As a little kid, Do Kyungsoo dreamed of fairty tale. Everynight he closed his eyes hoping to wake up as a part of wonderful fairty tale. Where good always defeats the bad. A great place filled with flowers and magical creatures. Fairy tale that consisted of majestic castle with genrous King and caring Queen. But most of all, Do Kyungsoo wanted to live in a place that always ended with happily ever after.

Do Kyungsoo wanted everything to end when it was still happy. He was willing to take a happy ending anytime. That was what Do Kyungsoo, aged 15, thought...

It was a quiet moonlit midnight. With only mine and Kim Jongin's breathing breaking through the unberable silence. I had ended up sleeping on the cold carpet floor of Jongin's room. As the coldness of the floor invaded my body, my heart was the only thing that stayed burning hot.

I raised myself up from the floor and leaned my back againt the wall. I had my legs curled up to my chest.

With my eyes closed tightly, I placed my hands over my left chest. It was beating persistently.

"Feel that? That's called purpose. You're alive for a reason." Hyungsik hyung held my small hand over his giant hand and placed it over my chest.

That was what Kyungsik hyung told me the day I finally figured out I was unwanted everywhere. When I wanted to die the most, Kyungsik hyung made me live. He gave me a purpose to live with that simple words.

I turned my head toward Jongin, where he was sleeping peacfully. My heart started to beat in that different kind of way whenever I saw Kim Jongin. It seemed like Kim Jongin had become my reason to live. He had become the reason that my heart decided that it finally wanted to beat not because it needed to but because it wanted to.

Silence. I realized, no place in this world was silent. Because every hearbeat was making a tremendou noise with their own purpose. And mine happened to be Kim Jongin.

For once, I wanted to live. I wanted to smile. I wanted to just laugh out loud for no particular reason.

I needed Kim Jongin next to me. Like the way other people needed oxygen to live, I needed Kim Jongin.

I stared at Jongin's perfectness and allowed a single tear to roll down from my already swollen eyes. He was too good for me. He was someone that I can't dare to let my love show. He was perfect. Kim Jongin was someone that I had already fallen in love even before I realized it. I knew even if he didn't love me the way I love him, I would still love him with every heartbeat. Because Kim Jongin had become my purpose for living, I needed him next to me.

Outside, gray cloud covered the only source of light in the stareless night. But even the murky clouds couldn't cover the light that was shining off of Kim Jongin.   

I would put on a smile. Be his friend. Listen to his hideous rock music. If Kim Jongin would just stay next to, I was willingly to do anything.

"Jongin-ah, I wouldn't hurt you by loving you. I wouldn't pull you into my luckless life. I would only stay 'till I find my happy ending..." As soon as the words escaped my mouth, it dissolved quickly in the cold midnight sky.

When I find a happiness in my pitiful life, I would let myself go. I wouldn't stay no more and no less.

I had hurt Kyungsik hyung because I loved him too much. I had hurt my mother because I loved her too much.

Kyungsik hyung died because he loved me too much. My mother wanted me dead because she loved me too much.

With Jongin, I love him more than "too much". I didn't want to see him suffer. I would rather die than see Kim Jongin in pain because of my unlucky life. Because of my stupid "love", too many people had already been hurt, I didn't want to add Kim Jongin to that list...

Sun was shinning brightly in the clear blue sky outside. I stared at my own reflection in the small mirror inside my bathroom. My eyes were swollen with big dark circles under both of my eyes. My back were aching from sleeping on the cold floor and I could taste blood from corner of my lips. Tiredness were written all over my face. But I smiled at my pitiful reflection.

I plunged my body inside a big bathtube filled with warm water.

"Put on a smile. Be his friend. Don't let him know..." That was all I had to do. Let my he