“S-Sehun…” Sera stammered, taking a fearful step back. “What are you-“

“Vampire?” He murmured questioningly. Neither of us said anything, but I knew that Sehun didn’t doubt the existence, since he already knew about me. There must have been an initial awareness in Sehun before and it was just now confirmed.

Awful yet perfect was how I could describe Sehun’s timing. He was there, he was shocked, and he just froze. Something that terrified me was how I was feeling Sehun’s body temperature, slowly rising to a boil, slowly entering into a searing anger that I had never felt from him before.

I didn’t have time to prepare anything; my mental state, what I would say to him or how to bring it up. Now that it actually came I was more than relieved that I didn’t have to verbally tell him. But there was another issue at hand; he was furious.

His eyes darted back and forth between me and his ex without speaking any words. I would have expected Sehun to fall into the habit of muttering and mumbling to himself like I had seen him do so much already. You could cut the silence with a knife. It was easy to feel how hard Sehun was struggling to keep it all under control without exploding.

“Sehun—“ My eyes darted over to Sera who decided that it was a good idea to push him. The last thing I wanted to do was push Sehun and force an explanation down his throat. What Sera was doing wasn’t going to help him, only make him even more upset.

My face dropped and for once I wish she could hear the thoughts in my head screaming at her not to push him. Seriously, dating him for four years did her absolutely nothing. And she had the nerve to treat him like they were still dating. “Baby, please I can explain everything!”

Her voice sounded more desperate than I had ever heard. It was her voice that made me realize she still wanted to be with Sehun. A desperation that only came from heartbreak. One can only be so selfish, picking between her lust for blood and a relationship with Sehun.

He held up his hand, pointing his index finger up and shushing her from the distance that he was standing. I had seen him fight with Sera only two times, but neither of those could exemplify the rage of the fight that was bound for the three of us. He couldn’t help the shakiness of his breath and with each word he put a significant amount of space between the two, straining his voice. “Shut…up.”

The two of us watched as Sehun paced back and forth as he swallowed the information. I could only hope that his hearing was cut off after the vampire thing…and he only gathered that much information to make him angry. Boy, was I dead wrong. He blew up.

“I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be mad at!” He brushed past my shoulder and then turned around to look at me. He was angry with me.

“Me?!” I gaped, taking a step back. I didn’t want to be close to Sehun knowing that he was acting aggressively. I never thought he would, but he was posing a threat.

“Yes, you, In Hye! If you knew you should have told me!” He screamed, letting the emotion overwhelm him. His eyes were viciously shaking, as if he were trying to process everything he had just heard.  “Also, what? I’m your what?!”

I froze. I could feel my skin going pale because he had heard what I feared he would. For a split second I looked over at Sera just to see if she were in just as of a shock or even worse than I was. There was a fiery determination in her eyes. She wasn’t going down without a chance.

“Sehun—“ She interrupted him again, and for the last time. His eyes widened with a craze and his head whipped in her direction. I knew she had the same mindset as me about this; neither of us liked seeing him this angry. Both of us were filled with a heart set out for him to calm down. Because both of us had lies to explain to him.

“Stop.” He only gave her one final warning. He held up the same finger again, wagging it at her. His eyes slowly moved to look back at me, and even though he was directly speaking to her, the fixated glare never once wavered. “This isn’t your business is it, Sera? No, it’s not. It’s between me…and my mate.”

I hated how he said the word “mate.” It was masked with hatred rather than the romantic idea that he always used to push on me. Sehun was leaving it up to Sera to leave on her own. She was reluctant, but it was really obvious that she was no longer welcomed. Guess she would do anything for Sehun if he wanted it.

Before she left, she glared right at me, as if it were my fault she decided to lie to her boyfriend-well I guess ex-boyfriend now. He turned back to me, looking like he was madder than before.

He ran a hand through his dark hair, oozing frustration. “I don’t even know where to ing begin!” He cursed…at me. I bit the inside of my cheek, but I guess ever since he noticed it, it started to irritate him. “Don’t do that!”

“I have actual reasons for not telling you…” I blurted, knowing that he wasn’t going to take any of this in very well. I had to at least communicate something, anything that would make him listen to me.

“Which one?” He demanded. I opened my mouth ready to answer but he didn’t let me. “I already know about the werewolf thing. You lied to me twice.”

He turned around and started pacing. “I seriously don’t understand why you have to be so selfish! I mean seriously, you let me date Sera knowing she was a vampire? I can’t—“

“Oh, right. I’m the selfish one! I found out yesterday! You guys already broke up and it’s not my place. I think it was fair keeping that to myself.” This was why I didn’t like fighting. Aside the fact that it was Sehun I was fighting with, the arguments that I made were always about being defensive. Whoever fought against me, the only thing I could do was making sure my dignity was still intact. I didn’t want to be attacked; but I also couldn’t stop Sehun’s anger.

“Then what about the second part, huh? That I’m your ing mate?! I think I at least had the right to know that!” The poisonous language coming from his mouth wasn’t too surprising. It’s not like it was the first time I had heard him be so…verbal. I just hated when it was directed at me like this.

I rolled my eyes and turned away. It was at that point I was getting overly emotional, my body fighting against something that I didn’t want to do. My eyes were threatening tears when I mumbled, “It’s not like you would have done anything about that.”

His voice faltered. “What?”

I scoffed, giving up completely. “Oh come on, Sehun! When I found out you were my mate you hated me!”

I heard him walk up to me and a strong hand on my shoulder forced me to turn around. “So, what? We became friends!”

“And you were still dating Sera!” I fought. I brushed his hand off my shoulder and gave us distance again.

“You could have told me then!” He shouted back.

The first tear fell, and he took a step back at the sight of me crying. Me. I was crying. He knew me well enough by then I wasn’t the type to cry, except when I was completely backed into a corner. But I held back these emotions for way too long. They needed out.

“And do what? What would you have done? Nothing! You loved Sera! How was I supposed to pull you away from that just because you were my mate? I couldn’t force you to do anything. God, you think I’m the selfish one?! Try seeing the person you are supposed to be with happy with someone else! Do you even know how hard it was for me to—“

“You should have tried harder.” He looked me straight in the eye, confidence riding in his tone.

Another tear fell. I couldn’t take much more of this anymore. “And do what?!” I screamed on the top of my lungs. He took another step back, shocked from my voice as I broke down. “What kind of person does it make me to take away your happiness for my sake?! That’s selfish!”

I let out a dejected laugh, letting my head hang down. I shifted my feet back, readying myself to just leave. “I just can’t do anything right, can I?” This time I wasn’t backing down from anything anymore. If I wasn’t going to be given any chances to explain myself then so be it.

“I gave you the chance to deny me, Sehun. What makes you think I would ever force you to be with me?” Why would he anyways?

Fighting with Sehun was becoming too hard for me. It wasn’t really fighting anymore. It was confessing everything that I thought I had to keep a secret, including falling in love with him which should have been obvious at this point. The exposure was too much for me to handle.

I took one step back, and another and another until I was a god distance from him. But good didn’t mean good enough. I needed to be away from him completely. I turned around and began to full on sprint. The lung burning, heart aching kind of sprint.

The farther I got the better I felt. I hid behind a tree and tore off all my clothes, shoving them haphazardly into my camera bag. Now with fur on my body and camera bag in my mouth I ran away as far as I could.

I needed to be in a place where I couldn’t even feel Sehun’s presence anymore. And that meant for me, a lot of running. On all fours, I moved with incredible speed faster than I had ever been before in my life. It was absolutely incredible how emotions affected the body as it did mine.

The only way I could cry in this form was to howl. I felt far enough away from any type of civilization to know no one would hear the crying wolf. It was nothing new to me. No one would hear the agony that I could finally let out, the last year of torture was being lifted off my shoulders in the cruelest way.

Every time I took a breath, I could hear the previous howl echo through the forest, bouncing off each tree and reaching even greater distance than I could possibly imagine. Sometimes people make mistakes, and mine was thinking that no one would hear me.

The fur around my eyes was dampened wet with tear tracks, the forest was getting colder due to weather changes, and he came upon the sound of his little sister crying her eyes out. Not knowing whether the reason was distress or pain.

I haven’t truly laid my eyes on Woohyun’s wolf form in such a long time, after being a supposed disgrace in the family, a pure white wolf stood next to a deep, black and honorable wolf. He stood above, eyes boring down into my dampened ones. Nothing had really changed since I last saw him like this.

The fur against his back was sheen and radiant and just amazing to look at. The grey in his eyes was difficult to interpret but the emotions were loud and clear. An obvious protective element was the reason he brought himself all the way out here.

I backed down, creating a distance like I had done with Sehun in defense. All he did was stare; no communication used. He walked down a little and started to approach me. I had no idea what he was doing or what he was trying to say but it wasn’t helping.

He stuck his nose in the air and shook his head off, figuring it out that I was with Sehun just moments before. Woohyun didn’t like that smell on me.

Someone approaching spooked the both of us. Hard steps and heavy breathing made it evident that it could only be one person who must have been running for dear life. The three of us stood in a large triangle, with Sehun the last corner looking even more pissed than when I had left him.

Woohyun would probably never like Sehun even if we had a good standing relationship. Even though his eyes first looked at me, Woohyun’s threatening growling and barking startled Sehun and made him break eye contact. Woohyun’s presence was malicious, I’ll give Sehun that much. All I knew was Sehun’s desperation to catch up to me was something I’d remember later.

Sehun backed up and stumbled on his feet, holding out his hands in a defensive manner. Woohyun kept barking, uselessly telling Sehun to back off. Instinct kicked in; I couldn’t help but be protective over Sehun even though Woohyun thought he was doing the same for me. I barked back at Woohyun telling him to back down. If he didn’t know what was going on then he should stay out of it.

My brother turned over at me and flared his razor sharp teeth at me. I mirrored him and told him to go back home. Woohyun’s only concern was me, and I was fine. I knew he wouldn’t fully listen to me when he ran off. Since Woohyun didn’t know why I was screaming my lungs and heart out he didn’t actually leave the two of us. He stayed a distance that would probably allow him to hear everything that would unfold between my mate and me.

Sehun thought once Woohyun was gone that meant he was gone. “Change back.” He snarled at me. “I wasn’t even close to being done!”

I didn’t have enough time to vent out my emotions to dive right into another fight. I could tell by the tone of Sehun’s voice that he was in the same emotional state as when I left him. His eyes were brimmed with red; the sole reason in my mind was because he was truly angry with me. And it only made me think…was it really that bad that he was my mate?

A few moments passed of me staying absolutely motionless. I knew he was waiting for me to move and take initiative, as if I were obligated to give him an explanation. It was too late to try and calmly break it all down to him.

Sehun rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air. “Fine! Then you’ll just have to listen to me rant about how frustrating you are!”

I shook my head in annoyance? How frustrating I am?! How dare he actually accuse me of something that I can’t help? Sure I didn’t tell him when I probably should have a while back. Excuse me for having emotional issues…

One coping mechanism Sehun must have is needing to move around when he feels strongly about something. He had a habit of pacing he couldn’t shake and he couldn’t even make eye contact with me as he starting spewing through his rant.

He started with the most important thing in his mind, the real reason that he was upset with me. When the flush face was interpreted by me as a mixture of being out of breath and livid actually meant embarrassment, I was astonished.

“Did it ever occur to you for a second that I had feelings for you? That maybe I was waiting?!”

A headache was beginning to crawl through the back of my head. None of it made sense. I was in as much denial as I ever could have imagined, all because I refused to believe the idea that Oh Sehun actually had feelings for me. I was lying to myself, saying that these feelings were just feelings of dislike.

“I waited because I knew you would have a mate! I thought to myself why get invested if there was someone else destined for you. Now I find out that I had to go through all that agony because you couldn’t manage to man up and actually tell me?! If we’re meant for each other—“

A y, growl left my mouth at the mention of that. The thing I hated about this whole idea of having a mate in the first place. He immediately stopped talking and took a sharp breath.

I pulled over my bag by my teeth and hid behind a tree, throwing on as much as I needed to, forgetting the unimportant things like shoes. Clouds above us started rolling in and darkened the forest around us. It was fitting to the mood that I was in.

“We’re not meant for each other.” Was the first thing I said to him when I revealed myself.

“But that’s what mates are.” Sehun argued back. I could try my hardest, but Sehun wasn’t going to back down at all.

I was in human form and I felt completely exposed. As quick as my mind was, it was difficult for me to come up with a well thought out response to him. All I could say was, “Can’t you just drop this?”

His hands balled up into fists as he tightly shut his eyes. It seemed like the more I talked the more frustrated he became. “I can’t! I have this constant desire to protect you! Or keep you near me. Doesn’t that explain anything to you?”

“Yes. Exactly what I said before, mates are only about physical attraction! You feel that way because your body tells you to be. Mates get to choose. If we’re meant to be together like a soul mate, then what choice do either of us have? None, because you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not and that’s not fair!”

I myself began to rant in frustration. I wasn’t so much mad as him as I was about the idea of mates.

“What does this make us then?” He stopped pacing, not too far away from me. He wanted direct eye contact, to directly look me in the eyes and see past that.

“Whatever you want it to make us, Sehun.” It was the truth and I had no other way of saying it. I had no say in what it makes us and I would let this define us.

He looked at me with massive amounts of confusion. “What does that mean?”

I took my time explaining it because if I came out with it, I’d hurt myself too quickly. No matter what, it would hurt. Might as well torture myself in the process.

“Sehun, you’re a human. It doesn’t work the same way with humans. You can deny me and I’m pretty sure you already know that. What…us being mates means…is completely up to you.”

This was the part I had feared the whole time. He knew now, I wasn’t worried about that. I was worried about the choice he needed to make. I couldn’t have felt more useless than in that very moment of waiting, filling myself with the ultimate doubt that Sehun wouldn’t choose to be stuck with me for the rest of his life. Being forced to keep a secret like me being a werewolf and yet trying to live a normal life.

“That’s not fair.” Pouting never does him justice.

“Of course it’s not fair. It’s never been fair. No matter how much I love you it will always be up to you.”

Saying something like that out loud felt relieving and heart wrenching at the same time. Saying those exact, typical, what should have been meaningless to him after saying it so much to someone else, words. But I said them, even if not directly to him. And to be honest, it felt weird.

At the same time, the heart wrenching aspect would slowly eat me alive. No matter what, my love would never be as significant to him because he always had the option of leaving. Because he knows everything about mates, and that bond I was suddenly afraid that he would stay out of obligation.

The weather seemed to match my soul, as a light drizzle lasting only minutes long turned into a heavy rain. I didn’t want to know what Sehun was thinking, when normally I always did.

All I could do was walk away in the rain, let the droplets of water mask the obvious tears drastically falling down my face, and listen. I listened to Sehun’s steady heartbeat and nothing else. No sloshing of his shoes through the mud or footsteps splashing against the formed puddles.

In the end, I was right like always. All of the torment he put me through in the past was nothing compared to the heartbreak I was experiencing. In movies, the male lead always follows after the girl romantically. It was simple: because he chose her.

This was Sehun’s choice, not to follow after me. Not to choose me. 

Literally wrote that last line and verbally said to myself, "How depressing..."

Housekeeping: There are about 4-6 chapters left depending on how I decided to split things up later. Who knows maybe I'll actually get inspired to write more. I'm in my last week of school and I am working at a camp all summer starting late May so I have no idea how but I am going to try my hardest to get chapters out at a frequent rate! 

More housekeeping: It's been an interesting week. I survived my first school lockdown... \o_o/