written by: silentbunny11

Every girl has wished for a boy best friend in their life. Having a boy best friend is fun. He gets to be your savior when your knight in shining armor fails to appear. He gets to be your secret keeper when your girl friends are busy with their shopping. He gets to be your mentor when you need some advices on how to impress your crush. He gets to be your number one fan when you perform onstage. He gets to be your most comfortable crying shoulder when you fail on doing something.

Having a boy best friend is fun sometimes.

It is not fun when you start falling in love with your best friend. You think it is so cliché- best friends falling in love with each other. But what if you are the only one falling in love? You think it is unfair. Well, it really is.

You like your best friend. He likes another girl. And as his best friend you try to look uncaring when he talks about his crush. You ignore the pain you are feeling whenever you see his eyes shining when he tells you about their latest interaction. You ignore your heart and think about his instead.

My name is Kim Taeyeon. Unfortunately, I fall in love with my best friend.

*

I walk across the hallway and hear my stilettoes’ click click every step I make. Today is Saturday and I am in my best dress. I once look at my reflection by the glassed window on my right and realize I am fine. I’m going to be fine.

My heart even beats faster as I finally reach the room which Jungsu- oppa has texted me. Room 9.

I enter the room and notice petals of roses scattered across the floor. Sweet. At the center, a table for two is placed with matching candle lights in the middle. Beautiful.

“Taeyeon-ah. You’ve come.” He says. Of course. I turn around and see him.

I watch him examine the room with a relieved expression plastered on his face. He finally looks at me and smiles, “I have spent a lot of time preparing for this dinner. It’s very special, you know.” He looks down and asks shyly, “Do you think Kang Sora will like it?”

Then, my heart breaks. Of course.

“Of course,” I hear myself echoing the voice in my head.

Jungsu- oppa sighs. I want to tell him everything is perfect. I want to tell him not to worry a lot because I am sure Kang Sora will like it.

But I can’t.

Jungsu- oppa starts to talk. I watch him talk- not even listening a thing. I watch his eyes glimmering in anticipation. I can now even tell how many colors I have seen in his eyes the moment he started talking about Kang Sora.

Kang Sora. Kang sora. Kang Sora. Kang Sora.

It is always Kang Sora. Why am I even here?

“Taeyeon-ah. I would like you to play the violin the moment Kang Sora enters the room.” He says to me.

Oh.

So that’s why he asks me to get dressed and go to room 9. My presence is needed because Jungsu- oppa wants me to play the violin for them. Well, I am his best friend after all. I am just his best friend. Ha-ha. What was I expecting?

You see, this kind of things is so cliché. Getting hurt is so cliché.

*

My mother used to tell me that best friends share everything with each other- even their deepest secrets. But I cannot tell my best friend a secret. It is a secret I won’t ever tell.

My best friend Jungsu and Kang Sora became official couples since that night. My best friend finally gets the girl he really likes as his girlfriend. After about a year of courting her, Kang Sora finally answered him with a ‘Yes’.

That’s the reason why I can’t tell him what I have been feeling for him. I like him ever since grade school. And ever since, my feelings for him never changed. It never falters. I always like him. I will always like him. But my best friend likes someone else. Do you know how many girls he likes ever since we enter high school together? Do you know how many times I fake my smile whenever he shares me his feelings for his crush? Do you know how many times I try to act unaffected? Do you know how many years I have acted like I never really cared? It’s the usual thing to me. Hurting is a normal thing to me.

So I guess I can do it perfectly this time. I can act pretend. I can do that. The thing is, I have to do it better. This time is kind of different. It’s not the usual my-best-friend-likes-a-pretty-girl thing. It’s already my-best-friend-with-his-girlfriend thing.

Kang Sora is my best friend’s first girlfriend. She’s the first girl my best friend ever loved.

“Taeyeon- ah. You have to meet her some time.” Jungsu once says.

Kang Sora studies at a different school so I’m thankful I get to spend time with my best friend even only in schools. We used to spend a lot of time with each other. But I am just his best friend now. She is her girlfriend. So instead of me as his best friend accompanying him to get a haircut, it is Kang Sora now who goes with him. Instead of me as his best friend accompanying him to go to the bookstore and buy something, it is already Kang Sora who goes with him. Instead of me his best friend spending weekends watching some movies, it is Kang Sora now who gets to spend time with him.

Sometimes I think because of love, I am already getting a little amount time from my best friend. Sometimes I think because of love, my best friend is starting to be far away from me. Sometimes I think because of love, I am losing him.

Losing your best friend is the worst thing that can ever happen to you.

*

Jungsu- oppa tells me to meet him with his girlfriend at a fancy restaurant. I try to look normal yet presentable. I am his best friend so I have to look good.

I enter the restaurant and see the two of them laughing at each other by the table. They look perfect together. I don’t even get the reason why I still have to join them. I want to go-

“Taeyeon- ah!” Jungsu waves his hand at me, smiling. I smile back and go to their table.

“Kang Sora-dear, this is Taeyeon” he says grabbing me by my waist as he looks at me, “My best friend. Taeyeon- ah. This is Kang Sora.” He winks at me. As if I don’t know the girl he always blabs about for a year. Even I myself know all of her favorites thanks to this man who did some research.

“Ah. It’s nice to meet you Taeyeon- dear. Leeteuk always talks about you.” She tells me.

“Really? Jungsu- oppa must be saying mean things about me, ne?” I , pulling my tongue out.

“Aniyo. You’re the first girl in his life, after all. Am I right, Teukie?” Kang Sora asks, her eyebrows rising giving oppa that look.

“U-huh. Well, if my mum is not included then I think the answer is yes.” Jungsu- oppa squeezes my hand as he leads me to my seat.

Kang Sora smiles at me, “I’m wondering, does Taeyeon- shii have feelings for oppa?”

“Eh? On that guy? Of course not.” I answer her and laugh so hard to look convincing.

I don’t think I am only fooling Jungsu- oppa and his girlfriend. I’m fooling my own self. Do you know how hard that is?

*

Sometimes people think that time can heal wounds.

Ten years has passed. And I thought the scar on my heart will heal. It didn’t. I try to love and be loved but my heart will never learn to forget. I try to engage into different things but it didn’t work. I try to let time heal the scar but it didn’t.

Today is the 24^th day of June. I stand with my friends as we watch Kang Sora walk along the aisle. She is wearing a beautiful white dress, her face is covered with embroidered veil. She walks like a goddess guided by her flower girls that look like the sweetest angels. She is smiling and at the same time a tear or two fall from her eyes. In front, a young man is waiting for her. My best friend. despite the fact that he is already 27 years old and is aging, looks so young and handsome. He looks happy and contented. He looks like the happiest man in the world. He is.

I watch him look at the woman he loves for more than ten years walks towards him. His eyes are full of love and contentment. He has been waiting for this day to arrive. He has been waiting for this occasion to happen. He has always been looking forward to their marriage.

My best friend is getting married to his love. I watch them unite and face the altar together. I watch them say each other’s vow in front of everyone. I watch them proclaimed as newlywed couples. I watch them kiss. I watch them walk out the aisle together. I watch them looking at each other happy together. They are perfect.

*

Haven’t I told you earlier this is so cliché? This one- sided love is so usual especially among best friends. One loves the other without the other knowing it, even in the end of time. It is so sad. It is so unfair. In the end, you will think about what ifs. Then you will realize it’s too late. You will realize how you missed the chance. You will realize that you love him so much you wanted to turn back the time.

But then in the end, what matters the most to you is his happiness, your best friend. As long as he is happy, you will feel happy for him, too.

“We’re best friends, after all.”

Thank you for reading. i hope you like it!^^ Don't forget to leave a comment, sweeties!<3

graphics by my lovely dongsaeng Tiniel / SeoKyulate2803 <3