Tae POV

Jessica takes the seat next to mine at the back of the van and I'm pretty sure she did it purposely. This whole week, all she's tried to do was get my attention but just looking at her in the eyes was painful for me. How the hell would I last the whole drive to the airport?

I look around for the person who's kept me sane this turtorous week but my eyes can't find her. Tiffany didn't ride this van, . Sica places her hands on both of my shoulders, halting my useless search.

I turn towards her reluctantly, to find that she's basically boring holes on my face with her brown orbs that drown me every time I look in them. Even in moments like these when I felt nervous as hell, her eyes never failed to calm me down. Well, it wasn't just her eyes, it was her whole being. She completely owned me, and I loved it and hated it at the same time. For some reason though, Jessica was the nervous one this time.

"T-Taeyeon-ah," she stutters, "What's w-wrong with you this past week?"

"Wae? N-nothing wrong with me.." I lie, everything wrong was with me.

Her grip on my petite shoulders tighten, almost to the point of pain. I didn't mind though, I needed this. I needed to feel external pain because when you fail physical pain, your mind is too occupied with it to remember how ed up your mind was. Even if it's temporary, those few seconds let you breathe, so you don't drown in your thoughts and depressed mentality. 

Not that I would fall into depression or anything, because it would hurt the members too much and I would hate myself even more if that happened. But sometimes, when I thought about Jessica and how harmful she was to my mind, body and heart, I really wanted the luxury of depression because it was probably better than having to keep everything to yourself.

"Stop with the bull." Jessica says fiercely, giving me an icy glare.

The nickname 'Ice Princess' suited her well, too well. My facade falters when I reminisce on the times I use to and call her that. Tears start welling up in my eyes. Falling in love with this princess was the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me.

"S-Sica-ah.. I-I can't..." I mumble quietly and I noticed that I started shaking from stifling my sobs.

"Why can't you?!" She half screams, half whispers, not wanting to get the attention of the others in the car. Thankfully, they were all either asleep or listening to music.

"Jessica, p-please stop, y-you're hurting me..." I rant on quickly as a single tear comes out of my right eye.

What I said had a double meaning to it but I didn't think she'd notice. When say it, she immediately retaliates her hands, curls them into fists and places them on her lap.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry Taengoo.."

The truth was, I wanted the contact. I needed to feel a connection between us so I knew we weren't over, that there was still a chance of salvaging our relationship- whatever it was. My shoulders went from burning hot to freezing cold. When she took her hands off of me, I practically heard my heart break.

"No Sica, I'm not okay.." I admit and now several tears escape my eyes, " But m-maybe one day... I will be."

She looks at me in confusion and concern. I just really wanted her to let the topic go because I was too tired to converse with her further. She lowers her head and her fists start to tremble as her knuckles turn white. I wanted to make her relax them so she wouldn't harm herself but I was afraid of touching her. I'm the most controversial person in the entire world.

"Why can't you just tell me? I'm your friend too aren't I?" she utters quietly, lifting her head and showing me her pained expression as her lips tremble and she sobs silently. My ice princess has melted, and it's all my fault. I didn't want her to be my friend though, I wanted her to be my lover- no- I wanted her to be mine, period, but that was impossible. All of a sudden, she starts to laugh maniacally and she gives me a filthy glare. Scratch that, she definetly did NOT melt.

"You know what? Screw you Taeyeon-ah. I'm sick and tired of having to chase you around like a little puppy everytime something happens. It's pretty tiring you know?" She spits at me, giving me a wicked glance.

I don't think I've ever been so scared for my life but I was way more heartbroken than afraid. I know I acted like a total to her and I know I'm being stupid but for once in my life, I wanted to be selfish. I didn't want my heart to be broken by her because it has suffered enough. I just wanted to think of myself for once. Was that so difficult to ask for?

"Everybody wake up! We're here!" Our manager oppa announces to everyone residing in the large yet incredibly stuffy van.

Jessica and I both start to freshen ourselves up so none of the fans or the members notice any thing wrong with us but while we were, Jessica never makes eye contact with me, not even once. 

I know it seems like I'm overreacting but this was extremely unusual for Sica, she'd usually look at me at least once. Regretfully, I think I've awoken a sleeping dragon - no - I've awoken a sleeping ice princess which was a lot more worse, trust me.

One by one, all of us start to file out of the black van. First, Hyoyeon and Sunny then Yuri and Yoona, until I'm left alone with Jessica. She quickly leaves before me and just as I'm about to exit through the door she did, she shuts it right I'm my face and she stares at me, expressionless, through the heavily tinted window. Oh boy.

When all 9 members enter the airport simultaneously, my eardrums almost burst from the loud screams of our fans, calling our names out. I instantly feel tons better than beforehand, which was great because I really didn't want to be saddened the whole ride to Japan, it would be way too emotionally tiring. 

Yes, my ideologies were pretty messed up and admittedly, I was really freaking guilty about making Jessica mad but what was I supposed to do? Confess? Yeah right, and make her all uncomfortable towards me? No way in hell. Today, the gods were testing me.

Our Sones are screaming left and right bring me back to reality. As we get deeper into the airport, more fans await us and they were starting to get a little crazy. That was probably the understatement of the year because they were jumping on each other's backs to get a good view, it was a colossal mess.

It came to the point where our bodyguards had to get a little more aggressive with them and I felt guilty but to me, safety was always my priority, especially to those I love.

All of a sudden, all I saw was red. An unconscious Jessica is now leaning on our manager oppas shoulders. I swear to god I nearly fainted when I saw her collapse. I sprint to Jessica's side and call out her name louder and louder everytime because I was the most panicked I've ever been.

What if something happens to her? What should I do?

Instinctively I take her from our manager's alarms and hug her tightly yet cautiously, needing to know if she was alright yet careful to hurt her further. Soon after me, the members come towards my direction as well. I'm not sure who, but someone takes Jessica away from me and I whimper quietly at the loss of contact.

I was feeling extremely light headed and I was quickly losing strength, my legs felt wobbly and I nearly fell over until a pair of long familiar arms wrap around my small body. 

"Unnie, are you okay? We have to go!" 

Our maknae's voice drags me back into the cruel world. I look up at her and see that she's calm and composed, the opposite of me. Why the hell wasn't she chosen as the leader?

"B-But Sica.."

I look around frantically and she's nowhere in sight, instead I see crowds of people surrounding our small area. Where did she go?

"Taeyeon-unnie, she's going to be ok. Come on we have to go now.." She explains reassuringly but it doesn't take a genius to sense that she's overcome with worry as well.

Thats right, I'm not the only one worrying for her. My love has got 7 other nosy rascals concerned for her too. 
I cover my face with my right arm to hide my tears from the world. I couldn't breathe in this moment because Sica was my air and I could've just lost her.

I wanted to hide my guilt because I made her mad, to hide my worry because I don't want anyone worrying for me either, I'm a big girl now despite what others think of me. Thankfully, Seohyun makes sure I don't stumble over anything on the way to the busy terminal.

Are we still doing the concert? What are we going to do? We can't do it without Jessica! Girls Generation needs her... I need her...Please don't leave me here alone in this cold dark world..Jessica..

When we get on the large airplane, I wasn't able to restrain my loud sobs anymore. 7 pairs of eyes land on me including the staff but thankfully, our manager gets them to leave all of us alone for a while.

I don't think anyone was expecting my outburst because I rarely ever cry but when I do, I usually do it alone so I don't worry anyone. Today though, was a totally different story.