013:

WHY DOES IT HURT?

 

                  The birds are chirping, the rays of sunlight are peeking through the cracks of the blinds, and all the cliches for a beautiful and perfect morning are happening as the two figures on the joint futon breathe against each other’s faces. Sungyeol giggles in his sleep as he feels a light gust of wind caress his cheek repeatedly. It feels nice and warm around him so he cuddles closer forward to get more warmth. He’s drifting back into his dreams when he feels a hand go under his shirt and caress the small of his back. Sungyeol stops himself from purring at the comforting gesture and instead, he tries to go back into dreamland in the comfort of the warmth that is surrounding him. However, he is forced to open his eyes when he hears incoherrent mumbles next to him.

 

Upon opening his eyes, Kim Myungsoo is only a few inches away from his face, looking so gorgeous as the light coming from the window falls on his face. Sungyeol’s heart starts to hammer against his ribcage as Myungsoo mumbles things in his sleep, effectively making his eyes unconsciously travel down to the plump lips that touched his cheek the previous night.

 

“…warm…so nice…” Myungsoo mumbles, tightening his hold around Sungyeol.

 

A smile quickly forms on Sungyeol’s face as his heart flutters at the close proximity of their faces. Sungyeol leans into the embrace, marveling how nice this feeling is.

 

‘I hope you’re always this nice to me, Myungsoo-ah,’ Sungyeol thinks.

 

Myungsoo hums as if he could hear his thoughts and he pulls Sungyeol in even closer. Sungyeol’s breath hitches in his throat and he cannot will his eyes to look away from those luscious lips. Unconsciously, Sungyeol starts leaning in, lower lip caught in between his front teeth. He closes his eyes as he feels his lips hovering over Myungsoo’s, just a few millimeters away from touching it.

 

‘Lee Sungyeol…what are you doing?’ Sungyeol momentarily stops at his thoughts, but after a few moments, he lets all of his inhibitions go as he goes against his conscience and inches closer until the gap between their lips no longer exists and until his hammering heart stops beating for a few seconds.

 

He stays still, afraid that if he moves or if he dares to want more from this, he’s going to wake the other up and shatter the perfection that’s surrounding them. He doesn’t know why he’s suddenly doing this but he wants this precious moment stretch on and on. Sungyeol feels peaceful and safe like this and he doesn’t even know why or how.

 

“Oh, look at you two lovebirds! Kissing when you’re not even awake yet! How sweet!”

 

Pulling away, Sungyeol gasps at the sound of the elder woman’s voice interrupting his reverie. His eyes shot open only to see that Myungsoo is already awake and is staring back at him with wide eyes. Sungyeol holds eye contact for a few seconds before looking away and closing them again.

 

“My husband and the other men in our village already found your car! They already filled it up with gas! You can leave anytime but I insist that you eat breakfast first! I’m sorry that I interrupted your cuddling session…but I’ll get going now, I just wanted to check on you two!”

 

With his eyes still closed, Sungyeol hears the door of the room slide close as the elder woman exits. He doesn’t want to open his eyes because he can feel Myungsoo’s eyes on him and it would be too embarrassing to face his questioning face.

 

“Don’t pretend to be asleep, Sungyeol. I know you’re awake,” Myungsoo says, voice void of any emotion.

 

Sungyeol frowns but screws his eyes tighter.

 

“Why did you kiss me?” Myungsoo asks.

 

Sungyeol squeaks softly as he feels his face getting hot and he knows that he looks as red as a tomato right now but he doesn’t care because facing Myungsoo would be more embarrassing, so he’s not going to risk anything.

 

“Sungyeol…” Myungsoo firmly says, squeezing Sungyeol who is still in his arms.

 

“I-I’m sorry. I-I d-din’t mean t-to…do th-that,” Sungyeol whispers.

 

“So you did kiss me on purpose?” Myungsoo chuckles.

 

“What? No!” Sungyeol says, opening his eyes and finally seeing Myungsoo’s smirking face right in front of him.

 

Myungsoo raises an eyebrow and Sungyeol pouts.

 

“Yes, I-I did it o-on p-purpose,” Sungyeol says.

 

“Don’t ask me why!” Because I myself don’t even know why I did it.

 

“Okay then. I’ll just assume that you have a little crush on me.”

 

With that being said, Myungsoo’s arms remove themselves from around Sungyeol’s waist as he stands up. Sungyeol won’t admit it but he misses the warmth already.

 

“I don’t have a crush on you! Maybe you were the one who has a crush on me! I woke up with your arms wrapped around me! You were practically clinging onto me like a koala!” Sungyeol says, sitting up on the futon.

 

“Oh, so you stared at me first thing when you woke up? I didn’t know your crush is that big already!” Myungsoo retorts.

 

“What?! No! I wasn’t staring at you! You were the one cuddling to me! I don’t even want to know what you did to me last night while I was asleep!”

 

“Maybe you were the one who did things to me when I was asleep, Sungyeol.”

 

Sungyeol’s mouth opens in rage but he doesn’t know what to say when Myungsoo is looking back at him with a -eating grin like that.

 

“Whatever! I don’t want to bicker with you first thing in the freaking morning! I hate you and I don’t have a silly little crush on you…jerk!”

 

“If you say so, dear cousin. Come on, stand up and make the bed so we can get going. There is still a mansion waiting to be cleaned and graves waiting to be visited,” Myungsoo yawns before stepping out of the room.

 

When Myungsoo disappears from the sliding door, Sungyeol falls back on the futon holding his warm face in between his hands. Myungsoo is seriously getting on his nerves and driving him crazy but strangely, Sungyeol doesn’t really mind. He suddenly bites his lower lip at the memory of it touching Myungsoo’s a while ago and he almost squeals. He burrows his face deeper into the covers, not believing that he actually feels good and not disgusted by the fact that he just kissed Kim Myungsoo on the lips.

 

‘I gave my first kiss to him…oh great, my first kiss is a jerk.’

 

Sungyeol shoots up again on the bed with a stupid grin on his face when he realizes that he doesn’t really care that his first kiss is a jerk because no matter how much of a mean jerk he is, Kim Myungsoo is still a handsome being…not to mention rich.

 

‘Did I just call that meanie handsome?’

 

~ O ~

 

                  After Myungsoo gets his cellular data signal back, they finally got directions going to the mansion. Despite them getting directions from the trusty GPS, Sungyeol is still silently praying in his seat that this time, they’ll really make it to the mansion because he cannot spend another traumatic night in the woods with Kim Myungsoo.

 

“We’re here,” Myungsoo announces and Sungyeol visibly relaxes at the sight of the mansion.

 

“Whoa, this place is huge!” Sungyeol exclaims, mouth open as Myungsoo pulls over.

 

Sungyeol steps out of the car and marvels at the beautiful sight surrounding the house. The house is perched on a high land and the lawn is really wide. When he turns his head to the right, there is an overlooking view of the blue sea and it’s just so beautiful. He makes a mental note to ask Myungsoo later if they could go for a walk or a swim there.  

 

“Yeah, it’s huge but I want to get rid of it. We never really visit it anymore and now that the caretaker passed away, I don’t want to go back here every once in a while to clean up,” Myungsoo says, standing beside Sungyeol as they look at the sea.

 

“What?! You can’t get rid of it, Myungsoo! It would be a shame if you sell this! The view is great and the atmosphere is wonderful! If you’re only worrying about having to clean it up every once in a while, then I can do it! I could clean this beautiful mansion for your family! Just don’t get rid of it! It’s as beautiful as the mansion in Jeju!” Sungyeol says.

 

“What makes you think that I’m going to trust you with this mansion? Tsk, you might do what you did in Jeju!” Myungsoo says.

 

Sungyeol dumbfoundedly stares at him as he makes his way inside the mansion. Sungyeol huffs after Myungsoo.

 

“Hey, I’m no longer on the run so what makes you think I’ll need a hideout?! It’s really far and you don’t even have tangerines to sell here……..wait, do you have tangerines or any fruit here?” Sungyeol says.

 

“No, we don’t and even if we do, I won’t let you know,” Myungsoo deadpans.

 

Sungyeol glares at him and Myungsoo stares back with a smirk. They stay like that for a few moments until Myungsoo claps his hands in front of Sungyeol’s face, effectively startling the other. Myungsoo snickers at Sungyeol’s reaction, feeling amused of what he did.

 

“Jerk,” Sungyeol mumbles, walking past Myungsoo who is still laughing like an idiot.

 

Sungyeol stares at Myungsoo with his mouth agape after the latter continues to laugh even if moments already passed by. He shakes his head and decides to go upstairs to explore the mansion. He smiles as he passes by the corridor with family pictures mounted on the walls. He sees grandfather as a middle-aged man with his beautiful late wife. He also sees Ms. Kim and Mrs. Nam as little girls in shrilly dresses. He giggles in amusement when he sees them in their teenage years, dressed up in preppy clothes. But his giggles die down when he spots a portrait of Chaerin at the end of the hallway. He bows his head and clasps his hand together in apology.

 

“I’m so sorry for posing as your fake son, madam. I’m so sorry…please don’t haunt me tonight…I’m really afraid of ghosts. I’m so sorry…I’m sorry!” Sungyeol says, slowly inching his way back to the stairs so he could be with Myungsoo again.

 

After seeing the pictures of Chaerin, he just cannot continue towards the rooms. He already has goosebumps all over his arms. As he recalls how her picture looks like, he quickens his pace down the stairs, not wanting to get chased by the ghost or whatever. In his haste, he doesn’t notice Myungsoo going his way so them bump into each other. Sungyeol looks up at Myungsoo’s confused face.

 

“What’s up with you? Why do you look so pale, Sungyeol?” Myungsoo asks with a snicker.

 

“I-I saw a picture of Ch-Chaerin-shi upstairs. I’m scared that she’ll haunt me for posing as…as h-her fake s-son,” Sungyeol replies.   

 

“Aunt Chaerin’s photo? What do you mean? There’s no photo of her here anymore! Grandfather took them all down when she ran off to Japan with her husband,” Myungsoo says.

 

Sungyeol’s eyes and mouth open wide and he sputters, shaking his head and trying to speak.

 

“Wh-wha…I s-saw it! I just s-saw it! At the e-end of the h-hallway! Upstairs!” Sungyeol stutters.

 

“Sungyeol, are you seeing things?” Myungsoo asks, brows furrowing.

 

Sungyeol shakes his head and his eyes become watery. He looks like he’s going to faint any moment now, so Myungsoo bursts out laughing while pointing. Sungyeol stares at him disbelivingly, finally getting that Myungsoo had been making fun of him.

 

“You jerk! That’s not funny, Myungsoo!” Sungyeol yells.

 

“No, you should’ve seen your face! You looked so funny! I swear!” Myungsoo laughs.

 

Sungyeol wants to be upset and he wants to kick the latter in the balls to make him stop laughing but seeing the stoic jerk finally showing some emotion other than frowning is really refreshing, so he finds himself smiling a little at Myungsoo’s laughing face. After a while, Sungyeol finds his smile turning into a laugh because Myungsoo’s laugh is just so contagious.

 

 

~ O ~

 

                  It took them more than an hour to actually get serious and actually get some cleaning done. Sungyeol volunteered to groom the lawn and vaccum the first floor just so Myungsoo would agree to clean the second floor. Myungsoo for the next ten minutes about being a scaredy cat and not wanting to clean the pictures upstairs which earned him a kicked shin from Sungyeol. Once they went to their significant areas to clean, the job was done quicker than they first thought. The caretaker left the mansion in a really good condition and the both of them didn’t really have to do much cleaning.

 

By the time that the clock strikes four in the afternoon, they are both putting away the cleaning materials back in the closet.

 

“Well, that was tiring,” Myungsoo groans as he stretches his arms above his head.

 

“Oh, if you’re tired, I can cook our dinner, then,” Sungyeol says absentmindedly.

 

“You cook?” Myungsoo asks.

 

Sungyeol blinks at him and sits on the couch.

 

“Of course! There’s nothing I can’t do!” Sungyeol brags.

 

“Well, in that case, cook me something delicious, dear cousin. I expect that our early dinner would be finished when I’m done showering,” Myungsoo says.

 

“Pft, alright. Enjoy showering but beware…the caretaker might not be done cleaning the bathroom yet!” Sungyeol teases.

 

“Tch, who are you trying to scare, Sungyeol? I’ll be going now. If you need help, ask the caretaker,” Myungsoo says, wiggling his brows as he ascends the stairs.

 

Myungsoo shakes his head at his silliness as he gets into the bathroom. He sheds his clothing one by one and brings out his toothbrush from his black toiletry bag. He chuckles as he remembers how Sungyeol looked like when he scared him a while ago. He looked as white as a sheet and his scared expression looked like he’s having constipation. Myungsoo looks at himself in the mirror and his laughing face stares back at him.

 

He blinks as he touches his cheeks that are hurting from laughing too much. The past year had been a blur of serious business from the company to his grandfather getting sick, from Sungjong leaving him and returning like a ghost of the past. It’s been a while since he last laughed this hard because of simple things like someone’s facial expression.

 

‘It feels good to laugh again,’ Myungsoo muses as he continues to stare at his smiling face.

 

~ O ~

 

“I’m done cooking!” Sungyeol announces from the kitchen.

 

Myungsoo stands up from his position on the couch and makes his way towards the kitchen, expecting to see the delicious smelling dishes that Sungyeol prepared for their early dinner. But instead of seeing the dishes, he sees a picnic basket on top of the dining table. He looks up at Sungyeol’s smiling face in confusion.

 

“Why did you put the food in the picnic basket? We’re not going anywhere, Sungyeol,” Myungso says.

 

Sungyeol smiles at him and twiddles his thumbs together.

 

“Well, when we arrived here, I saw the beautiful ocean down there and I thought maybe we could walk a bit along the shore and find a nice spot to eat afterwards,” Sungyeol says, grinning at Myungsoo.

 

“That beach isn’t part of our property,” Myungsoo lies, hoping that Sungyeol would drop the suggestion.

 

“Well, we…we’re not going to loiter or swim. We would just walk there and eat. It would be quick. I’m sure that the owner wouldn’t mind,” Sungyeol says.

 

“Look, Sungyeol, I’m hungry and I’m tired. I just want to eat and then sleep. We have to get up early tomorrow,” Myungsoo says.

 

Sungyeol’s hopeful smile is wiped out by Myungsoo’s statement. He looks down on his picnic basket and sighs in defeat.

 

“O-Okay. You don’t have to go with me. I’ll give you your share of the food and I’ll take my share with me down the beach. It’s okay,” Sungyeol says, starting to open the basket and taking out the food.

 

Myungsoo looks at Sungyeol’s slumped shoulders and watches him split the dishes in half. Even after Sungyeol is done portioning their food, Myungsoo still cannot find the words to say. Sungyeol closes the picnic basket and looks up at Myungsoo.

 

“I’ll get going now. I’ll be back in an hour or so. I have to catch the sunset! I hope you enjoy my delicious cooking!” Sungyeol says, trying to be cheerful.

 

Sungyeol walks away and out of the house and Myungsoo cannot do anything but watch. When Sungyeol disappears down the path towards the ocean, Myungsoo looks back at the food in front of him. Sungyeol made pasta and cute pizza sandwiches. It’s not much but it looks delicious. Myungsoo remembers Sungyeol’s hopeful smile and he also remembers how he wiped it away with his rejection.

 

Myungsoo’s heart sinks at the bottom of his stomach.

 

He lets out a deep sigh and scratches his head as he picks up his plate. Myungsoo almosts stops and goes back inside when he reaches the lawn because he air is getting cold and he doesn’t want to get sick. However, he catches the sight of Sungyeol’s lone figure walking by the shore with the picnic basket in his hand. Myungsoo watches as Sungyeol lets his toes get soaked up as the waves crash into the shore and he also notices how Sungyeol shivers when the wind blows.

 

‘This idiot’s going to get a cold at this rate.’

 

Myungsoo goes back inside the mansion and gets a blanket before making his way down to the beach where Sungyeol is still dipping his toes in the ocean.

 

“Appa, I really miss you. I hope you’re okay…I wish you could see this beautiful view. Where are you, appa?” Myungsoo hears Sungyeol say.

 

“Do you want me to ask Howon to find him?” Myungsoo says, wrapping the blanket around Sungyeol’s shoulder.

 

Sungyeol jumps in surprise when Myungsoo suddenly appears beside him but he quickly regains his composure.

 

“No, it’s okay. Appa is really hard to find thanks to the decades of training from hiding from the loan sharks. The more you look for him, the more you can’t find him. I’m sure that he’s going to call me when he’s settled in,” Sungyeol says, clutching on the blanket that Myungsoo brought.

 

“I’m sure he’s okay,” Myungsoo says in an attempt to comfort him.

 

“Yeah, I know that he’s okay. Anyway, why are you here? You didn’t want to go down here, right?” Sungyeol says.

 

Myungsoo shakes his head and smiles sheepishly.

 

“I didn’t really want to go here but you looked pathetic standing alone here. Come on, enough toe dipping. Grandfather’s going to disinherit me if you get sick.”

 

Sungyeol chuckles and follows as Myungsoo walks further onto the land. The sit down on the sand and eats in the comfortable silence that’s surrounding them. As he eats, Sungyeol looks around the beach and notices a sign a few meters away from them.

 

Property of Woollim corporation and family. No trespassing.

 

“Hey! You lied to me! This is your property!” Sungyeol says, smacking Myungsoo’s arm.

 

Myungsoo almosts chokes on his food when he gets a smack from the giant idiot.

 

“So? You do it all the time. Why can’t I?” Myungsoo shrugs.

 

“Whatever, even if you lied that this isn’t your property, you still didn’t stop me from going here! I’m the unstoppable Lee Sungyeol,” Sungyeol says.

 

Myungsoo rolls his eyes at the latter’s childishness and chooses not to comment further. They are once again enveloped in a comfortable silence but there is a question that’s bothering him.

 

‘Why don’t you want to come here, Myungsoo?’

 

“This place has lots of good memories that I’d rather not remember anymore. They make me sick…they make my heart ache,” Myungsoo suddenly says, looking at him with intense eyes.

 

Sungyeol nods, realizing that he voiced out his thoughts.

 

“I…If you want, you can talk to me about it and I promise I won’t judge,” Sungyeol says, earnestly looking at Myungsoo.

 

Myungsoo chuckles and ruffles Sungyeol’s hair.

 

“Really? You won’t judge?” Myungsoo says.

 

“I promise!” Sungyeol eagerly says, putting his hand on his heart.

 

“Well, I used to bring Sungjong here a lot because it’s quiet and…he could focus on writing his songs more. This beach was almost our second home to the point that we got so tan because we came here too often,” Myungsoo says, pausing to chuckle.

 

“We loved here, saw too many sunsets together. This beach witnessed our love and separation…I…I proposed to him here. The sun was setting when I got down on one knee, popped the ring and question out,” Myungsoo says.

 

Sungyeol waits for the other to continue but Myungsoo keeps on looking at the ground with a bitter smile.

 

“What happened?” Sungyeol asks, voice barely above a whisper.

 

“He just shook his head at me and ranaway. I was so confused as I watched him runaway from me…from here and from my life. The next thing I knew, he was flying to Europe and staying there indefinitely until his tour officially begins. I didn’t know if we were done or if I should wait for him. He didn’t say anything and we lost contact. I tried calling him but he wouldn’t answer and I tried looking for him in Europe but his security team told me that he didn’t want to see me. Do you know how that feels, Sungyeol? I felt like an idiot waiting for something and nothing at the same time…”

 

Sungyeol’s eyes are wide as Myungsoo speaks about what happened to his relationship with Sungjong. He knows that it was bad and Myungsoo was deeply hurt by their separation but Sungyeol has no idea that it’s this severe and heartbreaking. Just imagining himself being in that position makes him tear up. He doesn’t think that he could go on with his life if that happened to him.

 

“What a ,” Sungyeol suddenly sputters, not managing to stop himself.

 

“Yeah, what a , right? But you know what? I loved that …I still do,” Myungsoo says.

 

With that being said, Sungyeol looks at him in disbelief.

 

“I know, right? I’m stupid for still feeling like this even after what he did to me. But no matter what I do, I can’t erase him. I’d really be grateful if I could just completely erase him from my life as if we never met. He took a really big part of me when he left and I can’t take that back anymore but I realized that don’t really care if I live with only half of myself. Even if those memories cut me so deep, I just can’t bring myself to let him go because my life…my existence had been about him.”

 

Sungyeol feels a tear escape his eye as he looks at Myungsoo’s bitterly smiling face. He doesn’t know why he’s crying, Myungsoo himself isn’t even crying, so why is he? He quickly wipes away his tears when Myungsoo looks up with a small smile.

 

“You’re the only one that knows this, okay? I trust that you won’t tattle. Thanks for not judging me,” Myungsoo says.

 

“Y-yeah, your secret’s safe with me,” Sungyeol says, forcing a smile on his face.

 

Sungyeol curses himself for feeling emotions so deeply and for being such a crybaby. Back in Jeju, Dongwoo would always for crying at every movie that they watch. But the throbbing in Sungyeol’s heart tells him that these tears aren’t the same as the tears that he cried when watching movies.

 

Why does it hurt?

 

 

Author’s Notes: Yey, another update! The story is speeding up a little and is getting a little serious! I hope that you’ll still hold on! To those who are waiting for Woohyun’s appearance, don’t worry, he’ll be appearing in the coming chapters and he would play a big role! Anyway, thank you for reading and I apologize for any mistake in grammar or any typo! Thanks for upvoting, subscribing and commenting! See you soon!