N sat there mouth hanging open, eyebrows furrowed and eyes aimed to Leo. Both of the boys could feel the suffocating air in the living room. “Could you repeat that?” N said finally. Leo rose to sit, shook his head and brought his hands down from his face. “I am angry.”

“But why? I did nothing but..” The vocalist cut his sentence: “I’m not angry to you! I’m angry to myself!” N was taken aback. What the heck?! “I’m nothing but a problem. I’m so hard person to deal with.. I just keep making things harder for everyone,” Leo said quietly. N could hear his friend was really depressed right now. Well he guessed he’d been depressed for some time already. Why didn’t he try harder to help Leo?

“I feel so stupid.. I don’t know what should I think, do or feel!” Leo blurted out. At the same time he talked he thought he shouldn’t have said those things. But still the words kept coming. Even though his words told pretty much nothing, he felt like he said everything. “Why am I like this? Why can’t I be someone like you? Why can’t I think straight and why do little things matter so much to me? I keep trying not to get bothered by every stupid thing or thought of mine, but I can’t help it!” With watery eyes Leo turned to look N, who was looking at the ground now. Of course. He must be thinking I’m a total wacko. He tried his everything not to burst on tears. What a cry-baby he was. His heart and head were pounding like crazy, and he could tell cry wasn’t far at all. He felt so stupid and weak. Why didn’t he just keep his mouth shut?

Leo shut his eyes. Gosh his face was burning from anger, sadness and embarrassment. “Look I..” This time it wasn't Leo the one to cut the sentence. This time Leo was the one to freeze, but still feel warmness to wrap him. This time it was N’s turn to act and talk. He hugged Leo and with a trembling voice he said: “I’m so sorry.”

Leo felt the other’s breath on his neck. He decided to stay quiet. Now there were no holding back; he let the tears glide across his cheeks and drip from his jaw. “I’m sorry for not realizing, how bad you felt. I should be the one aching and feeling bad, not you.” “How could you’ve known? I feel bad for making you guys worry.. I hate myself for it..” Leo’s streaming face made a great puddle to his bandmate’s shirt but N didn’t seem to care. “Stop it! Stop blaming yourself for everything! You can’t control everything in this world! Do you have any idea how dangerous your situation can get if don’t stop that worrying and blaming yourself?! I don’t even get what makes you think you’re a problem!”

N would have screamed but he didn’t want to wake up others with his cracked voice. Now Leo could feel his shirt getting wet. He just kept being hugged by N. “I know I can’t control everything. It just feels everything is collapsing and getting buried by my own thoughts. I can’t stop thinking, that’s how I am. If I could stop, I would do it. If I do something ‘wrong’ I’ll regret it and think why did I do it. Making stupid things makes me feel like an idiot. I don’t want to be like this.”

N pulled back and looked at Leo. He was a total mess. Buffy and sad eyes met his reddish and watery eyes. “Babo. Mistakes are not for making you feel like a bad person. You should be learning from them!” N smiled and continued: “I’ve made mistakes, some of them were quite huge. But they didn’t make me scared of future or feel less important. I’m important, you’re important. We care about you and so do many other too! Don’t let us down just because you feel like an idiot. We like you anyway.”

Leo sniffled and wiped his face. He responded N’s smile and let out a small laughter. “Aish, why are you saying so embarrassing things..” N laughed when the other punched lightly his arm. He also wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. Leo rested his back to the backrest and said then: “We’re such a cry babies.” “I know,” said N still smiling. He felt much better seeing Leo smiling. “I think we should head towards the Dream Land, don’t you think?” said the leader standing up. Leo just hummed in response. “Thanks hyung,” he said after getting up from the couch.

A third pair of eyes followed the oldest members’ moves behind the slightly opened door.
Woah, that was deep.

☆*･゜ﾟ･ *☆* ･゜ﾟ･*☆