He kissed me.

I stared blankly at the black frying pan, a spatula in my hands half extended uselessly to turn the mini hot dogs. The delicious greasy vapor had already started to wane towards a funnier sent, the weiners beginning to dull in a burnt grey. A couple minutes longer and I would be eating them charred. The pot of ramyun I had started wasn’t looking good either, the water hissing warningly as foam bubbles jumped up over the rim of the pot. After a moment’s thought I turned both stove tops off, staring at my concoctions distastefully.

He kissed me.

I pulled open the closet door, roaring the vacuum to life. Cleaning around the coffee table and on the spare rugs I started for Ha ri’s bedroom, only to notice I had walked the cord around the love seat twice.

He freaking kissed me.

I dropped onto the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. The analogue clock hanging by the door clicked steady against the quiet. I started counting along. One. Two. Three-

The front door opened.

“Lena I’m hom-” Ha ri dropped her purse, sniffing. “Did you try to cook again?!”

.

I stuffed a couch pillow over my face, then screamed.

KIM JONG IN YOU JERK!!!!!

Something banged against the wall and Ha ri ran into the living room, a neon pink baseball bat in her hands, one foot in a blue heel and the other bare.

“WHAT! WHAT HAPPENED-” She looked wildly around the room for a burglar, fire, or some other kind of disaster. I rolled onto the floor, the last whispers of my shrieks dying away in my throat.

“Wahee beff four!” I said.

“What?”

I lifted my head, a cloud of static hair over my face “Why can’t I be on the floor?”

She blinked at me “Are we not in danger?”

“Do I have to be on the ground for us to be in danger? What did the ground do wrong?! We’re the ones scuffing it with dirty socks and stinky feet!” I said, glowering at nothing. Ha ri stared as if I had grown another head. “My sanity is in danger of dying okay! It’s my sanity!” I cried, my face dropping back into the pillow.

“...this is why I tell you to never cook alone.” Danger apparently averted, Ha ri dropped the bat and threw her spare heel back to the front entrance. It landed with a clang.

I was distracted. Your cooking more then mine! Is what I wanted to say, but the only thing that came out was grumbled whines with the occasional screech.   

I was mad, just like I should’ve been. It was logical; I was only looking for friendship but Kai tried to pull a move. That queenka Yukiko painfully nailed the fact home. I should be angry and I was. But not completely.

Lena. If you can think so logically why is this suddenly complicated?!

If only I could answer my own question, because the longer I thought about it the more frustrated I was getting at myself. After I walked (ran) home, and all the shock and embarrassment calmed (not to say I didn’t feel it anymore, because I did) the confusion started to break in. The part of me that was mad was ever so slowly growing smaller. Why was it growing smaller.

Maybe I’m so deprived of pleasant social interaction I’m unconsciously lessening the blow.

No matter how unnerved I got around the kingkas I still knew I didn’t like Kai that way. But now I could so much as let my lids shut and his face would be there, golden eyes and grin in all.

Gold is not a natural color, and eyes don’t change color that fast. Wait, do they even change color?

I splayed a hand on the coffee table, blindly looking for my phone.

“Did you not even try to put the seasoning in the ramen before you quit?!” Ha ri scolded from the kitchen, flaring the mess of a stove top to life.

My fingers brushed across the cold square, and I gripped it “I know a lost cause when I see one.” I muttered mostly to myself. The home screen lit up, and to my surprise a text was listed from Xulian.

>Can I call a friend?

Sure, but it wasn’t going to be me.

>Earth to chingu, do you copy?

I stared at my phone blankly, the messages blinking up one after another.

>I’m back and you’re already gone. Lol

We just have bad timing huh?

Can I keep texting until you come back? Oh wait that’s what I’m doing now hehe

He was back too soon, I didn’t know what to say. A lot had happened and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to even begin explaining. It didn’t help that my phone bill was going to skyrocket if I tried texting in a foreign country.

“Le-na-chan!” Ha ri boomed in a cheery voice, dropping a suitcase next to my head. “Pack-be-fore-I-get-mad!” She was in full on cheerleader mode minus the pom poms. It was a miracle the neighbours hadn’t started banging on the walls.

I tried to roll onto my back, and hit the sofa with my side. “If I could take you I would.”

“If I had anymore sick days left you wouldn’t have a choice.” She responded, opening the door to my room. I could catch the sounds of her opening and closing my drawers, no doubt picking through for anything girly. “And it just had to be Japan too.”

“It’s not my fault you used them up. Sick days are meant for when you’re sick.”

“I miraculously healed.”

“It isn’t miraculous if it happened four times, the moment you walk out of the building.”

She shushed me, coming out with a strappy floral dress in her hands. “Didn’t I buy you this for your birthday?”

“Yeah.” That was approximately three years ago.

“How many times have you worn it?” Ha ri asked, raising a brow.    

I bit my lip “Do you want the truth or a lie-”

“Lie please.”

“I’ve wore it underneath my school uniform every day for the past semester.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust making me laugh. Ha ri hadn’t seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary when she came in, my disastrous cooking turning into the perfect mask. But then again she was probably already off-put by my leaving.

The plan had been made pretty abruptly, and Umma had called by the land line this morning to confirm it. Tomorrow morning I’d be leaving for Osaka.

“Shouldn’t you be excited?” Ha ri plopped down next to me, ruffling my hair.

I gave my best dramatic sigh, flaring a hand over my eyes “I’m going out of moral obligation to my family. Don’t stop me.”

“What about your obligation to me?” She pouted “I expect souvenirs. Your dad is only good at getting keychains.”

“Didn’t umma give us those?”

“She gave him the idea. Call her the mastermind. So~” She put emphasis on the syllable “ You seem more energized than usual.” The cheshire grin on her rouge lips was up full throttle. I never liked that look. It was her thinking face. “Did something happen at school?” Score one for Ha ri.

“Other than the fact I’m getting a much deserved break?” I said lightly.

“From fending off confession boy? Yes you’ve done well at repelling interested-”

“There. Was. No. Confession.” I emphasized, throwing the dress onto the sofa. She snatched it mid air, folding it on her lap so it wouldn’t wrinkle.

“I told you to let me dream.”  

“Dream silently!”

“No. Go in and pack.” She ordered, placing the clothes neatly back into the suitcase. I grabbed the side handle, hitting everything in my path as I dragged the thing into my room. “Gently!” She scowled.

I smiled cheekily from inside, shutting my door.

The interior of my room was nicely fit for our cozy apartment. Besides the built in closet I had a small desk pushed against one wall, cluttered and colorful with pencils, picture frames, and old nic nacs I got from my parents’ travels. My bed was against the perpendicular wall, colorful with a patchwork quilt spread. There was a window, its ledge level with the top of my night stand. A chest stood against the opposite wall by the door, half its drawers already open.

I flopped onto my bed, holding my phone to my face. What would Xulian say if I told him about what happened?

That’s too stressful to imagine, better not bother with it.

I wrote a quick text, dropping my phone on the comforter as soon as it sent.

>Hilarious, really. I’m dying of laughter.

Ha ri would be singing from the moment I uttered a k. As comfortable as I was talking with her, I didn’t want to say anything that could let her jump to romantic conclusions. How would I even begin to explain the golden eyes?

I wouldn’t. She’d be too busy talking about the kiss.

At least I would have this little ‘trip’ to avoid her snooping. If only it was going to last longer than three days.

“Excuse me, I don’t hear packing!” Ha ri sing songed from outside the door. I rolled my eyes, dropping my phone charger into the case. It landed with a satisfying clang. “Thank you!” She chimed.

“You’re welcome.” I said sarcastically, going through my wardrobe for clothes.

I would be back by friday, so that would give me enough time to catch up on school work before the break. Though with Mr. Im’s pop-up project, maybe I should’ve told Sehun and Kai I’d be leaving.

Why did it have to slip my mind after everything that happened?

I didn’t have their cell numbers, so there wasn’t any real way to contact them. Until I got back, they would probably think I skipped.

It isn’t that big of a deal, people skip school all the time. For multiple days... but maybe not always in a row.

The unease in my gut wouldn’t leave, a very good sign I was thinking about them a bit too kindly. There was one round about way I could let them know, but then that meant getting someone else involved. I stared at my phone a long time before I called the contact. It rang twice before the line was picked up.

“Hello?” Nana said, her voice calm.

“Hi, it’s Lena.” I croaked. Clearing my throat I tried again “Sorry, are you busy?” Distinct clicks came from the background, like fingers tapping on a keyboard. Even this late after school Nana was deep in her work, if anything it would be the history project we were assigned.

“Not really. Did you need something?”

“I just wanted to let you know I’m not going to be at school for the next couple days.” I said quickly. It was under the pretense of our club that all the members exchanged numbers. Nana specifically detailed we call, saying she wasn’t one to notice texts. I hadn’t bothered to remember that note until now.

“That means you won’t be at our club meeting,” She murmured, half to herself “Wednesday was when we were going to decide on time shifts for the dance.” I fought the reflex to sigh at her words. Only Nana could make club activities feel like legitimate work.

“That’s okay I’ll take whatever’s left over.”

“Alright then, if you’re okay with that.” Her typing stopped, and silence broke in the conversation. Nana didn’t hover, nor did she pry into people’s business. There was a formalness about her, sometimes it felt almost businesslike; she was polite and fair. In social situations she had no problems speaking her mind, and in groups she always ended up having some reign of control over what happened. I couldn’t tell if anyone disliked her for it, to me it just felt like she was a natural leader, a mini adult in a high school uniform. But there was a particular snag in her personality that came with it; if something didn’t feel like it was necessary to her she wouldn’t do it. Pleasantries for example. “Is there anything else?” She said. I swallowed, wracking my brain for a way to delve into the topic.

This isn’t rocket science, just ask her to relay the message to Sehun and Kai.

“Um, I was just wondering i-”

An older woman’s voice came from the background, calling her name.

“Yes I’m coming.” Nana responded. Her voice sounded close again when she returned to me “I have to go now. What were you saying?”

“N-nothing at all,” I responded impulsively “see you on friday then.”

“Alright.” The line went dead.

I flopped onto my comforter, mumbling curses.

Was it really that hard to say? God Lena why?! WHY?! YOU HAVE A MOUTH FOR A REASON!

I didn’t know whether I felt grateful or uncomfortable that Lay stuck by me during lunch. Sehun had looked upset when me and Kai were found, which was mildly comforting; I wasn’t the only one off-put by what had happened. Either way things had ended off on an awkward note today and I wasn’t sure there was going to be a chance for it to be fixed. Gossip always flew between queenkas at lightning speed before spreading in an uncontrollable fire to the rest of the school. On Friday morning I could be in a body bag before my first class.

I dragged myself up, going into autopilot. Anything that didn’t smell outright flew into the suitcase, so did my camera, a couple pairs of socks, toiletries, and a baseball cap.

I nearly didn’t notice Xulian’s response:

>Someone’s not doing so great. Anything happen?

>I’m okay. The concern has been noted though^^

>Hey, I’m always nice. >_<

>Let’s just agree to disagree on that one

>....okay that one actually hurt a little.

“Do you need any help?” Ha ri asked.

“No, I’m practically done.” I set the phone on the night stand, zipping the suitcase shut.

A long mirror was bolted onto the back of my door, so if I sat on the edge of my bed I would be staring right at my reflection. The girl I saw looked normal. Barefoot, with generic shorts and tee, maybe a little worn for wear but otherwise comfortable. My hair had the barest amount of volume to keep it from being a board, and my face, fingernails, and toes were all clean and bare; I didn’t have the time or the greatest interest to make myself look pretty. It didn’t feel necessary, and if I tried to do it on my own it was almost imminent that I’d mess up.

I was used to seeing myself this way; simple, plain, and very much like other people. It wasn’t that much of a bad thing, in some ways wouldn’t that mean it’d be easy for me to get along with others?

So far high school has taught you otherwise. Maybe after a decade people will mellow out and be less scary.

I took a couple deep breaths “They won’t notice you’re gone that much.” I whispered to the mirror Lena. The look on her face didn’t look too convinced. “Focus on getting yourself together. Three days is plenty of time for that...I think.”

I flopped back, craning my neck to stare out the window. Between apartment complexes across the back alley I could see streaks of purple and orange tint the clouds, but it would still be a while before the sun dipped beneath the horizon.

For a moment I’d forgotten everything. His smile could be so disarming; all the stares and whispers that had piled up in a dark cloud over my head had disappeared. I was experiencing, feeling without them.

For just a moment, it crossed my mind that he liked me.

The thought was dizzying and foreign; now I wouldn’t have to delve into it anymore, which was good. I didn’t have to stick around popular people to tell what kind of world they lived in. If friendships could be brittle shades that hid ugly thoughts behind twisted smiles, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to delve into something so intimate.

You left the window open. It was a habit of yours, especially during the summer months when even in the dead of night the breeze could be warm. An occasion police siren passed, or the slurred tunes of a lone drunk on the way home. The dog on the corner of your street barked at every passerby until his owner could quiet him, but sometimes he’d go on for hours.

These were the sounds you grew up with, so it wasn’t that discomforting. The little fan buzzing on top of the chest was a good enough cover, so you fell asleep quickly, deeply.

The pane was lifted abnormally high without so much as a stir from you. Sehun eased himself slowly onto the ledge, his foot balanced on the outdoor patio fencing next to your window. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but warning creaks from the foundation forced his movements to be slow. He slipped inside, his shadow from the outdoor street light drawing long and unsettling over your sleeping form. This was crossing a line. He shouldn’t have come in.

He probably shouldn’t have followed you home either, but like the other decisions he’d made today this wasn’t well thought out.

You stretched a little, tucking the corner of the pillow underneath your chin. Half the covers had been tossed off, your legs tangled in a heaping mess at the foot of your bed. The ponytail you’d put on began to slide down the length of your hair, strands curling around your face and shoulders from the heat.   

Sehun stood still, almost rigid watching you sleep. The logical part of his mind was pretty strong and jabbing him to back away from the situation. To walk right back and pretend nothing had happened. He hadn’t even gone home yet, and the earful he was going to get would only lengthen the longer he pushed his luck being here. At the same time, there was a part of him that was transfixed. This was the most relaxed he’d ever seen you.  Calm was the only thing you hadn’t really expressed around the kingkas, given the circumstances it was only natural. Your heartbeat was so much slower, almost deeper. When the human body reached deeper levels of unconscious and only the basic body functions continued, it would be at a slower pace. Sehun knew that, but he wasn’t that close with anyone who happened to be human. He’d never seen one sleep.

Every inhale he took left a cherry blossom scent tingling at the back of his throat. Compelling in the way it lured him to calm. To not think.

Sehun slowly stepped away from the window, immediately becoming cloaked in the dark of your room. You stirred slightly from the oncoming light, shifting to lay on your back.

Your side teased the edge of mattress, one wrong turn and you would end up on the floor. And wide awake. Despite having a fan the room had managed to climb a couple degrees, making sweat bead lightly on your forehead and your body fidgety. Soundlessly he eased into a sitting position. He drew out his exhale softly, focusing on the air circulating the room. In a matter of seconds it cooled to a comfortable temperature, ending your shifting quickly. The sight made his lips upturn.

He could have tried to talk to you during the day, explain that Kai meant no harm. Doing so would automatically deduce Kai’s feelings for you. Maybe it was the fact the line he had drawn carefully was crossed so easily by his pack brother, or maybe it was the way you reacted from it but he did nothing. Watching you the rest for the rest of the day Sehun deliberately stayed away, giving a berth of space you seemed to need. But he hadn’t been able to leave you completely.

For now he would stay a couple minutes longer. Just a little while, until he was sure you were really asleep.

~~~