I was all smile and laughter whenever I am with you and your friends. I laughed at your jokes whole heartedly; I smiled at you whenever you needed me to smile back at you. Whenever I feel sad or like crying because of what I am doing,  I laughed more brightly and loudly…  We developed a special connection in keeping your pretensions. I became sensitive with your actions and body language in order not to get caught with the lies that you started. 

After our meetings with your friends I always make excuses to go ahead to avoid an awkward scene or feelings between us. I never ran out of reasons to say and convince you & your friends to let me go every time. I would always find myself walking with no destination in mind after & talking loudly convincing myself that I only do this because of our special friendship and that because you needed me…for now.

But one day I woke up and told myself that this has to stop. I have to hold on to the little pride and dignity that I have for myself.  We had too much kinships and kisses in front of Nana and your friends 60 days after you stole my first kiss. And I never realized how I would miss those pretend skinships and kisses…

I always have to force myself to wake up and greet a new day with a smile. I always drag myself to work and did my best to be productive. I drown myself with work. I always make sure I go home late and with little energy to think of you. I always woke up with little memory of how I go