"Sehun you've misunderstood... I was wet so-"

"Are you hurt?" Dr. Oh's jaw was clenched tight, his face focused on the road but deep in thought. 

"No, really I'm okay, Sehun he was just-"

"You're okay!?" He shook his head and hit the steering wheel with his hand, causing me to flinch a little.

"Damn it.. I never thought Kai would you." 

"WHAT? Hahahahahahaha! Kai didn't me, woah there. He just didn't want me to get sick, that's all."

"...regardless, I'm not letting you stay there tonight."

"But I'm fine! So-"

"I said no.. And you're not fine. Look at you." I couldn't understand why Sehun was so adamant I stay at his place. My body felt cold again and when I looked-

"AHHHHHHHH!!!"

"What?!" 

"I'M !" I covered my privates and stared out the window, sinking in the seat. 

If I can't see him, he can't see me. 

If I can't see him, he can't see me! 

Damn it he can see me! 

"You can change at my place."

"I'm ! STOP LOOKING!" I yelled at him all the way to his apartment, which was actually only 10 minutes away from mine. It was extremely hard to get a boy inside, but we did it with the help of his bags and some boxes I carried low, if you know what I mean. 

"Ok can I change now?"

"Actually I wanted to look at your-"

"NO I'M ." 

"I just wanted to look at your spine."

"My spine? YOU JUST KIDNAPPED ME, AND YOU WANT TO LOOK AT MY SPINE?!"

"..yes"

"WH-NO! WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT!? I'M , AREN'T YOU A BIT EMBARRASSED SEEING ME?!" 

"No." Sehun shrugged as eyes drifted up and down. 

"STOP THAT!"

"Stop what?" He was so calm, I wanted to sack him. 

"THAT.. STOP IT.. STOP LOOKING." I pouted and huffed. 

"Haha.. I think you're forgetting something." He walked closer to me, towing over my small body and looking extremely intimidating. 

"I'm a doctor. I've seen plenty of people in my life time." Then he smiled and walked aways away. 

"Oh..right.."

"Now I want to look at your spine Kyungsoo."

"Ugh! Can I at least have some pants?"

"Fine, I'll get some." 

"Thanks." I sighed and stood in the doorway with the boxes and bags still attached to me. As I looked around I saw that Dr. Oh lived in a nice apartment. He was higher up than I was so you could look down on the city. His kitchen was clean with black counter tops and silver cabinets, all clean and clear.. Kai and I only had plain wooden cabinets and he always left dishes out. I had never met anyone as clean as I am, but I think I had found my match. Dr. Oh's furniture was a classy black leather I had only seen in movies and a metal outlined glass table in the center that must have cost a fortune. But the place seemed too big for one person, yet I didn't see a sign of anyone else living there. At least it was obvious people lives on my house... Kai's so dirty.. I watched as his slender legs carried his slim body down the hallway. He walked with a strange 

"Here." 

"Thanks.." Dr. Oh brought back black, cotton sweat pants and black and white plaid boxers- I got the feeling he liked black. 

"You can change here, I have to go grab something anyways." Once I saw him turn into the other room, I scrambled to get the briefs and pants on before he returned. 

Holy . 

"Alright, I'm back."

"They're huge."

"You're just small."

"You're just a giant."

"..nope you're small. Okay come sit here. Oh and bring my black bag please." Dr. Oh got up and went to the kitchen sink to wash his hand. When he returned, I handed him his bag and say on an ottoman with my back turned to him. 

"Alright.. Oh. It looks like it wasn't your spine."

"What wasn't?"   

"There are some bruises and scratches on your back, I had seen them when I carried you to my car."

"When you kidnapped me."

"When I carried you to safety I had thought that it was bruises on your spine but they're actually just to the right.. And some to the left.. I'm sorry I haven't worked with healthy patients in a while.. Mind if I..?"

"Ah, no it's fine. Um.. Go ahead." I shivered a little when his icy hands touched my back. Kai's hands were always warm, and mine were always cold, a little backwards I think. I felt Dr. Oh' hands feel up and down my spine, every section of it, feeling each bump on my bone. Occasionally, his hands would wander a little too low, making me feel uncomfortable but I just sat still and waited for him to be finished. 

"Kyungsoo why do you have so many bruises and scratches on your back?"

"I do?"

"Five bruises and four scratches."

"Oh. Well I suppose there was this one time where Kai.. But it was just and accident. And last week he did.. But that was an accident too.."

"Does Kai hit you?"

"No! No.. He doesn't, not like you think!"

"Then what are they?"

"Well Kai has a tendency to kick and scratch in his sleep.."

"You sleep together?"

"Yeah..haha.. He always grabs me and s me so maybe that's-"

"He s you?"

"What?"

You said he s you. Where?"

"Well.." I turned around to face Dr. Oh, and I immediately wished I hadn't because then I wouldn't have had to see his worried face.

"Sometimes it's my , I guess a few times my front."

"Front?"

"Front,  you're the doctor. Read between the lines. He's always sleeping though so it's not like he does it on purpose!" I was starting to realize how bad this sounded. 

"Can I ask you why you sleep together?"

"Well.. We're twins. I have this issue where I cannot sleep without him and the doctors I've been to tell me it's because-"

"You were in the womb together so it's nature for you to fall asleep with Kai."

"Y-yeah.. I haven't been able to break the problem and I feel like a burden to Kai."

"I have a cure."

"What's that?"

"Just sleep with someone else until you don't need Kai."

"I've tried."

"Who'd you sleep with?"

"My friend from school for three days, after that Kai had to skip school so I could sleep because I got sick and barely got any sleep when I was at my friends." 

"But your friend probably tossed and turned.."

"True. But Kai grabs and s.." 

"Well maybe you would try sleeping with me and see how it goes. I'm a gentle sleeper."

"Woah.. Um. I don't know.. Look thank you Dr. Oh, but we just met formally, not even formally, today and I don't want to impose in you.."

"It's Sehun. And it's no imposition. I'd be happy to help you break your problem." 

It would help me not burden Kai.

I could finally stay the night alone at Chanyeol's. 

I wouldn't have to wait until he was home late at night from work to sleep..

"Okay, let's try it." 

 

His bed was huge. 

Like. 

Huge huge huge.

"Okay, let's start by creating a replica of how you two sleep, I think that it would help your mind ease into things."

"Same setting, different person. I see I see. Okay well.."

"What does Kai sleep in?" I blushed deeply at the thought. 

"Um.. Underwear.."

"What kind?"

"Uh-um.." I felt so embarrassed telling Dr. Oh this,

"... The elastic tight kind.." Dr. Oh duh in ha drawer and pulled out light grey underwear and started changing into them.  

"Shirt?"

"....He.. a shirt..."

"What?"

"... He..  a shirt.."

"Kyungsoo speak up."

"He doesn't wear a shirt!"

"Alrighty then." And off came his sweater. There I stood, with my half dressed school doctor, in his house, getting ready to sleep with him. 

"And what do you sleep in?"

"Underwear and a T-shirt.."

"Why do you sleep half ?"

"Our house gets hot I guess.." 

"Well okay.. What side?"

"Hmm? Oh, left." Dr. Oh turned out the lights, making it completely dark. 

"Ah! Dr. Oh turn them back on. Turn them on!" I freaked out and sat on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest in stress. I don't do well. In the dark. 

"Woah! Okay! I'll turn them on." And the room became bright again. When he saw he on the ground, he didn't give me a weird look or seem to judge me. He just opened his desk and took out a small night light, plugged it in and then turned the bathroom light on and cracked the door. 

"Better?" He turned the overhead light off. 

"Much.. Thank you.." We climbed into bed and relaxed for a moment. 

"Okay he what position do you sleep in?"

"....huh.."

"What positions?"

"Umm.. I'll arrange it.." At first, I sat on my knees. 

"Okay, here move up a little.." Then i squirmed under the covers like a bug and turned my back to him. Slowly, i scooted closer while facing him so I could position myself. I'd usually just lay in bed and Kai would come and scoop me up.. He did it himself every night. I gently slid down so my forehead was right by his collar bone, then I turned my back to him and scooter until I felt his chest. 

"Like this?"

"Yeah.."

"Every night?"

"Every night." 

"Hmm interesting. Okay, let's see how it goes. Good night Kyungsoo, wake me up if you can't sleep okay?"

"Okay, Goodnight Sehun." I closed my eyes and relaxed, trying to sleep. I imagined Dr. Oh as Kai, and I imagined the room as my own. I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but Dr. Oh was sound asleep. I could tell because his breathing was easy and slow, when he was awake it was shorter. 

 

Kai POV:

Damn it! I threw Dr. Oh's coat at the front door. 

Kyungsoo wasn't coming back. 

"How's he going to sleep huh? Stupid Sehun. Fine! I hope he doesn't come back." But still, I sat on the couch stewing, honestly hoping the door would fly open and Kyungsoo would walk in and say 'Hyung I can't sleep.' Then we'd go to bed and he'd be all mi- 

Oh my gosh. 

I got up and started pacing the floor. 

"Woah now Kai. What were you about to say there?" 

'All mine?'

"No way. No!" I sat back down and stuffed my face in a pillow, kicking my legs like a little kid having a temper tantrum. 

"Ughh!" I sat back up, restless, and started pacing again. 

"Did he eat dinner? Oh yeah he did.. Sehun how could you ing betray me like this?.. GAH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I banged my head on the wall, 

"HE OW HAS A OW BOYFRIEND. GET. OVERT. IT. OW ! STUPID WALL! Ugh! Sehun came in and pushed me and took him right out of the- OH NO!" I grabbed my coat and slipped on my shoes and began running to Sehun's apartment. He'd pointed it out before when taking me to the hospital- when we were friends and I'd look up his room number when I got there. My blood boiled and even though I was running out of breath, I ignored it and continued to run because all that was on my mind:

Kyungsoo was when he left. 

 

Kyungsoo POV:

I couldn't sleep. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't. 

"Sehun?" No answer. 

"Sehun..?" I turned over as poked him a few times. 

"Mm.. Oh, Kyungsoo." 

"I can't sleep... Something's not the same." 

"Well I have an idea but you're most likely opposed to it." Dr. Oh yawned. 

"What is it? I'm willing to do anything to try and get over this problem."

"He does touch you.. Don't freak out."

"No, no actually that's true.. He does it in his sleep."

"Would you be comfortable-"

"The question is would you be comfortable?"

"Like I said, I'm a doctor. I'm not afraid of touching some manly parts."

"Oh-okay.."

"Here.." He yawned again and I let guilty I woke him up. 

"Just guide my hands." I felt extremely awkward and embarrassed as I turned back over and took his hands. One hand I maneuvered under my to my front privates. I was expecting him to flinch and pull back, but he didn't. 

"Here?" He asked it as more of a, 'is this the right spot' rather than, 'he really touches you here?' And it put me at a little ease. 

"Yeah.."  Then I took the other hand in mine. 

"Kyungsoo it's okay."

"Huh?"

"Yore whole body is shaking. It's okay, I'm okay with it." 

"Ah.. okay..." I honestly didn't know what to say.. But I took his hand and started to put it it under my shirt like Kai does. But Dr. Oh pulled away, and then put it on top, probably assuming I meant to go over.. But I didn't. 

"Under.." 

"Oh, I thought my hand was caught. Okay." He put his hand under my shirt and laid it on my chest. I hissed when it came in contact. 

"What's wrong?"

"Your hands are so cold..." 

"I guess you'll have to warm them up for me, Haha." Kai's hands were always warm. He was constantly radiating heat so I was never cold, only too warm.

"Is this it?"

"Yeah..."

"And he s..?"

"..uh yeah." Suddenly I felt myself being on my front. 

"Ah! No.. not !"

"Oh! Sorry!" He relaxed his hand a bit and changed his touch. It did feel like Kai a little bit, the ual touching and the position, but the warmth was off. Regardless, I closed my eyes to sleep. 

 

Buzz!! 

It had only been about 20 minutes and someone had suddenly rung the door bell. Now not only was i keeping Dr. Oh up but so was who ever was at the door. I felt bad. 

"Kyungsoo?" He whispered, but I pretended to sleep, not wanting to cause him anymore trouble. I mean, he already touched me. 

"I'll be back.." Although he thought I was sleeping, he whispered to me anyways. He scooted out of bed and closed the door behind him when he left. 

 

Kai POV:

I stood outside his apartment door with steam coming from my ears. 

"Who is it?"

"Kai." 

"It's 2:00 AM." 

"Let me in." The door opened and I was shocked to see Sehun in only underwear. 

"Why are you here?" He crossed his arms, blocking the entry way. 

"Give me Kyungsoo."

"No, he's better off here."

"With you? Don't think so. He won't be able to sleep without me." He never has been, he never will be. 

"He's sleeping right now."

"Liar, he is not."

"He is, take a look for yourself." Sehun lead me down the hallway and quietly opened the door. 

There was Kyungsoo sleeping in Sehun's clothes, in Sehun's bed..

Sleeping. 

Sehun closed the door and looked at me, 

"He's asleep. Go home, I'll call you a cab."

"No. What did you drug him with?" He couldn't possibly be sleeping!

"Kai, nothing. He is simply sleeping. Let him be, come on. I'll pay for your ride home-"

"Hell no. I'd rather walk." I left the apartment, not knowing how I felt. 

He couldn't possibly be asleep! 

Something was wrong, very wrong. I just couldn't tell if the wrong feeling was Kyungsoo, or in me. I kept asking myself why I didn't just take Kyungsoo.

But I realized that all I wanted was for him to just come home on his own. 

So I'd wait for him. I'd wait for my brother to return on his own. 

Why? 

I dunno really, I'm just used to Kyungsoo and don't like change.

And I'm possessive. 

Kyungsoo is my brother. 

No one was going to take my twin away from me, I'm all he has. 

 

Kyungsoo POV: 

I heard some commotion, not knowing what it was, I stayed 'asleep'. When I heard the door open, I tried my best not to move hoping Dr. Oh would assume I was asleep. But then the door closed and Dr. Oh wasn't back in bed. 

Who was at the door at this time? My first thought was Kai but that's ridiculous. If it was Kai, he would have picked me up and carried me out. 

So I knew it wasn't Kai. It pained me to know it wasn't, but for some reason I still held on to the small hope that it was Kai. I missed him. 

 

"Kyungsoo.. Wake up.." More like Kyungsoo open your eyes. 

I never slept. 

I might as well keep playing along though. Dr. Oh went through a lot for me yesterday.

"Hmm?"

"It's morning, time to get ready for school.." 

"Oh.." I pretended to be groggy as I opened my eyes and rubbed them. Sitting up, I saw that Dr. Oh was already dressed in his school attire. How long had he been awake?

"I picked up some clothes for you since yours are at home, and I excused you for not wearing your uniform." Apparently a long time. 

"Oh.. Thank you.." 

"I think they're your size. I just eyeballed it, they're in the bathroom. You can shower and change, I'll wait in the kitchen."

"Okay, thank you!" Dr. Oh left me alone and closed the door to give me privacy. I walked into the bathroom and started the shower. As I let it warm up, I looked at the clothes. There was underwear and socks, and a thick cream knit sweater with black brand named jeans. He even bought sneakers that matched the sweater and a blue navy jacket with a fur outlined hood.  Everything looked so expensive I didn't know if I should except it. All I knew was he definitely knew fashion- the expensive type. I stepped into the steamy shower and relaxed. I was so exhausted. I almost fell asleep but I kept myself awake, knowing there was no chance of skipping school, especially when I had my winter exams coming up. There was shampoo and body wash in the shower, and I finally knew where he got his scent. The shampoo was sweet mint and the body wash was a clean cologne type smell called 'crisp water'. Lathering my hair felt good despite my need for sleep and overall coming out clean made me feel refreshed. I towel dried myself and put on the underwear and pants. The bathroom was too steamy so I put on the sweater in the bedroom so it didn't stick to me as much. I just fluffed my hair a little and let it air dry, not wanting to waste time. Then I carried the shoes and jacket to the kitchen where he had seaweed, kimchi, boiled potatoes, rice and chicken.

"Here you can eat this."

"Oh thank you, but I'm sorry I don't eat potatoes and I'm allergic to chicken."

"Oh I'm sorry, I can get you-"

"No really! It's okay. I'm good with rice, kimchi and seaweed."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive, thank you for all of this."

"You're welcome, it's no trouble cooking."

"No, I mean everything. Letting me stay here, coping with my sleeping needs, the nice clothes, and the food. How am I going to pay you back?"

"You don't have to. You're welcome here anytime, okay?"

"I need to do something.."

"Well. You agreed to helping me bring the boxes to the hospital today. That'll be enough." He smiled at me as I quickly ate, not wanting to be late.

"Thank you.. A lot.."

"Of course." I slipped on the jacket and shoes as he put on a tan color coat and work shoes. Usually Kai didn't wear a jacket, ever since we were in middle school.. I hadn't owned one either but he had always made me wear a sweatshirt when it was cold. Then in 8th grade, he bought me a jacket for our birthday. When I asked how he got it, he just said not to worry about it. And since then, he bought me one every year. Now I know where he got them, he saved his money from work to spend on me- Baekhyun told Chanyeol and naturally Chanyeol told me.  I didn't say a word to Kai though, knowing he'd probably be embarrassed. But it always made me happy.

I've never thrown any of the costs away and I keep them in a special place in our closest.

"I'll return your jacket tomorrow, sorry.." I apologized on the way into school.  

"No worries, anytime is fine. I'll see you late Kyungsoo, have a good day."

"You to Dr. Oh," i lowered my voice, 

"I'll meet you after school." He waved goodbye and sent me off to class. When I walked in, it was still early so only a few kids were there. Immediately they started whispering about my non uniform clothes. It was almost time for class to start when Kai walked in, glaring right at me as he took his seat, in front of mine.

"I have a question." A girl behind me asked,

"Why isn't Kyungsoo wearing his uniform? Shouldn't he get detention?"

"What?!" I can't get detention! 

"I think you should worry about your own problem." The teacher walked over to me and whispered,

"It's okay Kyungsoo. Dr. Oh called me this morning to excuse you, he said you had a family problem." She wasn't quiet enough. Kai's back tensed at Dr. Oh's name, probably because he was mad at me for leaving him.

Class went okay, but all I could think about was Kai.. He was in front of me after all. I decided I'd talk to him at lunch, so I waited. 

 

"Oh there's Kai." Chanyeol pointed to him in the hallway. 

"Hyung!" Kai turned around as I ran after him, leaving the lunch room. 

"Hey Hyung-"

"What do you want?"

"I-"

"You what?"

"I wanted to-"

"You wanted to what?"

"Well if you'd let me finish then maybe I could stop wasting your time!" I raised my voice a little too loud. 

"I'm sorry about last night Hyung." 

 

Kai POV: 

Here we go, what I've been waiting for. 

"I'm going to stop by home to get some clothes later because I won't be home tonight either."

Not what I wanted to hear. 

"Why don't you just get your boyfriend to buy you more clothes? Looks like he already did."

"It was because I didn't have anything-"

"You could have called me to bring them." Now I sound needy. 

"But-"

"Nevermind. I wouldn't have wanted to bring them." 

"Hyung.."

"What."

"I'm sorry.." 

"Don't apologize. You're still going back so you're obviously not sorry."

"I am!" Kyungsoo stomped his foot and furrowed his eye brows like he usually did when he got upset. 

"Why." But I stayed neutral. 

"I don't want to worry you and I'm sorry I did.."

"Who said I was worried?"

"Well.." His face fell and he bit his lip, 

"No one.." 

"Just don't worry about me." I started walking away in anger but he called out to me,

"I'm going to be home later for clothes Hyung! D-don't forget!"

"Fine. Take all you need, then don't come home."

"Until when?"

Until you'll never leave again..

"Until you break up with him." I continued to walk, but then paused.

"But even then you have Chanyeol to lean on. Maybe just never come back. I don't care." 

I do care. 

I walked outside where the weather was beginning to change. The rain yesterday barely became snow over night so everything was gently frosted. I decided to just leave school and go somewhere else. The cold air felt nice, I had always loved the cold and never wanted to wear a jacket. Something about the refreshing temperature made me feel nice, or maybe because I'm naturally warm. But Kyungsoo was always cold.. So I bought him a jacket when I saved the money since we didn't have a parent to buy one for him. I remember finding all the coats I bought him in the closet, way in the back. I knew he treasured them and I know he treasures me. 

Damn it Kai! 

I stopped and stared up at the sky. 

"You're an idiot. A ing idiot." 

Why couldn't I just tell him to come home tonight? 

Why couldn't I just let him in?

Instead I broke him even more and killed our relationship that had just started to revive itself. 

Why can't I just be a good brother? 

 

Kyungsoo POV: 

Why am I such a bad brother? I did this. It's my fault he's so angry! The face he gave me.. It burned my mind. 

"Kyungsoo what's wrong?" Chanyeol nudged my elbow. 

"He really hates me huh.." 

"Kai? No way.. He couldn't hate you."

"He does."

"He does not. Come on you're over reacting."

"You don't hear what he says to me Chanyeol. You don't see the way he looks at me.. When he actually decides to look at me..The way his eyes turn to ice."

"Kyungsoo are you okay? You don't look good..."

"I'm fine."

"I don't think you are.."

"Maybe if I just died it would be better."

"Huh?!"

"He doesn't need me; he doesn't want me." 

"Kyungsoo what are you saying?"

"I hear heaven is nice. Too bad I won't be going there."

"Kyungsoo stop it!" Chanyeol took my hand and yanked me along, pulling me into Dr. Oh's office. 

"Dr. Oh?"

"Ye- Oh my goodness what's wrong with Kyungsoo?"

"I don't know. I think he got in a fight with his brother."

"Physical or verbal?"

"Verbal, his brother would never hit him." 

"I'm fine! Let me go!" Chanyeol kept his strong grip on my wrist. 

"He's been mumbling nonsense about killing himself and stuff."

"Kyungsoo?"

"I said I'm fine!" 

"Chanyeol you can leave now." Chanyeol left us alone and Dr. Oh closed the door. 

I was on the verge of tears, feeling them well up inside me. 

"Kyungsoo look I understand what you're going through but-"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! You can try all you want but you'll NEVER understand!" I ran out of the room, slamming the door and running down the hallway and out the school doors. My heart aches and the tears wouldn't stop coming down as I ran down the sidewalk. My vision was blurred and I could hardly breath. 

I was so broken. 

I need Kai. 

I love Kai. 

Why couldn't just tell him that?! 

OOF! I toppled over someone and fell to the ground, smashing my face into the cold cement. 

"Kyungsoo?"

"I'm sorry Hyung.." I got up and started backing away from him.

"Kyungsoo your nose-" I let it all out at the sight of his face, his beautiful face that I was supposed to look like. But in fact we barely looked alike in my mind. 

"I'm SORRY!" I screamed at him in a blood curtailing way.

"JUST KILL ME IF YOU HATE ME SO MUCH!"

"Kyungsoo snap out of it!" Kai grabbed my shoulders harshly and shook me, 

"I JUST WANT TO DIE! KILL ME!"

"STOP THAT! DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT!" 

"BUT I WANT TO!" Kai shook me more and more,

"THAT'S BULL KYUNGSOO!"

"Kai get AWAY from your him!" This voice wasn't Kai's, the low resonance belonged to Dr. Oh. Through my blurry vision I saw Dr. Oh run over and break Kai's grip. He grabbed me and started back towards the school. 

I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't. I was wailing all the way inside. I don't know what happened to Kai. Maybe he stood there, maybe he left, I didn't turn around so I wouldn't have known.

Dr. Oh wiped my nose and gave me some medicine to help me calm down. But I still felt shaken up and it was only 1:00, I still had too much time left at school. 

"Dr. Oh.." Dr. Oh had taken off my sweater and was now looking at my shoulders. 

"Bruises. Kyungsoo did your brother hit you?"

"No I fell.."

"Does he ever hit you?"

"Never."

"Why was he being so violent?"

"He wasn't."

"He was." 

"He was trying to stop me from saying things.."

"By shaking you?"

"...yeah..." It sounded bad but I knew Kai didn't mean any harm.. He never did. 

"You're not staying with Kai for a while. Okay?"

"I don't want to anyways." 

I did. But after today I couldn't face him. 

"Hey cheer up.. We won't go to the hospital and we can just go back to my house."

"No! I want to go." I didn't.. But I was already burden enough. 

"I don't think we sh-"

"We're going." Dr. Oh sighed,

"Why don't you just calm down for a while here."

"Okay.. Can I get my things?"

"I'll get them for you." 

"They're in my locker, A125." Dr. Oh nodded and left me alone.

It would be so easy to open the drawer and overdose. 

It would be so easy to take my life right now. 

But Kai.. 

 

'DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT!' 

 

I couldn't help but think that meant he was worried about me and didn't want me to die. 

But just because he didn't want me to die didn't mean he wanted me around.  

So I wouldn't kill my myself. 

But I wouldn't go back to Kai.