Credits to the owner of the GIF.

Nightmares. Lu Han had lots of them, for as long as he could remember. There would be nights when he would wake up roughly, all sweaty and panicked, as if he had just been chased by monsters. Monsters they certainly were. They were monsters that came in the form of a fair young lady holding onto her dear luggage without looking back once, an empty attic that smelled like burnt wood and misery. For years, that made up his nightmares. Unconsciously, as time passed, the monsters became a handsome young man, flawless perfection that danced around like he understood life entirely. This young man would smile at him.

And then vanish into thin air.

Lu Han understood that nightmares were reflections of his life. He understood that much. The only thing he did not understand was that they never left him alone, no matter what he did. No matter how hard he tried to chase those nightmares away, at night they would come, like black smog dancing on top of his head before infiltrating his deepest desires. It was frightening to have nightmares, but suffocating to wake up to nothing.

Maybe the nothingness hurt even more.

Lu Han never planned on holding onto Shixun. Lu Han understood that he had no right to hold onto someone like Shixun, or Sehun, or whoever the person he fell in love with really was. He really understood that. However, that did not make it any easier for him to really let go. Letting go was a whole other challenge. He would need time to get over this. He would need time to slowly accept the fact that Shixun was something akin to a dream. It would take time to come to terms with the fact that Shixun was no longer part of his life. He had always been alone. He just needed time to adjust to that again.

However, hearing that Shixun forgot about him was not part of his plan. Lu Han had thought that at least they would exist in each other’s memories. Lu Han had wished that they would at least see each other in dreams. He needed the reassurance that what they experienced was real. And reassurance was not something he got with the reality that Shixun forgot about him like a bad dream. No, he got everything but reassurance. All he got was bitterness, erased happiness replaced by bitterness.

“Can… Can I please… I…” Lu Han began, watery eyes looking into a pair of sincere eyes, swallowing back the words he wanted to say the most, “Is he h-happy…?”

There was tender sadness swimming in the other’s eyes, “I wonder if he is, Lu Han-sshi. I really wonder if he is.”

It was in the middle of the night, when he woke up to nothingness again, that he realized something important. Amidst the sweaty palms and quick heartbeats, he realized that he could accept the fact that Shixun would never return anymore. He could bear with the fact that Shixun did not exist anymore, as long as the person he fell in love with was happy. As long as Oh Sehun, the person who was essentially Shixun, was happy, Lu Han would be alright. Lu Han could bear with all the consequences, all the bad things that might haunt him at night and chase him when he was awake.

As long as Shixun was happy.

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he thought about Shixun, about the promises and the happy moments. Shixun could be happy without him. Wherever Shixun was, he would be able to find happiness, Lu Han was certain. He believed in Shixun. As for Lu Han, he could live on his own. He had always been on his own, after all.

It took a lot of effort to stand up and not cry out because of the sudden pang of pain that hit him right in the back. He could merely bite down on his lower lip as he endured the pain, trying his best to be as silent as possible as he slowly walked out of the room. His doctor had said that he was permitted to walk around now, but always with a cautious undertone. Lu Han understood his body had gone through a lot, but he was not broken beyond repair. He could still take care of himself.

He took slow steps, fingertips digging into the wall to support his body. He gasped as another wave of pain overwhelmed him. It would probably take some time before he would recover. It would probably take some time before he would be the old Lu Han. It would take some time, but that day would come eventually. He was certain that one day he would be able to face his memories with Shixun. It might not be anytime soon, but the day will come.

His breath hitched the moment he reached the nearly empty canteen. It had the peace he needed so badly, because the silence in the hospital room was suffocating. What he needed was the sound of a little chatter, combined with the clatter of cooking utensils. He needed the sound of people living their lives.

“Tell me how Sehun ended up in Incheon.”

Chanyeol had asked him to tell the whole story. He had wanted Lu Han to start from the very beginning until the very end. Back then. Lu Han was too distressed and shocked to really say anything. He had a clearer mind now. He understood that Sehun, who knew nothing about Shixun’s existence, must be insufferably confused right now. He understood that Sehun needed answers to move on. Answers only Lu Han could give.

Slightly trembling fingers pressed some buttons, ears anxiously listening to the sound of his phone connecting to the other person’s phone.

It took a few seconds before the person answered the phone, “Hello?”

“If I do as you tell me, will you be able to help Shi- Sehun?” Lu Han asked, a tinge of desperation laced around his words.

“We both want the same, Lu Han,” Chanyeol replied gently, “we both want what’s best for Sehun.”

Lu Han took a deep breath, “Then I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

In Lu Han’s world, there was never anything to lose. He had nothing to begin with. His time spent with Shixun was the best he could ever wish for. It had been foolish of him to think that they could ever have a happily ever after, but it did not take away the fact that Shixun had brightened his life. For once, Lu Han felt like life was beautiful. For once, Lu Han was not consumed by fear. Shixun had taught him so many things. And although Sehun did not know Shixun’s existence, Shixun had existed.

No matter how much it hurt Lu Han that Shixun no longer existed, he was so grateful that Shixun had existed at one point in his life.

»

“Sehun, you should go rest already.”

Sehun looked up to meet his mother’s concerned eyes, a small smile automatically growing on his lips. He gently closed his book before putting it coffee table, eyeing the empty cup with slight confusion. He had not even noticed that he had drunk so much coffee already. The headache was taking a toll on his concentration. 

“Yes, mother, I will,” Sehun spoke, hand reaching out to hold onto his mother’s, “you go take a rest, okay?”

“You should take good care of your body, Sehun,” His mother said before sighing, the fear glistering in her eyes, “I don’t-”

“Mother, I promise you I’ll take good care of myself, alright?” There was tenderness swimming in his eyes as he talked, “I love you, mother. I’m sorry to have worried you.”

“I know. Kyungsoo also told me that I don’t need to worry about you, but it’s just… How can a mother not worry about her son, after everything that has happened?” She sat down next to Sehun on the couch, “Baekhyun won’t let the matter slip, will he?”

“I’m afraid he won’t,” Sehun patted his mother’s hand reassuringly, “but I’ll take care of it.”

“Baekhyun… He used to be so caring, you know? The three of you were unbreakable back then. Is… We thought this was the best decision, you know?” His mother’s gaze landed on a particular picture – it was taken years ago, with both Sehun’s and Baekhyun’s family, “We thought that assigning the CEO position to you was the best decision.”

“I don’t think it’s the CEO position that made Baekhyun hyung hate me, mother,” There was a flash of bitter sadness in Sehun’s eyes, “we both know it’s not the CEO position that made things turn out like this.”

His mother wore a pained expression as she weakly nodded her head, her hand slightly covering , “She meant so much to him…”

“I want you gone, General Manager Oh.”

There were so many rumors. There were those who argued that Byun Baekhyun had wanted to become the CEO. They believed that the CLO of ROYELL wanted Sehun gone so he could become the CEO. There were also those who thought that the CEO and CLO of ROYELL never got along with each other. They could not imagine how the two could have ever been on good terms with each other. There must have always been some rivalry, some competition between the two.

Sometimes, Sehun would notice how Baekhyun would stop and stare at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo always thought that Baekhyun was fooling around, but Sehun could see the sincerity in Baekhyun’s eyes whenever he looked at Kyungsoo. Baekhyun cared for Kyungsoo more than Kyungsoo knew and more than Baekhyun would ever acknowledge. Sehun had been with the two of them since he was little. He saw things that nobody else saw.

And that was why he also knew that Baekhyun never really hated him. Baekhyun just did not know how to face the one person who had brutally taken away everything he ever possessed.

“He never talks about it, but I know it must hurt him so badly…” His mother covered her face with both her hands, “How I wish things could’ve been different…”

“Baekhyun hyung is a gentle person at heart,” Sehun looked up to the ceiling, “It would’ve been better if he just hit me until my bones are broken and yelled at me until my ears would bleed. But he would never do that. He could never bring himself to do that. Even if he says he wants me dead, even if his actions make it seem like he want me dead, he doesn’t want me dead. Deep inside, he doesn’t want me dead.”

Deep inside, Baekhyun still cared for Sehun like he always did. Deep inside, Baekhyun still cared for Sehun like an older brother.

“It wasn’t your fault, Sehun,” His mother spoke out softly.

Sehun smiled sadly at this, “Maybe that’s the worst thing of all, mother.”

»

“Why are you being so stubborn, Lu Han?” Yixing sighed in frustration as he watched Lu Han pack all of his stuff, “The doctor said it would be better if you stayed a little longer. Why do you want to leave so badly?”

“It doesn’t matter whether I wait for the results in this room or somewhere else, Yixing,” Lu Han answered calmly, “I don’t want to occupy the bed any longer. It’s not like I have a terrible disease or anything. I’m alright, don’t you worry,” A hiss escaped his mouth as he accidentally moved too abruptly, “I-”

“See! You can’t even move without hurting yourself!” Yixing wore an exasperated expression, “Please don’t do this to yourself, or to me. I don’t want to see you forcing yourself like this.”

“I know you care about me,” Lu Han spoke out, eyes looking straight into Yixing’s, “I’m forever grateful for your care, and also Minseok’s care. I’ve bothered the both of you too much-”

“You’re not a bother, Lu Han!” Yixing stood up and rushed to Lu Han’s side, grabbing onto Lu Han’s hand to stop him from packing, “Lu Han, listen, we’re your friends. We might not be able to do much, but at least lean on us from time to time. Minseok’s afraid you might lose it, and honestly, I’m thinking the same. He said you’ve seen the magazines and newspapers. Knowing you,” Yixing sighed, “you must’ve looked everything up already.”

“One of Sehun’s friends came to visit me,” Lu Han said, eyes looking down on the ground.

“What! When?” Yixing’s eyes were widened in shock, “What did he say to you?”

Lu Han bit his lip, the regret slowly filling him. He should not have told Yixing. He knew Yixing would be worried. Lu Han knew that Yixing and Minseok cared about him a lot. That was precisely why he did not want them to know. He did not want them to worry more than they already did. Things were already rough enough for them. He did not want to bother his friends with even more problems.

“Nothing much, he just wanted to know how he ended up in Incheon,” Lu Han replied.

Yixing eyed him warily at this, “And what did you tell him?”

Lu Han forced himself to smile, “The truth.”

There was a moment of silence before Yixing scrutinized his eyes at Lu Han, “You’re going to meet that person right now, aren’t you?”

This caused Lu Han to stop his movements, eyes hesitantly looking around, “He said I needed to go somewhere with him-”

“Are you out of your mind?!” Yixing screamed, “I know you love Shixun, I know you do, but you can’t do this to yourself! They have him back already, what do they need more? You-”

“Yixing,” Lu Han’s sad voice stopped Yixing immediately, the tears in Lu Han’s eyes making him feel guilty, “you don’t understand. I need to do this.”

All Lu Han ever wanted was for Shixun to go back to the world he came from. All Lu Han ever wanted was for Shixun to return to the place he belonged to. Shixun did not belong in a small hostel somewhere in Incheon. Shixun did not belong in a small apartment, spending his nights on the ground. Shixun had so much waiting for him already. Shixun should not waste his life running away with Lu Han. It would have been selfish of Lu Han to keep Shixun by his side, ripping Shixun of a bright future he deserved. Shixun was not supposed to be Shixun, Lu Han’s cousin, but Oh Sehun, the CEO of a large hotel chain.

Lu Han would do anything to make sure that Shixun was happy.

“If you don’t forgive yourself for being a coward, you’ll never be able to stop being a coward. The first brave thing a coward needs to do, is to forgive himself.”

Lu Han promised Shixun that he would not be a coward anymore. He would not run away anymore. Shixun would never run away from his problems and responsibilities. Lu Han might not be able to become someone like Shixun, but he wanted to at least become someone that Shixun would approve of.

The sound of footsteps caught their attention. The tall male stepped inside the room gracefully, and just one look was enough to confirm that he was indeed someone from an entirely different world than theirs. He shone without even doing anything special.  

“Good morning, Lu Han-sshi,” Chanyeol said before looking at Yixing, smiling gently at him too, “I’m sorry, I’m disturbing you two.”

“No, it’s alright, we’ve just finished talking anyways,” Lu Han said before looking at Yixing, “Yixing, I’ll be going back to the hostel later on. You should go back first.”

“And leave you on your own? Definitely not,” Yixing said before looking at Chanyeol, “What do you plan to do with Lu Han? What do you need him for?”

“Lu Han-sshi promised to accompany somewhere, but I can promise you I’ll make sure he’ll get back home safely by the end of the day,” Chanyeol promised, his low voice sounding surprisingly soothing.

“Lu Han might’ve made some wrong decisions, but we’ve nevertheless taken care of Sehun the best we could. Isn’t he safely back right now? If Sehun himself doesn’t feel need to push the matter any further, everything should be alright, right?” Yixing held onto Lu Han’s arm protectively, “There’s no need to take Lu Han anywhere.”

“Yixing…” Lu Han’s gaze softened at the sight of his friend protecting him.

“I don’t have any malicious intentions, I can assure you,” Chanyeol said while remaining calm, “If you want, you could even come with us.”

“Then let me come with you too,” A sudden voice spoke out.

Lu Han widened his eyes in shock, “Minseok…”

Minseok, who stood at the door opening, approached Chanyeol with a polite smile, “I would like to talk to you about something, if that’s possible.”

Chanyeol nodded his head, “Of course.”

»

“General Manager Oh, please-” Chanyeol’s secretary said hastily, but Sehun rushed into the room nevertheless.

Chanyeol looked up from his papers, gesturing for his secretary to leave before meeting Sehun’s furious eyes, “You’re angry and I know why, but you should at least give me the chance to explain-”

“You went to meet them without my permission!” The anger was boiling inside of Sehun, “I told you not to do anything unnecessary! You even held a meeting with the shareholders without informing me! And you took him with you, didn’t you?!”

“Sehun, it was the best way to solve everything. Don’t you worry, nothing happened to him. I wouldn’t let anything happen to him.”

“Don’t worry, you say?” Sehun scoffed, “You and Kyungsoo have crossed too many lines. First you two lie to me about my absence, then you go and decide on your own what’s best. Let me tell you, Park Chanyeol,” Sehun slammed the desk with his hands, eyes watching the other intensely, “I’m the CEO here, not you. You don’t get to decide how everything goes, do you understand?”

Chanyeol glared at Sehun, “Are you telling me to mind my own business?”

Sehun’s gaze was unwavering as he responded, “Indeed, I am.”

“You won’t ever trust me,” Chanyeol smirked bitterly, “Oh Sehun, have you ever realized that you won’t trust anyone? You won’t trust me, or Jongin, or even Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s been by your side for years already, but even now, you still won’t trust him completely.”

“What are you talking about? I do trust you all!” Sehun yelled.

“You do?” Chanyeol scoffed, “If you did, you wouldn’t barge into my room, yelling at me without even letting me explain! You might not agree with my way of handling things, but you should at least respect my decisions! Do you even understand what we had to go through while you were gone? You keep on saying that we lied to you, but it’s not like we even knew the truth! One day you just disappeared!” Chanyeol rubbed his temples in exhaustion, “Listen, I know you do everything for the sake of ROYELL, but you should try to put yourself in our shoes sometimes too. We also just want what’s best for ROYELL.”

“Do you think they’ll accept everything you tell them? Just because you brought him to the meeting doesn’t mean it’ll solve everything!” Sehun fell down on one of the chairs, “It won’t solve anything…”

“It will solve everything,” Chanyeol rummaged around before taking out a file, “because we have this now, so everything is solved.”

Sehun’s eyes flickered in surprise as he took the file, “What’s this?”

“You’ll know the moment you read it,” Chanyeol said instead, voice wavering at the end.

Sehun opened the file, eyes scanning the words quickly before they widened in shock. For a fleeting moment, he did not know what to think or do. He did not know whether he should be happy or not. Instead, he felt numb. And the headache that just would not leave him these days seemed to have intensified.

“They’ve decided to sell the hostel,” Chanyeol said before smiling a little, but his eyes were screaming a hundred apologies, “Congratulations, Oh Sehun, the Incheon project can officially start now.”