written by: silentbunny11

“I like you, Donghae- oppa.” I confess.

It takes a lot of courage for me to say those words in front of him, my best friend for ten years. A girl can’t just confess her feelings that easy.

We are in the clearing. I shift my position and now I am looking into our house. I am definitely not waiting for a reply but- okay, fine… I am waiting for him to answer back.

“You’re really funny, Miyoung-shii.” He replies, laughing at me.

It is not the reply I am looking forward to. I am slightly disappointed. I look at him and play along, as if what I said earlier is just a joke. Just like what he thinks it is.

I pull my tongue out, “Donghae- oppa must like me, too.”

“Of course, I like you!” he chides in, putting his arms around me and literally drags me towards the house.

Donghae- oppa is so weird to not notice what I feel for him, or maybe he is just too numb to feel it.

We enter the house and notice that dinner is already ready. I climb into my chair as he sits beside me. Donghae- oppa is very welcome in our house. Despite the fact that he is a boy and I am girl, and our parents think that it is too weird for us to see each other and stay with each other every day ever since I was six years old. We tell them that it is fine and we will not do anything weird. Our relationship will not go that far. And as far as I can remember (and the fact that I will remember it for the rest of my life), Donghae- oppa told them that he treats me as his very own younger sister and that he will never do anything that will hurt me.

My mum arrives with a dish of chicken roll which is our favorite. I clap my hand as I witness it land on our table. My best friend nudges his elbows on my waist, I give him the look.

“Aunt Rachel, Miyoung- shii wants to be a s-“

“Doctor.” I finish it for him before he tells my mum that I always dreamed of becoming a singer since I was young. “I want to become a doctor just like dad and mum.”

I do not want to disappoint them.

“Is that so, Miyoung-shii?” Mum’s face brightens, “I thought you’ll never like to become a doctor and study abroad. Your dad will be happy when he hears this, dear.” She goes to me and pats my head. “Oh, I forgot to bring the ketchup.” She notices and heads back to the kitchen.

“So you’re going to study abroad?” Donghae informs me.

Oh.

No.

“U-huh.” I answer bluntly. I promise I never saw that one coming. Me? Studying abroad? No way!

“It’s not yet the end, you know. You can tell your parents about your dream.” He tells me as he plays with his spoon.

“I can’t. I am sure you know why, oppa.” They are the one who get to decide my future.

“So I guess your decision is final?” he asks.

I just nod. There are no other choices anyway. I never had a choice in my life anyway. Never.

He sighs, “So it means this summer should be.. memorable to you. You’re leaving soon.”

U-huh. That makes sense. College is around the corner soon. I’ll be leaving soon. I’ll only have a few days left to spend here.

“I’m going to miss you.” He tells me, looking away. He stops playing with his spoon. He stops moving his foot which he usually does when bored. He’s probably serious. He probably means it.

“I know.” I’m going to miss everyone. “And you will surely miss mum’s desserts” I with the brightest voice I can muster. There is no time to feel upset. I can’t change my fate. I can’t change my parents’ wish. All I can ever do is just to play along with it and make the best out of it. That’s it.

Knowing that I will be leaving South Korea soon, I spend my time hanging out with my friends and visit to places with them. I didn’t think about my future because I know that it’s already taken care of. I think about the present and cherish every moment I have with. I never cry. I never feel upset. I never get mad either.

I want my remaining days here to be happy.

Unfortunately, some things are slowly changing.

Donghae- oppa, after that dinner, has been avoiding me since then. Do you know how much pain I am feeling? Do you know that my heart breaks whenever he passes by me without even looking at my direction? Do you know how much I feel like crying when he avoids me and tells me he has other things to do whenever I want to start a conversation? Do you know how much hurt that brings?

Donghae- oppa is my best friend. I don’t want to leave Seoul without telling him how much he means to me.. as a friend, as my best friend.

“Is everything now ready, Miyoung?” my mum asks me. I stare down at my pink luggage and at the lavender shoulder bag in front of me.

“I think so,” I answer shortly. I grab my shoulder bag with me as mum drag my luggage towards the car.

I haven’t seen Donghae- oppa lately. I haven’t given him a proper goodbye yet.

Do you know how much it hurts me?

I stare at our house and tell myself there is no going back. I will probably be back soon. It’s when the time comes. It’s when I am already successful with my profession. I don’t know when. I just have to come back. I need to.

I am going to miss everyone.

“Miyoung-shii,”

Maybe I am only dreaming but I am really sure it is Donghae- oppa’s voice.

I turn around and see him standing a few meters away from me.

“Oppa,” I hear myself saying. I take a few steps forward and find myself crying. I never wanted to look like a weakling in front of my best friend but I think this time is an exception. I have tried to become strong for a few weeks and I can’t just take my tears any longer.

I stand in front of him crying. He accepts me and put me into a hug- like what an older brother does to comfort her younger sister.

“You’re going to be fine.. in America.” I hear him whisper as he pats my head slowly.

And just like that I feel okay. That’s how the power of words coming from a best friend works.

I compose myself and wipe the remaining tears in my eyes.

“I’m sorry for wetting your shirt with my tears, oppa.” I tell him awkwardly, half- laughing.

He stretches his arm and pats my head once again, “Be good, Hwang Miyoung.”

“Of course.” I answer shortly as I look into his eyes. I look at him, studying his face- his untidy hair, his eyes, his nose, his mouth. This might be the last time I get to see him. Well, it is. I don’t want to forget him. I might as well want to capture this moment and let my brain do the work.

We both hear the car beeps.

“So this is goodbye then?” he asks weakly- his face turning into an upset Donghae.

“Of course, not. We’ll still see each other again, Donghae- oppa.” I tell him. He looks up at me and I give him an assuring smile.

I grip my shoulder bag tighter. I have to go now before i.. break.

“See you next time, oppa.” I tell him with a very cheerful voice- otherwise the tears in me will find its way out again- and start my way towards the gate.

“Miyoung,” he mentions my name (haven’t I told you that it sounds good in my ear when he calls me that?). I stop.

“Can I ask one thing before you leave?” he asks slowly, as if choosing his words carefully.

“Of course.” I reply on my back.

“About last time.. the thing you said.. was it just.. a joke?” he asks.

“My love for you is not a joke, oppa.” I whisper but it’s loud enough for him to hear it.

The car beeps again and this time I must really go before-

“Is it too late for me to say I like you since we were young?” he asks shyly.

I turn to him and smile, “It’s never too late, oppa.”

A/N: My Love For You Is Not A Joke as requested by SHINees_chic22. this may be not the best haefany oneshot but i hope you like it :)

graphics by my lovely dongsaeng Tiniel / SeoKyulate2803 <3