Physical touch was something I wasn’t used to, didn’t know what to think if, and was getting a lot of lately. No, Sehun did not kiss me like I thought he was going to, and I was actually glad he didn’t. With not having officially broken up with Sera at that point, he’d be doing the same thing as she was. Though I didn’t actually tell him that. He had just answered the door and pretended like that little moment never happened at all. That didn’t exactly mean it just stopped.

I noticed a pattern starting to grow. Sehun would only initiate physical contact when we were alone and not expecting any one. Instead of sitting in his usual spot, he’d sit close to me on the couch. When we were out taking photos, he’d walk so close to me I could practically feel his body next to mine. All the while, I had to keep my composure as best as I could.

As much as I wanted to focus on the traits that I began to love about Sehun, the werewolf being inside of me was also just as desperate for that physical side as well. As any human would be like, I suppose, I wanted to feel a tangible reassurance of love.

The doubt inside of me was enough for me to believe that I wouldn’t ever get that. I didn’t know what was happening with Sehun; either that or I couldn’t accept that anything good would really happen to me. It’s just how I was raised to think.

A week had flown by and Sehun still hadn’t done what he said he was going to. He didn’t talk too much about Sera cheating at all. I didn’t want to push him into anything, especially not breaking up with her. I just wanted him to say anything at all.

In the past week, I had gone into town a lot with Myungsoo running errands with him. I saw Sera a few times, hanging out with many different guys. She was acting like normal, which scared me greatly. It was as if nothing was wrong.

She spotted me only once during the few times I’d seen her, and in that one occurrence her eyes turned dark and menacing. There was this fueled hatred towards me that had reached its full potential, something that she had probably festered for a long time. I thought nothing of it. I only thought of Sehun.  

On this day, Sehun said he wanted to go out and take pictures. It didn’t seem like he actually wanted to do anything though. No hiking, or photography, we were walking through the forest and he halted when we reached a grassy area.

“Can we just chill here for a little?”

In my own interpretation, he was numbing away the sad emotions he was supposed to be feeling. He cried only once when he found out she was cheating, but I felt like it wasn’t enough for him. He was slowly becoming more of an emotional guy the longer I knew him. Yet somehow I felt like he needed to cry more than he actually did.

I sat down underneath some shade and leaned my back against the trunk of a tree. Sehun really did the unthinkable. Rather than sitting across from me, he laid down on the grass and rested his head on my lap, making eye contact inevitable. He closed his eyes and kept a steady breathing pattern.

“Did you know I asked Sera out because of a dare?”

“A…dare??” I deadpanned. Wow, I knew back then Sehun was probably a little more than insensitive, but a dare seemed like much even for him. Even at 17, he should have known better.

“Sounds as stupid as you say. It was Baekhyun’s idea. In my defense he had a pretty solid relationship back then.” He chuckled, sounding like he was in disbelief that he actually went through it.

“Is he in the same relationship now?”

“Uh…no.”

I sighed, leaning my head back against the tree trunk. Having Sehun resting his head in my lap wasn’t a bad thing at all. I was just afraid of getting used to something like this when there was no say in what happens next. After all, my heart would always be guarded.

“She told me she knew it was a dare to begin with, but she agreed to the date anyways. She liked…the immature me.” He took a long pause, trying to gather his next thoughts. “I didn’t…think it would turn into this.”

I didn’t know what he meant by “this” at all. Did he mean it in a disappointing way or a stressed way? I couldn’t even tell if he was referring to the cheating thing or not. Sehun admitting that Sera liked the immature self in him must have been hard. He faced the fact that he knew the immaturity was a bad thing, which is hard to admit for most people.

“I didn’t even want a relationship, but she did. I just went along with…everything. Mindlessly like a zombie. Are zombies real? God, I hope not.”

I chuckled softly. “Who knows? They could, they couldn’t. Why, are you scared of zombies?” 

He opened his eyes and playfully glared at me. I took that as a yes, he was definitely scared of zombies. My guess would have been they probably don’t exist. But egging Sehun on was kind of fun, so I didn’t give him a definite answer like he wanted.

“If I ever get out of this town, maybe I could find out.” I mumbled to myself, not realizing how bitter that actually sounded. I looked down and gave Sehun direct eye contact but the proximity almost made me blush so I looked back up at the sky.

“Pick right now then, where would you want to go? Anywhere in the world, right now.” I heard him say.

Anywhere where there isn’t a huge forest would honestly fit the description of where I would want to go. Even going to the next down over would have been nice. Even though my wishes to travel have been set in place since I was young, I had never given it any thought to a specific place.

“I want to see the Northern Lights.” I wanted to see the natural beauties that came out during the night. The sky is a mystery in its endless color, and to see such distinctiveness from an unexplained thing such as the Northern Lights would probably blow me away.

I looked down to my lap when Sehun wasn’t responding. Judging by his breathing pattern and the way his mouth hung slightly open, he fell fast asleep.

I took a moment to appreciate just how good looking Sehun actually was. Something about his comfort was attractive to me. It was another one of those rare moments where he visibly looked happy. The delicate smile on his face was something that was hard to forget. For the first time, I was confident in the idea that his smile was because of me.

I didn’t think I was that tired but the warm summer air and seeing Sehun in dreamland made my eyes begin to drift off. It was kind of perfect with him on my lap and the shade giving both of us comfort. I closed my eyes and let my body finally relax.

Something changed between us. I was conscious enough to know that he moved, and I moved with him. The radiated warmth of a human body gave me a feeling that couldn’t compare to anything else.

Sehun’s deep voice whispered softly into my ear. It tickled the inside of me; warm vibrations ran through my entire being at the sound of his deep, yet ever so soft voice. “Hye?”

“Mmm…”

“Are you comfortable?”

“Mnm…” I unconsciously turned my head to make myself more comfortable on his shoulder. I felt the muscles relax down to my level as his grip around me slightly tightened.

“Is that an mmm yes or are you not awake?”

I was kind of awake, able to fully process that Sehun had his arm around me and my head was resting gently on his shoulder. I was too tired to respond. This felt too good and I was definitely feeling guilty for enjoying myself too much. The fact that I didn’t immediately wake up when Sehun pulled this off was impressive for me. I liked that I was able to be this relaxed around him.

Sehun’s hand was wrapped around the right side of my waist, holding me up and keeping me close to him. His hands found their way under my shirt, very lightly and innocent. His fingers brushed against the scar over my stomach. “Does it still hurt?”

My eyes were halfway open, but they were too heavy to stay open. I could barely even mumble. “Not really. Not too much.”

“So it still hurts…” He sounded disappointed. He felt sad, but scars were scars. It might hurt for the rest of my life, I wasn’t really sure. It just…reminded me. If that incident didn’t happen, I probably wouldn’t have gained enough courage to tell Sehun what I was. It had to have happened the way it did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have witnessed that Sehun cared…for me.

When I woke up Sehun was no longer a pillow, and the sun was turning from blue to a beautiful orange. My time was up and both of us knew that a curfew meant a curfew. Sehun held out his hand for me to stand, which I easily took. He offered to walk me home and there was once again this strange awkward silence. As if there was something that Sehun wanted to talk about, but couldn’t. As if he were restraining himself.

“I’ll…do it tomorrow. I want this to be over.” He didn’t have to explain to me what he meant; tomorrow he planned on breaking up with his girlfriend. It was good that Sehun at least made some kind of decision. He needed to come to that or else his own thoughts would drive him insane. Putting it off for a whole week probably made him doubt himself.

I was just going to go into my house, expecting Sehun to say that he’d see me later or something along those lines. Instead, he walked up the stairs to our door, and asked me to wait.

He took a step closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, keeping a tight hug between us. Something about the hug cried…desperation. It wasn’t like before where he was attempting to comfort me or anything like that. His arms were wrapped so tightly around me that I was pressed against the pounding of his heart.

He pressed his cheek against the top of my head, gently caressing my back with much more affection than I had initially realized. It was his second attempt for being more intimate around me. Right as I was about to reach my arms around him, I heard the clearing of a throat.

The door was wide open and Myungsoo was standing there with his arms crossed, looking at Sehun with displeased eyes. Sehun let go and backed away from me, brushing out the back of his hair and aiding to the awkward tension. “I’ll...text you.”

I turned to Myungsoo and glared at him. He shrugged, “I don’t like him.”

I mimicked him and shrugged. Nothing I could do about Myungsoo not liking Sehun, although I couldn’t see any reason to dislike him. My cousin was just being that typical overprotective dad figure. “Tough?”

I walked into the house and was prepared to take my leave up to my room, but Myungsoo called me back. “Ah, ah. Help me with dinner, Hye.”

I’ll admit it was a weird day to be home. It was the very first time that Myungsoo asked for anyone’s help with dinner, since it was his domain in the house. I had also never been downstairs for that long of a time period in years. And on top of that, I had no idea how to cook or where anything was in the kitchen.

I was more than grateful that Myungsoo was cooking slowly so that I could learn. It felt like he was actually trying to teach me how to make a full dish and I was actually proud of myself for following along. Some of the words he used were like a foreign language, but maybe it would learn those too when the time came.

Even Woohyun approved of my cooking skills when we had dinner. He took a pretty big step by verbally saying ‘good job’ to me. That felt…really nice. He was able to look me in the eyes and tell me that I did something good.

I became one of those girls when I got to my room. I pulled out my phone and checked if there were any messages from Sehun. Unfortunately, there weren’t any, which left me with just my thoughts alone. It was a really good day for me.

I wasn’t stressed out about any issues with myself or with Sehun. I was able to relax with him and really get to enjoy his presence, not that I hadn’t before. It was just…different being able to calm down and relax like we did.

It was the first time I was able to admit to myself that I was in love with Sehun. My feelings before were only just developing. After today and being around him like that, it wasn’t just the fact that Sehun was my mate. I could see that he actually cared for me in an affectionate way and since he was the first and only to do so, it was much easier to fall for. He made it seem like he wanted to be with me too, and my mind could only imagine.

The lack of stress didn’t last too long. It was well past midnight, and this fleeting, terrifying feeling of being watched sent chills down my spine. I looked up, around my room, but nothing. Out the window, nothing. Yet it felt like a pair of evil, unwanted eyes were watching my every move and it was coming from outside. Paranoid again, but this time from what should have been the safety of my own home.

I went over to my window and lifted it up, sticking my head out and taking a big sniff in the air…and nothing. What was worse than seeing a spider and having to be brave enough to kill it? Knowing that it disappeared somewhere yet still near you. That’s what this felt like.

I swung my legs out of the window and planted them on the roof, climbing out further until I reached the top of our house, and took another smell of the night air. My senses were telling me there was nothing to worry about; paranoia told me I should be worried about everything.

It didn’t count as breaking my curfew because I was still technically on our property. I sat down on the shingles and looked out into the neighborhood in its dim lighting. The air was nice and cool; I couldn’t even remember the last memory I had of enjoying the outside. I looked down the street to the direction of the forest, and from a distance I could see little lights flickering here and there.

Ah, fireflies. I smiled, watching and counting each light that I saw. I wondered how easy it would be to take good pictures of fireflies, if I ever got the chance to.

A noise startled me but it was just Woohyun crawling up to the roof. Apparently I startled him. “What are you doing out here?”

I could see he was hesitant to come sit down next to me. I shrugged and told him I felt like it. If I had all mentioned that I was paranoid that someone was watching me he would have flipped his lid and locked me in until those feelings were gone.

“You’re sitting in my spot.” He grumbled. I scooted over until he was satisfied enough and he finally lost the hesitancy to sit next to me. I didn’t know that Woohyun comes out to the roof every single night, doing the exact same thing that I was doing. Watching the fireflies.

I looked over at my brother, him only being inches away from me. He looked different to me again. He didn’t have any bags or dark circles under his eyes like before, and his face was filling out a little. Whatever stress Woohyun was under, it was fading.

He was looking the best version of himself that I had ever seen, and a big part of me was really happy about that. Getting my brother back to “normal” would never happen because there was no normal. I, however, had hope to get my brother into a good place. I wanted him to be happy too. I felt better about myself, and our current standing relationship. He deserved it too.

The silence didn’t bother me as much. We sat up on the roof for an hour, watching the stars or fireflies. The only sounds we heard were crickets or the trees rustling in the wind. For once, it was peaceful between us; it was just a little different than comfort. Peace…meant Woohyun appreciated my presence.

It was the middle of the night by the time I got back to my room, and all I wanted was to rest after a good day. I was really close to slipping away until a chime that instantly became annoying blared in my ears. I groaned loudly and rolled over to see a name I thought couldn’t annoy me anymore.

“Sehun…do you have any idea what time it is?”

He ignored my question completely. “Have you ever had that feeling like someone is watching you?”

My heart sunk and my stomach twisted in endless amounts of knots. I did, and it was just hours ago that I felt that way. Why was it that Sehun was feeling this way?

“It felt like someone was outside my window. Am I just being paranoid?” He went on how he did the same thing that I did. He went to that window and opened it, although he didn’t smell the air. That would just be weird for him.

I had nothing to tell him. It was the same situation as not telling Woohyun, I didn’t want to freak either of them out. And me telling Sehun that I didn’t know what he was talking about might have freaked him out even more. I tried telling him that he was probably just dreaming it and woke up scared. It seemed to work for the most part; he apologized for calling late and he told me to come by early in the morning. We both knew early morning didn’t actually mean that early in the morning.

Though the night was disrupted, the morning routine was back to normal. Sehun was gone, off with his plans and I made myself comfortable at his place. I looked around the apartment, feeling the same eeriness that Sehun probably felt late in the night. It wasn’t meant to be empty.

It wasn’t long before Sehun came back. He walked into the apartment with his hand on his cheek. Sehun gave me a look of acknowledgment before heading to the kitchen. I followed him and watched him fish out an ice pack out of the freezer, holding it up to his bruised cheek.

“She uh…didn’t take it too well.” He shrugged.

I walked up to him and tugged on his wrist, looking at his purple cheek with concern. Sure, any slap would render some kind of red mark, but a full hand-sized bruise was already completely formed. Considering the distance between his apartment and the town, it must have been a hell of a slap.

We moved over to the living room to try and talk things over. Sehun just had one of those looks that said he needed to explain.

“So, what exactly did she get upset over? ‘Accusing’ her of cheating or breaking up with her?” I crossed my legs and made room for him allowing him to sit down next to me. He sprawled his long legs across the whole couch, resting his feet on my lap.

“A little of both actually. It was the fact that I had the nerve to accuse her of something she thought I was doing.” Through the whole explanation he was grumbling to me. One final annoyance with his officially ex-girlfriend.

So, the truth finally comes out. To be fair, attempting to kiss someone while still in a relationship is technically still cheating. However, I don’t think Sera had any right to be mad over her assumption about me when she full on cheated.  I tried explaining that to Sehun in attempts to convince him he wasn’t the bad guy in this situation.

“What’s the one thing that you think will come out of this?” I asked. I wanted him to think of something that he wanted now that he was single. People usually make some kind of crazy goal when they come out of a relationship.

He stared down into his lap and mumbled something only I could probably hear. “I want to be happier.”

“Happy…?” I didn’t understand. I couldn’t understand. Sure, Sehun may have realized that his relationship wasn’t all that it seemed after he decided to break up with her. But what about when he was with her, and before he met me? How was he not happy then? I always saw him glowing when he was around her. He was glowing so much that it hurt me.

“I’ve realized that I was faking it to myself. Happiness…came from a different person. They helped me see that.”

I blankly stared at him. Whenever anyone is being vague I had a hard time figuring it out. But I guess I was always ignorant when people were talking about me. I continued to give him a funny look at he looked legitimately irritated back.

“You really don’t know?” His tone seeped with disbelief. He took the ice pack off his cheek and went back to the kitchen to put it away. When he came back, he sat farther away from me, face still red but for a different reason. “You…make me happy, In Hye.”

Hey I'm getting pretty good at this teasing thing aren't I? ;D