Though things weren’t always easy going between us, like most relationships we had fights. My indifference drove Sehun a bit crazy, while his seemingly erratic outbursts frustrated me. We seemed to be fighting more than we got along. Now that I look back on it and realize what was happening between us I can understand just how important this was for us. Not just important, but the beginning of a turning point for Sehun and I. Sehun and I were quickly learning what we liked and disliked, what drove us crazy, what we found to be endearing, we were learning about each other.

I glare at Sehun, well a picture of him. The real Sehun is off at some award show. The time we spend together seems to be eaten up by the fact that we are in fact very different. We do have some regular fights that come up what seems like all the time though.

The most common and frustrating is when we should tell other people that Sehun and I are dating exclusively. This is a sore subject for the both of us. Sehun thinks that we are at a good spot in our relationship and that I could handle it if we were to tell his friends and keeping it a secret between the thirteen of us. My argument is that if Minah finds out she’ll have to report the relationship, things like this aren’t exactly productive for our work environment and not to mention the fact that according to my handbook, we shouldn’t be dating, it’s against the policy. Sehun thinks that I’m being overly cautious as usual.

Which of course stems another common fight between us; his reckless and carefree self is hampered down by my cautious and introverted nature. Sehun wants to go out on dates and take me to all these amazing restaurants, cafes, walks in parks, things outside of my apartment and the practice room. Sehun is very recognizable, he has a lot of fans, the amount of people that admire and seem to worship him isn’t just something limited to just in Korea, it’s something that’s global, and not just for Sehun, but for the others as well. Sehun is rather pleased that he’s able to go around without being noticed when he doesn’t want to be noticed, though I’ve pointed out he doesn’t have his stylish, but extremely eye drawing rainbow or blond hair anymore.

While our major arguments have relatively tame blowups, it’s the little fights that really drive me crazy. Like the one we had just before he left. Sehun wanted me to take the night off from studying and writing my paper to join him and the others at an awards ceremony, despite the fact that I have my first major test tomorrow, along with several papers due in a few of my classes. Obviously, I couldn’t afford to go, which Sehun says I never can.

I rub my temples, the irritation that somehow Sehun thought I was being unreasonable by deciding to stay in and prepare for my school day tomorrow, that I have been for the last few days is something I’m being irrational about. Pushing the picture across the table, the one he gave me and I use as a bookmark, I refocus back to what I’m supposed to be doing. Studying.

~~~

Minah stares at me as I walk in after my long day of exams and classes, “Miyoung, go home and rest.” She says simply as I begin to set my things down. “I’m tired just from looking at you, I know that you had a long day at school, so just go home to sleep and take care of yourself.” She says while running her hand over my face.

“Unnie, I’m fine.” I argue, even though I feel exhausted after today, from the tests, staying up late to study, and editing my papers.

Minah smiles at me kindly. “I know, but it’d make me feel better knowing you were getting some real sleep. You’ve been looking ragged since school started; you’ve hardly had a break in the last month and a half. Miyoung, you need to sleep, eat, and relax.” She says directing me towards the door. “I’ll see you next week.”

I blink confused, today in Monday. “Next week?” I question looking back at her with a frown.

“Yes, next week. You’re not going to be in tip-top shape after one night. Miyoung, rest, Bomi has the week off as well. I don’t want to see you in here for a week, you got that?” Minah says as she nudges me down the hall gently.

I nod my head reluctantly as I go, waving to her politely as I walk away. I struggle to hold back a yawn as I wait at the elevators. The door to one of them opens out comes three familiar faces, Suho, Sehun and Lay, the three look at me rather surprised.

“You look like death.” Sehun says frankly. “Minah better be sending you home.” He says ignoring the nudges from his hyungs.

“She did,” I answer as I step passed Sehun and Lay to get on the elevator. “See you guys later.” I say waving as I press the button for the lobby. I hardly even pay attention to them as the doors close. My mind is too wrapped around Sehun’s now cold personality. It’s hard keeping up with which one Sehun is going to decide to use with me. There are so many different sides to Sehun that I just can’t keep track of them all.

I calmly exit the building and make my way to the bus station a couple blocks away. Unlike my usual route, I don’t take the train and I don’t get off a stop early. I get off at the stop closest to my apartment. I hardly have the energy to make it to my apartment. I shed off my shoes and jacket, simply content to fall asleep on my bed.

I wake up to someone shaking me slightly. “Miyoung, I made dinner, come on get up, you need to eat and then take a shower, you can go back to sleep after that.” A voice says. “Miyoung, wake up.”

Groggily I sit up, I find that I either got under the covers or was tucked in; I glance over and stare confusedly at Bomi. “How did you get in here?” I ask as I rub my face with my hands.

“You told me the passcode to your apartment when you first moved in.” She answers simply. “Come on; eat, Minah asked me to drop by to see how you were doing.” Getting out of bed I follow my friend to the kitchen. “You know, you really shouldn’t leave Sehun’s laundry out or the picture of him just lying around.” Bomi say with a smirk on her face as we sit down at the table.

I glance to the laundry I’ve been too busy to put away, and then to my bookmark on the table next to my plate. “I really am too fried to even come up with any kind of an answer.” I say as I pick up the picture.

“I told you that there would be a time for you to come clean about it, I think that it’s time.” Bomi says simply. “I mean you both obviously have something going on between you. He’s been following you around for months, you both get to the practice room early or where ever we have to be, and then you both stay late at the practice room.”

“I can’t.” I answer as I poke at my food with my utensils. “Bomi, I could lose my scholarship.” I tell her quietly. “Relationships between idols and interns aren’t exactly allowed.” I tell her as I lean back in my chair. “Coming clean about it could mean giving up my scholarship, and that scholarship is the only reason that I can afford to live here, go to school, and pay for anything that I have.”

“Miyoung, what if you lose Sehun because you’re too scared to tell anybody?” My friend probes calmly. “Sehun has been pretty moody these last few days; you guys have been fighting right?”

I glance down at the food Bomi made for me. Taking a small bite I let out a long breath of air. “Yeah, he’s mad I wouldn’t go to the award show yesterday.”

“Exams and papers.” Bomi says while nodding her head. “It is award show season and exams are picking up as well.” She says reasonably. “It isn’t like you won’t ever be able to go to one.”

“I told him that. I just couldn’t afford to go yesterday.” I say frowning. “I wanted to go.” I mumble quietly.

Bomi chuckles which soon turns into a somewhat thoughtful sigh. “Miyoung, tell them. I promise you things will get better if you just do that.” She says after a moment. “Everyone kind of has the idea sometimes that something is going on between you both, but then you guys act so cold and it’s like there couldn’t be any way.”

“How would you know things would get better? What if they just get worse?” I question feeling the anxiety well up inside of me. The small bit has soon turned into this huge abyss inside of me. “It could just lead to more problems.”

“Not saying the truth is just going to make you guys fight like this more often, it’ll get bad enough that eventually one of you won’t be able to stand it anymore. Miyoung, it happens all the time.” Bomi says seriously. “I’m saying this as your friend, as someone who cares about you. Coming out and telling the others is the thing to do. It’ll make Sehun happier, they’ll cover for you guys, and you’ll have someone to talk to when Sehun is being a raging lunatic.” I let out a sigh as I begin to eat my food again. “I know you’re just going to think about it and sleep on it, and then think about it some more, but just remember, it isn’t just about you anymore. The moment you both admitted that there was something it became about the two of you.” Bomi says while getting up. “I have to go, night out with my boyfriend.” She explains.

“I’ll see you later.” I say getting up to walk her to the door. Sitting back down and finishing my meal I do just as Bomi said I would. I think about it. I think about how it really isn’t just about me anymore, it’s Sehun and I now. I think about it in the shower, I think about it lying in bed while trying to fall asleep, and I think about it when I get up to walk around my apartment to try and walk off all the thinking I keep doing.

~~~

By day three of no work I’ve recovered mostly from never sleeping. I’m evening just watching TV. When I hear my door open and then close I glance towards the doorway waiting to see who it is. I feel relieved when I see Sehun come in with two cups of coffee. “Hey,” I mumble while watching him stand the looking at me.

“You look a lot better,” Sehun says finally walking over to sit next to me. “I’m sorry about getting so mad about you not coming to the award show.” He says while leaning against me after setting the cups on the coffee table in front of us. “Your classes are important and I need to be better about acknowledging that.”

“You talked to Lay, right?” I ask seeing as this doesn’t really sound at all like Sehun, though I am rather happy that he’s saying these words.

“I did, Suho and Lay hyung really got mad at me when we last saw you.” Sehun explains. “I just really want you to come and see us like that, I want you to be around always, and it’s hard not being able to say anything. But it’s more important that we tell them when you’re ready. I don’t want you to lose your scholarship.”

“I want to tell them Sehun,” I say while rubbing his arm gently. “We’ll tell them soon, I promise.”

Sehun and I don’t say anything for a while, we sit watching TV, I let him change the channel to something he wants to watch and I enjoy hearing him laugh, explaining quirky things about the show. I enjoy the time not fighting, the time we get to be just like this, when we don’t have to worry about how things might turn out if we do or don’t say something to our friends.