The next day had been as terrible as I had expected it to be and I was done with life by the time I got out of school. I had not only flunked a test I meant to study for the night before but I also got into a fight with Jongup over something that I can’t remember, and then I had carried some cargo at my job at the docks and popped a stich and got sent home. I texted Junhong and told him I couldn’t see him and it ended up as a horrible day by the time I got home. I had to get my dad some kind of liquor that would suffice until I could get him something better.

“Nothing better than this huh?”

“Can’t afford better”

“Your mother says otherwise”

“My mother is a lying-” before I had been able to finish the sentence my father grabbed me by the throat and shoved me up against the wall.

“Look boy,” he said so close to my face I could smell his favorite booze “I need your paycheck so I’ve been leaving the discipline to be handed out to you by god’s will but don’t think I won’t do just enough to have you suffer tomorrow” he paused and looked out the kitchen door “Or your brother.”

I was silent hoping that maybe he’d just suffocate me but after he had given out the threat he let me go and I slid down to the floor. My brother was sleeping in our room and I decided to do the same, sleep away the rest of the day. That was what I had decided to do but not what I was allowed.

I got a text from Himchan saying that he wanted to hang out so he could get his mind off of something. It ended with a ‘no questions asked’ kinda vibe and I knew where he was coming from, needing to do something to smile so you’re not wasting your time bawling on the ground like a 5 year old.  I told Nam to lock the door after I left and sleep in the hiding place I had built in the closet for us one weekend our father wasn’t home.

I wrapped up my arm and grabbed a shirt that didn’t show the gauze, hadn’t had blood on it, and went out with my friends. I drunk something really unpleasant and had to work through the next week getting over it. I got in touch with Junhong once or twice and he was really worried for me and I was worried for me too. It was hard getting through the day. I was always hurrying I could barely get from one place to the other and I was neglecting school. The one thing I wanted to be able to do is at least get good enough grades to be able to have a college consider me.

Himchan noticed my behavior and worried for me just as well so I brought the question up to him who knew only about my hectic schedule.

“Why don’t you quit” he asked

“I can’t.” I said “I want to be the one to send me and Nam to college so I have to get the money” which wasn’t entirely a lie, I did want to be the one to send me and my brother to college so he wasn’t stuck at home all day working over the phone but at the moment I just needed to worry about getting my father the liquor and keeping Nam safe.

“Okay, that is really important but maybe it wouldn’t be a terrible idea for you to maybe take a break from everything?”

“A break?”

“Yeah, go somewhere just you and your brother and relax. I know life can be hectic and just plain bothersome so get away from it. Take yourself out of your life for a little while”

“Easier said than done”

“I know.” He sat in thought for a moment and then looked at me “How about you guys just start by staying over my place for a couple of days?” he said with a smile rubbing my shoulder

“Yeah, maybe” I said “But what about your parents?”

Himchan was taken aback and sat up straight and averted his gaze looking to the ground

“Chan?”

“Don’t worry about that, okay? Just come over?” he said with a small smile

I took Himchan up on his offer and decided to stay with him for a while. It wasn’t easy though, Yongnam didn’t really like leaving the house when our father didn’t know about it. There was an incident when we were younger and Yongnam got the worst of the situation so leaving the house was kind of hard for him even though he hates it there. We snuck out when father was asleep in the living room. Himchan welcomed us with open arms and Yongnam was really happy. At the time he probably hadn’t seen Yongnam for months so this was a long awaited reunion. They were good friends, not better than me and Himchan but still close. I think it was really nice how they chatted, like they had just talked the day before. I was happy for Nam but I felt guilty, I was making him happy only to have to take him back to that hell whole.

After the two of them had laid down I walked onto Himchan’s balcony and I leaned on the wall. I remember it was a little chilly but it was nice to me. The wind was blowing just enough for me to be comfortable my arm wasn’t bothering me and it was nice and I was finally relaxed.

  “Can’t sleep?” Yongnam asked

I peeked at him and his calm smile and I saw the relaxed look in his eyes “Something like that”

“What’s wrong? Is it your arm?”

I smiled at him crossed my arms and looked back at the view “No not my arm. But I’m not going to waste my time trying to lie to you about what it is.”

He smiled and leaned on the bannister and stared out to something “Then why don’t you tell your big brother what’s wrong?”

“How about you use our Bang brother telepathy?” I asked and he scowled at me in annoyance

When we were younger I said that Nam and I were so connected that he probably had the ability my mind. So whenever I was going to say something he would finish my sentence and he was convinced. He believed in it until he developed the ability to tell when I was lying which was around the time we were in fourth grade.

“You are not funny”

“I think I’m funny” I distinctly wonder about whether Junhong thought whether I was funny or not

“And that makes you 1 wrong, 2 not funny, and sad for being the only that thinks you’re funny”

“Ah you’re right Nam, your telepathy is as strong as ever. That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

He chuckled and then stared out into the sky again “So what is it Yongguk?”

I was silent for a moment and I didn’t know how to start but I had shakily, I remember it was just hard getting out the words “I can’t stop our lives Nam.” I said quietly “This is just a vacation and – it just keeps getting harder and . . . I can’t save us”

“Who said you have to?” I looked at him “Yeah life but it’s because we’re teenagers. And life is always going to Guk. Besides I can always try and do something more, I know I haven’t done-I haven’t been much of a big brother but I know we’ll figure something out. Don’t worry too much about it.”

“But Nam -” I was cut off when he ruffled my hair

“Good night Yongguk”

I stood there thinking about how wonderful my brother was, and how horrible my parents were for making him feel the need to be my mother and father. That was the last my brother said of it. He went back inside I stood out there for some time and then went back inside and slept on the floor in Himchan’s room while they slept in his bed.

There was a bit of an incident that occurred because of that very thing. Over the weekend of the first week we were staying with Himchan Jongup came over. It was early in the morning and I slept on the floor side opposite the door. So to be more clear I was a on the left of b which was the bed that held my brother and Himchan and the door was c in the order.

So back to the story; I was on the floor sleeping like a baby and then a scream filled the air that I had unfortunately known all too well. I sprang up to my feet and was filled with not only confusion but rage. Jongup held my brother by the collar.

“Get off of him!”  I yelled leaping onto Jongup

“Yongguk stop!” Himchan screamed after I landed a punch across Jongup’s face

“Bastard-why are there two-Himchan the hell’s going on?” Jongup asked holding me off

 “er”

“Yongguk stop” Himchan yelled grabbing me to pull me off the younger

“Guk stop it”

I froze in frustration, I had only hit Jongup the once but I wanted more. No one was supposed to put their hands on Nam especially if I was there to stop it. I let go of him and went to my brother.

“Nam, are you okay?”
“Y-yeah” my brother said, he had been shaken up.

I took him and held him for a minute ignoring the two behind me.

“Himchan the hell is going on?” Jongup was yelling

“Stupid, what were you thinking?!”

“Why was he in your bed?!”

“Really Jongup? Really? You think I was cheating on you or something?”

I was caught off guard and looked at them as I hugged my brother

“This coming from the guy all cuddled up with someone in a bed”

“You know if you had half a brain you’d think to ask me what’s going on”

“I’m not blind” Jongup retorted
“You’re not blind but you are an idiot”

“Damn straight” I said angrily

“And you-” Jongup said turning to me

“And me what, er? I’ll paint the side with your insides”

“Fine” Jongup said

“Okay, well I’ve had about enough” Yongnam said stepping in between us “How about we all go down stairs and get some coffee made? Channie come help me make it.” Yongnam said grabbing Jongup and Himchan by the arm and walking out the door.

That was the day I found out about Himchan and Jongup’s relationship. They didn’t look at each other but when relationship was brought into the light they were both blushing. They were mad at each other and wouldn’t look at each other, sitting on opposites sides of the couches. Too perfect for each other they knew how to knit pick till Yongnam had finished making the coffee. Jongup was mumbling and Himchan was snapping at him until Yongnam had come back with the coffee. He hadn’t even given any attention to Jongup who was still glaring at him while I was glaring at him for glaring at him. And Yongnam ended up being the one to help clear up the situation. Himchan was still mad at Jongup a little but Nam cleared it up. Nam was good negotiator when he was trying to keep me out of trouble he would talk to me and whoever and I wouldn’t rip out their throats. Jongup had apologized but I wouldn’t accept it for a while longer and this would be one of few meetings between the two.

After spending a week over at Himchan’s Yongnam had decided that we had overstayed our welcome. Himchan was very disappointed in our leave and was not keen on letting his precious little Nam go but it was inevitable. Walking home though, away from that house-that safe haven was digging into my heart. I felt guilt seep off of me as I saw the empty expression Nam had. I gave him a glimpse of happieness just to take him back to hell.

We got to the apartment a lot faster than I had assumed and it was nerve racking because I knew what was coming and I had to face him eventually.

“Nam, go straight to your room lock the door and go to the safe spot, okay?”

“Okay Guk” he said with a small smile that didn’t mean much   

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair and got out my keys. I remember my hands were shaking and it was horrible and disgusting, my fear was disgusting. I took another breath look at the door, shoved my brother down the hallway to be caught by my father.

“And where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“G-guk”

“Nam, go to your room”

“Yongnam you get over here” my father barked

“Nam!” I yelled “Go to your room!”

After that I heard his feet scrambling to our room. I only looked from my father to focus to make sure I heard the door got locked. When I turned back I was met by a hard fist to the face. I was knocked into the wall but recovered quickly enough to go back in. I hit him a couple times and then I ran his head into the wall. He was woozy on his feet and but he was still standing meaning he posed a threat because if he was standing-scratch that- conscious he was drunk, and liable to do anything.

He had grabbed his belt and unlooped it and had it wrapped around his hand. I stood my ground for a moment then went to the living room to look for anything. He got at least 20 good in before I got the chance to knock him out. I was not going to live that one down; he promised me that much before he passed out.

After the fight I went to my room and sat outside the door, my usual routine. I wouldn’t go inside, if my father were to get in while I was in there  he’d knock me out while inside and he’d have enough sense to either think Yongnam ran away or we made a place to hide. That’s not how smart my father is, that’s how unlucky I was.  So I sat there and waited I went to sleep at some point and woke up again when father had kicked me in my side.

“Wake up, the docks called,” he said taking a sip out of his bottle “They need you for some big job”

I groaned as I laid there and as I tried to move hissed in pain. I was sore and I felt on by back where my father had broken the skin a couple of times with the belt turned whip. I was able to walk though and that meant I was able to work. My father went to the kitchen and I got into my room by waking Nam and telling him to unlock it. Morse code is something I taught him when I was younger and I’d knock on the wall where the closet was with the false back. He opened the door and I got dressed I saw the clock I had already been hours too late to go to school and I figured it was for the best. Nam had asked if I wanted my back looked at and I refused as kindly as I could in my bitter mood. I went to the docks and started working hard or as hard as I could with my injury.

“Hey are you alright Bang?” this kid named Daehyun asked

“Yeah” I said “Come help me with this crate” I said tapping the top of it

“Sure”

We got the crate on to the ship and I took a break. The crate was ridiculously heavy and bothersome.

“The hell is so important about this shipment they called me in early?”

“Oh you don’t know?”
“Obviously not” I said

“Some guy went scuba diving with his son and stumbled on some artifacts. They’re worth a fortune and he’s having them shipped to the U.S., I think they’re donating some of the stuff to some museum.”

“Whose ‘they’?”

“The hell should I know? Choi I think? That could have been their name” Daehyun said

“Ahh” I said

We finished loading everything and I decided to finally go see Junhong at the café. And low and behold there he was standing outside the store looking through the glass inside. I was able to smile through my pain as I crossed the street. I sneaked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist and nuzzled into his neck.

“Waiting for someone cutie?”

“Bang hyung!” he spun around and hugged me “You’re back!”

I winced as silently as I could and hugged him back “Yeah I’m back”

“Yeah you are” the owner said walking out of the shop with her hands on her hips “And you shouldn’t be”

“What?”

“You have some nerve. Not only do you ask me to bend my back and give you earlier shift but you decided that you weren’t going to work for a week. You think you still think you have a job here?”

I let go of Junhong and took a step forward “Please you have to understand I needed to take a break,” I said hastily “I couldn’t juggle it all. I have two more jobs before I even come too this one plus school. I would’ve been here but I needed to rest”

“Well,” she said “Now you have one less job to worry about”

“But-“

“Tell your Yongnam I said sorry” she said before walking inside

I stood there a minute in utter amazement of how horrible the world could be. I ran my hand through my hair and then rammed my hand right into the wall. After that I stormed off.

“Yongguk!” I froze as Junhong’s hand held my shoulder

I looked behind me and the younger flinched at my gaze on him “Y-yongguk calm down okay?”

“How exactly do you expect me to be calm huh?”

“I don’t but I just know-“

“Know that it’ll get better? No you don’t” I said plainly “Just leave me alone okay?”

“B-but Hyung”

“Go away!” I yelled

I started walking away and then he grabbed my hand and turned me around, and I saw it. Tears in his eyes and I instantly felt guilty.

“I won’t leave!” he yelled “I’ve done nothing wrong, and I just want to you to be okay, but you’re-you’re yelling at me”

“Oh Junnie I’m- I didn’t-I was. Oh god I’m an idiot” I grabbed him and brought him into a hug and started to pat his head “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay hyung” he said

“It not-“
“No it’s okay” he said nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck “I understand”

I chuckled hugging him tighter “Have I ever told you you’re amazing? Because you really are”

“I know” he said chuckling at me

We ended up walking to the park and talking at the swings.

“So you really have two other jobs?”

“Yeah” I said “I’m saving to do to college”

“I see, shouldn’t your parents be focused on that though?”

I thought quickly about my lie “Yeah they said if I can get most of the money myself they’ll help me pay for an apartment after I graduate”
“Ahh, I still don’t think it’s your responsibility to get the money”

He was right but it didn’t matter. I was the only person in my family that was really dependable. Bless my brother’s heart but I didn’t think he could make it picking up a job and leaving the house every day. He didn’t look like he could take the labor.  

“Yeah but I don’t want to worry my parents with it” that sentence burned a hole in my throat “But now that I lost one and-”

“Hyung” Junhong put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me and I turned to him looking up from my hair and noticed the true concern in his eyes

I took my hand and cupped his cheek and I brought our foreheads together “Yeah, I know”

“Hyung-”

“Don’t worry. It’ll be fine I’ll find a job-I just need a while”

“But hyung what if I can help?”

“You? How?”

“Well I think that my father knows of some places that could be looking for some help-I figure they’d pay pretty well. You’d be working in some nice places; I don’t know what you’d be doing though-”

“I’d take anything” I said excited

“Well” he took a card out and handed it to me “here take this just tell them you’re looking for a job”

“Wow this is amazing!”

“Just come wearing your uniform you don’t have to change into anything-” I cut him off and hugged him from my swing         

“This is amazing you’re so-ugh you know you give me this wiggly feeling in the pit of my stomach” I said chuckling

“Like Jell-O?”

I looked at him “I was going to say butterflies-but I guess that works too”

“I like Jell-O”

“Guess I found my new nickname for you”

“W-what?” he stuttered beginning to turn pink

“Baby Jello” I said making sure to touch him with every word

“No” he said pouting “I am not a child”

“Oh but you are MY own baby Jello”

“M-my?” he said looking into my eyes

“Oh yes” I said leaning in to whisper to him “You are all mine” I smiled when he shivered and grabbed onto my arms

I rubbed my face into his soft hair and I felt him breathing on my shoulder. His breath was hot and a bit ragged.

“Hy-hyung it’s-you’re- you’re embarrassing me”

“Oh” I said startled letting him go “Sorry sorry Jello” I said with a smile

“N-no you’re not” he said calming himself down “And don’t call me that, it’s embarrassing”

“What would you rather be called?”

“I don’t know” he said shrugging “Maybe-maybe you should just keep calming me all those other nicknames” he said shyly looking at the ground

“Nah,” I said ignoring the boy’s adorable pout “That’d be too easy, how about Zelo?”

“That sounds the same when you say it.” He retorted

“But it’s not and it’s different and you’ve gotten what you’ve wanted and you shall forever be known as Zelo but be my own secret little Jello”

“O-okay” he said with a smile and rosy cheeks

“Good” I said ruffling his hair when I was caught off guard by a shadow coming toward us owned by a man in a suite

“Who exactly do you think you’re touching?” I was asked by a man too short to intimidate at the time

“Who’s asking?” I said with a glare

“I asked you a question first”

I stood up to have Jello come up from behind me and put a hand over the man’s mouth.

“Sorry Hyung, Youngjae hyung is just a little-uh-mouthy?”

“What did you call me?” the man managed before having his mouth covered again

“Sorry I have to go now hyung” he said walking back with the man “Bye bye. Text you later!” he grabbed the man’s wrist and sprinted away hurriedly.

And I was left on the swing in the sunset I not only jealous but confused.

So yes it is long and yes this did take a long time but I was doing it for you, my readers, ans there were some things that happened that interfered/ got in the way/ with me updating sooner. First I don't have wifi, second the backup place I go to update also didn't have wifi, third I had to edit, fourth I had to edit again, lastly I had to get somewhere that had wifi

.·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.

 but I'm back (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ to update but I can't say that my next update will be really soon and I'm going through a really hard time COMMENT ＼（＾▽＾）／ so I know that you're with me! I will update as soon as possible with your support!

（*＾3＾）/～♡