NOW

MARCH 2017

JONGIN remembered being in a bad place when he was still a kid. He was casually placed from one home to another; from one family to another until he was sent back to the shelter out of ‘compulsive and resistant behavior’ and met Taemin. He remembered the small excited kid gawking down the last chunk of meatloaf.

He made him smile.

“Hi,” Taemin asked brightly when Brother Kang made Jongin sat across him for some lunch. Jongin was just getting off the interview about his next possible foster home. Kids were only as popular when they were still small and cute. Older kids usually became permanent resident of the home shelter and would only leave the home shelter after they turned 16.

“Hey,” Jongin’s voice cracked and hoarse. The awkward greeting made Jongin felt a little jumpy. He never had any real friends before because he liked being alone, but the sparkle and innocence in Taemin’s eyes caught him off-guard. How could someone be this happy when he has no family?

“I’m Taemin,” Taemin asked, fine white crumbs were splattered around his chubby cheeks.  “And you?”

“What happened to you?” Rather than wanting to know what this kid’s name was, Jongin was more eager to find out his story.

“How old are you?” Taemin diverted off-topic and made Jongin speechless. He frowned before answering ‘10’.

“Cool. I’m 11.”

“Why do you want to know my age?”

“I wanted to make sure if you would actually understand what happened to me if I told you.”

Jongin fell silence, as though words that had formed in his head earlier had drifted off like a cigarette smoke. Jongin looked at Taemin and he instantly fell for his charming little smile.

“I’m Jongin.”

“Hey Jongin,” Taemin lifted his head coolly and pushed his banana milk at his new friend. “You can have it. I don’t like banana milk.”

Jongin grinned a bit before pushing it back forward towards Taemin. “Neither do I.”

“Cool,” Taemin commented out of the blue as he pushed the milk away. “We have one thing in common.”

And that day was one of many days they found out  the list of common things they have about each other.

Those days had to come to an end, unfortunately, because when Jongin was excited to show Taemin his plea for enrollment into local university has been accepted, Taemin was nuzzling the tip of the gun at his temple.

He cried when he first heard the shot, not because he was shocked – but because he didn’t know how to carry on from there.

Jongin forced open his eyes that night – the night after he and Naeun went to the amusement park and he received two magic coupons from Naeun for being nice to her -  and he looked around his dimly lit room and realized the rain was battering harshly against the glass window on his right.

Jongin wiped his tears and got up from his bed.

SEHUN was still catching his breath when he first arrived at the playground after receiving a phone call from Jongin. He was surprised when Jongin said he missed Taemin so badly that he still saw him, smiling at him after he woke up from the dream. Sehun was worried that he only threw on a layer of thin sweater on top of his pair of pajamas to rush to the playground he and Taemin used to play when they were kids.

“Yah Kim Jongin!” Sehun yelled when he first sighted Jongin. He was on the swings, blankly pushed his feet against the ground for a little rocking.

“I swear to God-” Sehun paused with a gasp when he saw Jongin was red-faced, welling eyes staring into black emptiness in front of his, Sehun fell to his knees instantly right in front of Jongin and took him in for a warm embrace. Sehun gave two or three soft pats on his shoulder to calm him down. “What are you doing- crying at 2.30 AM in the morning, man?”

Jongin did not say anything back to Sehun. He hugged Sehun back as he threw his arms around the shoulders and buried his face.

“Please stop crying,” Sehun said weakly, and he was scared of his own cracking voice. “Did you have a bad dream again?”

Jongin shook his head ‘no’ and continued to squeeze Sehun tighter to ward off the severe cold breeze.

“What happened?”

“I dreamt of him – Taemin I mean,” Jongin finally spoke as he tore his hands off of Sehun but his voice was very soft Sehun thought he had imagined hearing it. “And the good part is that it was not a nightmare.”

“Jongin,” Sehun mused. “It has been some time since you last dreamt of him. Have been thinking a lot about Taemin lately?”

Jongin shrugged as he pulled the edge of his sleeves closer to his skin. “I don’t know. I did think of him sometimes, but I haven’t been dreaming about him. Maybe because I went to the amusement park and it kinda just triggered every good memories of him.”

“What?”

“Well I went to the amusement park Taemin and I used to go all the time after we finished high school this evening. And then when I got home, I felt very strange inside - an unsettling feeling that I couldn’t get rid of. It was very disturbing. I thought it would go away after I sleep, but it didn’t.”

“Oh boy,” Sehun gasped expectantly. “Well, what did you see in your dream? Did you hear the gunshot?”

“No. There was not gunshot or blood or anything bad,” Jongin stifled a thin smile that almost looked relieving across his handsome feature. “There was him, and me, together. I saw him, and I was sure it was the very first day we met. It was very natural, and I did not know I was still capable of dreaming something nice about him.”

 “Yeah?” Sehun smiled kindly, and his eyes began to well. Jongin always looked like a vulnerable little piece of clear glass when he talked about Taemin but something about the lifelessness in his cold eyes that sometimes made Sehun wonder why Jongin looked like a stranger.

“Yeah,” Jongin chuckled and his left hand brushed the remaining teardrops beaded on his cheeks. “And I just really, really miss him tonight. But it makes me feel very hollow too, and I don’t know to make it go away.”

“Jongin,” Sehun called in a sad voice- even sadder that Jongin himself – and it made Jongin felt bad because maybe his behavior has actually troubled Sehun. “Do you wanna go visit him tomorrow morning? You and I, together. We’ll buy some soju and have a nice little talk with him tomorrow. Okay?”

Jongin held back his sobs and nodded his head like a little child, eyes looking at Sehun with purpose. “It’s been awhile, Sehun. I’m – scared.”

“Jongin, I’ll be with you.” Sehun drew his hand forward and gave a bracing squeeze at Jongin’s cold hand.

Jongin lifted his cold gaze and was stunned momentarily because Taemin used to promise him the exact same thing until he decided to go back on his words and kill himself.

“It’s okay.” Jongin shook his head slightly. “I think I wanna go alone.”

“Will you be alright?”

“I will,” Jongin said with shrug. “Maybe.”

“Okay. Fine. But I need you to promise me one thing first.”

“What?”

“If you ever had another dream of Taemin, good or bad, promise me you won’t go outside. Stay in your room and call me. I’ll be there. Just – don’t go out, okay? It’s ing cold out here.”

“Okay,” Jongin half giggled when he saw Sehun cracking up at his silly confession and nodded as he got off the swings. “I promise.”

“Let’s go home, buddy.” Sehun flung one arm around Jongin’s shoulder and smiled pleasantly at his friend. “If someone sees us, they might think we’re gays.”

"Yeah, let's not let that happen."

THE boutique was very quiet and calm – the kind of atmosphere Naeun appreciated after receiving countless phone calls from Minhyuk this morning and not to mention the creepy angry texts too.

‘Why didn’t you pick up your phone?’

‘Honey, please. Pick up the damn phone.’

‘Shouldn’t you be turning off your ing phone if you didn’t want to take any calls? Seriously Son Nauen pick up your damn phone.’

‘Naeun, I’m done playing this crappy game with you. C’mon now, pick up your ing phone or else.’

‘Yah! Pick that piece of up! You do not wanna test my patience!

Naeun won’t deny the fact that her hands did tremble after reading all the psychotic texts from his hot-tempered fiancé but she needed to be firm about her feelings and she thought it would only be fair to not give in to him.

Jimin finally came in to the VIP waiting room carrying what seemed to be the dress Naeun had asked for a special hand-stitched tailor when she lifted her head, she was smiling brightly.

“Your dress is ready for fitting. Come with me please to the fitting room.”

Naeun lifted her chin and broke into a tiny kind smile. “Alright,” she nodded, taking her bag with her.

“Have you perhaps other substitutional dress for the ball, y’know, in case this size isn’t a bit off?” Jimin asked politely, an apologetic grin lifted at the corners of her peach tinted lips.

“Yeah, I do have some – 4 maybe. But I already wore one of them, so I have 3 options left. But I don’t the like the colors, a bit too vibrant for the ball.”

“Is it from our brand, if I may ask?”

“No,” Naeun shook her head. “They’re Stella McCartney and Dior.”

“I see.”

Naeun walked past the gentlemen section and saw the ready-made hand-sewn suits hooked proudly against the display wall.

ARMANI Fall/Winter 2017 Collection – the title read.

“Wait a minute,” Naeun called for Jimin and smiled at her before walking over to the suit aisles. Se extended her hand out to feel the material.

“Is this brand new?” Naeun asked, scarlet tipped finger danced smoothly around the soft wool of the sleeve. She observed the black color and imagined what it would be like to wear a champagne colored dress alongside a black, single ed suit.

“It is indeed,” Jimin smiled as she took the hanger off the rack. “This is Emporio Armani iridescent wool suit, and it comes into two colors- dark blue and pure black.”

“Iridescent wool?”

“Yeah. It has less twist to the thread, but only slightly, because our goal is to make it more cold-bearable for the winter season. They also do not wrinkle easily as compared to other high-twisted wool, and they travel rather particularly well. You can wear more often in this type of wool and you don’t have to worry about the pressing because it takes hardly any effort.”

“I see. How much is one pair?”

“Approximately KRW 165, 564, 00.”

Naeun pouted and began lifting up her hand above her head as though she was measuring someone’s height.

Is Jongin this tall…?

“Do you have a size for someone maybe this tall?”

Jimin looked at above her head and mused to think about the height that required her to throw back her head. “We do. That’s probably size 10, second tallest to all the sizes available.”

Naeun scoffed in disbelief. “He’s not that tall in real life if you see him.”

“Your fiancé?” Jimin’s smile was too awkward for Naeun that she had to avoid her eye contact.

“Yup,” Naeun drawled before walking away.  “So- fitting room, this way?”

JIHOO was leafing through the files on the update for this Friday night’s charity ball and held his chin in his hand when he fluttered up at his right-hand advisor, looking simply unamused.

“I thought we ordered an orchestral play. But I don’t see the name in the list of events. What happened to it?”

“We have in fact booked for the performance but they haven’t gotten back to us immediately so I thought it would be best to pull the play out. You daughter has somehow, agreed,” Pilgeun, Jihoon’s loyal wingman of 30 years (been working since he first graduated high school) stretched his buttoned-up collar for some air and gulped down in all nervousness. “-that we should instead have a theatrical play.”

“Excuse me?” Jihoo tilted his head sideway. “The charity ball is literally 2 nights away but why am I only informed of this matter now?”

“Because you just asked for the updates 1 minute ago?” Pilgeun then showcased his best grin to ease the tension in his boss’s heart. “Kidding, sir.”

“Details - now,” Jihoon slammed the file down and slouched back in his seat. He then lurched back forward in disbelief because his favorite band won’t be accompanying his dinner like every other year.

“So, Naeun thought that-” Pilgeun cleared his throat for the explanation but was stopped halfway because his boss was taking the news hard.

“GET ME NAEUN. NOW.” Jihoo exploded as he picked up the file again and threw it at his advisor. He had no patience thinking that he was powerless in managing his own dinner because her daughter pulled out his personally favorite band.

Pilgeun, battered and bruised (emotionally), fixed his slipping big framed glasses and hugged the file sadly, shoulders dropped as he looked up at his boss.

“I called her assistant before I came in to meet you, sir, and her assistant said that Naeun hasn’t got in-“

“WHAT?” Jihoo was heavy-breathing after roaring at his timid advisor; his pulse was racing out of control and he thought the vision of Pilgeun was multiplying in generous amount without any control when he looked at him in rage. His blood pressure’s condition never did well every time Naeun’s name was brought up.

“But it’s already 10.30 AM - exactly 1 hour and a half before the lunch break arrives and you’re telling me she is still outside the hotel- doing God-knows-what?”

Pilgeun wanted to nod so badly but he knew better than to mess with his boss’s head. “She’s probably on her way now. Traffics are bad these days.”

“Shut up, I beg of you-” Jihoo extended his arm and raised his point finger directly in Pilgeun’s sweaty face. “Call her, and tell her to come meet me right away after she’s arrived.”

“I will, sir.” Pilgeun slowly brought the files Jihoo threw earlier forward and placed it right on the table. “By the way, there some other things that Naeun added to the lists that I think you should worry more rather than the theatrical play, sir.”

“WHAT-”

Working for such a long time for Jihoo made Pilgeun realized that there are many more precious things in his life that he should not take granted of - for instance, his own dear life, which explained why Pilgeun decided to make a quick runaway for it after dropping the bomb.

“YAH! SONG PILGEUN GET YOUR BACK IN HERE!” Jihoo yelled immediately in surprise at Pilgeun but he was fast to spare himself from another scolding, and probably physical abuse that he dashed towards the door that was lay open for this kind of emergency escape. Feeling very hopeless and drained of all his energy, Jihoo slouched back into his cushiony seat, old hands rubbing at his pounding temples.

I must’ve been the cause of separation of Korea in my past life to deserve this kind of daughter.

JONGIN’S phone went off suddenly in his left pocket and he held his typing to answer the call. He frowned when he saw his boss’s name appeared as the caller’s name.

“What is it?” Jongin decided to drop the formality and greetings when it came to Naeun. He knew she has nothing informative to tell him anyway.

“Yah Kim Jongin!” Naeun scoffed off cynically. “Shouldn’t you start with greetings first?”

“You still haven’t gotten in the office. You’re totally dead because some guy named Pilgeun called me and asked about you.”

“Pilgeun?”

“Pilgeun,” Jongin repeated half-assedly. “Didn’t you hear me?”

“I heard you very well the first time, Jongin. I’m not deaf. I was just recalling who Pilgeun is.”

“He said he’s your dad’s advisor.”

Naeun was silent for some good seconds before snapping ‘’ at Jongin. “What did he say?”

“That you should get your over here as soon as possible because your dad might be looking for you after his meeting ended.”

“We have a meeting?”

“Oh dear,” Jongin sighed. “No, we don’t have any, Naeun. Your dad does, and by the look of it, it should have ended right now. And Pilgeun meant that maybe you dad wanted to see you after his meeting ended.”

“Oh…”

“Where are you anyway?”

“I’m on my way.”

“From home?”

“No,” Naeun denied quickly, feeling irritated at the judging tone of Jongin’s voice.

“From where then?”

“From none-of-your-damn-business, idiot.”

“Hahah-” Jongin jeered a dry laugh before ending his call suddenly.

Naeun was silent, again, exhaling her breath as calmly as possible before bringing her glossed lips to the end of the phone where the speaker was. “YOU RUDE JERK DAMMIT YOU KIM JONGIN I WILL ING CUT YOU IN PIECES IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN.”

Naeun then tossed her phone on the empty passenger seat next to her and wept as she crashed her forehead to the steering wheel whilst singing ever so forlornly to Magic’s Rude.

“WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO RUDE~ DON’T YOU KNOW I’M A HUMAN TOO~”

Naeun began wailing/crying ‘tear-free’ to the rest of the song that came through the radio right after she was done with her phone call.

Okay, the rest of the song probably did not speak for her case but she really felt it when the chorus arrived.

How do radios know my feeling so well?

“WHY CAN’T KIM JONGIN KNOW MY FEELINGS THIS WELL HE DIDN’T EVEN TRY HALF AS MUCH WHERE DOES THIS JERK COME FROM JEEZ”

Naeun choked on her made-up/non-existent sobs and wailed even louder when she thought about the Armani suit she booked for Jongin.

“I EVEN SPENT REAL MONEY ON HIM AND HE CAN’T EVEN SAY HI TO ME IN THE PHONE CALLS THAT RUDE JERK WHAT IS HIS PROBLEMS JUST WHY CAN’T HE BE A HUMAN WITH ING MANNERS”

***

I'm sorry for the late update T^T

Really really sorry T^T