username
luqluq
profile link
http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/551885
story title
Dying Embers

~ Reviewed by CrossGenesis ~

first impression: 11/15

-title: 3
The title somehow does not fit, it needed a bit more "UMPH" to complete it all. 
I would have used your title if Hana died in a fire or something that was close to EMBERs. If it was me, I'd entitle the story "Phone Call", "Hello?", "Knock, knock" or "Intrusion"
Something that goes in line with such. but nevertheless the little was okay

-description + foreword: 7
I love that you used a picture for the foreword and description. It's unique in its own way because it has a very fitting design.
Though I would not have used the same background image for three times. The fonts for the description was also out of the line.
Maybe use a formal text like Times New Roman or Garamond. Simplicity is perfect for a story as such.

Then for the description and foreword...
I was not really impressed that there were no changes in the foreword, by the fact that you used the same words in the story as well.
You could have added a question in the end like "Who was it then?" or something along the line to create a more spine-chilling ending. 
Not that the ending was not spine-chilling...but, you know what, we'll get to that later ^^



language: 19/20

-sentence structure & grammar(9)
" I perceived that hyung looked totally messed up"
"even he knew that it will never help to ebb his hyung ardour for Hana"

These sentences are fine, however, you choice of words was not exactly fitting.
Yes, this story requires deep thoughts and such be