We can sit down and think about why things turned out the way it did. We can think about it all day and night. We can even think about it for years and years. But nothing will change. Nothing will ever un-do what it did. Nothing will freaking change. Yeah I know it's really blunt and may sound painful. Truth will always hurt.

Lee Suhyun can blame everything on Kim Jongin, but nothing will change. Kim Jongin will never be un-born. Lee Suhyun's life would never be un-painful. Do Kyungsik will never un-die and Do Kyungsoo will still be unlucky.

It's a very simple concept. Nothing in this world would ever un-do itself.

So what's about to happen right now will also never be un-done...

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Joning asked for the one hundreth time. He looked at me with worries filling up his brown eyes.

"It's your grandmother's memorial serivce, I know you need time alone with her." I gave him a slight smile as I got on my tiptoe and ruffled his hair.

Jongin still looked at me with doubts and worries as he stood infront of the door with his black duffel bag.

Jongin had told me olny few things about his grandmother that passed away four years ago but the few time he talked about his grandmother, I could sense she meant alot to him. Today was the day Jongin's grandmother had passed away of old age four years ago.

He had always went back to the mountain side he had spent his childhood with his grandmother for her memorial service. He had asked me to come with him but I knew the feeling of lossing someone that had meant great to my life and I knew Jongin would want to be alone with her memories.

Jongin bent his knees so he could be eye levels with me.

"If anything. I mean anything happens to you, call me. Don't ever think you're bothering me or assume you can haddle it by yourself. Please be safe, okay Kyungsoo-ah?" He was almost pleading by the end.

I gave him an another reassuring smile. And he walked out of the door.

Out of the small door of our house and into the taxi.

Into the small taxi and out of my sight.

I waved untill I couldn't see him anymore.

I sat down on my front door porch untill sunset and light the lamp lining the neighborhood.

I closed my eyes and imagined Jongin sitting next to me smiling his beautiful smile.

Begging me to go to New York when we graduated.

Asking for another scoop of ice cream.

Pleading to go to another rock concert with me.

When I think about it, Jongin had always tried his best to make my life little more exciting and little more worth living. And I wonder: what have I done to make his life better? Was I making his life harder? Was I a bothersome? In a name of begin in love, was I begin too selfish?

Yes I love him more than any words can describe. But have I even tried to make his life better?

When I finally opened my eyes, stars were dotted all over the dark sky and bright street lamp was illuminating the windows of my house. That's when I caught something strange. A silhouette of young women.

Was I becoming paranoid without Jongin?

At that thought, I just brushed off the strangeness and walked inside my house.

2:30 a.m.

I couldn't go to sleep. It was dark and lonely.

Without Jongin sitting next to me hugging my shoulders.

Everything was fading into that deep, mysterious darkness.

I shut my eyes closed and tried drowning myself into a memory.

This time, a good m