NOW

MARCH 2017

JONGIN remembered it all well everything that Naeun told him this morning at work, and how her eyes looked like when they were holding his gaze and spilled out what has been waiting to come out. He didn’t say anything back afterwards, and his silence ended their conversation for the day. He wanted to wish her good luck, and all the good wishes in the world but when he has turned around to leave, he couldn’t find the strength to stop and turn back to her anymore. He didn’t know why he was acting that way, but he never felt so disappointed in his entire life.

He was sitting at his desk in his bedroom, and the windows were all open to welcome the cool night wind into his room. He felt suffocated that particular night, and he thought if he crack open some windows he would be fine, but the heavy lump tugging down his throat still messed with his breathing.

Jongin got up, taking with him the letters that Taemin left behind that haven’t been touched by him after some weeks. Lately, Taemin hasn’t been coming into his head, so he was fine with not keeping up with the letters, but tonight was different. He missed his best friend so much and was eager to find out more about his final days.

He walked out into the balcony, leaning his back against the cold beam and tore open the envelope that sealed the perfectly intact piece of white paper.  He looked down to the neatly written words and began reading through them with full anticipation.

July 21st - 10.00 PM

 I was very happy we had our first date, I'm sorry the dinner wasn't all fancy and up to your delicate taste, but when you told me you could feel my sincerity and thanked me anyway, I couldn't be happier and thankful to be with someone so lovely as you.

 That's one of your many beautiful sides that I like about you. I also like how humble you are, and your endless kindness. And you'd always ask how I'm doing in your caring and warm tone. Sometimes it melts me, y'know, you pouting your mouth and being all adorable when you talk to me.

 I think I'm losing it.

 When I got home today, all I could think of the dinner I bought you - hamburger with Iced Americano - and I can't help but to mock myself. I should've treated you better. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better on our second date, hopefully, and many more dates to come.

 And our first kiss - thank you for trusting me. I love you.

Love always, Taemin.

Jongin’s lips twisted, scoffing in shock when he reached the final part of the letter, and looked up to the vast night sky, bright moon holding the beautiful twinkling stars.

“You’re ing crazy, y’know that Taemin-ah?! If you could be this happy when you’re with this girl, whose name you didn’t mention once, how could you still think of ending your life? Did she leave you for some other guy? Did she break your heart so badly that it’s worth to take away your own life?! Wow-” Jongin was shouting to the night sky, but the quiet reply made he feel even worse.

“You are the most selfish son of a I’ve ever known.”

NAEUN was mesmerized by the grand interior design of Kyungdong Presbyterian Church. The old church built in 1981 was made of roughly cut bricks in the shape of hands clasped in prayer. Naeun, Sofia and Minhyuk’s mother, Joseok, who specially flew in from Hong Kong for the visit, were gathered inside the man chapel, accompanied by the head minister in charge.

They were looking around the church, the big cross shone underneath the skylight, and the windowless unique building accentuated the whole scenery of the big hall’s cross and the all-bricks wall of the chapel looked as though they were all inside all fortress.

“This place is magnificent,” Joseok naturally complimented, looking at the minister in awe. “I never thought the inside would look this beautiful.”

“Won’t it be a bit stuffy without the window? We certainly need the air circulation during the wedding, right? And how many people you told me that can fit in this hall?”

“Approximately 300, which is a number some people consider small, but I’d like to think that maybe 300 seats are perfect for closet relatives and friends only. Once they’re done with the ‘I do’s most guests would celebrate the rest of the wedding day at the hotels or banquet halls where they  can fit more people on the guest list,” the head minister, Father Seo simply answered with hands gesture moving mildly about the air. “And, despite being windowless, the air circulation works just fine. We have the skylight pouring down on the main chapel’s cross, and this will give exclusive light exposure only on the bride and groom when they both stand before the cross in the holy matrimony.”

All the three guest look across the cross in perfect synch when Father Seo signaled towards the cross. Naeun could already picture her and MInhyuk, standing before the cross and the priest, listening to the holy words of wedding before saying ‘I do’. Her tummy tightened at the scene that would take place less than a week, and already, Naeun was covered in cold sweats.

Can I do this?

“Are you okay, honey?” Sofia’s sudden question startled Naeun, and both Joseok and Father Seo turned to face Naeun, making her head shrink in fear.

Naeun smiled her nervousness away, and shook her hand gently. “I’m just scared.”

“Oh that’s what they all feel before the wedding. Don’t you worry, girl,” Joseok chortled, thinking how cute Naeun was being all scaredy cat. “Your parents and I will do everything to make sure everything is working smoothly. All you gotta do now is take care of your health, and get enough rest. You know how wedding days are usually more tiring for the brides than any of us.”

Naeun smiled weakly, looking away at the big cross across the hall and silently praying for strength and determination.

JONGIN walked hurriedly into the hotel’s café the following morning and realized he was running late – 20 minute late – and he was scared if Naeun might think he was being way too comfortable around her, so he ordered a freshly brewed morning coffee for Naeun and a box of dark chocolate macaroons to make it up to her.

It’s been weeks but he sure did remember her favorite.

His orders were all done 10 minutes later, and after he has paid for them, he got out of the café and began walking into hotel’s lobby. Jongin smiled instinctively when he saw Soojung was just arriving as well. She waved at him and ran up to walk beside him.

“What’s that in your hands?” Soojung asked casually, fixing her strap bag carefully around her one shoulder.

“Macaroons.”

Soojung smiled as her hand naturally drew forward and pressed the open button for elevator.

“Oh did you know our CEO’s daughter is getting married this weekend? Too bad we can’t attend her crazy fancy wedding because it clashes with our training day. I really wanted to meet her in person though. A friend in my office told me that she’s just our age. Can you believe that?”

Jongin’s expression stiffened, and he was choked on his own stupidity and carelessness. It finally dawned on him that his effort to cool her down would be futile because she has stopped going into work starting today. He looked down to the box in his hand and sighed heavily.

“Uh-huh,” Jongin snickered. “She is our age alright.”

“Those macaroons smell great by the way. Where did tell me you buy them at?”

“I didn’t,” Jongin dismissed coolly, but his speech was cut short when the elevator finally arrived. They both stepped in and pressed respective floor.

“Wait - you work under the CEO’s daughter, right?” Soojung asked again, uncertain.

“Not this week apparently.”

“Huh?”

“Hey,” Jongin smiled quickly. “Do you want these?” He held up the box to Soojung, raising both perfectly arched brows at his fellow classmate.

“Huh?”

“It’s okay. You can have’m.  I don’t feel like eating them anymore.”

“Are you sure, Kim Jongin?” Soojung asked, mumbling in hesitant.

“Yeah,” Jongin nodded. “I’m sure. Do you drink black coffee? Do you want it too?”

Soojung blinked her eyes twice at Jongin, finding Jongin’s sudden generous act strange and rather fishy.

“Are you sure? Wait – why did you buy all these food in the first place? You're not gonna eat this?"”

“No,” Jongin smiled awkwardly. 

IT was only 1.00 PM but Naeun was already tired and all of her energy was draining as time passed. Sofia and Joseok have planned out the whole day for her and she was hopeless of making any excuse to bail, and has no other option but to follow suit.

They were out early in the morning for breakfast at the local eatery, then they were out to Grand Hyatt Hotel to confirm some final words regarding the ball the night after the wedding matrimony that will take place that morning, and did some last minute order at  Junhyung’s Limousine Rental and Services where they picked out a white Great Wall Hover Pi  limousine, and settled the deposit of KRW543, 656 there and then, cash.

Next they would go to Ines di Santo Bridal Boutique to pick up Naeun’s wedding dress, but their hopes were in despair as her dress would only arrive later that night from America, in which Joseok took advantage of this situation to ask his son to accompany Naeun tonight to pick up the dress.

“Okay,” Naeun forced out bitterly. “I can go with him.”

It was 2.30 PM and Sofia suggested them all to have a lunch at Paolo de Maria, the truest Italian restaurant in the whole Republic of Korea.

“It’s on me,” Sofia said happily, ecstatic and energetic from all the tour she did since the morning. “You’re gonna leave for Hong Kong tonight and I thought I should at least introduce you to Naeun’s favorite Italian restaurant.”

“You know we would still have time to explore Naeun’s list of favorite things after the wedding,” Joseok joked kindly, and Sofia took the remark lightheartedly.

Except for Naeun –she was fretting behind their backs, and faked a smile when they glanced at her.

When are we going home?

Why do you old people have to click so well?

Not to mention your energy last longer than mine.

Sheesh.

“NAEUN may have been super soft and lenient to you, but from this week on I will have to change that. Is that clear?” The man wearing a full formal suit, jet black hair waxed in neatly combed side parting hairstyle said proudly, fixing his shiny grey tie with one hand.

Jongin did not like the confidence this middle aged man exuded, but he was merely an intern, and wa s no match to a guy like hm. Jongin has been staring down at the floor since he was first called in because this man found Jongin’s deadly stare was rude and disrespectful.

“Crystal.”

“Crystal what?”

“Crystal, sir,” Jongin gritted his teeth, shooting a breath of air, fuming.

“Is that a grunt I’m hearing? Did you just express your dissatisfaction over me and my ways of handling you?”

“No, sir,” Jongin denied calmly. “I was rather- taken back.”

“Don’t act so smart,” the man named Jongkook pressed his words unerringly, sounding like he has something bad in store for Jongin, and that Jongin should watch his back or he will fall down and crumble to pieces. “You got nothing on me, kid.”

Jongin shut his mouth in a tight line, his gaze fluttered up at Jongkook in fury, but neither of them cared to break the drumming silence that lingered between them.

MINHYUK made a swift turn to the right, driving into Bada Street to go back to Naeun’s bridal boutique to pick up her wedding dress.

“My mom really likes you,” Minhyuk said in slightly surprised tone. “I didn’t expect that, to be quite honest.”

Naeun turned to Minhyuk slightly and shrugged as she looked back to the front.

“I hope she means it,” Naeun said blankly. “Sometimes I feel like she was just pushing it.”

“Yah-” Minhyuk snapped harshly, glaring at his fiancé from the corner of his eyes. “Watch your freaking language. This better be your last time talking like that, or you’re gonna get it from me.”

Naeun’s heart raced instantly upon the threat Minhyuk gave her, but she showed no sign of retreat.

“I’m just saying what I feel. You don’t have to take it personally.”

“Would you like it if I say the same thing about your mom?”

“My mom sincerely likes you. Don’t worry about that.”

“Yah Son Naeun, what’s wrong with you today? I get that you don’t like me, and the idea of us getting married sickens you but guess what? You don’t have any power to change that. And whether you like it not, you’re gonna get married to me, and will live the rest of your life being my devoted wife.”

Deep inside, she was utterly disgusted at the thought of spending the rest of her life with someone she doesn’t love, and would never love her back, but that was price they both have to pay when Naeun’s dad joined business with Minhyuk’s dad 2 years ago. Who knew such small decision could alter someone’s life completely different?

“And I want you to quit your job at the hotel and come work with my company instead,” Minhyuk said calmly, and the words sounded more like a statement rather than a favor.

Naeun turned to face Minhyuk quickly, hey eyes widened in shock. “What?”

“You heard me. I want you to quit your job at your hotel, and come work with me instead. I don’t want my wife to help growing her family’s business even more when her own husband’s company is still struggling. I could use your influence to attract more important clients.”

“Are you drunk? Is that drunk-talk you’re giving me, Minhyuk? ‘Cuz I find that rather amusing.”

“You know I’m serious.”

Naeun's frown grew deep, and released a  grunt from her lips as she crossed her arms, throwing an angry look outside the window.

“No,” she declined firmly. “No means no, and you can’t make me change my mind any more.”

Minhyuk smirks, feeling challenged as he continued to speed on  the driveway.

“We’ll see if that’s true or not, honey.”

A lot were going on through Jongin’s mind later that night. He was laying down on his down, both hands pillowing his head as he stared up to the white ceiling above. It was quiet, a good kind, and Jongin couldn’t help but to reminisce of old times, when his biggest worry was not about his future, but about his present.

He remembered Taemin asking him to go spend the rest of the last day of school in amusement park, down Jangmi Street, and when they bought their first movie tickets together the next day, watching 18-sx rated movie illegally from a help of neighbourhood hyung, and cycling around Seoul city at night until 4 in the morning. He remembered all the good times in his life, and realized all of them contained traces of Taemin and his cheeky smile.

Jongin slowly drifted into sleep that night, carrying with him only wonderful moments with his best friends.

He deserved at least that.

MAYBE if Naeun said her stomach was hurting from last night supper her mother would dismiss her from today’s wedding preparation, but she was completely mistaken.

“No worry, honey,” Sofia beamed as she cupped her daughter’s cheeks endearingly. “We won’t be going out today until your father comes home. We've  decided to try all the cuisine prepared for the wedding day and the night ball today. And we're gonna pick out some wines too.”

“Are you sure eating more food would help me with my stomachache?”

“Don’t worry. I will ask Junra to bring in some cold medicine for you and by the time your father gets home, your pain will be gone.”

“Yeah, but I don’t have cold.”

“Trust me, honey,” Sofia smiled again. “I know better.”

The problem is, you think you do but you don’t.

And that was basically how most of her final days as a single woman passed – food tasting, struck off the list. Dress-fitting, struck off the list. Shoes fitting, struck off the list. Ring bearer, picked, and struck off the list. And the list went on and one, and more strikes were made as days passed on.

She thought she could be a good daughter and endure it all willingly, bitter or not, hard or not. But during their regular dinner time, Jihoo somehow decided to talk about Naeun’s future after the wedding.

“Nothing is going to change,” Naeun said reassuringly. “I will continue to work at the hotel, and Minhyuk will keep doing what he’s doing right now. Expanding his business, travel across the country, and that’s pretty much it.”

“That’s not very ideal, Naeun,” Jihoo stated firmly, his gaze never lifted from his platter. “A wife should always be by her husband’s side.”

“What are you implying, dad?” Naeun paused her dinner, and looked up to her aging dad. And when she realized the fine lines that were forming around his dad’s nose and lips – a sign of old-aging – Naeun realized how much she didn’t want to live her life blindly, oblivious of the beautiful things around and only look forward.

“I want you to quit your job once you’re married. It’d be nice if you could spend the rest of your married life attending to you husband’s needs.”

“You want me to what?” Naeun asked mockingly. “No way, dad. Wait - did Minhyuk tell you to do this?”

“Don’t be rude, Naeun,” Jihoo reprimanded, giving intense glare at her shaking daughter. The good dinner mood seemed to have been spoilt when Jihoo dropped his cutleries.

“I’m not being rude, dad,” Naeun said, enraged. “I was just asking!”

“Naeun, stop,” Sofia grabbed a hold of Naeun’s hand and squeezed it tight. “Apologize to your dad now, come on.”

Naeun turned to her mother in turn, and diverted her gaze back to his fuming dad.

Oh wow. You guys and your flawless teamwork, like always.

“Dad, ever since I was small I have been so loyal, and heeding of all your commands. Naeun, keep your grades up. Naeun, stay with the elite packs. Naeun, don’t do that. Naeun, don’t do this - everything that you asked of me, I did it without having the smallest space of reluctance in my heart, even when you ask me to marry someone I never knew my entire life, I did not question your desicion and said yes.. But for just this once dad, when I say no, why can’t you consider that for me? Don’t I matter to you, dad? Do you have any space in your heart wanting me to at least do one thing in my life that I am actually happy with?!”

Jihoo was deeply astounded to see Naeun behave that way. He never knew Naeun has that side of her, the one she obviously never showed before. He wanted to keep calm, and dismissed her daughter like he usually did every time Naeun asked for something impossible from him, but his heart was racing wildly, and seeing the frustrated look carve across Naeun’s delicate face made him wonder if Naeun meant every word she just said.

“Just go to your room, now,” Jihoo said calmly, and got up from his seat right away.

NAEUN was very broken, but gradually, as time passed, she wondered if his dad was doing alright after her random outburst at the dinner just now.

She has been tossing left and right on her bed, but she couldn’t sleep even a wink. She would occasionally stretch on the bed, pulling her stiff muscle into weird positions she used to master, hoping that light exercise would tire her out and force her to sleep instead.

But that failed, and now she was sweating like a pig in the middle of the night.

Real genius there, Son Naeun.

If Jongin saw you he would’ve mocked you ten times harder.

Jongin’s face suddenly came floating around into her mind and she was then curious of his progress at workplace these few days. It’s been three days since she last saw him, and she kind of missed him throwing cruel sarcasms at her.

Wait what –

Omo I must be crazy.

Yah Son Naeun, you need to pull yourself together.

You should be thinking of how you should apologize to your old man after your crazy outburst, not be thinking that jerk who’s probably forgotten how to pronounce your name.

But he’s so cute when he stuttered with names.

Omo – I really am crazy.

*****

You should know sometimes poeple fail to keep their words, not because they didn't try at all but because they didn't try hard enough.

I' m sorry.

Have a nice day~~~ :)