If Sehun was a storm and I a small vessel out on open waters, Sehun’s words would be the rain, wind, and waves rocking me violently; pushing and pulling me in different directions, never letting me get solid footing. Sehun’s words had a startling effect on me, they could change my mind before I could realize it, talk me into nearly anything, they confused me, lead me, attacked, comforted, and made me feel so many different things that I wasn’t sure what to do. Though while they affected me, I could never let Sehun see that. For some reason I always kept that hidden. I never did let him know that his teasing drove me to tears when I got home, that his sweet words made me uneasy and make me feel wonderful all at the same time. I never could open up entirely to Sehun, and I regret that because he certainly deserved to know just how much he meant to me then and now.

I bit my lip as I glance away from the paper I’m writing, well trying to write. My mind just can’t focus on it. How do I explain the plot of Frankenstein, the influences Mary Shelley had in her life from her husband and friends back in the 1800s, when Sehun’s rather crude words are stuck in my head?

Sehun is perfectly aware that I’m not at all up to speed on Korean pop culture; I’m not up to speed on any pop culture really. While I can name some trends and what not, my main focus is on my education. Something he’d made very clear when we first met made me a killjoy.

I realize that I’m crying from his words yet again, calling me a stick-in-the-mud. For poking fun at me for never really going out with friends, for never socializing with my classmates, that I wouldn’t even be his last resort for having fun. He made it abundantly clear that he has many, many, more choices before he ever gets to me on his long list of friends.

I quickly decide that I won’t be getting any work done and opt to go to sleep instead. I rather not keep myself up late if I’m not going to get anything done.

When I wake up the next morning I notice several texts from Sehun, being my day off I ignore them completely and work on my paper, by the time I’ve finished it I’m heading off to class, my phone occasionally buzzing on my way. By the time I’m seated I can’t stand it anymore, I turn it off.

I rather happily listen to the lecture, take notes, do some reading ahead, and enjoy the lesson.

I exchange notes with a couple of my other classmates taking the occasional summer class, both of whom have apparently gotten mixed up with another idol group.

“No way, she says that he dies. She kind of just leaves off leading you to that conclusion, sort of like indirectly saying sometimes what you create ends up being your own death.” I argue simply with Hanbyul and Joonyoung-sshi.  “Shelley tells the story of how even your wildest dreams of doing something good can become twisted and destroy your morals, values, and relationships. If you pursue your dreams without caution or without proper moderation you dreams can lead you to isolation and nothing but misery.”

“Okay, wow.” Joonyoung says with a surprised look on his face. “That is absolutely the darkest take on dreams that I have ever heard.”

I blink slightly surprised myself by what I’ve said. “Sorry, I’m not really sure where that argument came from. I mean it was just Frankenstein’s ambition that drove him to create his own monster.”

“Still pretty dark that way.” Hanbyul-sshi says thoughtfully as she tilts her head slightly. “I wouldn’t disagree with you though.”

“Neither would I, while it kind of suits the story and all, it isn’t really how you think, right?” Joonyoung asks carefully.

I pause briefly before considering this. “I suppose on some level I would have to, to come up with that sort of premise, but I wouldn’t say that it is entirely how I feel on that subject.” I answer calmly and in my usual way.

Joonyoung nods his head before speaking again, carefully still, almost hesitant. “Did something happen recently? Your ideas on a lot of the books we’ve been reading have been relatively good natured until recently.”

My mind quickly flashes to the blonde boy who’d rather rudely turned my life upside down and into this gigantic mess. “Not particularly, perhaps it’s just a mood. It’ll pass.” I answer as our discussion period ends. Our professor assigns a new book for us to read and then dismisses us.

I give both a slight head nod as my way of saying goodbye before heading out of class. I take my usual way back to my apartment. I get on the train and take the red line, I get off after six stops, and then I walk the remaining distance even though it’d be quicker to stay on for another stop.

By the time I get to my door on the fourth floor it is nearly four o’clock, there is however a very big difference today than any other day. Sehun is sitting outside my door.

As I approach Sehun looks up and stands, looking at me with a frown on his face. “You haven’t answered any of my texts or calls.”

“I’ve been in class.” I answer.

Sehun frown deepens. “Since last night?”

“I went to bed early.” I answer simply and in my usual passive way. “I turned my phone off when it got annoying.”

Sehun nods his head and steps out of my way. “I made you angry yesterday, right?”

“Not particularity.” I answer as I unlock my door. “I have homework I need to get done; we’ll see each other at work.” I say stopping him from following me in.

“Alright, well if you’re mad, you should tell me.” Sehun insists patiently. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I have two more days off.” I correct him. “And I’m not angry with you.”

Sehun nods his head and lets out a sigh. “I’ll see you then.”

I simply nod my head as I close the door. I shake my head slightly annoyed that Sehun is the second person to imply that something recently has upset me. Even if seeing Sehun in a semi-romantic capacity, nothing has particularly changed for me.

I break my usual habit of being at work two hours early, I instead show up a few minutes early, I arrive after Bomi, Minah, and Solbi, but still on time. This though causes the three of them to look at me very warily. “Is something wrong? Am I late?” I ask as I set my things down. I glance to EXO all looking at me kind of weird as well.

Chen having overheard, answers. “Miyoung, you’re always the first person here.”

I nod my head, understanding the commotion over my arrival. “I’ve decided to just do my school work at home before I come in.” I explain simply.

“Oh, well whatever works for you.” Minah says simply as she redirects my attention to today’s schedule. “Did you get my e-mails about what you missed while you were gone?” She questions me as I flip through the concept for EXO’s next comeback Overdose.

I nod my head as I look questioningly down at some of the sketches, puffy shirts, some 80’s throwback clothing. “I did, it’s very impressive that they’re doing so well.” I answer simply in reply.

Bomi frowns at me. “Who pissed you off?”

I in turn frown. “Why do people keep insisting something upset me? I’m not angry or upset.” I say calmly. “Though I imagine if people keep insisting I will be.”

Solbi shrugs her shoulders as Bomi looks over at her. “You just seem a bit unreceptive today.” She says after a moment. “Let’s just get the racks and start dressing the boys for their music video.”

Jongin, Sehun, and Chanyeol all watch me apprehensively as I hand them their outfits to try on. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather not be stared at.” I say firmly as I pass Sehun his.

“Sorry, we’ll be right back.” Chanyeol says leading the way with Sehun trailing behind looking at me with his own stoic expression.

“Miyoung-sshi,” Lay says walking up to me, changed into his own ridiculous 80’s inspired outfit. “Did you finish the book you’ve been reading?” He asks simply.

I feel relieved that someone has asked me about something other than my apparent colder personality as of late. “I did, we’ve started out next book. I’m not sure I like this one as much though.” I explain with a slight pout.

“You were pretty engrossed in that book.” Lay says chuckling slightly. “You never got to tell me how it ends.” He says interestedly.

This is what I like about Lay the most; he’ll listen to me ramble on about plots and bounce ideas off him for my papers without ever trying to change the subject. “Walton finishes writing to his sister, and after Dr. Frankenstein has died, he returns to the room to see the monster crying over the death of his creator. He explains how everything that he and Frankenstein have done has led to him being miserable, incredibly lonely, and how much they have both suffered, that with him dead he can now end his own pain as well.” I explain bit excitedly as I begin to get lost in my little world of fiction. “Lay, thank you.” I say after a moment, my friend looks at me questioningly. “I needed that.”

“To talk about the book?” Lay asks with a puzzled look on his face.

I shake my head and give him a small smile. “To talk about something other than what everyone has been asking me.” I explain.

Lay chuckles and smiles at me rather happily. “I’m glad I could help then.”

“Is there anything new with you guys? Minah said you finished learning the rest of that dance you’ve been working on.” I say recalling the e-mails that she sent me on everyone’s progress.

Lay grins rather proudly. “We did, I’ve even gotten to work on my own dance too. They’re saying that we’ll get to do our own solo stages at our concerts!” Lay says excitedly. “I get to do the dance!” Lay say with a contagious grin on his face.

I smile for him, pride shooting through me. “I’m really happy for you, are the others working on their own stages?” I ask curiously as Jongin, Chanyeol and Sehun come back in dressed for their concept.

Lay nods his head rather happily still. “We’re all working really hard, it’s really exciting.” Lay bubbles energetically. “I better get back to Bomi before she chops my head off for wandering off.” He adds when we hear Bomi call for him.

I turn to my three charges and take in their rather obnoxious outfits. It takes a moment until I can say anything. “I suppose old does become new again eventually.” I state struggling to find the correct words for their outfits.

“At least we get to prepare for these.” Chanyeol mutters looking at his clothes sort of worriedly. “What were you and Lay talking about?” He asks curiously deciding to change the subject.

I walk over to Chanyeol and straighten out his clothes, still the full effect of the clothes are slightly daunting. “My class and the book we just finished.” I answer calmly. “I was telling him the ending and that we’ve started a new book.” I explain as I move on to Jongin.

“What is your favorite book?” Jongin asks curiously as I step back to get a better look at him. I suppose that that Jongin doesn’t look terrible. Perhaps it’s because I’m getting accustomed to the look though.

I pause before answering, moving on to Sehun. “This last one actually that I was reading, Frankenstein, I’ve read it several times.” I answer as I ignore Sehun staring at me.

The boys get distracted by something Chen and Baekhyun are discussing rather animatedly. “You light up when you talk about books.” Sehun whispers ignoring his friends and how excited they’re getting, joking about how terrible this concept is.

“I love books, why wouldn’t I?” I question as I opt to fold my arms in and look down at my feet. “I always have. Books hold beautiful words.”

“And I said some awful ones to you.” Sehun says sighing, “Miyoung look at me.” He says softly. I look up at him after a moment and see him looking at me sadly. “I shouldn’t have said that you’re boring, you’re not. I just, you never really talk about books with me, you talk to Lay about them, you get excited and happy when you talk to Lay, and with me you shut me out just like you’re doing now.”

“You’re not interested in them.” I answer simply. “I don’t want to talk about something that you find boring.” I answer simply. I turn around to the rack and pick a hat out; handing it to him I let out a long sigh. “We don’t have a lot in common, simple as that.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t try to find something we both like. Miyoung, I told you. I like you, and that means I’m interested in things that make you smile like you were with Hyung.” Sehun says firmly. “I want to know more about, I want to know what makes you angry, and while I’ve found I definitely don’t like you mad, I like knowing what you’re like when you’re mad.”

“I wasn’t mad.” I say again, feeling a bit irritated by the insistence.

Sehun lets out an annoyed sigh of his own. “Fine, I don’t like it when you’re being distant because of something I said.”

“Not now.” I answer as everyone begins to refocus. “Later.” I answer simply when Chanyeol and Jongin join us again, both glancing at us warily.
 

Enjoy my ducks!