I battled greatly with figuring out the worst part of it. The factors were endless but there were only the little details that strained my heart, something that made the bullying much more difficult. The events themselves or the fact that somehow I just knew my brother was aware of the change in me. My parents death wasn’t responsible for single-handedly ruining me. It was the combination of that and the bullying that started only a year later.

His hair was too long for his face and he looked too similar to a shaggy dog. It didn’t change the fierce disdain in his eye or the way his eyebrows knitted together every time he looked in my direction.

“Watch where you’re going, Huek.” A white, pasty, skinny as a stick Sehun stood over me after he kicked me to the ground. Boys had been standing with him, friends that weren’t his friends anymore.

“I wonder if this means anything?” My camera was in the hands of someone else. A gift from my cousin meant something to me. Jaehyun. That was his name. Daunting and taunting with my camera swinging around before throwing it to the ground and breaking it. I was lucky it wasn’t the first camera that Myungsoo gave me, but dead that yet another one broke at the hands of the boys in front of me.

There were hot tears falling down my face as I thought what I could have possibly done to ever deserve torment like this. Why he abused his popularity to send people after me to mock me, sometimes lay their hands on me. Why he stood in front of me with a smug face that said “I own you.” He bent down and slammed his hand on the locker behind me, trapping me and sending chills down my spine.

“How does it feel Heuk? To have something of yours destroyed by another?”

It was middle school Sehun that was the worst, and what had been haunting my dreams for the past couple of days, ever since we had discovered that some ravenous…thing was roaming around the forest. The longer I kept it to myself, the worse the nightmares seemed to become. Why didn’t I tell my brother? Easy, and maybe just a tad bit selfish of me. I knew that Woohyun would lock me up somewhere and never let me go outside again.

Sehun was tempted to report it to the police to eradicate the problem, but I heavily warned him not to. I had a feeling that whatever killed those animals was incredibly capable of killing the police as well. Yet when I told Myungsoo about it, he kept it as silent as I did. The color in his face had drained to make his tanned skin to be as pale as Sehun’s.

I didn’t know if he didn’t want to tell Woohyun or if he was waiting for the right opportunity. Nonetheless, waiting like this increased my anxiety and my nightmares. Waking up in the morning became a hassle when I had a big case of sleep depravity. A noticeable one.

“You look awful…again.” Sehun tried to make it sound like he was concerned with the bags under my eyes yet made it all too easy for me to recoil into the person that I was before. Walking around any campus, middle school or high school or college, what I instantly protect was my camera. I clutched the strap and pulled it to the opposite side of him. My body tensed, as did his.

“Woah…” He put his hands up as if he did something wrong. “You ok?”

I cleared my throat and tried relaxing with great struggle. I know today’s Sehun is much different than his middle school self yet I felt closed wounds reopen when I thought they were permanently stitched up. “I’m all right. Just didn’t get any sleep.”

I felt him staring at me but I was honestly too tired to address that subject. Maybe some other time I would call him out for trying to peek at my soul, just not when I can barely focus on walking straight.

“We’ll meet at my place after classes but I have to run a quick errand. The spare key is in the little fairy house in the ficus plant.”

The last sentence of his gave me back a little bit of energy, just enough to ask why he had such a specific hiding spot for his spare key. He claimed to have never needed to use the spare key but kept it there just in case, and now he practically entrusted me with his apartment.

It felt weird looking for his key and opening up his apartment like I owned the place. This inscrutable sense I had made me feel like I belonged in this place, considering it had already been a while since we started meeting here. Somehow I had a feeling it was going to be my last time coming here. All we were going to do today is finish editing our very long paper on werewolf mates because it had to be perfect for Sehun.

While I made myself comfortable in the same place I always sat, Sehun walked through the door with drinks in his hand. “This is errands?”

He held up one drink while taking a sip out of the other, shaking it to show it was mine. For the first time, he was actually being really thoughtful since he already knew I couldn’t go into town. “You want it or not?”

I held out my hand and grabbed the drink, silently thanking him for remembering my favorite drink. I went back to reading through our work and noticed Sehun absent-mindedly sitting there drinking his bubble tea. I took my turn staring at him, doing the exact same thing to try and figure out what he was thinking. But staring at him doesn’t help me, I can’t do it like he does. I went for asking instead. “Sehun.”

I jolted him out of what seemed to be a trance, but he shook his head and hung it low. “Sorry, not really in the mood for work.”

I closed my laptop and crossed my legs on the couch. “Then talk. You look like you need to.”

He scrunched up his nose and sighed with a huge amount of frustration. “Can I trust you?”

I didn’t expect him to start off any conversation like that, but what did he think asking me something like that? Who would I tell? Who do I know besides him that I could tell? “Yeah…”

“Is it wrong to care about school?” His question was so obviously referring to the fight he had with Sera, but he didn’t know that I heard the entire thing. I acted like I didn’t but it wouldn’t have changed my initial reaction.

“What? Of course it’s not.”

“But explain why.” He was demanding an answer out of me, and I was prepared to give one.

“Well, education is pretty much a blessing in disguise. Without it, people wouldn’t have the opportunity to learn about themselves and pick a career.”

“That’s exactly what I think.” He muttered under his breath like always. Either it’s my super hearing or he doesn’t actually know how loud he talks when he does that. But I had never heard him sound so bitter, considering this question was brought up because of his girlfriend.

“If you think that way they why the question?” I watched him run his fingers through his lush brown hair and kick back his legs to rest on the couch he was on.

“I just needed a clearer explanation before I confront a problem.” Problem being Sera. Problem being his girlfriend. If he asked if he could trust me, then why doesn’t he do the same? Trust me and open up more.

I kept my eyes locked on him until he finally opened his mouth again. Explaining the fight I had already heard, and being accused of liking school more than he had in the past. Yet he failed to mention that they were really arguing about me, which I found a bit strange. I didn’t understand why he would leave out the main argument. It left me feeling guilty for making him explain it all over again. “Actually…I kind of know what you’re talking about.”

He feigned innocence at first, until I mentioned Sera’s name. In the past whenever he was around her he’d always have this giddy smile about him, the love in his eyes was so evident. And he rolled his eyes at the mention of her name. “Then tell me what’s wrong with her.”

I gaped at him because he was unable to figure out his long time girlfriend and why she was acting the way she was. “You don’t know? You really don’t know?”

He shook his head and I slowly began explaining the concept of jealousy. Sera was jealous because he was spending more time away from her, going off to spend time with someone he used to hate. Though he tried to correct me on the “hating” part I didn’t care at the moment. He didn’t understand her jealousy at all. “How long have you been dating?”

“Since we were 17.” When he answered, it sounded more like he was griping. Like he saying 4 years too long. With that much time one is easily able to understand another’s bad habits. Yet Sehun acted like he was completely clueless.

I sighed and began explaining again. “People become insecure when they notice someone they love begins to stop showing they care. She’s just…expressing it very poorly.” Some people react different when they feel uncared for. There’s me: pulling myself back into a shell rather than voicing my own opinions. And then there’s Sera: pointing out how people don’t care for her “enough” and that she needs more attention…even when she gets too much.

“I don’t like it.” Sehun’s answer was really obvious and I could clearly figure out that he didn’t like constantly giving attention.

“Then answer her question. Why do you care so much about school?”

He sat up and rested his elbows on his knees, fiddling with his thumbs while he was thinking of a response. “Everyone has that one thing that makes them stand out. You like photography. Taemin and Kai have dancing. Baekhyun likes singing. I…have nothing. Nothing defines me.”

Never in my life would I have thought Sehun had such deep insecurities. He makes himself seem like he has his whole life together, but he actually doesn’t. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

He scoffed and sat back. “Oh right, I forgot. I’m just a bully.”

I frowned at him. I was all for helping him with his girlfriend issues, if it made him see that maybe there was a bigger problem at hand and talking to me about it wouldn’t exactly solve it. But it sounded to me like there were more problems with him that he needed to figure out for himself. He has the world at his fingertips, yet doesn’t know how to handle it. That is something he has to learn on his own, just like everyone else.

“Look no offense-“ He began.

“That means it’s offensive.” I interrupted. I honestly hated hearing people start with that.

He pursed his lips and continued. “You haven’t really…experienced much. How are you so good with giving advice?”

This counts as advice? I thought we were just talking, but he wanted to seek out words of wisdom from me. He couldn't exactly talk to his girlfriend, but it sounds to me like he's not as close to Jongin as it seems. Or he just really wants to trust me.

“When you’re alone you get better at observing people. I know what I see and I choose the things that I want and I don’t want. For example, I wouldn’t like it if my boyfriend constantly needed my attention. To that extent, dependency becomes a weakness. Plus it sounds like whining to me and a lot of insecurity.”

Indirectly but obviously pointing a jab to Sera, saying that was just another way for Sehun to see that he and his girlfriend weren’t currently all that happy with each other. They may have never argued about the topic of Sehun hanging out with me “too much” but something as annoying as pining for his attention all the time might not be as new of a quarrel.

As I finished answering, his eyes locked on mine for the thousandth time. He always does that, just staring. I thought it myself when it was a good time to call out this habit of his. It was now. “Why are you staring at me?”

He completely ignored my question and asked me one himself. I really wanted him to answer my question and I felt like he owed it to me after I was trying to help him. Staring at me like he does makes me feel…vulnerable. And I don’t like it.

“So how come you can’t sleep?”

I told him I had a nightmare about my parent’s death but I didn’t include the past memories about him bullying me. Ever since he’s brought up feeling regretful it makes me guilty for accusing him of something in the past. And now that he had sulked about it, I couldn’t crush him again.

He shrugged and got up off the couch. “Take a nap then. We probably won’t get anything done today anyways.”

Take a nap? In his apartment? He’s gone mad. I stared at him with wide bewildered eyes. “In Hye, you kind of look like death. I think you could use some sleep.”

Even though my mind wanted to protest, my body could barely handle blinking without wanting to keep my eyes closed. I put my stuff down on the coffee table, undid my bun, and laid my head on the armrest while Sehun retreated to his room. I was out within minutes, drifting into a dreamless sleep.

I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep, but I heard movement around me. You know those times where you’re just too tired to even open your eyes? That was exactly how I felt; my body was too heavy to even move. A blanket was thrown over me, and I retreated into the warmth. I thought that was all he was going to do, but I sensed his every movement as he crouched on the floor beside me.

“Remember when I said I didn’t like watching you sleep?” His hand softly brushed against my cheek, then moving up to my hairline, tucking a lock behind my ear. I remember it very well actually. He said I looked scared. He didn’t like watching me sleep.

“Well…that’s changed, I guess. It’s still hard, though. I mean—you—you’re…you look really innocent now. Pretty. N-not that you weren’t pretty before. Just….ugh God I am so glad you aren’t awake. This is so embarrassing.”

I won’t let you live this one down, Oh Sehun. I inwardly smiled. I’m glad I actually am awake.

“If you were awake, you’d probably tell me no one has told you that before. That you were pretty. Well…maybe no one told you that, but I bet people think it. I do. A lot.”

I prayed the heat to my cheeks wasn’t noticeable. I’m not the type of person to blush, so I wouldn’t know how it looked on my face. Maybe it was a dream after all. I was afraid to fall into a deep slumber as I sensed a pattern to what kind of dreams I’ve been having lately. Beyond all luck, I didn’t have a bad dream…or memory dream.

I haven’t heard my brother’s laugh since he was a teenager, through the phases when his voice began changing and it would crack when he laughed. All of a sudden it just got so deep. Every time he would laugh I couldn’t help but crack a smile. These were the kinds of memories I always forgot, but wanted to remember more than the bad side of my life. I was blissful and didn’t want to wake up at all, nevertheless I was pulled back by noise.

The sound of water running, pots clanging, even the smell of something cooking. But what caused me to stir was the sound of howling. I groaned and tried to turn around, ignoring the familiar sound. It got louder and I flipped over again, grumbling again. “Woohyun…shut up…”

“In Hye? In Hye wake up.” Wake up? Oh, wake up. My eyes shot open as soon as I remembered where I was. Sehun was standing over me, looking somewhat concerned, but at that moment I didn’t care.

“You kept calling for your brother-“

“What time is it?!?” I looked out the window of his apartment, praying that the sun was still out. It had set a long time ago and it was already dark.

“It’s 8. Uh, I made dinner-“

“Damn it, why didn’t you wake me up?!” I rolled off the couch and gathered my things as quickly as I could. That was it, I’m dead. I’m dying tonight, that’s the only reason Woohyun would be howling like that. It was out of anger, like he was yelling at me to get home.

“Y-you looked peaceful, I didn’t-“ He followed me around like a puppy with short steps while I moved around to gather all of my things.

“I have a curfew, Sehun. God, Woohyun is going to kill me!” I slung my bags over my shoulder and brushed past Sehun. For a moment, I forgot about my strength and knocked him over. He immediately scrambled off the floor and stalked after me again.

“Just tell him you were doing a project.”

I just scoffed. Oh sure, tell my big brother I accidentally fell asleep at a man’s apartment, who just conveniently happened to be my mate. That’ll make over protective big brother man of the house real happy.

“I have to go.” I opened the door, but turned around, Sehun stopping before he ran into me. We were face to face for just a mere second before he awkwardly backed up. “Under no circumstance do you follow me.”

I couldn’t have Sehun near Woohyun, especially with how angry he sounded when he howled. If my brother knew the reason why I was late, this whole concept of having my mate would be gone. Sehun would probably be ripped to shreds.

I took a shortcut through the forest, running as fast as my legs could take me. The howling stopped, which meant Woohyun knew I was running home and he was letting the anger setting in for good. Though my lungs were burning and my heart was pounding, the silence gave me the scariest chills I had ever gotten. I ran up to the porch and saw the lights on, but I waited a minute in fear of how poorly my older brother would react. I’ve never been this late before.

Being werewolves has incredible disadvantages, though most look at heightened senses as an advantage. I found my own senses an advantage but I didn’t like my brother having the same powers. He yelled at me through the front door, not even thinking it was worthy enough for him to come outside. Because he was that angry. “Get the hell in here In Hye!”

My whole body went cold as I took the steps up to our house. The door was already unlocked and all I had to do was walk into my doom. Unfortunately for me, it wasn’t just Woohyun waiting for me, it was the rest of the pack as well. How much in trouble was I really for just breaking curfew?

My brother’s face was bright red and he hadn’t even begun to yell. I dropped my bags by the door and waited for the impending lecture. Woohyun paced the floor, Myungsoo was sitting at the kitchen island with his head resting in his hand, and the rest of the pack was patiently sitting on the couch. They didn’t seem as bothered as my older brother did.

“Nam In Hye you are an hour late! A ing hour!” Veins on Woohyun’s neck popped out as he screamed. “Do you even know what’s out there?!”

Initially I was phased at his shouting. He cursed at me and everything, but that isn’t what caught my attention. Do you even know what’s out there…He does know something.

“No, I don’t! I find a pile of dead animals out there and you’re still not going to tell me what’s going on?! You give me a baby sitter, change my curfew, and tell me not to go into the town. This is ridiculous!”

The frown on Woohyun increased, his whole body shaking furiously. It seemed like there was tension going on between Sunggyu and Woohyun. Each wanted it to be his call, yet neither chose to say anything. I saw Sunngyu get up from his seat, trying to reason with my pissed off brother. “Woohyun if you just-“

“Stay out of it, Sunggyu! Family issues.”

“She’ll be in danger if she doesn’t know.” Sunggyu’s voice began to rise with Woohyun’s. My older brother was losing his respect for the leader every time he argued against him. Then again, Sunggyu was supposed to be in control and he is letting Woohyun have too much power.

“No.”

I didn’t know whose argument this was: a family argument or an argument between pack members. Being left out of it was only increasing my own anger as Sunggyu started saying that I would be in danger. I would be in danger.

“Go to your room!” Woohyun turned to me and pointed to the stairs. After finding out of the potential threat in the only place that I was allowed to go, I wasn’t leaving without answers.

“No! Tell me what’s going on! I have a right to know!”

My brother rolled his eyes and scoffed. “A right to know? You of all people have no right!”

The way he looked at me with the disgust caused a huge tug on my heart. I was fully aware of his hatred, yet to me it sounded like he wanted me to be in danger. Not telling me keeps me in danger and he doesn’t want to tell me anything.

I kept my ground and didn’t move and when he noticed I didn’t move it only made his face darken with hatred. A softer tactic was the worst decision I have ever made. “Why can’t you tell me, Woohyun?”

“And you think you deserve to know? Well In Hye, you don’t!” He took a breath and scoffed, turning his hateful eye to me and taking his damaging comments too far. “Stop complaining and whining about your life, it’s fine. You’re just being a brat.”

I was sick, I was done with everything. My breaking point was my own brother saying that I was in no position to complain about my life. I didn’t think that he genuinely hated me this much. “Don’t ing say that my life is fine. News flash, brother, it isn’t! It never has been! Why can’t you just be the big brother you’re supposed to be?!”

I felt my throat tightening. To top of my tantrum, I couldn’t control my emotions anymore. Not that it mattered, though. Bottled up emotions always explode to destroy.

“Calm down, In Hye.” He said lowly, but in a soft tone. As if I could calm down after what he just said to me; that my life was just hunky dory and I was acting like a child. I didn’t realize that I had so much anger pent up for Woohyun, but it was all coming out now.

“No! Don’t tell me what to do anymore! Don’t tell me I have to come home super early. Don’t tell me that I can’t go into town unless someone is with me! I’m not a child, and I haven’t been a child for years.”

He held out his hands defensively and took a careful step back. He wasn’t expecting this backlash and honestly neither was I. But after how well things had been going with Sehun I completely forgot of the real issue at hand. My brother hates me and I’m still worthless to him. All of this yelling induced a panic attack. I started gasping for air, backing into the front door, which knocked the air back into me. I only looked at Woohyun whose disguised concern was just another way to mask his scornful eyes. “I hate you Woohyun. I hate it here!”

They say hate is a strong word. To use it on the only real family I have left may have been too spiteful for my heart to handle and especially too much for Woohyun to handle. It’s probably the first time he’s heard someone say those exact words to him. I did the first thing that came to mind: opened the front door and run out.

The lack of response from any of the pack told me to run faster and farther into the pitch-black forest. My night vision aided me as the adrenaline kicked in, making my body tingle with a new excitement. This was the only time I had ever run at night. No danger could possibly ruin this feeling.

In emergencies I could change into my wolf self with my clothes on. With rage out of the question, my body reacted on its own and suddenly I was on all fours feeling the crisp night air against my white fur. I felt every movement in my domain, even the most familiar to me. I told him not to follow me.

Sehun stood below me, on the lower ground while I stood at least 35 feet away from him. With a backpack and flashlight, his light beamed around until it pointed directly at me. He mumbled the name he gave to me before flashing that special smile he had just for me. I didn’t have the chance to walk over to him.

Within seconds of our short moment, a searing pain spread through my lower stomach. I yelped out, and fell to the ground as the pain increased. While my voice quaked and whimpered I dragged my eyes down and saw an arrow sticking out of my side. I heard Sehun screaming, the pattering of footstep getting nearer and farther.

I continued to whimper and shake as Sehun pulled my head onto his lap. He cursed repeatedly, patting my fur in attempts to comfort me. My hind leg began scratching at the arrow, which only made the pain and blood increase. Sehun’s breath hitched but I felt the arrow move as he wrapped his fingers around it. With one switch pull the arrow was out of me and blood seeped out of the wound.

My body went cold, my mouth went dry, and all I could think was getting away from Sehun and turn back. With all the strength I had left I pushed myself up and ran. I still had adrenaline in me and I was convinced that was the only thing keeping me moving. I forced myself to breath when it felt like my lungs would collapse on their own.

Changing back to a human almost ripped me apart completely. There were so many things to focus on, breathing, moving, keeping pressure on the hole in my stomach.

There was a fallen tree. As best as I could, I stumbled over with a hand on my wound, and blood began to pour out of my mouth. My hand was soaked in red and my throat began to swell up. The arrow was the same kind of arrow in the bear cub: silver. Within seconds the tips of my fingers began to tingle slowly into numbness.

It took all of my strength to put pressure on the puncture in my abdomen, it was becoming equally difficult to battle consciousness. If I passed out, I would die. I tried taking a deep breath, but the sharp pain increased with every movement of my body. I could barely tell that the wailing was coming from my own voice. The temperature of my body felt like it was dropping thousands of degrees a second. I must be dying…

Without warning, my body was scooped up and violently shook. “In Hye?! IN HYE! Oh God…” Oh…I know that voice… “What the hell happened?!”

My body limply dangled in his arms as I looked into his bewildered eyes. Fear, care, concern…I saw all of those things. He put his hand over mine, adding more pressure to my wound.

“Take me home…” I weakly mumbled, tasting the thick blood in my mouth.

“You need a hospital.” He was fully prepared to pick me up and carry me the way, but I shook my head. Hospitals would be of no use to me. “Stop trying to move, idiot.”

“Home…” My voice was weak and laced with thick blood. I need to get to my brother. I need Woohyun.

“In Hye stop it.” Sehun’s voice wavered.

“Hospitals can’t help.” I tried sitting up myself but it felt like I was being stabbed a thousand times over. I heard the cry out of my voice, but it didn’t register that I made that sound. I was beginning to lose consciousness.

My other hand was grasping his arm at this point, it was inhumane strength that allowed me to. “Take. Me. Home.”

Bile shot out of my mouth and I lunged forward in attempts to not throw up on myself. Poison. This felt like poison. Sehun’s arms were wide open for me. Pulling me back into a more comfortable embrace. Hot tears flowed out of my eyes. I prepared for the death that awaited me.

Sehun’s hand cupped my cheek, his thumb wiping out the liquid spilling out of my eyes. His mouth was moving but the ringing in my ears blocked whatever he was trying to say to me. He wrapped his arms under my legs and torso and picked up my full weight. With fuzzy vision, I looked up at my mate and wondered how happy he would be with me out of the picture. And then I realized, but maybe it was just the pain driving me to insanity, that Sehun’s eyes were filled with water.

The last thing that I saw before everything faded to black was a tear rolling down his face. The last thing I heard was the voice of my brother screaming out my name.

I'm an awful person I know. I wrote a few of the scenes a while back and when I pieced them together I wrote this in the notes

SHE RUNS OUT OF THE HOUSE LIKE SHE ISN”T SUPPOSED TO AND THAT’S WHEN SHE GETS SHOT YASSS 

...I know I know it's awful my poor In Hye TT_TT

I'm trying to get a playlist together for this story and I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions :)