since it will be dark by then. So we’re going to lunch.” His answer was too simple, almost avoiding what he really desired.

“Going out to lunch? That’s it?” I was convinced that there was more to it than that. I mean, I would have been okay with just staying inside and relaxing with him. Clearly he had a purpose and I must know all.

“Ugh, that’s not it. We’re going on a date, In Hye.” He grabbed my hand, interlocking our fingers so that he’d tug me along even faster.

A date would have probably been my last thought. The ignorant me didn’t even know what constituted as a date. It wouldn’t have been Sehun and I hanging out together because we had done that so much already. Besides, he was the more experienced one in this area. It’s probably better that he planned things.

As we were walking through the town, an awful, unexpected scent wafted through my nostrils. Standing on the other side of the street was Sera, expressing a blood thirst that only I could sense. It seemed like her needs did not matter to Sehun when he made it obvious to grab my hand and hold onto it tightly. I saw the red glow in her eyes and the barring of her two fangs, but she disappeared right before us.

Sehun turned his head and looked down at me, his grip firm on my hand. “Don’t you think we should tell your brother about her?”

I stopped walking, made sure to let go of his hand, and folded my arms right in the middle of the sidewalk. I was probably pegged as being a bit dramatic standing like this. Before I could even say no, Sehun cut me short after being able to read my facial expressions so easily. Somewhere with my nonverbal communication, I struck a nerve in him and an argument suddenly developed.

“Are you serious? She’s killed those animals, plus an actual person. For God’s sake, she hurt you.  Not to mention stalking us repeatedly and you don’t want to tell your brother?!”

Although he may have had decent points, I stood my ground with all that I had. The fact of the matter was, I didn’t want to rely on anyone when it came to a dangerous situation. There was this reputation of my brother when it came to dangerous situations and a repeating factor to all of them. His tactics never worked. “Oh, it’s not like he’d do anything about it besides lock me in my room and never let me leave!”

He shook his head and took a step closer to me. “You have come farther than that…”

We had come far but I didn’t think it was enough. One wrong move and we could go right back to where we were before. I felt like we were barely at the tip of the iceberg when it came to progress with my brother. The strictness might have got down, along with the initial hatred, but I had no idea where we actually stood. I didn’t know what I actually meant to my brother, as a sister.

Sehun dropped the conversation, as long as I promised to consider what he had to say. For his satisfaction, I told him I would.

We walked into a little café, a brick building with a vintage feel to it. Right off the bat, I wouldn’t have expected Sehun to pick this kind of place for lunch; chalkboard menus, fairy lights strung on the ceiling, lots and lots of pastries, some kind of urban music, it was made out to be a basic college girl hang out.

Sehun sat me down at a table far from the window and my initial assumption was that he didn’t want people to see us. Once we were seated, a young waitress came to us with a suspicious eyebrow raised. “Well, look who it is.”

“Shut up, Jungah.” Sehun gritted through his teeth. It looked like to me, however, Sehun was acting like an annoyed little brother.

The waitress, Jungah, turned to me and rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry. Jongin and I have been telling him to bring you in for months.”

I blinked rapidly. My mind had so many things to wrap around on. She had an incredible resemblance to Jongin, most apparent in the exact nose. The likeness continued with how the two acted, leading me to conclude this was definitely Jongin’s sister. However, the relation wasn’t what I fixated on, so much as the word “months.” The word alone was enough to bombard my brain full of questions.

Had it been months, I feel like I would have noticed something. I had only been officially introduced to Jongin for about a month, and at least by that time I knew that he and Sehun had been talking about me after how obvious Jongin made it. Months could have been anything from two to twelve months, although I knew it wasn’t the latter since Sehun still hated me back then.

I sat quietly and looked over to Sehun who was awkwardly avoiding eye contact with the waitress. “Can we just order please?”

She shrugged, and pointed back at me. “You already have what you want, don’t you?”

She made both of us blush and turn away from her and each other at the same time, like a couple of teenagers on a first date. She asked Sehun if he wanted his regular order and he mumbled some sort of agreement, and she asked me what I wanted to which I mumbled to get me the same thing as Sehun. She snickered off and left us completely embarrassed around each other. Great…

Sehun leaned forward and repeatedly pounded his head on the table, muttering how much he hated Jongin’s sister. I playfully kicked him underneath the table which followed a sassy comment from Jungah that we shouldn’t play “footsies” in her café.

These teasing moments were enough to make Sehun want to leave this place and go somewhere else, but I told him I didn’t mind. Besides, it was cute when he would get flustered like he did. I knew that this “date” wouldn’t be much different than other times we had spent time together; the only added element was that Sehun and I had never actually had eaten together.

Sehun…had an unusually habit when he ate. It must have been a daily struggle to him or something, because I have never seen anyone have so much difficulty in taking a single bite out of his food. Every time he went into take a mouth full of food, his face and nose scrunched up as he tore apart another piece of his sandwich.

Halfway through our lunch a bell went off on my phone. I reached down to my bag and took it out, surprised that it was a message from my cousin; well, both surprised and a bit annoyed.

You still have curfew.

“Ugh.” I shoved my phone back into my bag and went back to eating lunch. We stayed for about an hour because Sehun apparently takes that long to eat a sandwich.

He didn’t say goodbye to Jungah but it didn’t seem like she cared too much. With his hand in mine we aimlessly walked through town and continued to just…talk. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but the thing about Sehun was that he constantly showed that spending time with me mattered to him. In all of my 21 years of life, he was the only person to do so. 

Yes, Sehun has changed my life because of the past, but now he is changing my life completely different than before. Because of him, I could actually see a positive light down the path of my own life. That is, if other people were to accept us as well.

As we walked through town, fellow college students passed by as well. Only, instead of downright ignoring me, they seemed a little too interested in the way Sehun and I were walking together. It’s been a long time since judgment was so obvious. It was also the first time I felt like Sehun actually noticed other people. Onlookers glared, raised their eyebrows, rolled their eyes and even verbally made comments about us being together loud enough for even Sehun to hear, not about him but about me. Why, of all people would Sehun be with Nam In Hye?

Sehun’s grip on my hand became a death hold, bone crushing with every fiber in his hand. The more he heard, the harder he squeezed my already fragile hand. The only way I could possibly get him to stop was to actually say something to him. “Ow.”

Sehun stopped his stride, and his mouth began to hang open probably in some kind of concern. Instead of lightening his grasp he completely let go of my hand and stuck it in his pants pocket. He looked down at his feet, kicking at nothing on the cement sidewalk. “Sorry…I just…”

He raked his fingers through his thick, black hair while letting out the most exhausted sigh I’ve heard from him all day. He sighed once again to regain his thoughts, albeit negative thoughts. “They judge you. They judge you and it’s my fault.”

I winced at the sudden harshness in his tone. Clearly the past upset him as much as it did to me, yet he still brought it up anyways with mass amounts of regret in his voice. I can fully admit to myself that those we passed just moments ago did not affect me as they used to. I didn’t want Sehun to continue blaming himself for this mountain that both of us have been able to climb over. It wasn’t fair to him, and it wasn’t fair to me either.

“Can I ask you a favor?” Sehun was right, they were judging only me instead of the both of us and in the past I would have pinned the blame completely on him. But that blame would have been put on a different person than the one standing in front of me. For Sehun to say their judgment to me was his fault meant he was the same person then as he was now, and that was downright wrong.

“If we’re going to be…together…I don’t want to talk about our past. Yeah it but I don’t want to continue being depressed over it. We’re…better people now right?”

Not only did I believe that, but I wanted Sehun to believe it as well, he was a better person too. He his lips and nodded, “You’re right. Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your hand.”

I stuck it out for him to hold again and we resumed walking, this time ignoring the ones who judged us based on that distant past. It was a bit difficult to get back into a conversation and both of us walked in an awkward silence. Until Sehun decided a random conversation was the way to go.

“Do you have a bucket list?”

“A bucket list?” I repeated after him.

“Yeah, you know. Stuff to do before you die…unless…uh you don’t...die?”

I shook me head and chuckled. “We’re not immortal. Nice to know you learned something with our project.”

I did have a bucket list per se, but it was more of a mental one rather than an actual list and I personally thought it was a bit boring to call it a bucket list. Bucket lists were meant for wanting to do extravagant things but I didn’t really have aspirations like that. Number one was something he already knew I wanted to do: travel. Get out of this town, go somewhere else and see the world. I would have been satisfied by seeing the beach for the first time in my life. There were things that I wanted to learn how to do that earlier I wasn’t allowed to, how to drive, how to ride a bicycle.

“Wait, wait. You don’t know how to ride a bike?” He sounded in disbelief, like he actually thought I had a normal childhood. I could almost see the light bulb pop over his head as he pulled my in the other direction back to his apartment.

He had me wait outside in front of his apartment building while he fished around and pulled out a white bicycle and helmet out of the side yard. He placed the helmet on my head and started lowering the seat down all the way.

“What are you doing?” I crossed my arms and all he did was look up at me with a wild smirk. He propped up the kickstand and started fastening the helmet he placed on my head.

“Preparing to teach you how to ride a bike.” He tugged me over to the bike and told me to get on. I had no idea was going through his crazy head nor did I think this was a good idea. “Okay, it’s easy. Just…um…pedal?”

“I can tell you are a going to be a really good teacher.” My sarcasm was hiding the fact that I was actually a little nervous. It wasn’t like me to try something new just because I wanted to but I guess it was a good thing. Sehun has me going outside of my comfort zone to learn how to do something I had missed out during my childhood.

Now that I was learning, I figured it was amazing that I could spend a moment like this with Sehun rather than remembering some horrible kind of memory of my parents teaching me this.As soon as I planted my down on the seat and my feet were on both pedals, the bike tipped over and I went with it with a hard crash into the sidewalk. 

“You’re supposed to move!” Sehun picked up the bike and pulled me off the ground, demonstrating that you do indeed have to move. I think at this point he was just trying to show off that he knew something I didn’t. He stopped right at my feet, getting off and handing the bike back over to me.

“Gee, thanks for the advice.”

“That’s just how my dad taught me.” He shrugged and pointed at the bike for me to get back on.

“Well, then,” I shrugged, an instant teasingly smirk came into my mind. His teasing mood got me into the same mood. I completely understood why he had his little moments to tease me like this. It was fun. “Teach me…‘daddy.’”

His face went immediately red, shaking his head and muttering how crazy I am, and pushed me back onto the bike. It took everything in me not to bust out a smile because I was finally able to get back at Sehun for taunting me.

Doubts soon washed away as my feet pushed down on the pedals, gliding across the pavement easily. Sehun cheered for me and clapped his hands with a big smile on his face, eyes like little crescent moons. Even though I wasn’t very good at slowing down or stopping, Sehun continued to say how good I was for a beginner.

I unclipped the helmet off my head and held it in my hands. Sehun was still beaming with pride as he rolled the bike back into the side yard. “Was that fun?”

I nodded, smoothing out my hair. “I guess it was. I liked everything.”

“Good.” He leaned the bike against the fence wall and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. It had gotten late and my curfew was right around the corner so we started heading back to my house and I began thinking I could get used to a routine like this. He wrapped his arm around me as we walked together. “So, are you happy?”

I kept silent. The word happy was something that affected him more than it did me. While I was still in the process of learning how to be happy for myself, Sehun downright admitted that he was not happy with his life. How ironic that he would ask me something like this. I turned it around and asked him the same question.

“Are you happy?” I think it was more important to me that he was happy, rather than my own happiness. I knew that in time, I would be able to admit to myself that everything was going well. We were already starting to get to that place and it was only just beginning. I wanted to know if Sehun felt the same way; he deserved happiness.

His chest rose as a deep breath filled his lungs. “Yeah. I think I am.”

The way he said think made me believe that he was in the same state as I was, at the starting line, realizing that everything was going to be better from now on.

I usually hate using the word ‘surreal’ but at the moment it was the only way I could describe how I felt. I could think of a limited amount of terms that could be used to explain that it didn’t feel real. And by “it” I mean being with Sehun.

The exact term girlfriend or boyfriend was not used, assuming that being mates and having the previous relationship were two different things. If they were different, that would be disheartening. To me it would just prove there was a different kind of…love…going on here. If it really were love in the first place.

I interpreted the way I said it to be the real deal in expressing that I loved him. Sehun really only acted on his affections, lacking a verbal element that I now desired. Settling would be me saying that I should just take what I have and not expect more. And with my confused little mind, I didn’t know what was right or wrong.

Settling with the fact that Sehun might not verbally express that he loves me, feeding the doubt in my mind even further, or demanding that he did say it, pushing love into a meaningless obligation. I didn’t want either; I just wanted to hear the words come from his mouth.

Sehun brought up that he’s made a decision about what major he wanted and it happened to be the same major as my own: Communications. Although he didn’t necessarily want an emphasis in photography, he already looked into the few classes that he had to make up before senior year started for us and registered for them.

It was the first time I had heard Sehun so enthusiastic for school and he was able to do all of this without anyone pulling him back or stopping him. He said he felt motivated unlike ever before, and it had a lot to do with watching my own motivation.

He dropped me off at my house, kissed me, and then walked away as if all of this was all normal. I watched him walk away back to his own place and suddenly, as I was alone, all these doubts formed in my mind. I liked this, he and I. But with the tendencies of my life, I couldn’t help but wonder. Nothing good ever lasted in my life. Really, that’s how I defined my life: a hellhole of doubt. I just wanted to know how long it would last. 

Sehun on a first date like...

Shout out to dreamntell for the beautiful poster!! <3