The gleaming orphanage loomed in front of them. It was a true work of art; there were glass walls and massive courtyards filled with an assortment of fruit trees and small playgrounds. Chen could see children playing happily behind the glass walls. Along the building were sets of small rooms, where the furniture consisted of a soft sofa, a TV, and a twin bed. The orphanage was beautiful.

“Ugly.” Baekhyun scoffed as he neared the elaborate front gate. “I’d rather live in a dump.”

Luhan and Minseok were busy looking into each other’s eyes deeply. The often held meaningful conversations like this. Luhan was sure he was falling in love. The deer caressed Minseok’s soft, bun,face.

Chen cringed. He wished he was the one holding a meaningful conversation with the Baozi.

“Hi, children! How may I help you?” The professional-looking receptionist smiled at them. Her smile faded a little when she saw the bun and the deer hugging.

“Yeah, we’re going to live next to the orphanage, ‘kay?” Chen said absentmindedly. “We’re orphans, but we’re pretty well off with the money part. The only reason we’re here is so the stupid social workers won’t drag us off somewhere.”

The receptionist gave an awkward nod. “Um.”

“Yeah, ‘kay, bye.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

Chen went outside and ordered the house to sit. The house sat, nearly crushing a kid. Luhan, Minseok, and Chen happily went inside. Chen looked around and considered sipping a glass of wine in celebration of their new life. He settled for a tall wineglass filled with sparkling apple juice instead.

“Hey! Your house almost squished me!” Someone shouted furiously at Baekhyun. Baekhyun turned around.

A boy with reddish-orange hair was glaring at him. His eyes were crinkled in anger. Baekhyun thought he looked somewhat like an elf. Baekhyun sighed as loud as he could.

“If you think I’m gorgeous, then just tell me, okay? No need to make excuses so you can talk to me.” Baekhyun brushed his hair aside and smiled winningly. “Want an autograph?”

The boy stared at him in disbelief.

“Excuse me, I’m suing you!” He screamed. “I don’t want your ing autograph!”

Baekhyun frowned.

“But everyone wants my autograph.”

 “The world doesn’t revolve around you.” He scowled.

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Then why can’t I see myself when I walk outside?”

 “You have the ability to silence everyone with your stupidity.”

“Whatever. I’m pretty and I know it.” Baekhyun scrunched his nose and forced himself to smile. He had to convert this anti-fan immediately.

 “Hi! I’m Baekhyun, what’s your name?” He said cheerily.

“Why do you care?”

“Because you’re my anti-fan! And I love all my fans, even if they’re anti!” Baekhyun pouted cutely. He knew no one could resist his adorableness. He fanned his face.

“Could you shut up? Your voice is irritating.”

“What’s your name?” Baekhyun tried again.

“Park Chanyeol.” Chanyeol threw his soccer ball at Baekhyun’s face and stomped off. “And your eyeliner looks stupid.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened. He tackled Chanyeol and started pounding his face into the ground.

“No. one. insults. my. eyeliner!” He shrieked.

Everybody in the vicinity of Baekhyun’s shrieking was squirming on the ground covering their ears in pain.

Chen ran outside, surveyed the scene, and then decided Baekhyun could probably deal with it himself, considering Park Chanyeol probably didn’t have a head anymore. On the other hand, Baekhyun would probably end up in jail again. Chen scratched his head thoughtfully and then went back inside. He had his priorities. Spying on Minseok and Luhan was more important.

----

Kyungsoo was wiping down the countertops when Kai came in with three bags full of collector dolls.

“I met this guy who gave me his credit card.” Kai said cheerfully, heading upstairs.

“Who?” Kyungsoo said skeptically. “Are you sure you didn’t steal the credit card from him?”

“Oh, some guy called Prissy or something. He was buying a panda and while he was distracted, I politely took the credit card out of his hand.” Kai patted his dolls. “I only used around a thousand dollars, its fine.”

Kyungsoo started hyperventilating.

“We’re going to jail.” His eyes rolled backwards and he fainted again, banging his forehead on the tile.

Kai ruffled Kyungsoo’s hair fondly and chuckled evilly. “I’ve almost been to jail like fifty times, buddy. Not a big deal anymore.”

---

The police officer had two suspects under custody.  One brown-haired nutcase who had touchy-feely issues and a stripper name, and another kid with anger management problems and a passion for makeup. He was about to file them both as mental patients when he heard a familiar voice.

“Oh, hey, Kyungsoo.” The police officer didn’t look up from the paper. “Bailing out Kai again?”

“Unfortunately.” Kyungsoo glared at Kai, who was happily playing with Baekhyun’s assortment of makeup he had brought with him to the jail cell.

“I figured.” The police officer tossed him the keys. “You know what, I don’t care anymore. Kai has been here every day for the past week. He likes the soup, apparently. As for the eyeliner-boy over there, well, no one wants to deal with him after he scared off more than one police officer.”

 “Wanna know how I got here?” Baekhyun smirked.

“No.” Kyungsoo didn’t plan on unlocking the door anytime soon.

“I beat up a guy and now he has three broken noses.” Baekhyun smiled menacingly, showing off his sparkling white teeth. “He insulted my eyeliner.”

“Three?” Kyungsoo turned ashen and began tiptoeing towards the door.

“If you don’t let us out, you’ll have four.” Baekhyun’s smile dropped and his eyes narrowed.

“Bye.” Kyungsoo threw the keys into the jail cell and bolted out of the police station.

They didn’t see Kyungsoo for the rest of the week.

---

Chanyeol stared at himself in the mirror. He had so many bruises from that kid that he looked like he was a mass shade of purple-y black.

“He was cute.” Chanyeol said.

---

The deer was pushing the bun on the swings while Chen watched jealously.

“Higher!” Minseok cheered.

Chen saw a man dressed in a suit carrying a panda out of the corner of his eye. He shot out of his seat and raced towards him.

“I think I found Lay!” He yelled, throwing himself onto the man. “Can I have your money?”

The panda looked at him unblinkingly, before sinking its teeth into Chen’s arm. It leaped out of its master’s arm and started to do some amazing Kung Fu, managing to knock out one of Chen’s baby teeth as well.

Luhan and Minseok pretended not to hear the screams of mercy from Chen who was getting beaten into a pulp. It seemed more than one person was getting turned into a mass of purple bruises today.

“Tao doesn’t like people.” The guy in the suit smirked. He had neon-pink hair that was slicked back in a way that he thought looked cool, but in reality, looked incredibly ridiculous. The guy also had a variety of fake Care Bear piercings and stick-on Strawberry Shortcake tattoos on the side of his arm. He looked like a well-dressed child predator, basically.

Chen started crawling away while the panda was distracted by a grasshopper.

“I’m Kris.” He handed Chen a business card. “Call me if you need my services.”

Chen crawled faster.

Kris winked greasily. He put on a pair of high heels and applied some mascara. “I gotta head my part time job now.”

Kris rounded the corner of the park and disappeared behind the building. He thought he looked super chill, but every time someone looked his way, he managed to trip over his high heels and landed -up on the sidewalk. Chen looked at the business card.

Kris Wu (also known as: Wu Yifan, Kevin Wu, GalaxyFanFan, Krissy, and BaeDragonCuddlyBear)

Contact me @ (666)-666-6666 or email me: [email protected]

Services:

-Potato Chip Inspector; inspecting irregularities in potato chips and measuring the deliciousness. Please call 1-800-ChipsLife for more info.

-Hooker; for pirate reenactions, we create pirate hooks and claws and teach workshops on proper usage. Please contact 1-800-CptHook for info.

"I wonder which job requires him to wear high heels and mascara." Chen wondered.

Luhan and Minseok stared at each other some more and promptly decided to never go to the park again.

"Never." Minseok nodded violently.

For fear they would meet strange drag queen's in business suits. And Kung Fu Panda. Can't forget the panda. Luhan thought.

A/N from KeyAngel:

'sup. Krissy is in the house.

Any thoughts on Kris's jobs? ;)