Soojung’s just sitting at her usual spot in the library after school when Myungsoo suddenly comes and sits beside her, not saying anything but just staring at her with his soft smile on. Soojung raises her eyebrows, her cheeks heating by the gentle gaze and she waits for him to speak first, but eventually gives up.

“What?” she asks. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

He shakes his head as he brushes the hair out of her face. “I’m wondering,” he begins. “Will you be at home later tonight?”

“Why?”

“Nothing. Just want to make sure since tomorrow is Saturday so I thought you’ll be going somewhere.” He shrugs.

“Nah, I’d rather spend my time at home.” She replies. “Beside, I have to study. Final’s just a week away.”

He nods. “By any chance, have you ever wanted something lately? Like something you really want but couldn’t get it?”

She bites her lips as she looks at him questioningly. “What’s with you and your weird questions today?”

“Relationship is about learning someone better. I’m learning about you, so can you stop answering my questions with a question too?” he rolls his eyes. “Is there anything you want? And please answer me properly.”

She looks at him, thinking if there’s anything that she wants as she wondering why he is being extremely strange today. She then shakes her head and says, “I think I have everything I want right now.”

“Really?”

Soojung raises her eyebrows and she giggles, nodding her head. “Really.” She says. “Why are you asking me that anyway?”

“Nothing.” He replies. “I have somewhere to go after this so I’ll get going now. Don’t silent your phone, alright? I’ll call you tonight. And text me when you reach home, okay? Be careful.” He says as he stands up, giving a quick kiss on the top of her head before he rushes out from the library.

Soojung looks until his figure is completely out of her eyes as her hand touches the spot on where he just kissed. She smiles unknowingly, thinking that he’s up to something that she doesn’t know and she’s looking forward to it. She then packs up her things into her bag and walks home, feeling very happy and giddy and a smile plays on her lips when she realises that her father is at home.

Once she’s inside, she goes straight to the kitchen to grab a drink but she stops when she sees the brown envelope on the counter. Curious, she takes a good look at it before she takes it, feeling very nervous and uneasy at the same time, even though she hasn’t opened it yet—but that’s what makes it scary, for not knowing what’s inside. She doesn’t realise that her hands are shaking, that her palms are sweating. Taking a deep breath, she opens it slowly and takes out the white, rectangular paper that feels kind of familiar to her skin and she gasps. Tears start to well up in her eyes as she reads what’s written on it and she covers with one of her hands.

“Oh, Soojung! You’re back—“ her dad greets her but stops halfway when he sees what she’s holding. “Guess you’ve found it already. It’s supposed to be your birthday present—“

Oh, she thinks, that explains why Myungsoo has been strange that day. She looks at her watch and realises it’s already October 23, a day before her birthday. “This is my present?” she asks with a broken voice, trying very hard not to cry, at least not now, not in front of her father—because once, that’s what she wants, but not anymore.

“Yeah, you’ve wanted it for a long time, and only this year I could get it for you.” He explains and pulls her into a hug, thinking that she’s got teary is because she’s happy with the gift. “I’m sorry it took me years to fulfil it, Soojung.”

Soojung then walks into her room and only when she finally turns her back on her father the first tear escapes from her eyes, follows by another and another. She grips on the envelope too tight, not afraid if the content gets crumpled because it doesn’t matter anymore. She throws it onto her study table before she throws herself to the bed and buries her face to the pillow, crying silently to herself.

Minutes to hours have passed, but she never texts Myungsoo that she’s at home already—not because she forgets, but she feels like it doesn’t matter if she’s here now, but somewhere else in the next few weeks.

+++

Soojung stares at the ceiling, her hands would sometimes go to her eyes to wipe the tears away, feeling not excited to celebrate her birthday that’ll come in just about half an hour. She doesn’t get it why something that she dislikes would happen when everything’s perfect. She feels stupid, she feels unlucky. And she doesn’t even answer the calls from him or reply the text messages.

She used to have him around her and she doesn’t remember those days when he wasn’t there. She feels like her days are revolved around him and she wonders how she could live when he wasn’t around. Her days must be so boring and