“Who’s that guy that was with you last night?”

Soojung’s startled by the question that she looks up from her cereal to her father. “How did you know I was with someone last night?” his question is answered by a question too. He gives her ‘I’m your father! Of course I know’ look and Soojung pokes her cereal before she replies. “Well, he’s my—“

“Boyfriend?”

 She hesitates before she nods. “Yeah.”

“He should’ve come in by the door, you know? That’s nicer.” He says, finally putting down the newspaper and directly staring to his daughter. Soojung wants to scoff, thinking that her father indirectly calls him rude, but she holds it in. “I’ll tell him that later.” She replies.

“Good. And tell him that you’re moving—“

“Dad,” she cuts him off. “What are you trying to do here?”

He shrugs and shows a fatherly look, which Soojung thinks that she should be soften by it, but all she could feel is disgust. “I’m trying to save you, my dear Soojung. I don’t think he’d like to have some long distance relationship, wouldn’t he? He’s a boy. Trust me, I know boys. I was once a boy too. And when I was around that age, I loved to play around and—“

Soojung laughs. “Oh, so you’re trying to tell me that once I’m gone he’ll cheat behind my back?” she snorts. “Dad, he’s Myungsoo. And you’re you, alright? Just because you were once sixteen and loved to play around, doesn’t mean that he’s the same. I know him, I know him like I’ve known him since forever. I know him more than I know you. If he wants to cheat, he’d do that since the day we’re together, even right now, even last night but he showed up at my balcony, climbing his way up by himself with buns that I love. And you’re telling me that he’ll cheat because that was what you did when you were at his age? Dad, st—“

“What do you know about love, Jung Soojung?” her father asks confidently. “What do you know about love? You know nothing. You’re 16, and trust me, when you grow up, you’ll realise that this is all nothing. First love is nothing. They don’t last. It’s either you or him that needs to take the first step. I’d rather be the one who goes away. It lessens the hurt—“

“But it still hurts.” She mutters. “And what if no one ever backs away from this relationship? What if I stay and he stays? What if we stay together? It’ll last, isn’t it? If you love something, your natural instinct is to hold onto it, to cherish it and never let go. By telling you to let it go, you may foolishly do so, and that thing, whatever it is that you love, is gone. Maybe temporarily, maybe permanently. Why would you want to risk that? If you love something, you better hold onto it and never, ever let go.” She speaks, staring right into her father’s eyes, hoping that he’ll understand it’s never easy just to back away, and it’ll never be easy.

The old man chuckles and he shakes his head. “You’re watching too much Disney, Soojung.” He then sits straight before he continues. “Look, Soojung, whatever I do, is all for you, alright? I don’t want you to get hurt. This boy, no, boys, they’ll get tired easily, and when they’re tired, they leave. I don’t want that to happen to you. There’s still time for you to stay away from him, and when we leave, you’ll realise it isn’t that hard. You’ll realise that you don’t love him like that.”

She remains silent as her chest gets heavier as time passes. His words keep playing in her mind like a broken CD and even though she feels like running to Myungsoo right now, she stays still on her seat. “Is mom your first love?” she finally breaks the silence.

“No. But I am, to her.”

Funny how it works on her mom, and he knows that, but don’t believe it’ll work on her too. “Then, why do you keep insisting me that this isn’t going to work?” she asks as she crosses her arms to her chest and looks at him in the eyes. “I plan to tell him that I’m moving soon, and that we can try until we can’t anymore and see what’ll happen after that, but you—“

“I’m a man, Soojung, and that Myungsoo is just a boy. He’s not a man yet. It takes time to be a man. What do 16 year old kids know about love and relationship? He, soon, will realise that you’re nothing, Soojung. You might feel like you have everything right now, but then later, there’ll be a time when you feel like this is all just puppy love—love that won’t work.”

Soojung’s stuck between trying and letting go.

+++

“I’ll meet with my mom and my sister soon.” Soojung says to Myungsoo before the Literature class starts.

Myungsoo smiles to her widely, showing that he’s very happy for her because he knows even though the girl doesn’t talk about them that much, she’s still missing them more than a lot. “I’m very happy for you. When will they come here?” he asks and