21

LETTING GO

It was already midnight, and Jinyoung remained wide awake, sitting on the living room couch. It had been a couple of hours since they had talked, yet Gongchan remained nowhere to be seen. To say that Jinyoung was nervous is an understatement, he was absoutely petrified, so close to absolutely losing it. And it was all because of a stupid mistake — no, it wasn't stupid, it was serious, he was just stupid.

Staring at the moonlight, his eyes began to close, eyelids becoming heavy from exhaustion. It if had been completely up to him, Jinyoung wouldn't dare to fall asleep until Gongchan arrived home safely, but his body had begun to give up at him. His head screamed wake up, but his eyes said other wise, and soon his body grew limp and he passed out on the couch. His only wish was for the younger to return safely. Nothing else. He didn't need another chance, a new beginning, or a reconciliation, all he needed was for Gongchan to be safe.

Even though his past actions said otherwise — that he didn't care about Gongchan's feelings — Jinyoung never felt that way in his heart. For his carnal desires took over, momentarily, but there was always a part of him saying no, stop, this is wrong. And that was the part that treasured the younger, his soulmate, and cared deeply for him. The part that wished to do ever do him any harm.

The relationship they had up until now was a strange one indeed. For they were neither brothers or lovers, friends or enemies. They were just them. Soulmates. They were everything together, but never acknowledged that. Jinyoung was sure of his feelings — had been ever since he began his teen years — but he always knew Gongchan didn't feel the same way. Still, he endured that unrequited love during all those years, hoping that one day his love for him would be returned.

As for Gongchan, he never really knew how he felt about the other. They grew up together as brothers almost. And even though they had their moments, ones in which he would reject their relationship, he always knew there was something else that he was avoiding, yet was bound to happen. But he paid no attention to it, or at least didn't accept it. However, he would have to eventually.

—

Jinyoung woke up to the sound of the doorknob unlocking and the door opening, but he didn't move an inch. Bustling through the doorway was the long awaited pressence, who promptly closed the door while kicking off his shoes. He coughed a few times and sniffled, before treading quietly towards the kitchen. But suddenly he stopped, and Jinyoung could feel his eyes on him. The other muttered something before turning around and rushing up the stairs.

Jinyoung broke into a fit of coughs as soon as he heard the door close upstairs, and grimaced when he approached the others belongings which were left by the door. Everything — his coat, shoes, scarf — were covered in that detested scent, almost causing Jinyoung to just hurl right there and then. He threw the coat away and covered his mouth.

—

Jinyoung didn't know what he was doing standing