Chapt 8

Never Ending Lies...

5 days passed after the press conference. Yoona felt better. Her fever had gone and her body felt fit enough to comeback to her daily activities.

She was so far away from Seoul for this past few days. She was at a rural where the most of the citizen there didn't know anything about SNSD or Im Yoona. Yes, she was at her father's hometown. She lived with her grandma and aunty while she got a high fever. That was right. Yoona really wanted to ran and hid as far as she could. She needed to ran away from the bitter reality had happened on her little life.

"Do you feel better, Yoon ah?" An old woman in her last 60 just came. She brought a cup of chicken soup on a tray.

"Nde, haelmoni. I feel better now. I think, i have to go back to Seoul very soon. My works waited for me and my friends might be so worry about me." Yoona showed her sweetest smile.

"Ddaengida.. the first day you came here, you looked so pale. Now you looks more beautiful. Uri aga neomu yeppojanaa..." Haelmoni grab Yoona's hand and gazed her grandchild so lovely.

"Nde, Haelmoni. Kamsahamnida, haelmoni ga, immo ga, you treat me and caring me pretty well. Mianhaeyo, haelmoni.. you must be so worry.."

"Gwaenchanna, Yoonie ah. I'm glad you came to me, not to other places. I could die sooner if i find my lovely child stay in a dangerous place while you were sick.  Just come here anytime you want, darling. Although this old woman couldn't do so much to heal your pains, but... as long as my heart still beating, my embrace will be the warmest and the most comfortable place for you, Dear!"

Haelmoni caress Yoona's head and put her hair behind her ear. And soon after she heard it, Yoona immersed herself into grandma's embrace. Her granny was right, at least it was the warmest and the save place for her to hide and heal her broken. Grandma's love gave her strength to be braver when she finally have to back to her genuine life.

"Neomu Gomawoyo, Haelmoni. I feel i wanna be here forever with you. I don't want to go back, jinjjayo..." Her throaty voice sounded so weak. Her tears began to fall again when she realized that she would leave her beloved grandma in very soon.

"Andwe, Yoona ah! It's not your place. I would be very happy if you come here once in a while. But you may not spend the rest of your life just accompanying an old woman like me. I never know, how many times i still have. But your life still very long, Child! Your story is just begin."

Haelmoni caress her hair gently and it made Yoona sobbed even more.

"Yoon ah, life is like a journey. You know what you want to reach as the finish line of that journey. But sometimes, you'll never know which path you're going to choose so to be there easily and safely. You'll even never know, with whom you gonna meet in the middle of your way. You could be there sooner without any obstacles, or.... you have to through the opposite..! Maybe you have to lost and work even harder to find the right way.

You came to this world and started your journey alone. But who knows, you'll find someone who gonna be with you, walk and run with you, hold your hand till the end.

Now, you're just lost, Aga! You only have to keep walking to find your track back. This time you only fell on the ground. You only hurt your knee and made it a little bit bloody. So don't make it bigger than that as your whole world had already fell too. Don't make this little rock stopping your dream. Do you understand?"

Yoona noded her head. It was amazing. Haelmoni's words were just like an incantation which healed her wounds in a blink of eye.

"And about your love... just let the time help you fixed everything. If you're really mean for him, i'm sure, without you asked him, that man would unhesitatingly spread his embrace for you. In my opinion, a bitter truth is still so much better than a sweet lies. Once you said a lie, you have to cover that lie with another lie. You'll never be happy, child! Just come to him and tell him anything."

Once again, she nodded. She wiped her tears and soon after that, she started to devoured her soup. It was the most delicious chicken soup made by her beloved grandma. Felt like it gave her strength to do the thing that she suppose to do. Yes, she would meet him and fight for him once again. Even she doubted if Jonghyun still want to see her.

***

Yoona drove her white VW Scirocco, left the quietest place that help her mended her broken. Suddenly, his face drew clearer on her mind.

'Just wait for me, Oppa! Jebbal..'

She whispered. It would be a long trip to reached Seoul. Need about 4 or 5 hours to go. She turned her Mp3 player on. Then her memory song with Jonghyun played.

Say it’s true, there’s nothing  like me and you

I’m not alone, tell me you feel it too

And i would runaway..

I would runaway..

I would runaway..

I would runaway with you..

Cause i am falling in love with you..

No never.. i’m never gonna stop falling in love

With you..

Runaway – The Corrs

Her tears unconsciously fell again. If she only could described how much she missed him. It was equal with the fear inside her heart. If only Jonghyun ignore her and reject her explanation, it's indeed her own stupid fault.

***

She parked her car at Cheongdamdong area. It's few blocks away from SM building. She purposely parked her car there since the press would still be at her agency waited for her. She out from her car, complete with her disguised costume. She was about to go to the coffee shop near there. She would meet him there.

Actually, it was Yonghwa who arranged that meeting. Last night, Yoona called him and asked his help once again. And Yonghwa said, CNBLUE will have a meeting with the owner of one of Japan music label there at 5.00 pm. It would be easier for Yoona to meet Jonghyun after their meeting.

It was 6.15 pm at Yoona's watch. She inhaled a deep breath before she stepped her feet into that coffee shop. Yonghwa messaged her that their meeting just done. She could use their meeting room to talk with Jonghyun. The four of them still wait there. Of course, only Yonghwa who knew it. He and the duo maknaes would immediately go when Yoona came.

The meeting room is on the back side of that coffee shop. She had to passed the central garden to be there. Her steps was getting closer. But something stopped her steps so sudden. She was shocked when she saw the man whom she'd been avoided for this past few days just stood in front of her.

'Not now, jebbal...'

"Yoona ah!" That man hurriedly ran to her direction and immediately hug her tight. She glued.

"O.. Oppa!"

Her body felt like been nailed with the floor. She damn wanted to moved and escaped from that embrace. But her tongue felt freeze. Every words just vanished. She stiff there.

"Where have you been, Yoona ah? Don't you know that everybody were crazily looking for you? You were not found everywhere, and we were so worry!"

Through his eyes, it clearly shown. Worries, fearfulness, but at the same time, she could see the happiness there. Indeed, Seunggi felt so glad to see her again after this torturing 5 days. More than that, he felt so guilty coz Yoona disappeared right after he did those stupid declaration.

"Jaega..." There were a lot of thoughts on her mind at the moment. She came there to met Lee Jonghyun and about to fight for his love once again. But why.. fate always drag Lee Seunggi amidst her plans?

"O.. Oppa, what are you doing here?" God knows how fast her heart beat. What should she do, if Jonghyun find them together and her dream to rebuild her happiness again would instantly vanished like a bubble.

"I was just met a producer whom i have cooperation with for my new drama. And you, what are you doing here?"

She wasn't answered his question yet, suddenly her stare moved to the man who just out from a room with his three fellows. He looked at her with his unbelievable gazed. Either with his three fellows. Lee Seunggi realized that Yoona's attention was turned to the other place. Then he turned his head and found Lee Jonghyun stared at them. He was shocked as well.

"Oh... Jonghyun ah..."

Just a piece of those words which he finally could say. He only mentioned his name while there were Yonghwa, Minhyuk and Jungshin there too. Panic. It was what he felt at the moment. He never expected to trapped on this crazy circumstance.

Yonghwa aware with the tension around him then he got an initiative to greeted Lee Seunggi properly.

“Anyeonghaseo, Hyung! Oremanieyo..!” Yonghwa bowed his body followed by Minhyuk and Jungshin. Still... with their shocking face. Don't asking about how messy Jonghyun's face at that time. Fortunately, he chose to bowed his head so he could hide his anger in front of that 'national' couple.

“A.. Anyeong Yonghwa ah, Jonghyun ah, Minhyuk ah, Jungshin ah! It's such a coincidence to meet all of you here." Lee Seunggi walked closer and greeted them warmly.

"Nde, Hyung! We just finished the meeting." Yonghwa answered it with his sincerity yet awkwardly smile.

"Ooh.. geurokunna! Me too! I just met with someone here and accidentally see Yoona here too. What a great coincidence."

He didn't know, why did his mouth threw those explanation aloud while no one asked him about it. Not directly. But Seunggi knew, that question should be there on that four guy's mind. Mostly, the man with a dimple smile, who looked so gloomy now.

"Oh.. Yoona ah! Neol waseo?"

Yonghwa acted as normal as possible. Although the truth was.. that was a part of his plan with Yoona. But that unpredictable moment jinjja... it made him dizzy.

“Anyeonghaseo, hyeongseo... euhh.. Yoona Noona!”

Almost. Minhyuk and Jungshin called her as hyeongseonim. It was too awkward for them. They used to called her and Seohyun like that but suddenly the thing had changed. She's not their lovely in law anymore. At least in front of public eyes, she's Lee Seunggi's lover now.

“Oh.. Yeorobun anyeonghaseo!”

Yoona bowed her body awkwardly but her eyes kept staring at Jonghyun. Soon after their gaze met, Jonghyun threw his face to the other direction. It was too obvious that this man avoided her eyes. The girl whom he'd been missing for this crazy past 3 months. But then their met on that weird circumstance. How funny this fate is.

"Jonghyun ah... i.." Lee Seunggi was about to explain everything to Jonghyun. "Can we talk?" He asked. Both Jonghyun and Yoona looked so shocked to heard that sudden question.

"Oppa...." Yoona grab Seunggi arm as a sign for him to not continuing what he going to do.

“Gwaenchanna, Yoona ah!” He grip her hand in his arm. With his eyes, he tried to assured her that he would solved that complication asap. But that view was piercing someone's heart even more. Jonghyun felt like he wanted to run as fast as he could. Get lost from that hell before he lost his self-control and creating a mess.

Yonghwa understood that situation and he asked Minhyuk and Jungshin to left first. They left Jonghyun with Sunggi and Yoona there. A few minutes latter, the three of them finally entered the room where CNBLUE had their meeting before. For a few moment, they remained silent. No one opened their mouth.

“Jonghyun ah... uri..”

“Chukkhaeo.. Hyung! I'm sorry, i'm too late to say that."

Even before Seunggi told what he gonna tell, Jonghyun cut his words sarcastically along with his bitter smile. And it made the tension even harder than before. For a moment, both Seunggi or Yoona were speechless.

“Ania.. Jonghyun ah, please.. give me a time to explain. Everything you heard from the press aren't completely right." Seunggi thought harder to chose his words then Jonghyun would clearly understood. Actually, he didn't know where to started.

“Gwaenchannayo, Hyung. Jinjjayo! You don't need to explain anything to me. My business with Yoona had done before you're be together. She's not betrayed me so don't worry. Besides, no one ever knew about our story except our members and managements. Geok Cheongmaseo, i'll keep this as the secret."

His words instantly changed Yoona's expresion. She thought... 'Mwo? Is he really mean it? Is he really changed? That fast?' And those thought kept repeating on her mind.

“Ania, Jonghyun ah! You miss understand it. The thing that i want to tell you is..

Jonghyun ah, we had an urgent condition at the moment so i need to do that or she might be in trouble. I had no choice. You know.. i'm a little bit confuse what i suppose to tell you. Maybe Yoona can make it clearer."

Seunggi looked at Yoona's reddened face. Jonghyun too. He frowned while staring at that girl and wait for her elucidation.

“O.. Oppa.. jongmal mianhae. I...”

Yoona failed to held her uncontrollably tears and it made her hard to speak. The words she had arranged since she was at her grandma's home suddenly vanished. How if Jonghyun reject her? How if he won't understand? How if he never ever forgive her? Those thoughts scared her even more.

“Gwaenchanna, Yoona ah, just tell him.”

Seunggi caress Yoona's back. Again. Jonghyun being forced to see that scenery. It wasn't longer about Jealousy. But which hurt him the most was... to saw how Seunggi consoled her which seems like he more capable to make her feel secured. The fact that Seunggi knew Yoona's problems while he didn't, it digging a deeper wound inside his heart.

How could she told Seunggi everything and made him lost with his ignorance? How could she choose to shared anything with Seunggi while she let him suffer with the uncertain reason? How could she be so heartless?

"Hyung, i think there is nothing that i have to know anymore. Beside, i'm not interesting to know. She did it to me since the beginning. If she willing to speak, she had to did it before, right? I'm so aware that i'm not worth it to be the man that she can trusting to. Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore. I know who i really am and she need the more capable man and fortunately she found you. At least i'm glad, she's with the right man. She got what she want that i never could give her that. I wished both of you will always be happy. One more time, i sincerity congratulate you. Jimshiminaeyo!"

Jonghyun bowed his head to show his respect to Seunggi. But his eyes still threw a cynical glance to her.

"Jonghyun ah... geurom ga aniya! It's not like..."

Seunggi tried to clarify but Yoona's hand stopped him. She held his hand and it made Seunggi gaped even more. Yoona looked at his eyes with her pleading gazed.

“Geumanhaeyo, Oppa!” Yoona grip his hand even tighter as she really asked him to save her one more time. And Jonghyun really sick of that.

“Mianhae, Jonghyun Oppa! You're right, i shouldn't drag you here. Nan.. hanmanineul opso! There's nothing i have to say to you. Maybe i just felt guilty for our sudden statement. I thought, it would be better to you to hear this directly from us. But i was wrong. Yeah... our business is over. I don't need to asked your forgiveness since it is the way we had to through. I'm sorry for wasting your precious time, Oppa."

She strengthen her heart. In the end, it was just like haelmoni said. She kept on lying to cover the other lies before. And she's not happy. Never. More precisely... she wanted to die at the moment.

Jonghyun inhaled his breath heavily. He doesn't know how to speak or how to act. Actually, he really need to heard her reason but...

"Jalgara, Oppa! One more time, i'm so sorry  for disturb you."

She stood up from her sit, bowed her body a little then left him on that room. Again! Seunggi seems so confused. But a moment latter he followed Yoona out of the room.

“Yoona ah..!” His voice held her steps when she was about to opened the door. Yoona turned her body back and saw him sat with his head bowed.

"Be happy! This time... you have to be happy!"

A piece of that words just flew away from his mouth. His voice almost unheard. Yoona kept staring at that poor man for a moment. She nodded a little while wiped her tears and left. Jonghyun seen her back with his anguish gazed until she totally lost behind the door.

He saw her back again. He hurt again.

Angry, hate, broken heart, disappointed, those are all he felt. It conquered his heart but still... it couldn't be bigger than his longing and his love for her. She hurt his pride when she held Seunggi's hand as she trust her whole life to that man. She made him looked so pathetic. And her act just show him about how meaningless he was for her life.

He smiled. A bitter smile. He laugh his own life which seems so funny lately. It was so funny but why... he felt like dying somehow?

It’s been a long time

You were still beautiful when i saw you by chance..

The guy next to you seems good

Never let go his hold..

Oh.. i left you because i love you

It’s rather nice though you hate me

You’re laughting at least..

At once you smile, although your guy is not me

Lalalalalala.. lalalalala...

At once you’re happy, although your guy isn’t me

Lalalalalala.. lalalalala..

I’m glad..

Lalala - CNBLUE

***

"Yoona ah, what were you just doing?" Seunggi immediately asked her when he entering his car.

“Gwaenchannayo, Oppa. I'd done what i supposed to do. It'll be better if we stay like this!" The color of misery shown so clearly through that pale face. Seunggi reached her hand and held it on his grip.

"But you gonna be so tired, Yoona ah! You gonna be hurt even more!" Seunggi caress the back of her hand gently.

“Ahrayo, Oppa. At least i'm not alone. Will you keep your promise to stay beside me, Oppa? I need you now and i have no one to share about this except you. I know it's not fair for you. If .... you do mind, i understand, Oppa."

“Ssshh..!! You don't need to asked me, Yoona ah! Of course i will. I will! I'll never let you walk this terrible road alone. Just hold my hand as long as you need it. I'll always be here. Beside you. It was my fault too so you have to step your feet here. I really am sorry, Yoona ah!"

“Aniyo, Oppa! I am the one who should ask your forgiveness. I'm sorry for the time. I was so panic and couldn't think properly. But.. kamsahamnida, Oppa. Thank you, for what you'd done to me. I'll never forget it." Yoona sigh her breath heavily.

"And about Jonghyun Oppa.. don't you ever feel sorry about it. Since the first time it is my fault, anyway. Our story has reach the level where we couldn't fix it anymore. I'm not blame him for what he said to me before. I'm deserved to placed outside his heart after i created a big hole inside it. But i'll keep my last promise to him. I'll be happy just like he asked me. I want to be happy, Oppa... as i wished for his happiness too. I wish he find a better one who would revive what had broken by me."

She smiled. A bitter smile. Life was so funny somehow and she made it even funnier.

"And you too, Oppa! Don't waste your time with a useless woman like me. Find a better girl who'll give you everything like what you'd gave to me. Find someone who'll make you happy. Whom you loved and love you in return. Just like you said before, we have to created another scenario to ended this fake dating scandal. Until that day, i hope you can a little bit patient to wait."

Sad. No more words could be describing his feeling that night. He realized, for Yoona.. he's only a fake lover. Yoona only counted his sincerity as a loan which she had to pay it in the future.

'Don't you realized, Yoona ah? I just sat right in front of that woman. I hold her hand even she never feel my existence. I know i can be Jonghyun for you. Geunyang jebbal... don't be hurt while i'm here with you...'

He whispered those hurtful words on his mind.

Author note :

Gomawoyo, yeorobun... for keep reading my story. ^_^

I feel bad for Lee Seunggi when i wrote this. It was a little bit unfair for him... but.... it's DeerBurning fanfic, anyway...

I'm sorry for many grammatical errors. I wish you could still enjoy this...