SEUNGHYUN POV

“Good morning Uncle Superman!” Clarence exclaims amid munching a mouthful of cereal.

“Morning buddy,” I say with a weak voice before plopping myself into the chair across them. ing insomnia. I feel like I’m going to pass out from this hellish migraine any moment now.

“What’s up?” putting down the hot coffee on the table, she asks, brows furrowed.

I take my sunglasses off to show her my bloodshot eyes and flash her a weak smile, “I look like , don’t I?”

“Where have you been yesterday? I thought you’re gonna hit the bed after our…meal.” Mentioning last night seems to make her awkward, but I didn’t overlook the care in her sentence.

“I did. I was in my bed whole night. I just couldn’t sleep…” I groan and rest my head against the chair, index finger and thumb pressed against my temples, massaging my head.

Thinking about the long day ahead, the pounding in my head seems to be even more awful.

“I’ll get you something before you take this,” she takes out a packet of pills sealed in aluminium foil from her backpack ---Yes, she’s using a backpack instead of a handbag, and she looks cute when carrying it around at her back.

She walks away before I could say anything. I was going to reject since the pounding in my head makes me can’t even think properly, let alone chewing and swallowing something down my throat.

“Hyung,” I open my eyes and the photographer of this project is about to take Leena’s seat. “That seat is taken, Jaehyun-ah, another table please,” I close my eyes again when he pouts, lower lip protruding. 

After settling in the table beside me, the photographer asks, “Hyung, you’ve companion?” he points at Clarence, who’s silently savouring his bowl of cereal.

When I’m about to introduce Clarence to him, Leena walks back with a tray. My eyes widened at the food she’d brought. Two cups of coffee, a glass of milk, pancakes, toasts, omelettes and fruits.

She settles the glass of milk before Clarence, which he accepts gladly, then she takes out all the food from the tray and put them in the centre of table, with a cheerful smile plastered on her face, “Guys, now pick.”

“Pancakes!” Clarence and I shout in unison. Her smile becomes wider upon the common preference I share with her son. “Toasts are fine,” I add while pushing the plate of pancakes to Clarence.

She gently puts her fingers on my hand to stop me, “Clarence, uncle is not feeling well, what about you have omelettes today?”

The little guy looks at me with a concerned look, then push the plate back to me, “Superman needs energy to save the world,” he pushes the other plates of food towards me.

I ruffle his hair, amused, “Komawo, Clarence-ah, but uncle is not a beast, I can’t finish all of these.”

“Sugar or creamer?” she asks while placing two cups of coffee before her.

“I like it plain,” I grab a cup from her, sipping the hot liquid.

“Tough guy, huh?” she arches a brow. I give her a smile. The migraine seems to be fading away, the pounding in my head is not that unbearable anymore, and now my appetite has come back.

Is it the coffee? Or the two people before me have this majestic healing effect on me?

The scenery before my eyes is absolutely breathtaking. I didn’t know there’s such beautiful place in New York. I mean, it’s New York, what would you expect other than monstrosities and incessant honking of cars? The intake of my eyes proves me wrong. After wrapping up the shooting around New York streets, we travelled about five hours from the city.

It’s Jaehyun’s idea to get here before sunset. He kept talking about the concept of the photoshoot that will be taking place at the waterfall. “It’ll be daebak, Hyung!” was what he said for umpteenth times on our way, his eyes glistened with excitement. I threatened to cut his balls off if he’s exaggerating things.

And now I’m standing on the bridge, the waterfall of Ausable Chasm expands before my eyes, water pouring over the rocks. That brat’s right, this scenic waterfall is definitely worth the five hour drive. One earth there’s no heaven, but there are pieces of it.

“Hyung, are you ready? The sun is setting,” Jaehyun waves at me when I’m totally immersed in my world. I catch a glimpse of rainbow created by the reflection of sunrays on the waterfall, “I’m coming!”

Since I first laid eyes on the waterfall, the conversation we had last night kept lingering in my mind. Coincidently, my thoughtful expression seemed to be the young photographer’s liking. He mumbled something about “That’s what I want! The scenery will magnify your mysterious personality… Hold your wine glass closer, Hyung, but don’t sip it, yeah that’s right…” I followed his instructions anyway, despite the idea of holding a glass of wine before a waterfall was confusing to me.

Now that I’ve five hours ahead before arriving at my hotel at New York downtown, I can pull out the thought I temporarily tucked somewhere in my mind.

FLASHBACK

“Do I look like a pig to you?” she asked, putting a hand on her hip, right after the waiter walked out pushing his trolley.

I glanced at the coffee table, quickly hid the smirk on my face before looking back at her, “No, that’s why you need to eat, you’re too thin to be a pig.” Plus, I didn’t order much. It’s just three plates of different spaghettis, a rib-eye steak, two cheese burgers, few slices of cake, big plate of fruits and one bottle of wine.

I sat beside her on the couch and crossed my legs before handing a plate of spaghetti to her, “Didn’t you look in the mirror? Your face is pale, and your dark circles, did you not sleep?”

I waited for her to strike back, she’d probably say something like “Do you think running a company and taking care of a kid is as easy as you standing still, posing in front of a camera?” But nothing came into my ears. She looked straight into my eyes. I swore I could see her biting the inside of her lips.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Nothing,” she said softly, taking the plate from my hand.

“So… You’ve your family here?” I asked as she stabbed her fork deep inside the pile of spaghetti and twirled it in a roll.

“Hmm…It’s a neighbour actually. But we’re close, she’s like family to me,” she answered nonchalantly while savouring the spaghetti in .

I pour myself a glass of wine, “Clarence seems to like it here.” Just go to the point, Choi Seunghyun, you’re wasting time!

“Yeah… I guess it’s the language. He has no problem talking to the kids here. He grew up here after all,” she forced a weak smile while her eyes had drifted to the room Clarence was sleeping in.

“How does it feel? I mean, being a mom at the early age,” I asked after taking a sip of my wine, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

My heart sank when she tensed upon my question.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it,” I spluttered.

She put the plate on the table, before pouring herself a full glass of wine, “It… it happened too fast, Clarence came when I wasn’t prepared at all. I had some struggles, quarrels here and there, things got really bad with my family, but every time I saw his face, every time I touched him, I knew I was doing the right thing,” she flashed me a motherly smile.

But I could see frailty and fatigue in her eyes. She’s bearing a burden that doesn’t belong to her. I wasn’t sure of this yet, but still I felt an urge to pull her into my embrace right now, telling her everything will be better from now on, I’d be there for them.

No, no, she’ll freak out.

Thus, the words slipped out of my mouth is “What would you wanna do if you can go back in time?”

“Go back in time, before there’s Clarence?” she’s surprised at my question, as if she’d never thought of it. I nodded.

Her lips protruded while she’s thinking, I averted my gaze from the seducing lips. Pull yourself together!

“Travel,” her word pulled me back. I turned my head to her, puzzled.

“I’d wanna travel,” she explained, “Not luxurious trips, not five-star hotel, I wanna be a backpacker, wandering around at new places you’ve never been before, taking photos of people you’ve never met.”

It reminded me of the backpack she had with me this morning. So she does have a dream. And I might be the one who took it from her.

“But… If I could have my time back, have my youth back, but I would lose Clarence, then my answer is ‘no’.”

“Why?” I looked deeply into her eyes, trying to get answer, “You can pursue you dream without him.”

“It was my dream. Clarence is my dream now,” she flashed me a wide smile.

I couldn’t say a word, nor do anything, instead of looking at the young lady beside me. My heart cringed when she told me about how Clarence bursting in to her life, my heart cringed even more when she said Clarence is her dream.

“Hey, are you gonna eat or not? I can’t even finish half of these,” she asked, before taking a bite at the chocolate cake in her hand. One moment before she’s all serious taking about dream and choice between youth and dream, one moment later she’s eating cake like a child, leaving stains on her lips, laughing like crazy when I pointed it out. She never failed to surprise me.

Out of sudden, the strange feeling of déjà vu struck me.

The way she wiped the stain off while laughing reminded me of someone. Her. It felt even more surreal since it happened in a hotel room. That’s where we used to meet each other.

She loved chocolate and cake, so chocolate cake was heaven to her. But she always left stains on . When she’s about to wipe it off with her finger, my lips would have already done the favour for her. When I finally broke the kiss, she would say “Yah!” blushing, and punch me softly on my shoulder.

She’s the one I thought would be my life partner. I knew her since we worked together on a Bigbang tour in the states. We clicked almost immediately. We went along so well, we knew each other like the back of our hand, we shared common preferences. But we lost to distance, lost to the 6869 miles between us.

Things started going downhill when I had to film in Seoul and tour around Japan at the same time. The heavy plot of the film drained me, coupled with the tour, they literally squeezed the last bit of energy out of me. I didn’t have time nor energy to crack lame jokes, to pamper her with my words anymore.

I didn’t blame her. How could I? I can’t even take care of her when she’s got into a car accident? Heck, I was thousand miles away when she’d been sent into the operating room.

When she told me over the phone to meet up for the last time, I knew what was about to happen. We both agreed it was over and we promised not to contact each other. The wound needed time to heal.

A pair of hands waving before my eyes, behind them are a pair of concerned eyes. “Are you zooming out again? My story is boring, you shouldn’t have asked,” she turned to the table, pouring another glass for herself, cheeks slightly blushed.

“I was just…tired,” I sent her an apologetic smile, “I think I should go hit the bed now.”

I finished two more bottles in my room before going to bed. Despite the alcohol I had in me, I couldn’t sleep that night. Thoughts about them kept me tossed and turned in my bed. There were questions in my head and I needed answers! “Argghh!” I turned around to hide my head under the fluffy pillow.

END OF FLASHBACK

A/N:

In case you’re curious about Ausable Chasm, here is photos from the net.

This is the bridge over Ausable Chasm where you can have the best view of the waterfall. 

And yes, 6869 miles is the flight distance between New York and Seoul.