Over the course of 2 years, I realized I didn't have just 2 other personalitites. I had 9. Most were vengeful seeking. In case, you don't know about this disorder, it is basically a personality, but they have their own lives. They had parents, loved ones, homes.

Suho. I had to ease the pain by accepting my father was an abuser. He used money and used me like a voodoo doll to take out all the anger from the people he loaned money from. Although he wasn't charged with that. No one knows about that, not even Ryeowook but keeping that secret in was eating me inside out. He forced me to say such nice and kind words when we were outside yet I bit my tongue.

With him gone, Kibum went away too with him. Kibum also was angry at my father. He didn't get to enjoy his life and replaced his sadness with anger. The difference between Kibum and Suho is that Suho had no anger to my father. He just hated him, never planning anything to kill him. He had to be the scapegoat many times. Giving up his innocence and always trying to drink or cut or smoke. Kibum, he was furious at my father. He had a whole scheme to kill him. The only reason he stopped it, was that Kibum did care about Ryeowook and would do anything for him. He needed someone in his life for him to say I love you and I need you.

Then I learned about Ju Hee, the innocent side of me that I never had. She was young and she faced a lot of challenges. Lying about herself and pretending she's okay. She was somewhat hard to get out of my life. She wanted to stay and fought for control most of the time. She wanted balance. She came when I was about 14. When I wanted someone to play with, since I am an only child, she would play with me, Kyuhyun. She had her own story, own life. She wanted to get married, get kids, have grandkids then die a peaceful death.

Oh Joong, the suicidal side that was something I thought about my head for a very long time, before I met Ryeowook. This dirty shadow cast upon me was all I thought about. I even wrote a letter, ready to hang myself but then I drew a small butterfl