25

I NEED TO LET IT ALL OUT

When Gongchan turned around their house's street corner, he was almost out of breath. He had been running non-stop all the way from the coffee shop which was about 15 minutes away walking. He didn't notice it a first, the fact that there was a moving van in front of their house, but the closer he got to it, the more he realized what it was.

His heart started pounding against his chest not only from running, but also from the thought of Jinyoung leaving earlier than planned.

He was supposed to have more time. Now, there was no way of knowing if he could make it.

The front door was wide open, probably because Jinyoung was still loading the truck with boxes, and he walked right in. Sure enough, Jinyoung was walking down the stairs with a large cardboard box in his hands that was covering his face. He probably hadn't seen him yet.

Gongchan stepped aside to let Jinyoung pass, even though he really wished he could just throw the box out of his hands and tell him to stop. Patience is key, and in order for his plans to work he had to be patient, or at least try to.

He followed Jinyoung outside and waited by the side of the van as the other stacked his things inside.

In a few seconds they would be able to talk. In a few seconds, the future could change. In a few seconds, everything might return to the way it used to be. It irked him that everything depended on the next few seconds, and he couldn't stand to just wait. He wanted to tell Jinyoung now; tell him to stay with him until they graduated; be by his side until he made a decision. If he didn't tell him now while he was filled with adrenaline and that stubborn drive that he was born with, he would start to doubt the entire ordeal, just like he had in the past.

What if Jinyoung didn't want to stay? What if Jinyoung didn't even care about him? What if this is Jinyoung's way of saying goodbye forever?

He didn't want to think about it, but it made more sense to think of everything in a negative light. After all, if Jinyoung did love him, why would he leave?

Gongchan clutched onto the sides of his jeans as his mind swirled with doubting thoughts.

Maybe he shouldn't tell Jinyoung anything.

Maybe this is how it's all meant to be.

Maybe...

"Gongchan?"

Jinyoung's voice breaks the silence.

--

Earlier that day, outside, near the cafe, when he was lost and didn't know what to do after he bumped into a stranger.

"Gongchan?"

It wasn't a stranger, but a familiar voice.

"Are you okay?"

Gongchan turned around to see who was talking to him. Just as he expected, it was the person he least wanted to see, especially after Sunwoo had told him everything.

"Junghwan," he whispered. He didn't want to see the other, not now, not ever. Unfortunately, things don't always go as planned.

"Is everything alright?" Junghwan asked again, with concern written all over his face.

Gongchan nodded hesitantly. It wasn't necessarily a lie; physically, he was okay, mentally, however, probably not.

He stared at Junghwan for a long time, as the other stood there doing the same. He never thought he would feel this way, but he envied him. How confident and warm he always managed to look, even though he was worried. No matter what Junghwan did, he always looked perfect; from his rosy lips and cheeks to his fluffy br