NOW

APRIL 2017

HIS eyes have been trailing behind Naeun’s right hand movement when she was feeding herself with strawberry yogurt and wondered about the red bruise just above her palm.

He was undoubtedly curious, but he also didn’t want to upset Naeun with unnecessary question or they might end up in a fight again.

 “So,” Naeun drawled, and raised her gaze from the yogurt to meet his. “Do I get to sleep on your bed tonight?”

Jongin squinted his eyes, amazed, honestly, at Naeun’s blunt question after being in this kind of situation. She’s got guts.

“You want to sleep on my bed tonight?”

Naeun tilted her head, mused by Jongin’s sudden offer. “Is that an offer?”

Jongin forced a laugh, throwing neutral look at Naeun with a trace of sly smirk on his lips. “Yeah I don’t mind sharing my bed with you.  As long as you don’t breathe in my neck or snore like an old man, I’ll be fine with that.”

 “WHAT THE – no, I was not talking about sharing a bed with you, okay? Jeez, Jongin. I meant me, alone, on the bed, without you, okay, because you’ll be taking the couch, obviously. Don’t try to twist my words around. My is sore and I’m not in the mood of playing games with you.”

Jongin stretched a grin, and the small turn on his lips made Naeun realized that he was actually pulling her legs. She grumbled something incoherent, and dropped her head on the counter, exhausted.

“But it was not a bit funny…” Naeun blurted out, surrendered.

Jongin reached forward to grab her right hand, and studied the red mark on the below part of her pale palm that has been catching his attention. Although it did not look like a bruise to him, but the unchanging red color of the mark could suggest the pain was still hanging around underneath the skin.

“What?” Naeun asked, shocked to see him looking so involved in her physical state.

“What happened?”

“Oh this?” Naeun lifted her hand, and it broke away from Jongin’s loose grip. She then took a turn to look at the red mark properly. “I got this when I was wrestling against my stupid door lock. I was angry because I couldn’t remember my new passcode.”

“Why did you change it?”

“Because I didn’t want anyone to come look for me. My parents have the access to my house, and I didn’t – wasn’t - ready to meet them, so I changed it before coming over here.”

“And you forgot what it was when you got back?”

“Yeah, well I’m sorry I couldn’t think straight under pressure.”

Jongin fell silent, wondering how much his words have hurt her feelings. But he didn’t know the truth, and Naeun was tight-lipped about it, so there was no way he could behave otherwise.

“Mina called me when I was in my room – before we got into a fight, and you ran away.”

“She did? Why?”

“She was worried about you, of course. And she knows that we live in the same building, so she asked me if I ever bumped into you or anything, she wanted me to persuade you to come home to your parents. They have been restless since you went missing.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not some teenage girl with a raging hormone who’s angry at everything. I do plan to go home tomorrow and see my parents,” Naeun paused, as though something was suddenly crossing her mind. “Maybe I will.  I don’t know. But definitely not today. Today, I just don’t want to think about everything that happened at the wedding. It was kinda traumatizing.”

“You said you trusted me,” Jongin said quickly, but he didn’t mean to be hasty about it. So he sat back, and he casually raked through his luscious dark brown hair. “I was wondering that – if you trust me, maybe you should’ve told me about what happened the first time you got here.”

Naeun looked down, guilty, and clenched her tense jaw before looking up again at sullen-looking Jongin, though, to be honest, she was a little happy inside to know that her words have made some impact on Jongin.

“I didn’t mean to hide the truth from you. I was planning to tell you, but I don’t know where to start or how to say it. It was not entirely your fault, Jongin, and I thought that if I could stall some more time while I can, I should do that. Everything that happened came to me like a big shock and there was no way I could be open about it in a short period of time.”

“Okay. It’s just that we all have our own sad stories, and if yours just happen to be within my spectrum of knowledge, I would want to be apart of that and help you out whenever I can. So – don’t stop trusting me.”

Naeun was smiling without realizing it, embarrassed and grateful at the same time. “You’re probably gonna grow tired of me before you know it. Are you sure you want to be apart of my misery?

 “I don’t think I mind,” he said almost too confidently, shoulders shrugged.

“Well don’t just think. You need to be sure of it -unwavering, because you might back out on me one fine day and that would just break the trust we have. Like, you need to rethink what you’re getting yourself into, because I don’t easily let people get away once they promised to stick around in my life.”

“Why are you so doubtful? I can commit. Don’t you want me to commit?” Jongin asked, the words slipped off his tongue like a sweet tease, and Naeun wondered if there was any an ounce of seriousness in his words.

“Fine, commit then. Be loyal to me, regardless of time and place, circumstances and conditions. Is that alright?” Naeun raised a brow, trying to wash off her insecurity that came by. “And I feel like I should prepare a legalized contract so you wouldn’t turn back on your words, mister. You know you cannot trust people easily these days.”

“Are you planning to sue me if I break the contract?”

“Sure thing. You ought to cough up 100 million won, there and then.”

“I don’t have that much money in my saving account.”

“Then you better do your best to fulfill your promise.”

“It seems like I’m on the losing side of the party. That’s not fair,” he said, leaning forward whilst holding his chin in his hand, words tangling at the tip of his tongue like a jazz dance, and Naeun was intrigued to lean forward as well.

“Well then, do you have any wish in particular?” Naeun leaned forward, steady, her eyes never once left Jongin’s warm gaze. Copying his sitting style, Naeun was also crossing her legs whilst holding her chin in one hand when she added, “I shall do my best to present a fair condition to you.”

“I do, as a matter of fact.”

“Say it.”

“Don’t ever get yourself involved with Minhyuk again.”

IF those warning didn’t sound like a jealous man to his woman then Naeun didn’t know what else to think. But it was pretty absurd too to simply make blind guesses like that. Jongin was probably genuinely worried about her, and she needed to in fact be grateful about it that someone would still care for her being.

There’s just no way in hell he has some sort of romantic feelings for her. That guy can’t even stand still for 10 seconds without picking up a fight with her.

No way.

“No way,” Naeun mumbled to herself, pulling the blanket away from her face. Strands of hair swept down her face and she quickly blew it off to set her face free. She was buried deep like a human burrito underneath the thick comforting blanker, tucking herself perfectly. She tossed around, bored because she was not yet sleepy, but the time was getting late and she thought she should just force her eyes to sleep in but it didn’t work, which ultimately led her to fall into strange things that could have happened at the wedding today.

For instance, if Minhyuk’s crazy twisted girlfriend didn’t come to ruin the wedding, she would now be in Minhyuk’s bed, not Jongin’s and, ugh – she didn’t even want to think what could happen next.

No freaking way I’m sleeping with that lowlife. I’d rather lock myself in the bathroom and sleep on the cold floor.

Or, if she didn’t come find Jongin after the wedding disaster, maybe she would wound up alone in her apartment, crying herself to bed listening to Frank Sinatra or Yiruma. Kleenex would be over by now, and she might be dragging her tired feet to the kitchen just to pour herself some water. She’d be miserable over some guy who didn’t even deserve to be cried over.

And many other things that could happen if something somewhere didn’t go like how it was supposed to were playing through her mind like movie scenes, and it has worked to slowly drift her tired mind into sleep. Naeun was fighting to stay awake, eager and scared of what might come for her tomorrow, but the sweet musk smell on Jongin’s pillow that brought her to the night where they kissed has gradually made her fighting effort worthless. She hugged the pillow tighter, burying herself around the blanker as she buried her face in and slept like a baby.

Good night Jongin.

And thank you for everything. And I guess you’re not that big of a jerk.

JONGIN put down his hand phone after finished leveling up in fighting game before staring helplessly into the dull clock on the wall.

1:29 AM.

He got up from the couch, fixed the back of his head as he pressed her stood up hair flat and naturally walked over to his bedroom. He couldn’t sleep without his sleeping pillow that once belonged to Taemin, and he figured maybe he should trouble Naeun to let him have that particular pillow, or he might just bother Naeun with unnecessary midnight talk about life and s it brings.

Jongin sighed, hating himself for being a baby, and approached his room in a calm manner. If Naeun has fallen asleep then everything would go on a lot smoother. He could just pull the pillow out and be on his way to dreamland in no time.

Jongin knocked twice, after long time of heavy silence, he clicked the handle and squeaked the door open ajar. He poked through, and was surprised to see Naeun’s one foot dangling freely outside the bed while the other foot was resting cozily on top of a pillow. He laughed dryly, amused, and proceeded to walk inside to get close to the bed. He hung his hands on the hips, thinking what he should to do to grab that one pillow that Naeun was hugging ever so tightly.

I already gave you the whole bed. Just let me have that one pillow. Please.

Jongin found this situation oddly funny. Here he was, standing in his room, in front of his bed, making a scheme on how to grab his pillow without waking this pitiful guest up, and not create any more unwanted drama of course. God knows what would come across her mind if she wakes up to find him towering over her like that in the dark.

He might get charged to attempted .

Jongin took a deep breathe in, letting out a big sigh as he pulled himself together and climbed the bed carefully without making too much movement or noise. He was suppressing his breathe, his lip shut in a line and his strong hand were supporting the weight of his upper body greatly.

Jongin drew a hand forward and reached for the end of the pillow and pulled it softly with him. Naeun was stirred in her sleep from the pull, but she was not awake. Jongin tried to remain calm and composed as he went on pulling the pillow away from Naeun’s grip.

One more pull and the pillow finally slipped away from her embrace. Naeun made a soft moan, and stirred deeper in her sleep. Her hands naturally moved around to grab something to hug and Jongin was instinctive to grab the pillow under her feet and gave it to her. She gave a small smile and pulled the pillow close to her face and sank in it. Jongin couldn’t help but to smile as well before moving back to get off the bed. He shook his head, amazed at the little hugger in his bed, and went out to the couch.

Have a sweet dream, boss. You kinda deserve it after what happened to you today. And sorry for the pillow. I’ll lend it to you some other time – if there is another time.

And thank you for trusting me. It makes me feel worthwhile as a human being.

THEN

JULY 2014

TAEMIN stole a timid glance at Jongin who was lying down next to him, half sleeping on the floor, thin blanket covering their backs. Taemin pulled a blanket and tucked his best friend comfortingly before tucking himself in. The pair was sleeping together because Jongin was having nightmare of his parents’ car accident.

“What did you do today, Jongin?” Taemin asked suddenly, startling Jongin who was beginning to fall asleep.

“What do you mean? Like my daily activity today?”

“No. I mean, like, what did you do today that you got a dream about your parents? And you know the last time you got’em was like when you were 11 or something.”

“I guess people don’t easily erase that dark memory of their life, Taemin.”

“I never asked you to erase them.  I just wish you to not dwell in them anymore. You should only remember the good part.”

“I was 3. I don’t remember any bad or good part.”

“There should be something. I still remember how delicious my mom baked me my favorite fish bread. Maybe on a good day you might suddenly remember them. At least that’s how I got mine.”

“That’s good. You’re lucky to have that memory.”

Taemin was quiet, and his silence sent a sudden shiver down Jongin’s spine. He never liked it when Taemin got quiet in the middle of their conversation.

“I can leave you some good memory to leave behind, Jongin,” Taemin’s voice was weak and soft but they both knew in that silence his words were clearer than blue sky overhead on a bright summer day.

Jongin was sighing, and chuckling by the time Taemin was done talking, and he was again pulled into a numb world where everything was so painful he didn’t mind letting his painful memories twisting their vines around his body. He succumbed to the pain, and forgot how to feel happy again.

Jongin didn’t realize tears were falling off his cheeks so he closed his eyes and turned his back on Taemin.

“Go to sleep now. Sweet dream, man,” Jongin's voice muffled, and hugged his poor soul to sleep.

NOW

APRIL 2017

NAEUN was getting nervous and scared but she braced to shake Jongin who was drenched in cold sweats in his white shirt.

“WAKE UP JONGIN OH MY GOD STOP SCARING THE LIFE OUTTA ME!” Naeun was hitting Jongin on his cheeks, patting them lightly to wake him up but Jongin was still engulfed in his own nightmares and Naeun’s yelling didn’t seem to work on him.

“YAH!” Naeun was too scared by the time Jongin was flailing his arms midair that she accidentally slapped Jongin hard across his face. The mumbling finally stopped, and she finally saw Jongin’s lifeless eyes came to life.

She reached forward, reflex, and gave him a big relieving embrace, suffocating him and, sending Jongin into a state of confusion.

“Oh my God, Jongin, are you alright?” She was asking breathlessly but Jongin was still very confused to even open his mouth.

“You were having a bad dream, and sleep-talking, and oh my God, are you alright?” Naeun was genuinely worried as she showered him with abundance of questions whilst keeping her arms locked around his shoulder.

“What- happened?”

Naeun moved back, embarrassed, and took a seat next to Jongin, but she was still not tearing her gaze off him.

“Are you alright?”

Jongin looked around, and realized he was wet in his shirt, and the morning was still far to come. He glanced at the clock and sighed. It was 3.20 AM and the night outside the window was the exceptionally very dark.

“Was I-“

“You were sleep-talking. You were saying something but I could not make it out. What were you dreaming of? Do you want to sleep on your bed? I don’t mind sleeping on the couch. I can sleep on the couch. Maybe I should. C’mon, let's get you back into your room.” Naeun was talking too fast Jongin wondered was his condition that bad that Naeun thought of rapping to convey her message, because if that’s the case he felt bad having to disturb her night sleep.

“I’m fine,” Jongin smiled shortly, and hugged the pillow he took earlier from his bed.

Naeun drew her hand forward and grabbed Jongin’s hair to pull him up. “Don’t be ridiculous. You need to change into a fresh shirt and get a good night sleep. Jongin, I cannot sleep on your bed anymore after finding out your condition. I would feel guilty.”

“It was just a nightmare.”

“You don’t look too good. Jongin, you’re pale as a fricking ghost.”

“I just need a glass of water-”

Jongin didn’t get to end his sentence but Naeun was already sprinting off to her feet and dashed towards the kitchen to pour Jongin some water. He was surprised but was glad to have someone that night anyway.

“Drink this,” Naeun said, sticking close to Jongin after she has returned from the kitchen with a glass of cold drink. “Do you need something to eat too?”

“Thank you, but no.” Jongin put down the glass and glanced awkwardly at Naeun who looked super conscious of his physical state.

“You’re making me uncomfortable,” he blurted out mindlessly.

“I was worried.” Naeun didn’t mind Jongin’s words, and it didn’t offend her. She reached forward and felt Jongin’s forehead. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure?”

“Totally.”

“D’you need anything else?”

“I’m fine.”

“Then let’s go to bed. Can you sleep? Do you want to sleep?”

“Naeun,” Jongin pressed his word slightly. “Stop. You’re getting paranoid. I’m doing fine. Relax.”

“I can’t relax. Did you get nightmare from sleeping on your couch? Of course you did. You should not sleep on your couch. You should-”

“Naeun!” Jongin exclaimed, and his stern voice surprised Naeun, and even himself. “Take a deep breath. Count with me. 1..2..3..”

Naeun followed along, gaping air in to her lungs on his count.

“Let it out.”

She let it out.

“In.”

She inhaled again, calmly.

“Out.”

“Okay,” Naeun managed in a more composed manner as she breathed out.

“Are you alright?” Jongin used Naeun’s question on her now. “Drink this,” Jongin grabbed back his drink and offered it to Naeun. She took it obediently like a little child and took a small sip.

“It’s cold,” she shrieked, slightly jumped. Funny how easily the tables have turned.

“Are you alright? Jongin repeated.

“Yeah.”

Jongin smiled, and shook his head. “I’m sorry I freaked you out. Jesus, lessons learnt.”

“This is not funny.”

“It’s supposed to be serious, I know, but you’re making it funny, Naeun.”

“I was worried about you. You looked really, really scared in your dream and I couldn’t wake you up.”

“I’m sorry I freaked you out.”

“Stop saying things twice.”

“I don’t know what else to say. I just want you to stop worrying.”

Naeun looked at Jongin, and he still saw how terrified she looked and it sort of made Jongin felt relieved to have found an honest person like Naeun in his life. Her big eyes were wondrous and beautiful underneath the lightless night.

“C’mon,” Jongin said, pulling Naeun with him to the bed. “Let’s get you tucked in.”

Naeun nodded, and smiled as she followed behind, her hand perfectly warm in his own.

“Are you sleeping on the couch?”

“Yep.”

“Jongin,” she called, persistent on keeping Jongin off the couch.

But it was not about the couch, Jongin thought, it was about the part of his memory he can’t seem to move on from.

“Don’t worry,” Jongin said gently. “I’ll stay until you’ve fallen asleep.”

“That should’ve been my line. I caused you nightmares."

Jongin smiled, snorted on Naeun’s wild guess, but he decided to let Naeun think that way. He always felt that was easier than an explanation. But something was tugging inside at his heart, so he clenched his hand hold with Naeun to reassure Naeun, and also himself that he was doing fine.

That’s not true. You don’t like someone who’s capable of giving anyone nightmares, Naeun.

***

(keeping head down in embarassment)

I know I have given you my word (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) because I said I would post up a new chapter last week but I failed. I was busy but that's an old excuse:(((

I AM SO SORRY

(leaves) (head still down)