Lu Han had thought countless times about how his meeting with Oh Sehun would be. But each and every time, the thought that Shixun no longer remembered him would hit him relentlessly. Every single time, the thought would cause him immense sadness. No amount of sugar was able to drown the bitter sadness that haunted him whenever he missed Shixun. The physical pain that resulted from the accident was nothing compared to psychological pain of not having Shixun by his side. Lu Han understood very well that Shixun was in fact Oh Sehun, someone who lived in a whole other world than him, but that did not make things easier to swallow.

If anything, it might have made things a hundred times harder.

“You’re that cheat.”

To go back to the beginning, when Shixun did not even exist yet and Oh Sehun first appeared in Lu Han’s life. Back when reality still stood by their sides. Back then things had been so painfully different. Oh Sehun, who threw with money like it was trash, could never even imagine that someone like Lu Han would be worth his time. And honestly, someone like Oh Sehun was merely a person Lu Han would meet once and never again.

Now that he thought about it, how did his and Oh Sehun’s lives become so tangled up with each other?

How was it possible for them to become something more than strangers?

“I…” Lu Han tried, but nothing wanted to leave his lips.

“What were you scheming?” Oh Sehun asked expressionlessly, his voice the same yet so different from Shixun’s.

This caused Lu Han to blink his eyes, “What do you mean?”

“Keeping me in this place for weeks without telling anyone. Turning me into someone I’m not. What did you want to get out of it?” Sehun grinned coldly, “Money? A lot of money? Or maybe you thought I could make a good negotiation bait to save U&KIM-”

“N-No!” Lu Han shook his head frantically, eyes watering with shock, “No, of course not! Shixun, I didn’t-”

“I’m not Shixun!”

Silence. Only silence could sound so thumping loud, so insanely harsh. Only silence could match the throbbing pain in his head. Lu Han would do anything to make the person in front of him understand that he never thought about using Shixun. Someone as precious as Shixun, Lu Han would never dare to use for such purposes. He was not that kind of person.

But the person in front of him was not Shixun. The person in front of him had completely forgotten about their time spent together in Incheon. The person in front of him did not remember loving Lu Han endlessly, to the point of giving his life as Oh Sehun up.

“You’re not Shixun…” One by one, tears rolled down his cheeks as the realization hit him right in the face, “Shixun-ah… Are you really gone…?” Without thinking, his hands reached out to clench onto Sehun’s clothes, “You said you loved me… Shixun-ah… You said I made you feel like you’ve everything-”

Holding onto Sehun was like holding onto Shixun. The tears made his vision blurry, but made him see Shixun even clearer. It made him see the Shixun who smiled gently at him, caressing him like he was a treasure. Lu Han did not even know he missed Shixun this much until he was breaking apart right in front of him. Lu Han did not know a person could miss another person this much. He did not know he was capable of missing another person so deeply.

He missed Shixun more than he missed his own mother.

But Sehun pushed him away like he was nothing anymore, ad that stung, “What does it take to make you shut up? How much money do you want?”

“Money…?” Lu Han felt so wronged, but too tired to put up a fight, “I... I don’t want money…”

“Isn’t money the thing you need the most? With money, you could leave this sad excuse of a hostel behind, build a hostel of your own somewhere else, and start living a decent life,” Sehun pulled at his sleeve out of habit, “How’s that not what you need?”

The insults hurt. Insults always hurt. But having them come out of this person’s mouth made it unbearable. Because Shixun… Shixun would never say something like this.

Shixun…

“But money won’t bring me back Shixun…” Lu Han cried at the words, his head hurting at the name, “Shixun-ah…”

“Don’t you play this game with me,” Sehun said unhappily, eyes looking away, “Don’t expect me to forgive you because of this petty acting.”

“I…” Lu Han shook his head, the tears streaming down his face, “I’m not, Shixun-ah-”

Lu Han was not sure, but as he looked up to meet Sehun’s yes, it really felt like Sehun was Shixun for a moment. It might have been an illusion, a product of too much wishful thinking, but the way Sehun looked at him… It was the same intense kind of way Shixun used to look at him. And Lu Han was not certain, but it seemed as though Sehun wanted to reach out to him, hold him, and touch him. And the thought was just too much, that the headache turned into nothing but numbness. And the possibility was just too much, that colors turned to black and all Lu Han registered was a whisper of his name.

»

“Thank you, Chairlady Oh, for remembering my mother’s favorite flowers.”

Baekhyun watched her look up with mild surprise, probably because she had not expected him to come at the same time. But Baekhyun knew that she had made it a ritual to visit every single time, on all the special dates. On his mother’s birthday, her wedding date, the day Baekhyun was born, and-

“She always loved daisies, the flowers of her birth month… She always enjoyed the little things other people didn’t bother to notice…” Chairlady Oh smiled softy at the memories, “She was a beautiful woman.”

“She saw you as her best friend, treated you like she would treat the person she trusts with her whole heart,” Baekhyun glared at the woman in front of her, “yet you didn’t even grant her one last wish. Your son comes before everything else, right? Even before the good friend who selflessly saved everything you hold dear.”

“Baekhyun, you’ve got it wrong,” She replied frantically, “I never meant to go against anything your mother wanted. Listen, Baekhyun, your mother never wanted you to become the CEO of-”

“You can say anything you want now! You can say anything you want and my mother won’t be able to defend herself,” Baekhyun could feel the tears pricking his eyes, but he was not going to cry in front of this woman, “How can someone who’s not alive anymore defend herself?”

To Baekhyun, his mother was his everything, his light, his compass. His mother kept him sane when everyone else wanted him insane. His mother was the only person who understood him more than he understood himself. His mother, Bae Hyeri, was the most beautiful person on this chaotic world. His mother deserved the best.

Yet she died an early, tragic death.

“Your mother wouldn’t have wanted you to become like this, Baekhyun. The one thing she could never stop worrying about, was your happiness-”

“That your son took away!” Baekhyun screamed, rushing towards his mother grave to throw away Chairlady Oh’s bouquet of flowers, “Your son took away my everything! Sehun knew how much my mother meant to me! He knew!”

“If I could bring her back, I would do absolutely anything to bring her back to you…” She hid her teary face behind trembling hands, “I would’ve done anything to give you back your mother.”

“You wouldn’t have given up your own son, though,” Baekhyun answered bitterly, “Go, my mother doesn’t want to see you.”

Seeing his mother’s name on the gravestone was always a difficult sight to take in. It was even harder to take in that Baekhyun was slowly forgetting the way she moved, the way she smelled, the way her grace always make her seem like an angel. No amount of pictures and videos could save his memories from slowly vanishing. Baekhyun was scared to death to one day forget how she smiled, how she spoke, how she touched. If he could not even have her in his memories, then he would completely lose her.

“It was an accident, Baekhyun,” She replied hastily, “You know that…”

“Leave!” Baekhyun glared at her with boiling anger, “I don’t want to hear any more!”

Baekhyun knew. Baekhyun understood. But he could not accept it yet. He could not accept the fact that Sehun was the cause of his sorrow. Sehun was the one he trusted but took everything away. Sehun took his mother, took Kyungsoo, took his father’s trust. Sehun, who had everything, would never understand the feeling of having nothing. Sehun, who never once lost anything, would not understand this agony and hurt Baekhyun had to go through.

“You treated Sehun like your own little brother, Baekhyun! Why can you become so cold towards him now?” Chairlady Oh dropped down on the cold ground hopelessly, “Sehun always looked up to you… He’s always felt so sorry… He does everything he can to make it up to you-”

“Oh Sehun is the reason my mother is gone,” Baekhyun turned around, not wanting to see the sight of a pitiful woman breaking down, “You know the only reason why he is feeling sorry is because my mother died saving him. He can use his whole life to make it up to me, but that’ll never be enough,” Baekhyun threw a glance at his mother’s gravestone before looking away, “He needs to spend his whole life feeling guilty about the tragedy he caused.”

»

Lu Han had to fight to open his eyes, his eyelids feeling so heavy. The soft light coming from the small lamp having on top of the bed felt too bright for his eyes. Everything seemed so bright, too bright. Even the moonlight dancing on the window glass seemed too bright. All too bright.

“Lu Han, you’re awake!” Yixing said with wide eyes, the happiness radiating off his face, “You have no idea how worried we were! How are you feeling?”

It felt good to have someone worry about you. For someone like Lu Han, having someone worry about you was a privilege, a luxury. Lu Han never really had someone who worried about him. His mother was too busy fighting with reality to care for Lu Han when he needed it the most. Lu Han only had himself. He could only dream about how it would be to be cared for, to be loved.

It was Minseok who showed him that he could, too, experience care.

It was Shixun who showed him that someone like Lu Han also desired care.

And now Lu Han could not stop wanting it anymore.

“I’m…” Lu Han’s voice was soft and hoarse, his throat feeling like dry paper, “I’m sorry to have made you worry.”

“You should rest! The doctor already said you should take your time to recover!” Yixing ranted, but at the same time he gently moved up the blanket to cover Lu Han properly, giving away his real feelings, “Why do you insist on working again? Minseok and I will take care of everything.”

Working was the only way to keep himself sane. Keeping himself busy was the only way Lu Han was able to live through another day. So many things have happened. So many things have happened that are so hard to face. Lu Han was not strong enough to face everything yet. To face that Shixun was gone. To face that U&KIM was going to disappear soon. To face the ending that was already decided on.

“How are you feeling, Lu Han?” Yixing asked with genuine concern.

Lost. Helpless. Empty.

“I…” Lu Han looked away, “Fine, don’t worry.”

“Of course you’re fine,” Yixing said, mockingly, “You’re always fine. Come on, Lu Han, you really think I believe such an obvious lie? You’re obviously not fine. You’re everything but fine. Stop lying to us you’re fine… Stop lying to yourself you’re fine.”

Lu Han’s eyes got teary at this, “Yixing… It hurts…”

Yixing’s face softened at this, “I know. I’m so sorry this had to happen, Lu Han. I… I know you loved him dearly.”

“I brought this on myself, you know,” Lu Han hid under the blanket, letting the scent of sleep wash over him, “I made Shixun live a life someone like him should never live. I knew I shouldn’t have got attached to him, but I still did. I was stupid… He warned me, you know…? He warned me to not fall for him…”

Yixing slowly patted his head softly, fingers running through his hair. It was soothing, and it made him realize he was shaking. The thought of Shixun was too much. His feelings for Shixun were simply more than could be contained in his weak and fragile body.

“It… It’s hard not to fall for him, you know… When he makes you feel special, and when he’s always there when you need him to…” Lu Han started crying as the memories of the two of them flashed in front of him – memories that only he possessed now, “How am I going to forget him? How am I ever going to forget him…?”

“You start with accepting, Lu Han,” Yixing sighed as he looked at the other with sympathetic eyes, “You start with accepting that Shixun is no longer Shixun. He’s back to where he belongs.”

“Back to where he belongs…” Lu Han’s eyes looked straight into Yixing’s at this, “He’ll… He’ll be happy, right?” Lu Han thought back about Shixun’s crescent moon eyes and innocent smiles, the sadness sinking just a little bit deeper at the reminiscence, “He’ll be happy in the world he belongs to, right?”

As long as Shixun was happy, everything was alright. Lu Han would learn to deal with the pain. Lu Han would survive. There was so much waiting for Shixun. There was so much Shixun still needed to accomplish. Lu Han should not be holding him back.

There was a moment of silence before Yixing replied, “Of course.”

Lu Han nodded his head, eyes glancing at the window, “He will. If it’s Shixun, he will.”

“Do you want something to eat, Lu Han?” Yixing asked with a smile, “Let’s get some food in that body of yours.”

“How long have I been sleeping?” Lu Han asked curiously, realizing that it was already dark outside, “I’ve bothered you.”

“Only a few much needed hours, don’t worry about it. Stop saying you’re bothering me when you’re not,” Yixing gave Lu Han one last pat on the head before standing up, “I’ll make you some porridge, okay?”

“Thank you so much, Yixing,” Lu Han smiled for the first time since he woke up.

“It’s nothing,” Yixing said as he walked towards the door, “Rest a little bit more, okay?”

Lu Han watched Yixing head towards the door, when something struck him. It was a flash, a blurry flash, but it made his breath hitch. He did not want to believe it, because he did not want to put his hopes up. He did not want to start believing in things that were not real. Yet, the sight was too familiar, too hauntingly familiar. Lu Han needed to ask. There was this itchy need coming from his chest, urging him to ask before it would eat him up.

“Yixing,” Lu Han spoke out hesitantly.

Yixing turned around, the surprise showing on his face, “Yes?”

“Did someone stay with me while I was unconscious?”

Lu Han could faintly feel the touch of fingertips touching his face as he watched Yixing intently, causing shivers to go through his spine. It could not be. It must have been a dream.

Yixing’s face was unreadable as he said, “Minseok and I’ve been making turns watching over you,” He smiled a little before he continued, “Have a good rest, okay?”

»

Sehun rubbed his temple exhaustedly as he watched the scenery in front of him. There were children running around on the beach, parents watching their children tenderly, and couples holding hands while walking on wet sand. The sight was surprisingly pleasant. Sehun was not certain what he had expected to find here, but he certainly did not get any answers. If anything, he only got more questions.

“Lu Han!”

He leaned his head against the steering wheel as he remembered how that person had fainted. He remembered with hatred how his heartbeat had increased at the sight, the panic filling him. He remembered how he had picked him up with his own hands, carrying him while looking for help. He remembered the tired look on the other’s person face, and how it tugged at his mind.

He remembered how familiar it had all felt.

Even though he could not remember anything.

He remembered how he did not want to go.

Even though he did not know why he would want to stay.

“It’s better if you leave,” The strained voice behind him said carefully.

Sehun glanced back before focusing his attention on the person lying on the bed, “Has his health always been like this?”

“It’s because of you-” The person took a moment to calm down before he continued, “Only after the accident. He can’t stand for too long without having his back hurts and not a day passes without a fleeting headache. But he’s strong, so he manages.”

Sehun’s fingers unconsciously touched the person’s face, gently like he was touching something precious and fragile, “Just because his health is bad, doesn’t mean he’ll be forgiven. I won’t forgive him if he pulls any more stunts.”

This caused the other to snap, “He didn’t do anything bad to you! He didn’t scheme anything! You lost your memory, and he took care of you! You know what, Shixun, you really enjoyed staying here-”

“There’s no way I could’ve ever enjoyed staying here,” Sehun immediately replied, hand quickly retreating once he realized what he was doing, as if he had just touched fire, “I was here against my own will.”

“We didn’t tie you up and lock you up in a room, Oh Sehun! We didn’t steal your freedom,” The once gently voice turned hostile, “If you really didn’t like this place, you would’ve run away already.”

This irritated Sehun, “I wasn’t me at that moment!”

“I understand already,” The other said with bitter laughter, “that wasn’t you. Of course that wasn’t you. This is the real you. Well then,” He gestured to the open door, “You can leave now.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Kim Minseok,” Sehun said through gritted teeth.

“Who is Oh Sehun to Lu Han? A friend who stays with him until he wakes up? I think you know the answer really well already,” Minseok said before he gestured to the door once more, “We thank you for your visit, mister Oh.”

Sehun frowned with displeasure as he stood up and walked towards the door, eyes glaring at the other male, “Don’t act like you know what’s best for me to do.”

“You informed Yixing and me about him fainting, brought him to this room, and watched him sleep. That’s already more than enough. Anything more and it would’ve been evidence you indeed do still care about Lu Han.”

“I don’t care about him,” Sehun said sternly, “If anything, I despise him.”

There was a flash of anger in Minseok’s eyes, but he pushed himself to stay composed, “Leave and never come back again. Don’t ever appear in front of Lu Han again.”

“Don’t. Tell. Me. What. To. Do.” Sehun said through gritted teeth before pushing the other aside with a cold shoulder.

Sehun took a deep breath before taking out his cell phone, calling the first person that came into his mind.

It did not take long before the other answered his phone.

“Hello, Sehun?”

“Kyungsoo, I’m coming home.”