I can’t fall asleep because I’m thinking of you – Love Is Like A Snow – Park Shinhye

            Dear Gege,

            The rehearsals with Myungsoo were very good. He was a really talented person and we also got to know each other more. Come to think of it he reminds me a lot of you and of Joonmyeon. I’m sure if you three could meet you would all like each other. I always seem to meet people like you now that you aren’t here.

            “How is the practice for the talent show coming along?” Minseok asked me. Minseok, Kyungsoo, Jongdae, Jongin, and I were out at a burger place getting food after school. “Is it exciting to be working with the popular Kim Myungsoo?”

            “It is going really well,” I answered. All five us were squeezed into a four-person booth with Jongin and Kyungsoo on one side and Jongdae, Minseok, and I on the other. “I’m now teaching him the dance and then we’ll just put it all together.”

            “I can’t wait to watch the performance,” Jongdae said. “You and Myungsoo. It’s going to be so good.”

            “Its probably because of Chanyeol,” I said. “If he hadn’t helped me master the Korean rap part, I would definitely not be as good.” Chanyeol had come home with me after school for about two weeks straight to help me work on the lyrics. By now my parents basically considered Chanyeol their adopted Korean son. And I rewarded him with my mom’s Chinese food, which he always left with a few containers full.

            “Who knew our goofy Chanyeol hyung would be so awesome at rapping,” Jongin said. “I would’ve never guessed from looking at him.” We all agreed that Chanyeol definitely didn’t look the part of a badass rapper yet he was.

            “So how many more weeks until the actual performance for the open house?” Kyungsoo asked. “I need to make sure I have nothing planned on that day.” Jongin, Minseok, and Jongdae all agreed as I told them the exact date of the open house. Myungsoo had I total of two more weeks before we needed the song and dance to be perfect. At the rate we were going it wouldn’t take much longer to master the performance.

            The next day after school Myungsoo and I were in the band practice room, which was about the size of a regular classroom where the band students would practice in their instrument sections.

            “Put your arm like this and move your left foot like this,” I said. We stood in front of the huge mirror that made up one of the walls of the practice room. I was in the midst of teaching more of the dance to Myungsoo. “Perfect. I think we call it a day.”

            “Thanks,” Myungsoo said picking up his water bottle. He took a big sip of water as droplets of sweat trickled down his face. “You are a good teacher Yixing.”

            “Don’t mention it,” I answered. “I am just glad that we are doing really well with the performance.” Myungsoo nodded his head, as he put on his backpack as we left the room.

            “Uh I have been meaning to ask you something,” Myungsoo said clearing his throat. We began to make our way down the stairs on our way out of the school. I turned to him waiting for him to continue. “Why are you in the special class?”

            “I don’t know,” I answered not having to think about the question. I still didn’t know the exact reason myself why I was still placed in the special class. I had nothing wrong with the class. Mr. Kim was a good teacher and everyone in the class I considered my friends.

            “You don’t?” Myungsoo asked as we reached the second floor walking down the empty hallways of the school. “But like wouldn’t they tell you? Or you’d already know?”

            “I guess,” I said starting to feel uncomfortable with all of his questions. “No one has told me why I was enrolled into the special class. I just am and I can’t get out of it to go to the regular class if I wanted too.” Myungsoo looked at me a little while longer clearly wanting more information that I myself didn’t know.

            “Well see you tomorrow,” Myungsoo said as we stood outside the gates of the school. He smiled at me before turning in the opposite direction as me as we went our ways home. I jumped in surprise as my phone vibrated in my pocket.

            “Hello?” I said into the phone. “Yixing speaking.”

            “Yixing,” my mom said on the phone. “I need you to pick up green onions and pork on your way home from school. I will make sure to pay you back when you get home.”

            “Okay mama,” I said. “I will head to the market right now to get them for you.” She hung up the phone as I saw Joonmyeon smiling at me at the bus stop. “Joonmyeon hyung!”

            “Yixing,” Joonmyeon said ruffling my hair. I shook my head to straighten my hair out as we got on the bus together sitting down. “How is the 200% performance with Myungsoo coming along?”

            “It is going well,” I said. “Myungsoo is a very fast learner and together we sound good with our voices.” I explained to him I had to go to the market for my mom and he happily agreed to accompany me.

            Once we got to the store we headed straight to the meat section so I could ask the butcher for the pork before making our way to the produce picking up the green onions.

            “Do you want to get some candy?” I asked as we passed the candy isle. Joonmyeon nodded his head as we went down the aisle. “Joonmyeon hyung look your favorite.” I picked up a chocolate bar as I picked out watermelon candy for myself before heading to the cash register.

            “Will that be all sir?” the cashier asked. I nodded my head before handing her a paper bill waiting for my change. I picked up my bag. “Hyung here is your chocolate.” I handed Joonmyeon the chocolate bar that he liked before leaving the store with him.

            What I didn’t see and what everyone else saw was a now broken chocolate bar lying on the floor where Joonmyeon should’ve been standing. I didn’t even hear the cashier trying to call me back that I had dropped it.

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            “So I am going to the movies with Minseok hyung on Saturday,” Jongdae said. I was lying down on my bed after finishing my homework and taking a shower. I was now talking to Jongdae over the phone as he told me about his plans with Minseok.

            “What movie are you two going to see?” I asked as I flipped the page of my manga that I was reading. “It seems like you two are going on a date.”

            “I wish it was a date,” Jongdae said sighing. “To me I want it to be one. But I’m sure to him it is just an outing with a friend. I don’t think he looks at me in a romantic way. I wish he did.” It had become more clear to me that Jongdae had developed feelings for Minseok throughout the time that I had known both of them. It was the same way I noticed Kyungsoo and Jongin as well as Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Each of those two had seemed to have been getting closer and closer. It was almost to the point Baekhyun and Chanyeol were thought to be dating.

            “Why don’t you just tell Minseok hyung then?” I asked. “It wouldn’t ever hurt to tell him that you might have a crush in him.” The other end of the phone was silent from Jongdae’s voice. I could hear his faint breathing on the line but that was about it. “Jongdae?”

            I still got silence on my end of the call. I looked at my phone screen, before saying his name a few more times. It occurred to me that Jongdae had spaced out like he sometimes did with his depersonalization disorder. I said goodbye to him before hanging up.

            Usually on Friday nights I talked to Joonmyeon right before I went to bed. I dialed his number waiting for him to pick up.

            “Yo,” he said after the fourth ring. “Yixing just like always. I just finished my homework. Did you finish all of yours?”

            “Yep I did,” I answered, a smile spreading across my face. It wasn’t hard to get me to smile when I was talking to Joonmyeon. “I took my shower and I am just about ready for bed.”

            “Great,” Joonmyeon said. “I have to take my shower in a little bit. Then I want to watch the new episode of that drama that’s been on recently.” I laughed a little remembering the day Joonmyeon went on and on about the drama he had been watching. Joonmyeon was always up to date on the latest shows and movies that were coming out. “It’s getting really intense now.”

            “I will have to watch it,” I said. “The way you always talk about it.”

            “Yixing,” Joonmyeon said dramatically. “Pinocchio is one of the best dramas to have ever been aired. I cannot get enough of that show. You need to catch up on the episodes over break. Promise me.”

            “Okay okay,” I said laughing our laughs filling each other’s ears over the phone. “I promise when summer break starts I will watch all the episodes of Pinocchio.”

            “Great,” Joonmyeon said. I could tell from his voice tone that he was smiling. Park Shinhye and Lee Jongsuk have such great chemistry it’s crazy how good they are. It’s so dramatic. I don’t want to spoil anything to you. Man I wish summer break would come quicker so we could talk about the drama when you watch it.”

            “Yixing,” mama said knocking on my door. “Who are you talking to at this hour?” She stood in the frame of my door dressed in her pajamas, her facemask already on. “It’s getting late.”

            “I’m talking to Joonmyeon hyung mama,” I answered looking at her. “Just like every Friday night. You know since forever I talk to him before I go to sleep.” Mama nodded her head sighing quietly under her breath.

            “Don’t be too much longer,” she said. “Try to get some sleep Yixing.” I nodded my head as she closed my door.

What I didn’t see was my mom out in the hallway in front of my bedroom door. She sighed a little louder picking up the telephone in the living room listening to the dial tone while I talked to Joonmyeon.

            “He’s doing it again,” she said as my dad came out of their room to sit next to her. “It’s been six years and it still goes on. Every Friday talking on the phone.” She hung up the phone clutching her sides.

            “I know,” dad said hugging her. “That is why he is in the special class at Dream Academy remember? Hopefully he will get better. Hopefully he won’t be stuck holding onto those painful memories.”

            “Hopefully,” mama said lying close to dad. “If not, its time we seek real help. Not at school, not from books, not from web articles. If by summer he keeps up with this I am taking him to the doctors. This can’t keep happening.”

            “Honey,” dad said his voice getting quieter, as he looked at my bedroom door. “Yixing is happy, and he is living the best he can. It’s been really hard on him since his Gege left. He’s trying to cope the best he can.”

            “By talking to himself?” mama asked. “His friend for six years that we still haven’t met, not once only heard about from him? That is normal? I don’t think so. I don’t want to see Yixing keep living like this.”

            “Give him some more time,” dad said. “I’m sure this is just a phase. He’ll get over it eventually.”

            “When?” mama asked looking up at dad with a sad expression painted on her face. “It’s been six years. Six years since Gege left. Six years of hanging out with Joonmyeon. Six years of having a false friendship.”

            The man in the white coat keeps coming to visit me since I have been locked up in this room. Everyday he talks to me about Joonmyeon. Everyday he tries to shatter every piece of my sanity. It’s been like this for a few weeks now. Always monitored, always talked about. I can’t even see my friends. I even missed Kris, Luhan, and Minseok hyungs’ graduation party that my class threw for them. How much longer can I live like this?

            ~ Yixing

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I am sorry for not updating this in a while. I have been busy with school. The 2nd semester of my 1st year of college is coming to an end in the middle of May! I will try to update this as much as I can. I am really happy with where this story is going. So from the last part of the chapter it seems like Yixing's mom and dad know what is wrong with him. Also one of the dramatic parts of the story will be happening in one of the future chapters since Yixing said so in his journal entry at the end of the chapter. 

Anyways thanks! And please leave a comment!

~ALSK20