Walking in this lobby brings back so many memories - some that I would do everything not to forget, and some that I long to erase but couldn't. 

I don't know if I count my first and last meeting here with Yong oppa a good one, but I sure think that I have no intention to forget it, even though they say, and I know, I should. 

The feeling comes back again, as fresh as the first and last day. I feel a surge of guilt and gladness that makes me wish that the memory will fade away. The joy is in remembering, and the pain is knowing that it was the past.

I sit on the chair on the farthest side of the place, shrinking myself to the smallest I can be, as I bring out a book. Not of the self-improving genre, but of romance. I don't know why, but somehow I find myself getting a book that is way too alien for me. 

I wait for the van for who knows how long. I was interviewed an hour ago by Shindong oppa for his last airings of ShimTa. He said my guesting there was a special request, and what can I do? Who am I to turn it down anyway. 

I feel my phone vibrate on my pocket.

A text from Shindong Oppa:

/Seohyun-ie, you forgot your scarf in the studio so wait for a bit, I've already sent someone. Wait for him in the elevator./

I let out a relieved sigh. I've been wondering what was missing earlier and was so nervous about it. So it has been the scarf after all. I shove the book in my bag as I hurriedly walk to the elevator. I stand right in front of it so I can thank Shindong oppa right away. 

I hear the elevator ding, and it's door slowly opened. 

I'm taken aback.

I have never seen him look like this before, so open, so fragile and so.... broken.

I've been in a daze for quite some time I didn't realize the pink scarf he is holding. 

He looks at me with hurtful eyes, eyes that are so clear you could almost look through it, eyes that are so expressive you almost don't want to look at it, to not share the brokenness that he bears. But, what a selfish thing to do. 

"Shindong hyung asked me where you bought it. He said it was warm." He says almost blankly. 

My eyes soften at his voice, he's still using banmal, and it's been a while to talk to him face to face. "What did you tell him?" I ask in banmal which makes him flinch in disbelief. 

"I said in Japan." He says, a hint of surprise in his voice. 

He hands the scarf to me. The scarf where his efforts and time were consumed, the scarf he gave me before our last day, the scarf that was a replacement of his lost scarf that I made, a gift ofnhow he expressed his regretful feelings. 

Slowly I reached out to get it as I feel his eyes on me. The scarf felt soft and warm under my grasp until I felt cold hands wrap around mine. It was too cold for me to bear, but I hold onto it nevertheless. 

I couldn't speak, with him looking like this, with him staring at me with those eyes. 

"Juhyun." He says my name carefully but urgently. I look at him. "Aren't you gonna ask me how I am?" He asks me.

I feel hurt and full guilt. "I meant to." I say, choosing my words carefully. 

"Ask me now." He demands than says. 

I hear the impatience in his voice. "Oppa, how have you been these days?"

His grip loses slowly as he take effort in answering me. "I've... Been so cold lately." He says breathlessly.

And then he collapsed in my arms.