Yonghwa had never felt so hopeless. He felt like the balloon he had blown with all his efforts had been popped by a small pin, deflating it until it becomes useless and is eventually thrown. 

 

He looked at them incredulously. "What do you mean? What no? What language is that? I can't understand. I don't understand." Yonghwa said breathlessly.

 

"What language?" Manager hyung laughed bitterly. "Your language. The language in your field, what you artists hear often. That's the answer you get most of the time, what's so new about it?"

 

"This is different!" He said half-shouting. His manager shot him a watch yourself look. "This is my life. My personal life." His voice had lowered. 

 

"Nothing about you is personal now." It's Seohyun's manager who spoke, startling Yonghwa. "Your whole life is also the life of your fans. Your story becomes theirs."

 

Yonghwa's hands had curled into fists. He was always the patient one, but this, he thought they will let him and Seohyun easily. He thought everything is going to be okay. But he didn't know living his life was this hard - no freedom. "This has nothing to do with them! In fact they will be happy for me and -"

 

"Of course they'll be happy for you." His manager cut him. "But do you think you'll have the time for yourself in writing songs? In practicing? What about your solo debut? CNBLUE? How on earth do you plan on dealing with all your responsibilities? You can't even handle them when you were sick. And now she's sick and you were here for the past 2 days. Did you improve? No! And now you want to be in a relationship with Seohyun. In public. Then the press comes in the picture. They'd be twice as many. Tell me how you're going to deal with all of these."

 

Yonghwa wanted to say something, but there wasn't anything to say. He tried to think of an excuse, but none came. His manager was right, it was impossible to handle them all. But Seohyun... How? He can't just give up like last time. He had to prove something. 

 

"Hyung, when will be my debut?" Yonghwa asked. 

 

"It's not planned yet because your songs aren't finished and you haven't started recording." He looked up from his iPad where Yonghwa's Schedule was listed. 

 

"If I can prove myself, would you let me and Seohyun be open with a relationship?" He looked at the managers who, at the same time exchanged glances and nods. "Because I don't plan on hiding all my life." 

 

"What's your deal then?" 

 

"If I don't finish all my debut requirements by the last friday of next month, then it's over. I'd have to wait for your approval when to start and be open with my relationship with Seohyun." Yonghwa explained. "Write all the songs. Record. Shoot music videos for 35 days. Wrap up the album." Seohyun's manager kept on shaking his head as if his plan was impossible. When he was finished both the managers looked disappointed.

 

"Yonghwa, this is a gamble." Hyun's manager said. "You're barely well. And now you want to finish everything for the next 35 days? Seohyun would not approve of this. All the more when she finds out that you're doing this because of her." He sighed. 

 

"That's why she must NOT find out. Not a word to her. Act like everything's normal. We didn't have this talk. Come on." Yonghwa reasoned out. 

 

"Why are you doing this?" His manager asked. "Why do you want to risk everything for this relationship?" 

 

"It's been forever since I have something to fight for." He said, his voice trembling. He was very much aware that Hyun's manager was listening. "Since I have someone to love this much. I'm tired of waiting for everything to work out. I must act out and I don't want to regret all my life for not being with her because I didn't fight." 

 

"I wish Seohyun heard everything you said." Her manager spoke after a moment's silence. "Very well then, I agree to the terms."

 

Yonghwa bowed his head. "Thanks hyung." Then he looked at his own manager, pleading with his eyes.

 

"Fine! I approve!" He said in exasperation. "But if you failed, I'll decide everything for you, even if that dramatic heart of yours says otherwise."

 

Yonghwa smiled. "You got it. Thank you hyung." They shook hands and left Yonghwa alone in the training room. 

 

--

 

"Don't you have schedules for today oppa?" Seohyun asked as Yonghwa fed her. She was still in her hospital room that was dimly lit all day long since she cannot stand the light. Whenever the bigger and brighter lamp was on, she starts to double over and throw up. The doctor said she'll have to spend few more hours or at least a day to stay. 

 

"It's 6 in the evening missy." He teased. "Try to check your phone once in a while to know the time. It helps." 

 

She looked at him with eyes that were opened widely. "Hah." She mocked. "Oh, I heard you and manager oppa met. Did you talk?"

 

Yonghwa's grip on the disposable spoon became tight it almost cracked. He hoped hyung didn't tell her anything, or else she would stop him. "Uh, yeah. I asked permission if I can see you tonight." 

 

"Oh." She said. Yonghwa was relieved her tone showed him that she was clueless. 

 

"But I really have to go after you sleep. I can't stay for the night because I have to - "

 

"No one's asking you to stay. I'm not a kid anymore. I can handle myself." Her tone was hard and Yonghwa knew she misunderstood.

 

"Hey, I just want to take care of you, that's all. But I want to punch myself because I can't." He tried to lighten up his tone. "But I'll comeback to you. I promise." He said. 

 

He had made so many promises to her he started to lose track of them. He suddenly felt anxious if he can really do it all. But it was worth a try. 

 

He waited until Seohyun fell asleep. It was 8 in the evening and he have tons of things to finish. 

 

--

 

1:15 am.

 

"What was I thinking?!" He yelled, shoving his song book aside. He has been up for hours to write songs for his album, but he had written nothing. His mind was going restless, and he was losing his temper. "I can't even write a song. And I haven't started recording. I still have to - " 

 

His hand went to his head unknowingly and started clutching his hair. "Gahh!" He cried in pain. "Jonhyun-ah!" 

 

He fell from his chair. The pulsing of the veins in his head didn't stop and the pain was becoming more unbearable. "Jonghyun!" He shouted louder. 

 

"Hyung! Hyung!" Jonghyun opened the door and for a moment he was still. His face became pale upon seeing Yonghwa on the floor, crouching and writhing in pain. When he finally came to his senses, he approached him. "What now?" He asked, his fingers trembling. 

 

"Medicine." Yonghwa whispered. His breathing was ragged. "In the cabinet. The top drawer." He said between hitches. Jonghyun stood so fast he almost tripped. He had trouble finding Yonghwa's medicine since it was hidden very well. 

 

But Before Jonghyun could make his hyung drink it, Yonghwa's vision went black, his body became limp and in no time he was unconscious.