LEENA POV

“What’s your noona’s name by the way?” I ask as we both sitting on the bar stool we moved from the mini bar in the house. Both of us agreed that neglecting such a magnificent view of Moreton Island would be a waste.

The wooden railing painted in white is wide enough to place a wine bottle, two glasses and few packs of snacks we grabbed from the café after giving up on reclaiming Clarence to my house, no, his house.

His hand holding the wine glass stops midway, sending me a frown, he says, “Hye Yoon, Choi Hye Yoon.” “Ah… Hye Yoon eonni,” I smile in satisfaction. It’s funny that despite the long time we have spent with each other, the talks and jokes we have shared with, I didn’t know her name. We dropped the formalities almost as soon as we met, it just felt comfortable to address her as “eonni” instead of her name.

But this situation clearly confuses the man beside me as he speaks his confusion, “You’ve spent days with her and yet you don’t know her name?” I shake my head while smiling, “I just feel comfortable calling eonni… well, eonni.”

Finishing his first glass, he proceeds to pour another for himself, “You know, key in BIGBANG TOP’S SISTER, you’ll know almost everything about noona, even her SNS.” It’s either he can’t hide the smirk on his face, or he doesn’t intend to do so at all.  

Facepalm. How did I not think of this simplest yet most effective way?

Second facepalm for thinking he would spare me easily. “And someone mocked me for not having a SNS. At least I know how to google,” he teases devilishly.

 “Just shut up,” I throw a glare at him before taking a big gulp of my wine to hide my embarrassment.

None of us says another word after that. Since I arrived days ago, it’s the first time I have a companion sitting by the deck, enjoying the view over wine.

I look up to the sky, stars are shining brightly above our head. The fact that they are millions miles away from me seems unreal when I feel like I can touch them with my hand. “It’s pretty, it’s different with Seoul,” I mumble in awe.

“Seoul has too much city lights, you can see stars too in suburban areas.” His voice so light, as if scared to ruin the silent night.

I hum in response and we fall in silence again to keep the breathtaking view before our eyes imprinted in head.

“Starry starry night… Paint your palette blue and gray… Look out on a summer’s day…” he croons in his husky voice. Which of them awakens the sentimental part of me, the lyrics or his voice, I couldn’t tell. I start to hum along to the tune, then something strikes me as another song comes to my mind.

Words slips out of my mouth before I realise it, “Is that true? Your future is more important than the girl?” He shifts his gaze from the sky to me, frowning.

It’s beyond a facepalm, I should just bang my head against the wall. What the hell was that? Why bring that up now? Can’t you just keep your mouth shut and enjoy the night?

He asks when I stay in silence, “What does that mean?”

Fidgeting in my seat, I look at everywhere but him. “Leena?” His voice tells me he demands answer. My grip on the glass tightens and loosens before I make up my mind to ask the question that has been bugging me for days, “The song, was that true that it’s dedicated to your ex-girlfriend?”

I hold my breath and look into his eyes, waiting for the answer, if he would ever give me one. He turns his gazes away, but I catch a glimpse of his watery eyes before he looks up at the sky.

When I’m about to brush off my question by saying it’s just a joke, he breaks the suffocating silence, “I thought you don’t know any of our songs.”

He is right, I didn’t know any of Big Bang’s songs, let alone their solos. But that was before I arrived in this island, before I had plenty of time to spend on my own while Clarence was fighting against his jetlag, before I googled his songs. Yes, I do know how to google.

I remember how I knitted my brows at Doom Dada, since it’s the first song popped up. “Even the title is a joke, this guy is indeed weird” was my first impression. Sitting by the deck, exactly where I’m sitting at right now, I listened to his songs over and over again, and before I knew it, sun was rising from the horizon. Spending a whole night listening to his songs, that was something I would mock and I was so damn sure I would never do. But the fact said it all, I did. Among all the songs, one of them particularly caught my interest. I spent most of the time listening to this one song.

He wrote it in the lyrics that the song was dedicated for his ex-girlfriend. I thought that was just a hook to catch people’s attention. But as I listened to the song, I wasn’t so sure anymore. There’s so much pain, I can feel it through the song. A video clip I stumbled across on the net was the last straw, I even cried watching it. If that was purely a stage act, he can win an Oscar.

But still, I want to get the answer from him, the person who wrote the song and sing it himself. It has been bugging me for days now, it pops up in my mind every now and then to an extent that I wish to just call and ask him over the phone.

“It is.” He murmurs under his breath, voice so light that I can barely make out the words.  

That’s it. I ruined the moment.

Just when I’m about to bang my head against the wall for the umpteenth times, he gulps down the wine left in his glass and says with his eyes still at the sky, “There’s a girl, I thought she’s the one I’d be spending my life with. But I…” his voice starts to crack and my heart squeezes at the sight, “I didn’t have much time for her. I knew I can’t be selfish, I can’t ask her to wait for me for I don’t know how long, she needs to find someone who can be with her whenever she needs him, and I knew so damn well I can’t give her that.” He pours another glass for himself.

“So… You broke up with her?” I ask softly.

Shaking his head, he says, “No, she did it. I just can’t bring myself together to break up with her when I was so in love with her. I knew it was coming though. She got into an accident, broke her arms, and I was touring in Japan, filming in Korea,” he smiles bitterly, “I was a jerk.” He downs the whole glass and proceeds to pour another.

I stop his hand and squeeze in gently in mine. He finally shifts his gaze to look at me. I can feel a chasm cracks open in my heart when I see his face. Oh god, how much pain someone has to endure to be broken like the one before my eyes?

Wind has dried the tears on his face, leaving traces of tears behind. I turn myself so that I’m facing him, trailing the trace of tear on his face with my thumb using my free hand.

“If you still love her, why don’t you go get her back?”

Tears fall on my hand as I speak, freezing me on the spot. Did I say something wrong?

He looks at his lap, hanging his head low. Despite the dim lighting, I can see tears dropping from his eyes like a broken dam.

It’s too much for him, this man is on the edge of an emotional breakdown. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell...”

But he lifts his head to look at me with his glistening eyes and cuts me off, “I did.”

What happened after that? I scream in my head but I bite my lips to tuck the words back into my throat. I don’t want to push him.

He reaches for the wine bottle and pour a full glass for himself, this time I decide not to stop him. It must have been painful to recall those memories, he can have all the courage he needs. After a big gulp, he says, “I tried to call her. I’ve lost my phone but I’d never forget her number. The number’s not in service. I went to the states, to her house, her company, but she’d moved and she’s not working there anymore. She had just…” he takes a deep breath, “Vanished.”

More tears come pouring down as he speaks. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes as well. Few months ago, when I first met this man, he freaked me out for I thought he was with my father. We met again in front of his house with he mistook me as his fan, hell he thought the pizza was for him! Few months later, I know the once arrogant man is just an insecure child, building a wall around him so that no one can break his heart, again. If I had to say, a heartbreaker is the first impression he gave me, he can have almost everyone with that perfect face. But look at the vulnerable man before me, only God knows how heartbroken he is.

I tried to say something to console him, but everything does not feel right. The worst feeling strikes me when I come to realise that I’m the one brought up the stupid question. Of all songs, I chose to ask about this one, had I been asking about the apes in Doom Dada instead of this, we could have had a lighthearted night.

NO ONE POV

The man takes the envelope in front of him, and opens it with his shaking hands. He knows what his friend is expecting, but he prays so hard that the result tells otherwise. He had done so much to make sure nothing gets in between his friend and his career, so much despicable things that even he would loathe at himself.

Just when the man thinks his friend has finally made up his mind and left everything behind, the kid shows up. “Not now, not now, not now,” he keeps mumbling while taking the paper from the envelope.

His hand drops feebly as he reads the content. His eyes close in excruciation, hand crumples the site of paper where it is holding. The nightmare that has been haunting him for years has come true.