A/N: Hi guys I'm so so so sorry for not updating weekly... I had a lot of things going on and I didn't have time to put my thoughts on writing fanfics... pls don't be mad at me :(

This chapter is basically gonna be Jongin pouring his feelings out in his diary and what he is doing while Baekhyun is gone.

[October 23, 3241]

Baekhyun-ah,

It's been a week since you left. It's been a week since I last saw a smile in this house. 

I brought in food my parents earned, fresh meat and vegitables. I brought in clean clothes. I even got another job so I can provide for your family. I go straight to your house after work. I did everything I can to help Mrs. Byun and Sehun. But it seems like nothing works.

Nothing can make them forget your absence. Not even for a minute.

Of course, I can't forget either. 

I've tried to convince Mrs. Byun to eat something, but all she's had was thin cold soup, so thin and bland that it can be considered water, despite all the food I brought over. In the end, I always take it back to my house and eat it with my family. My mom and dad knows about Baekhyun too, and they're doing everything to help the Byuns just like me.

Mrs. Byun is getting skinnier everyday, and when I ask her why she's not eating, she claims to be saving up food for Sehun. 

Two days ago was the first time I saw Sehun take a bite of the bread I brougt over.

Baekhyun-ah... can't you see? We need you... I need you.

I miss you.

I miss you so much you don't even understand.

Everytime I close my eyes, your bright smile appears on the back of my eyelids. But when I wake up, you disappear. No matter how hard I tried, I can't find you again. If living in reality means I can't see you, then I rather stay in my dreams forever.

My stomach feels sick. I feel so sick because I don't know where you are, how you're doing, if you're ok or not. I feel so sick from worrying. Is your master nice? Or is he bastard? Does he treat you well? I feel angry everytime I remember someone is owning you right now, that you have to serve some kind of crazy bastard. It's so unfair how the upper class can take advantage of us.

This government is so sick. This world is so sick. I swear, one day, I will make this world stop.

Remember how I mentioned I wanted to become part of the Guerillas, the rebel army?

Well ever since you left, I've felt so much hatred towards the government and the Prime Minister. The day you left, I promised to myself that I will get you out of that hellhole and destroy the government. I want to assassinate the Prime Minister.

A year ago, I told you I went to the Guerilla's army base.

You warned me to stay out of the war. But how can I stay out of it when I finally understand the true horror of what the government is doing to us? I finally get it now. I'm not a little kid anymore. Ever since then, I've been going to the base on the regular basis withou