23

TALK TO ME

Jinyoung stands on the walkway, unable to do anything, as Gongchan hastily runs inside. Even though he wants to reach out, grab Gongchan by his arm, and hold him back, he doesn't do it. He knows Gongchan is still hurt by everything he's done, he can feel it in his heart, but there's nothing he can do about it other than wait aside until the other decides to face him.

In an ideal world, he wouldn't have sat around and done nothing, but because reality isn't part of an ideal world, he's going to do just that. He's hurt Gongchan enough, and clearly he is still not ready for a confrontation. For now, he'll wait once again for another opportunity to talk, even though he feels like his chest is about to burst open, and his mind is about to implode, he has to wait; he can't make another mistake.

He waits a few minutes outside the house in hopes of giving Gongchan some time to himself, even though it's getting colder and darker outside with each passing second. Once he decides it has been enough time, he walks inside.

The house is dark and silent, the way it has been for quite sometime. Ever since he admitted to imprinting without Gongchan's consent, his world had been flipped upside down. It's as if he had killed every ounce of happiness in the matter of seconds, and now he's just waiting for Gongchan to give his final breath.

It's no secret that Gongchan isn't the same as he was before, and he knows it's his fault. He'd be an idiot to think that he had nothing to do with the change in behaviour. It was obvious it was his fault. His fault alone. If only he hadn't done things his own way. If only he had waited for Gongchan. If only everything had been different, then maybe he could be happy.

He takes off his shoes and heads to his bedroom. When he passes Gongchan's room, there's no light underneath the door. He has the urge to knock, but guilt holds him back, and he walks to his own room.

He doesn't like the sight of his things in boxes or the bare walls or the lack of clutter on his bedside table. It feels wrong and unnatural, but then again, everything he did was wrong and unnatural.

Truthfully, he doesn't want to leave, but he doesn't see another way. Gongchan needs some time to himself, away from the negativity he has brought. It's clear that the younger is uncomfortable with him in the house, and he doesn't want it to be that way. The time he has been here has proved that slightly distancing themselves won't really do anything. He has to do more, even if it hurts.

The move is scheduled to be next week, to an apartment in the nearest city, which was about half and hour away. The down payment has been made, and so has the first month of rent, which he paid off partly with his savings, and a loan. There is no going back now.

He takes a seat on his bed, and closes his eyes.

The memories come flooding back to him.

This is for the best, he tells himself.

For the best.

--

The next time they see each other is the next morning, when they coincidentally walk out at the same time. Gongchan doesn't seem to notice at first, but Jinyoung does, and he can't help but stare. Gongchan is wearing shorts, a t-shirt and a pair of mismatched socks, and his hair is disheveled and fluffed up. It's been a while since he'd seen like this. He looks like a child, Jinyoung thinks. He would keep on looking except Gongchan realizes that he's finally there, and he shys away.

"You can use the bathroom first," Jinyoung says.

Gongchan nods hesitantly before walking away.

He loo