“ ‘Sweet Summer Nights semi formal dance’. Doesn’t that sound amazing?!” Ha ri exclaimed. I dropped my face into my notebook, not caring for the sting at my nose that immediately came after.

“No it is not Aunt Ha ri.” The said person immediately swatted at the back of my head with a couch pillow.

“Yes it is! It’s a dance, how could it not be fun?!” It’s not because it’s for my school. It not fun because I didn’t have friends to be around.

The lack of optimism showed in my voice: “I’m taking pictures for photography that night auntie. I’ll be watching and not doing.”

“You can’t be that way for the entire night!” A new voice gasped. I lifted my head, staring blearily at my computer screen. Umma stared right back, a determined look on her face. “You need to have some fun too. Wear something nice and play with your new friends.” My mind flashed to the trio of kingkas. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my face blank, doodling on my notebook.

Ha ri leaned into my side, reading the separate window opened on the screen. Next to my mother’s face the online poster ad was shown flashily. The color of midnight blue, with animated sparkles creating a wide arch around the scripted title.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.” Ha ri grinned, her eyes pinning on me. “Last year you weaseled out of getting my help. This time I’m doing everything!”

I pretended not to hear “Is Ri On there umma? I sent the stuffie yesterday so let him know it’ll be there in a couple days.”

“His name is Mr. Whiskers!” Suddenly Ri On popped up on the screen, his face too close to the front camera to be fully seen.   

“He’s a stuffed rat Rinnie-ah!” Ha ri said, testing his temper.

It immediately flared “NO HE’S NOT HE’S MY FRIEND! MOOM-” Umma held a hand over his mouth, cradling him back onto her lap.

“Shush Ri On-ah!” She scolded. He resisted, trying to squirm his way away to argue with our aunt. I looked down at my notebook, smiling as I drew.

From then on we only talked about the regular things: school, Ri On’s soccer practice, the fact neither me nor my aunt had made ourselves a decent meal in months. Though the majority of the conversation involved us being scolded there was plenty of laughter and smiles.

My father didn’t join us today either, this time caught working overtime at his office. It was happening a lot more lately; a new project was being set up at his company, one that often had him working shifts long into the night.

Once our goodbyes were said and the video chat ended Ha ri stood from the dining table, shooting me a cheshire grin.

I stared back stonily “What?”

“Did I say something?”

“Your face did.”

She shrugged, but the look wouldn’t fade. “I was thinking.”

“About what?” She gave me a long look, fiddling with the pillow she took from the couch.

“This dance you’re going to, it’s formal right?” It was a simple question, but the way her voice twisted the words around made me know better than to trust wherever she was taking this. “So, isn’t it only right that you’d have a date-”

“You need friends to have a date.” I interrupted “Better yet, a friend who’s a boy.”

“Why not just ask a cute guy?” My mouth dropped at her suggestion. She rolled her eyes, plopping back down in her seat “Don’t be so dramatic Lena.”

“You want me to ask a random stranger?”

“A random attractive ‘stranger’. I do it all the time.” She grinned, giving me a peace sign. “Besides, in your case everyone’s in the same school-”

“I can’t do that! I’ll look like an idiot!” I blurted. Just the thought of doing so was enough to make my cheeks burn in mortification. Doing something so bold was only possible for my aunt. She had the beauty, youth, and warmth to attract others with as much as a smile. Awkward politeness was not attractive; it was uncomfortable to the point of being a repellant.

“Okay fine, we can just try that in your third year then.” She laughed as she spoke, a bubbly feminine sound. I scowled, plopping my head onto her shoulder.

“I don’t need a date.”

“But it’d be nice if you had one.” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, suddenly motherly and warm “It wouldn’t be a bad experience to have.”

“Sorry but I don’t think I’ll be as popular with men as you are.” I grinned as she began to frown. Though it was the truth. Over the years there had been so many calls, chocolates, and flowers left at the door those things lost their charm. Now it had just become an inside joke for both of us.

That didn’t mean I never felt envy. To be the kind of person that others would want to gravitate around, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like. For my aunt, and even for the kingkas and queenkas at my school. They were confident in their skin and their personalities, maybe even to the point it could be thought of as a fault. How was it so natural to them? I always had to be wary around other people, because if I didn’t it felt like I would only mess up.

“Don’t be like me. Those guys were never serious, but then again neither was I at the time~” Ha ri's eyes gleamed with mirth as she spoke. “You need to be different. We’ll have to find you a gentleman, a prince.”

“Because those exist in the 21st century.” I snorted.

“You never know. A man can really change if he falls hard enough for a woman. It’s incredible.”

“Sure it is. Practically magical.” I wiggled my outstretched fingers for emphasis.

Ha ri gave me a disatisfied look. “All you’ve learned at that school is how to be pessimistic.”

“And how to solve algebraic equations.” She didn’t appreciate my attempt at humor, a pillow smacking me in the face at lightning speed. So much for her motherly moment.

“Let’s focus on the topic at present here.” Ha ri smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. “What about confession boy?”

“He’s not an option.” He wasn’t even a real person. There was only Sehun, Kai, and Lay. No confessions or crushes involved.

“He’s a boy,” She continued on as if I hadn’t spoken “and you guys are getting along well, right?”

With the three kingkas it was going great. If only they weren’t so mysterious and I not such an awkward turtle.

“It’s fine, but not even close to where it would need to be for that to happen.” And by not even close I meant forever infinitely far away.

For the rest of the night she continued to press the topic but for once I stayed stubborn. It ended with a cranky Ha ri stomping to bed, irritated at the lack of information she was able to gather.

Truthfully she did win somewhat of an edge. I ended up thinking about our conversation again as I laid awake in my bed. Staring blankly up at the ceiling did nothing to help sleep come faster, neither did her ideas.

Getting a date for the formal would be nearly impossible. I barely spoke to others, and I didn’t have the beauty and charm to tempt someone to ask me to go with them.

It’s not like I want someone to ask me anyways. There’s no one I’m even interested in.

I shifted to one side, bunching the end of my blankets underneath my chin.

There were a lot of couples who went together last year though. That dance hadn’t been a formal either.

I rolled around, this time pulling the covers over my head.

Who cares? I don’t need to. No one is going to be paying attention to a photographer anyways. In fact it’s the perfect excuse to not be with someone.

Golden eyes appeared on the backs of my lids, endlessly twisting with flames like streams of liquid light. I wanted to kick myself when my heart sped from it.

I am not going to ask any of them. Their kingkas, so if they want dates it’ll be queenkas.

They were kind but mysterious; the basis on wanting to be friends with me didn’t make sense. Maybe when they were right in front me speaking, convincing me of it I could buy it. But now when I was alone with my thoughts the idea just felt too good to be true.

Then again it’s kinda late to back out. I don’t even have a legitimate reason to, just a really pessimistic mind.

The whole situation around us still hadn’t calmed down yet either. Mun Hee hadn’t been happy seeing me, and I could only imagine how the queenka named Seol would react from my new presence around them. I definitely wasn’t up for giving myself anymore unwanted attention. So basically, there was no reason for me to be thinking about this. I had no person to consider.

...except maybe one?

I blinked open one eye, staring at my night side table. My phone was relatively visible in the dark, perched near the edge. Easing up to a sitting position I reached for it, then squinted hard from the light as I turned it on.

>Are you awake?

I yawned, falling back slowly into my pillows as I waited for a response. A minute or two passed before my phone blinked on again.

>What’s this? We’re going to talk to each other late at night now?

I turned my head, reading 11:43 from my digital clock. A grin slowly stretched on my face.

>Only if you aren’t busy. And it isn’t even that late.

The response was quick, as if waiting for my text.

>I’d disagree with that but you probably would never let me win

>Well, maybe.

>Not maybe but yes

I laughed quietly, settling into the covers. Ha ri would probably skin me alive if she knew what I was doing, but not from disapproval. This was probably the closest thing to a friend I had at school, and I didn’t even know their real name.

Another message bubble popped up.

>What’s up? Did something happen?

I opened the keyboard, quickly typing a reply:

>No. Nothing. Nothing in particular.

>Should I take that literally or should I be concerned.

>Everything’s fine. We just haven’t talked in awhile.

>We talked yesterday. I didn’t know you valued our conversation time so much

Last year an online chat room was advertised by student council for the incoming first years as a sort of icebreaker method. The rooms had been around for a while already, designated by the school for all students to use. In all honesty it was probably the highlight of my list of courageous acts.

Funny how it actually turned into something; I happened to find my first friend.

>Hm, I don’t think I’d go that far.

>Ouch :(

Another chuckle escaped my lips. It was like I could almost imagine a teasing frown.  

For a year and a half we’d been speaking to one another. We didn’t even use the chat room anymore; after exchanging emails we talked a bit more, then a couple months back we decided to exchange numbers. Normally I wouldn’t be able to go so far in this type of situation; I was too prone to suspicion, especially since all I had was the assurance that this was another student like me. Well, that and their screen name from the chatroom: Xulian9. The name seemed masculine enough so I always assumed it was a guy. We never got to that conversation topic so I didn’t know for sure.

Whenever I tried talking with others there would never be a way to avoid questions about your identity; what year were you in, what clubs were you apart of. Every single indirect question that could build a picture of who you were was thrown out before you even got started talking. A person always had the option to reveal themselves - it was allowed - but what was the point in me doing so if they weren’t going to recognize me by name?

Xulian never really tried to figure out who I was, at least not in that way. Nowadays it felt like I was going to scream from my curiosity every time we talked. With every tidbit of information I got - his likes, dislikes, hobbies - I tried building a picture in my mind of what he was like. Sometimes I wondered if he was ever that curious about me.

Up until this point things never felt calculated or fake. Maybe it was just because he didn’t ask, but it felt like to some degree he shared the same feelings as me; the need to keep certain things private.

>Aren’t you going to sleep? Not tired?

I smiled a little at the question, pulling the covers over my head. It felt like I was making a cocoon of blankets, the screen light illuminating the folds of my sheets over my arms and stomach.

>I am only a little, I was just thinking

>Don’t tell me it was about food.

>...No. No it wasn’t.

>I was joking.

>You don’t strike me as a funny person.

>And I’ll bet you were smiling when you typed that :)

I was smiling, too much so that I couldn’t bear to admit it.

>I think you need to guess again.

There was a pause from him this time. I placed my phone back on the nightstand, then curled back into my covers. Maybe I would build some suspense tonight, just to make him think.

It occurred to me more then once that maybe he heard about me (or at least a girl) hanging around the kingkas. I was curious to know what he thought about it. Would he laugh? More than anything I wanted the chance to rant. Despite the teasing I’d probably get, Xulian was attentive, and pretty good at listening and giving advice.

Maybe we could meet, and I could tell him about it sometime. Maybe even together with the Kingkas. Maybe…

~~​~