"Be mine, again."

KAI

32

Kai woke up to find the other side of the bed empty. He sat up groggily, rubbing his face, trying to rub off his sleepiness. He looked around the room but Krystal was nowhere to be found so Kai thought she might be downstairs already, cooking breakfast. But Krystal wasn’t there when Kai went down, she wasn’t in the bathroom either so Kai went back to his room to get his phone and call her.

Placed in his bedside table, Kai saw a paper folded neatly with a photograph of him sleeping on top of it. Slowly, Kai took a hold of the letter, afraid that it might has something to do on why Krystal was nowhere to be found.

“Kai,      

I’m sorry, I really am.” Was the first line Kai read and he knows Krystal already left. She left him without saying good bye. Kai doesn’t really know what to feel, everything feels empty like a part of him died and he’s too numb to feel it anymore or maybe because it hasn’t really processed in his brain that the one he loves the most left him without telling him, went out of his apartment when he was sleeping, leaving a letter for him to understand everything but Kai doesn’t know if he will ever understand.

“By the time you’re reading this, I’m probably on a plane to America already. I lied… I lied when I told you I’m never going to leave you and I’m sorry. Honestly, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that I was sick, I was supposed to leave without you not knowing the truth. I know it’s selfish of me to think like that but the others persuaded me to tell you and I did. I just don’t want you to know that I’m dying because I’m scared, Kai. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.

I know saying sorry isn’t enough to heal the pain that I’ve given you. But I hope you understand, I’m going to America for surgery and maybe to start over again but that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to be a part of it. I’ll be back, I don’t know when but I’ll be back. It’s up to you if you still want me to be yours but if you don’t, I’ll understand.

I wrote this letter because I wanted to be completely honest with you, it’s the last thing I could do and I’ll tell you everything you need to know. Please don’t think that I don’t love you because I do, I really do. You are my first love and I think I wouldn’t be able to forget everything I know about you, the way you talk, smile, and laugh. The way you dance, how you would always leave small notes on my bag or in my pockets that would instantly brighten my day. I’ll miss you and I’ll miss every single thing that we do.

I’m not going to America to forget about everyone I know here in Seoul, I’m just going there to get my scraped heart healed, well that’s how I like to call it. The first time I found out I had cardiomyopathy was when I was 7, I was playing outside when suddenly, I couldn’t breathe and from that day on, I was never the cheerful girl. The doctor told my parents that I shouldn’t get tired and then I became restricted, my parents were so worried that they don’t let me go out and play, I understand though but I just wished they’d let me out even once in a while.

When my parents died, I was so devastated I locked myself in my room every day, I never thought that I’d lose them at such a young age. When I was young, I would always imagine them on the day of my wedding with my dad walking me down the aisle and my mom standing beside my sister but it won’t ever happen because I’ve lost them without having to say that I love them. I was never the cheerful girl and I became cold hearted.

My attacks stopped when I was in middle school so I assumed that I was fine so I started doing sports—soccer to be specific, and then I also joined dance club. I was fine, even my sister encouraged me to do extracurricular activities.

When I transferred to your school, I honestly don’t want to get attached to anyone but Sulli and the girls were so nice and I thought that maybe having new friends weren’t going to be bad. And then I met you, I’ve never been so happy to meet someone like you and it was the first time I got so close to many people that means so much to me.

When we went to Jeju for the school trip, was the first time in years that I’ve experienced an attack. Sehun was the one who saw me, I told him not to tell anyone because I don’t want you to treat me differently. But then it happened again, it was Sehun who was there but this time the others found out. The doctor told me that if I don’t get surgery, I might have to count already for the remaining days of my life and my sister doesn’t want that… I don’t want it either.

It took me some time to have the courage to say it to you. I’m sorry because I’ve kept everything from you, even my plans on going to America. You’re the only one who doesn’t know and I’m sorry. I’m too scared… I don’t know what to do. I know you’re mad but I hope you understand.

I hope when I get back, you’re the first person that I’ll see. Please wait for me, wait for me to come back and we’ll start over again.

I love you Kai and I hope you won’t forget that.

-Krystal”

The moment Kai finished reading, he changed his clothes and grabbed his coat. The letter thrown on the bed, Kai dialed the person he knows he would tell where Krystal is.

“Hello?”

“Sulli, is Krystal still there?” He asked, climbing on his car, starting the engine. Kai feels restricted, he can move freely but at the same time it feels like something’s holding him back.

“She’s still here, you need to hurry. She’s about to board.” Sulli said, there’s urgency in her voice. Kai didn’t even say good bye to Sulli, he immediately drove to the airport. Right now, talking to Krystal for the last time is what’s important.

Kai already told himself that he won’t stop Krystal from leaving because he wants what’s good for her. If going to America for surgery would make her better, then let it happen. Kai just wished it didn’t turn out like this. Good byes are hard but he’ll be willing to do it for the one he loves. Kai feels his nervousness seeping through. He’s hoping Krystal hasn’t board the plane yet, he