Username
wishing_on_a_star
Profile link
http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/680330
Story Title
Like Yesterday

 

 

 

~ Reviewed by sevenpixels ~

 

 

First Impression: 8/15 Title: 3/5  Well... there are many fanfics out there with a title similar to yours and somehow through the title, I already have a gist on what the story is going to be.  Foreward/Description: 5/10 It just simply confirmed my suspicion on the story line. If you could change the title differently, contrasting with the foreward/description, it'll intrigue the readers more :-)    language: 8/20 sentence structure & grammar: 4/10 Your sentences are too short. There are too many fullstops and it kind of break the momentum and the story into many pieces and it was rather difficult for me to read. Apart from that, you have to work on your grammar.  Vocab, spelling, punctuation: 4/10  Like i said abive you add too much fullstops and supposedly, adding a "But" after the fullstop is wrong but I can forgive it, as sometimes, it builds on the suspense. However, you've been using too much of it. Its a no-no. Vocab wise, I suggest you use more words that could create an impact instead of using simple words. Spelling was fine.    Storyline:  plot and flow: 10/30 I hav