Sehun glances to his friends who I’m assuming were all told about me at some point after I left. “Miyoung you left, you never called, and worst of all I was right you never even tried.” Sehun says furiously, the distance between us widening as he steps back. “I waited for you to call or send a letter, or any kind of notion that you regretted everything about how things happened between us, but nothing ever came. What truth do you have to tell me that will change all of that?”

“I’m not sure the truth will change any of that for you.” I say slowly, I stare up at Sehun who is taking a few steps back from me. “I never told you a lot of things, all with varying reason. I was too scared, I couldn’t admit, I wasn’t ready to tell you, to I just wasn’t sure how.” I explain to Sehun carefully. “Sehun, you changed me, I wasn’t ready to face that, I never noticed how I talked to people in a distant sort of way. I hadn’t realized how much that changed after knowing you. It took me a long time to even accept that after you I was different, you made changes not just in my life or me, but on my future.”

“Your point being?” Sehun asks coldly.

I smile affectionately at Sehun. “I still have never really laughed; you’re the only person I’ve ever kissed, the only person I am really comfortable around. I’m okay with going out on Friday nights with people I met at the University because I could hear you in my head saying to let loose a little, have a bit of fun, I could hear you saying I should break some habits, I should change some things.” I tell Sehun simply. “My point is I never told you that since we met I’ve been falling in love with you.” I say clearly. “I was presented with this nearly every time we talked or did anything together; I just didn’t quite know what it was. I wasn’t ready to realize it.”

“Why did you leave then?”

I let out a very heavy sigh as I keep my eyes on Sehun. “I was devastated when you told me we were no longer dating, when I thought you broke up with me, the first time was hard enough, but then when you’d been so sure I wasn’t trying I couldn’t handle it anymore.” I explain with carefully picked words. “I’ve gone over that night endlessly, I’ve wondered why I never just told you, and I wanted to tell you everything that I’ve held back, what I’ve always held back, but I could only ever come up with lame excuses.”

“You never did things the easy way.” Sehun says quietly and in a gentle tone. “I kept trying to figure ways that would make you more comfortable with me, but they always seemed to blow up in my face. You’d just stare at me with that impassive look on your face or give me this confused look.”

“I’m sorry.” I tell him gently and from the bottom of my heart. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t ever just see eye to eye with you even on simple things, that I’m difficult, that I was never vocal about my feelings for you. I don’t want to hurt you; I just want to give you what you’ve always deserved.”

“When we broke up that night you told me about Columbia, what did you feel?” Sehun asks sternly, a very serious look on his face, more so than even a few moments ago.

“Agony, I was so frustrated and angry, I didn’t know what else to do. I thought at the time I was stronger for not letting it out, for holding it all in, I hadn’t realize by doing so I was tearing us apart. Sehun, I felt a bitter resentment towards you. You refused to even talk about it with me; I just wanted you to be proud; I wanted to share this accomplishment with you.” I bite my lip gently before saying more. “You’re the only reason I was even able to go.”

“I was the reason behind you leaving?” Sehun asks angrily, his fury resurfacing again.

I shake my head. “Not like that, before you I always thought about applying and hoping to make it through the application process, but honestly it seemed like a farfetched idea. I was comfortable in my easy going and slow-paced life. I was happy to avoid chances like that; I was content to stay in my small pond.” I say trying to explain the many changes Sehun made for me. “But then you came along and the small pond wasn’t enough, I beginning to feel constricted by how I was living, all the choices I’d made, I wasn’t content just going like I was, I needed more, I needed to do more. I wanted to be someone that you could be proud of.”

“Is that all you have to say?” Sehun asks coldly from his position, “Or do you have anything else you want to say to me Miyoung?”

I take a glance around the room and see that we’re alone; looking back at Sehun he gives me this expectant look. “I made a lot of mistakes with you and I can’t apologize enough for them, I learned as I got to know you, I was left confused plenty of times when we talked, not just about why you were so excited or upset about certain things, but about us. I was confused how I could possibly do anything for you. And as I’ve looked back on all of it, I only gave you a lot of pain and I’m sorry for that. I want you to be happy and for things to work out. I just want you to know that you weren’t the only one in love, I love you.”

Sehun sighs again as he watches me. “I was thought we were equals, I never once thought that you were hurting me. You made me look at things in different ways because you’re a bit different, but that’s what I loved most.”

“Sehun,” I say letting out a deep breath, “I do have one last thing to tell you.” Sehun gives me a curious look, a refreshing break from the serious and angry looks he’s only given me. “I’d been stuck in my own world; I wasn’t concerned with anything or anyone that didn’t fit into my usual pattern. I wasn’t a big fan of change, I liked being in control. I didn’t like feeling as though I were free falling. I enjoyed keeping everything in check. You changed that. You came barging in with little regard for my feelings about things like that. Made me change a lot of things, made me try new things, opened me up and held my hand through the difficult times. I never thanked you for all that you’ve done for me. I know that most of the time I never even acknowledged how much you helped me. I’m sorry for that. If I’d shown my gratitude I’d have to face how much I’ve changed since you came into my life. Thank you Sehun.”

“Damnnit,” Sehun mutters walking over to me. “You’re frustratingly naïve, far too straightforward, a bit inept in social situations, and unfairly cute.” I stare at him a bit put off by his words, while it sounds sort of like an insult, they also so strangely affectionate. “I love you and I’m furious about it.” He says before kissing me. Stunned and slightly put off I slowly close my eyes and kiss him back. When Sehun pulls away he pushes my hair out of my face and then hugs me tightly. “I’m gonna need you to be there for me.”

“I promise I will be.” I whisper hugging him.

Sehun doesn’t let go of me for a while, just content to hug me, patting the top of my head, and rubbing my back. “You really came back.”

“I wouldn’t ever leave for good.” I say in reply. “Though I really don’t want to leave ever again.” I mumble into his chest.

Sehun’s hugs are mostly still the same and that comforts me. Rubbing my head against his chest I realize something is a bit off. “Something the matter?” Sehun asks chuckling. “You’re kinda being weird.”

“How much did you grow?!” I ask appalled that I’m now too short for him to rest his chin on my head. Looking up at him I pout. “I knew something felt different.” I mutter quietly.

Sehun quirks his brow at me, “You didn’t expect me to suddenly stop growing did you, Miyoung?” I frown stepping a bit ways as I measure up against him. “You’re really cute when you pout about something like this.” I simply hide in his arms again. “I’m just going to have to spend more time with you until you get used to it.”

“It’s weird, you used to just rest your chin on my head and everything felt right.” I say sorely missing the way we hugged.

“You know now that I’ve gotten you to say everything that you never used to aloud, I’m gonna have to make you bust out laughing.” Sehun says rather seriously. “It’s going to be my mission now.”

“Well I can’t wait till you do.” I mumble feeling the uneasy part of me finally leaving, the calm and content feelings I couldn’t appreciate before come back. 

And so we have the last chapter~!
I hope you guys enjoyed it!