"What do I do for you to forgive me?"

36

Kai stared at Krystal and observed her. After all these years, the younger hadn’t changed. She was still the cold looking princess everyone knew. Kai wondered how her life had been while she was in America, did she fall in love with someone else? Got promoted to a job she always wanted? Kai wanted to speak but it felt like all the words he’d been wanting to say was at the tip of his tongue. He couldn’t open his mouth.

Krystal looked nervous, Kai could tell. He knows Krystal like the back of his hand. He knows when the younger is lying, he knows when she’s nervous or if something’s bothering her. Looking at her know, Kai could tell Krystal wanted to break the silence enveloping them but she just doesn’t know how to start. Kai doesn’t either. He had played a scene like this in his mind a thousand times already, preparing for the day he would finally meet the younger again. But all of those preparations were thrown out of the window because looking at Krystal again after so many years brings back the feeling of meeting her for the first time. The feeling of being breathless at the sight of a girl whose eyes showed coldness but her heart says otherwise, because Krystal is a girl with a scraped heart. Flawed yet kind.

“I… I’m sorry.” Kai looked up and Krystal was looking at him with both sadness and embarrassment in her eyes. She’s probably embarrassed to sit in front of him so sudden, not really knowing what to say.Kai didn’t respond, it doesn’t feel like he should. He wanted to hear everything from her, tell him what happened, how she had been or why she left. He wanted to hear her say everything that she explained in the letter, as cruel as it sounds.

“I understand if you’re mad at me. It’s okay if it’s not how it used to be… but I—I want to say sorry for causing so much pain.” Krystal said, she took a deep breath and Kai already knows that she’s holding back the tears that are threatening to fall. He wanted to hug the younger but at the same time, he doesn’t want to.

“I know you’ve read the letter, Vic unnie told me you did. I know I made the wrong move and I’m sorry.” She said and Kai wanted to make her stop. He wanted her to stop saying sorry because after all these years, Kai realized “sorry” was a word he didn’t want to hear from the younger because it felt like saying sorry was too late.

“Krystal, stop saying sorry.” Kai said and Krystal stopped fidgeting. She has an unreadable expression on her face, an expression Kai couldn’t figure out even at the first time he saw her with it. It’s as if there’s always something that would remain mysterious about her, something that even the girls wouldn’t be able to figure out.

“I’m sorry. I—“

“There it is again. Krystal, everything’s done, you left me without saying good bye. I tried to go after you but when I arrived at the airport, you already left. I don’t really know what I want, honestly. I wanted you to explain everything to me. Why you left, how you’ve been, why you kept everything from me… I wanted a reason Krystal and saying sorry wouldn’t change a thing anymore because it’s already done. Do you know how hurt I was when I found out you were pregnant and you didn’t even tell me? Hell, you didn’t even contact me for 7 years. That was 7 ing years Krystal, what am I supposed to feel?” Kai exclaimed. Krystal was quiet the whole time, her head hung low. He tried to calm down, the ice cream shop wasn’t a place for this so Kai decided to leave but Krystal stopped him.

“Then, listen to me. I—I’ll tell you everything you want to know.” Krystal said, there was quiver in her voice. Her hand holding Kai’s arm tightly, not wanting to let go.

“Please.” Krystal added. There were a lot of emotions swimming in her eyes, nervousness, panic, sadness, longingness… everything that tells Kai why he should let her explain.

“Fine, but not here.” Kai said and that’s how they ended up in his apartment, together with Soojung. Kai looked at Krystal, who was awkwardly standing behind the kitchen counter. He decided to prepare a quick meal for them since Soojung had mentioned she was hungry.

“Krystal, relax and sit down.” Kai said, calmly. Krystal sat down on the stool, like a little kid who doesn’t know what to do when she’s in an adult’s party. It was quiet, only the sound of the television was heard as the two of them stayed in the kitchen.

Kai doesn’t really know why he invited them in his apartment, he could’ve just talked to her in another place—away from everyone’s stares. But no, his feet dragged him into his apartment as if it was a silent welcome that he’s letting them come close to him again. Come close in a way that he’s ready to accept the fact that Krystal’s back, saying sorry, along with her daughter – his daughter. That he’s ready to be a responsible father to a daughter he hadn’t spent time with for seven years, and that he’s ready to love the same person he had loved all along despite the pain she had given him.

“Tell me about Soojung.” Kai said, it was sudden but the silence was slowly killing him. He invited her to explain and it wouldn’t make sense if they wouldn’t say anything. Krystal looked at him and took a deep breath.

“Uh… how do I start...?” She fidgeted. “Jung Soojung, born on the 12th of July. She weighed 7.5 pounds when she was born, she’s basically my ball of sunshine.” She said, smiling while glancing at Soojung in the living room. Jung. Somehow, talking about his daughter seemed to bring pain in his heart. About the fact that she didn’t tell him he had a daughter and that his daughter doesn’t have his last name.

“She’s on her 1st grade now and she’s an intelligent girl, you know she’s been acing almost all of her tests. She likes chicken, a lot. She likes mint chocolate ice cream, she’s a morning person and she loves to dance, just like… you.” Krystal said, whispering the last part, realizing she shouldn’t have said that. While Krystal was talkin