KANG HAEMIN POV

I keep looking at my phone, conciously waiting for their texts or calls. But nothing is coming through..

I guess Daehyun is being serious about just now.. but how can a sweet Daehyun turned into a completely different person ?

At the moment, I hear my mom's voice from outside of the door as she keep on knocking the door. 

"what is it mom?" I said, feeling lazy to moves or even do anything "someone is here looking for you" she said and I lit up from my bed

"someone ?" I blink my eyes "but who ?" I said to myself before running to open the door. 

"who is it mom ?" I asked, hoping for someone who I expected. "I dont know, I have never seen her before" she said and leaves to the kitchen.

"..who ?" I quickly run to the main door and open it, just to see someone familiar. 

"h-hye ?.." I said and she looks at me "ouh Kang Haemin, long time no see ?" she smiles, his eyes follows her smile.. just like..

"..B-Baekhyun's aunt right ?" I said and she nod "Im glad you still remember me" she said.

"what make you come here and-.. why ?" I asked and I look at her sighing. "do you know about Baekhyun's mom ?"

"I do" I nod and she held me by my shoulders "I need you right now" "you need me ?" she nod and take out something from her bag.

"here, you will know what I am trying to say.. and just in case, I leaves my number inside of it, call me if you need anything" she said, handed to me a red cover notebook and about to turned around.

"but wait-.." she turned to me, waiting for my question "how is she ?" I asked and she shook her head, my heart literally drop.

Baekhyun's mom.. is not okay.

"what about Baekhyun ?" I asked again and she point to the notebook she just gives me "you will know" and with that, she leaves.

I look at the book for a few seconds, ..I see a name, at the corner of the book, it really small but the handwritten is really familiar to me.

Byun Baek Hyun.

I hop to my bed and grab my pillow, before turned to the first page of the notebook, the first thing that I see is the date. That when I know, its his diary. I remember he told me once, that he has a diary and I didnt believe in him. He says that a diary is very important to one, because it keeps our memory that being forgotten. He really did have one.

01012015

New year supposed to be a good times ,I should be playing fireworks with Haemin at the park, like we used to do every year. But I lied to her, saying I dont want to do it, saying that its something that only kids do. And say that I have a fever.. Im sorry but I have to lied.

This morning, I wake up late to school, just to see it is 9 in the morning. I quickly look for my mom ,because she would be waking me up for school. But she didnt do so today, unless there is something my family are up to. 

Out of curiousity, I look for my mom.. just to see her lying in the on floor with blood flowing out from and some on her palm. Its like time have stopped ,I hardly can see my mom fall sick. but what is this ?

I am in the hospital right now, waiting for the doctor to tell me what happened to my mom ? why in the world did the blood come out flowing from ..

She ended up diagnosed with cancer, what worser is the fact that she is in stage 4. The chance of survival is low, I know but.. is that mean she's going to die ? 

I stop reading and closed it for a moment. Calming my heart from this shockness. I still remember that day, when he call me saying that he dont want to play firework on new year anymore, saying its childish. But I force him to come over and he ended up saying that he have a fever. And I gave up. I am quiet annoyed that night.. but this is the truth. That he have been hiding.

I open it again and skip a few pages.

xx072015

I hurt myself today, my bicycle skip something, I think its a stone but anyway- I fall on the road and I scratch my knee and palm. Kind of bad, heol look at how bad my handwriting is. I cant even write.. I wonder if I can do a good job tomorrow with sending the milks..

uhm.

Its harder day by day. I wake up everyday with a scared feeling ,scared of mom leaving me. Dad and my sister leaving me is enough to bear with. I have to leave Haemin too. 

And what is life really.. without my mom.

Im sick of crying, it haunts me everytimes I wake up, everytime I went to sleep, everytime Im breathing. Im scared. This is so hard for me to bear. But I have to be strong, I dont want my mom to sees me crying.. 

Anyway.. Im glad I can still see her from afar. I would be there when she shouting my name to my old house, and ahjumma would scold me saying I shouldnt hide from Haemin anymore. Saying that our love is so pure..

And I keep on repeating the same story to ahjumma, saying that I moved because I dont have money to pay for the rent, and the fact that I cant let her know. 

Because I love her.

I wonder if she feels the same way as me, ..I hope she is.

Kang Haemin. Kang Haemin. I miss her so much, that it hurts. 

Tears flowing and it fall on the book, making the ink spreading, following the tears. I lean my forehead on the book and cry hard. I never though he was there for me, I never though he would be thinking about me when he leaves. I keep blaming him for doing this to me but the reality is that he is having a really hard time by himself.. 

Im such a jerk. Im a total jerk. He really do needs me. More than anyone. 

He cant faced it alone, all that act was a lie. And.I.am.such.a.jerk.

I wipe my tears,eventhough it still endlessly flowing from my eyes, I grab my phone and search for Baekhyun's aunt phone number inside the notebook, and a small piece of paper with a picture slip out from the book.

I grab the picture, my eyes widened. Its a picture of Baekhyun and me.. when we still in middle school. I still remember.. that day when his mother brought a camera to our school, theres a small theater being held at the school during teacher's day. And I happen to win as a best actor or something like that.. I dont really remember. I look at the picture, Baekhyun hugging me, and I am crying in his embrace. His warm embraced.. still linger around. 

I giggled but seconds after my smile faded. He always been there for me when I need him.. since years ago.

And its time for me to do the same thing toward him.

I quickly saved aunt's phone number and called her. There is two beeps before she picking up, "hello ?"

"aunt ? its me Haemin" I said, trying not to make myself sound like I just cried. "ouh Kang Haemin ?" she said, her voice is kind of weird. She used to be sound like a hyper kid. Because she's a positive person.

"aunt.. whats wrong with your voice ?" I asked and hear she's sniffing. "Im sorry Im just-.. uhm, Haemin ? do you mind to come over ?"she said and I looked at the clock. 

"uhm..yeah, sure, where are you ?"

"hospital, Im at hospital.. beside my sister" she said, referring to Baekhyun's mom. "Baekhyun ? where;s Baekhyun ?" I asked in worried.

"I asked him to stay at the house today, I dont want him to see his mother condition"

I bit my lips and wipe my tears. "how..is she?"

"You will see, come over and I will send you the room's number, she have been wanted to see you" 

"okay.." I hang up and stare at the picture for awhile. "hang on.. I will be there" I put the picture inside of the book, and put the book inside my bag before getting ready to go to the hospital.