"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Obivously I want to be happy. Who dosen't?" But Do Kyungsoo knew that wasn't the answer his middle school teacher wanted to hear.

Small middle school student, Do Kyungsoo, sat infront of his history teacher Mrs.Kwon. Mrs.Kwon sat infront of him holding a white folder with his name on the front cover. She sat on her chair with a hint of boredom and fatigue. Of course she was tired, Mrs.Kwon was this year's unlucky teacher that got assigned with the position for planning student's future career.

Do Kyungsoo sat infront of his teacher with hint of tiredness too. He was wearing an extra large uniform that covered up his endless scars and an meaningless smile that revealed nothing. His forged smile was in between begin polite and just plain tiredness from all the world's unpleasent ignorances and whispering that went on behind his back.

"Umm... I want to be a doctor." Kyungsoo replied uncomfortably. Doctor was the last thing he wanted as his future job.

"Oh it's really great that you have a big dream, but Kyungsoo-ah lets consider your academic developments and GPA..." And blah, blah, blah.

Even if Kyungsoo had told Mrs.Kwon he wanted to be happy when he grew up, she would still have talked about his attitude at school and his GPA.  

"So I believe Kyungsoo can become a wonderful teacher someday." Mrs.Kwon concluded with a cheerful smile and gentle pat on his shoulder.

Do Kyungsoo also gave her a half smile. A fake smile that was covered with thorns.

"You expect me to be someone like you and sit infront of a broken students telling them about their damn GPA? A freaking GPA and their sensless grads. To start grading them like a cow with a red pen? You expect me to be a teacher like you and watch someone like me just walk away? I bet you aren't even curious about my endless scars and frequent absences and why my parents never appear in any teacher-parent meetings. You are just a human being. And how can I blame you for that, teacher?" Do Kyungsoo could olny say this words in his head. He imagined everything he should have told her. Because he knew he wasn't the only one that just wanted to be happy someday.

Someday...

He wondered if that someday would be today.

Everyday he wished for that someday to be today.

So here is how that night ended for me:

I stared at Kyungsik hyung's face. Of course not his real face.

A picture of him covered in blood stared back at me with a smile. A smile that I missed everyday.

Someone once told me that if a pain hurts too much, it becomes numb. That you simply wouldn't be able to feel the pain anymore.

I learned whoever said that had never felt true pain before. Maybe that person was correct on the behalf of being logical.

But when something hurts; it hurts like hell.

No matter how much it hurts, the pain burns you either way.

Especially when its not your bleeding throat that hurts but your beating hearts with no wounds hurting like hell.

I think I was crying.

I hope I wasn't shedding a single teardrop.

I think I was holding on to my tears with every ounce of energy.

I hope Jongin wasn't holding on to his tears.

He deserved to let go of whatever was weighting him down. His main source of a terrible nightmare.

If nobdoy else noticed it yet, I saw what even Kim Jongin himself couldn't completly see.

Ever since he entered my life, I saw fear.

Indeed, his love was way greater than his fear but I could still see it.

And I realized that fear he was carrying around all this time was directed at this mad woman, who had stabbed my throat not too long ago.

She was crying.

I hope I wasn't crying and I hope Jongin was crying, but I knew she was crying.

Maybe she was just crazy.

But as her knife slashed my throat, very softly and slowly, I saw tears flowing down her cheeks.

I thought it a little strange but everything about this situation was already out of one's imaginations.

I pushed her off and grabbed my metal picture frame and threw it at her. It barely missed her right eye and left an ugly scratch on her right cheek where her tears had once fallen.

She slowly walked toward me and I ran for the bathroom but she caught my wrist. Trembling with fear and pure coldness from the opened window, I tried to push her away but the woman was lot stronger than I thought.

"This is how I'm going to die. Atleast now I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car. Now I don't need to worry about hurting Jongin." Kim Jongin... and that was all it took for me to regain my power to push this unknown fear away from me.

She may be holding a sharp knife in her hands. She may be a psycho and has no reason to be distryoing my life. She may kill me tonight. But I'm going to let her know that I have someone worth fighting for.

It was the first time I actually fought for something. It was the first time that I felt the u