Username  
kangsorafan
Profile link  
http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/705363
Story Title  
Diamond in the Rough
  
 

 

 

~ Reviewed by monkeyCsaw ~

 

first impression: (9/15)
-title: 2/5

  Slightly cliche and I'm not quite sure what it has to do with the story.
-description + foreword: 7/10   Bad grammar docked a lot of these points but nevertheless it succeeded in intriguing me. I looked forward to reading the story and the characters sounded interesting.

language: (11/20)
-sentence structure & grammar: 4/10 Your grammar could use a lot of work. You love run-on sentences and there's always too many or too little words. I would suggest having a beta-reader or asking your co author to look over your chapters with a more discerning eye. -vocab, punctuation, & spelling: 7/10   Vocab and spelling are pretty decent; not a lot of mistakes from what I can see. Punctuation could use some work. You really like commas and writing is about finding the balance in punctuation.

storyline: (23/35)
-plot & flow: 19/30 So your plot is pretty solid. I enjoy the idea behind it and it flows really well. The reason I docked points is because the story seems to be going nowhere. It has been 18 chapters and all you've really done is establish Sora as the -buddy. Like, seriously, that's it. There's been no development of their relationship or any relationship for that matter. It's been months in the storyline and she still doesn't know who Youngguk really is. Also, time passes supremely quickly in this story. Take the kidnap scene; she's kidnapped at 4:30 in